000:000:00:07:14
000:000:00:07:13
"Nick," she whispered. Her hand reached gingerly for me. "Oh Nick, I prayed you would come back." Her knuckles were knobby, the skin strangely loose around the bony shape of her fingers. I slid my hand into hers. "You feel exactly as I remember you," she said.
I felt guilty, returning to her so late. "I'm sorry," I whispered back.
"You did what you had to," she reminded me. "I understand."
"But I should have stayed," I answered. "I should've been everything you needed."
"You couldn't. Don't blame yourself."
I gnawed my lip, and my eyes travelled the length of her, across her breasts and stomach, to her toes. Those were all things I had once considered my own, things I'd tasted and touched and held and adored. There were other things, too, things that no longer existed. Like the smooth space of her forehead, or her long, gloriously red hair. I kissed her scalp, bald and a little bit scratchy.
000:000:00:05:55
000:000:00:05:54
"Dead," she replied stiffly.
"Oh."
"A long time ago," she expanded. Her eyes flitted ever so slightly open. "I've missed him. And you."
"Him more, I assume," I said. But she didn't answer. I ran my hand along her arm, feeling her parched skin. "I wish I could save you."
Claire smiled weakly. "I don't."
"If I could save you and breathe my life into you, make you like me, I would," I whispered. "But only for selfish reasons. I would wish this on no one."
000:000:00:04:26
000:000:00:04:25
"I don't think so," I said, "I think I am the only one. And even if I am not, I haven't dared to tell anyone since I told you."
Claire was breathing shallower, and seemed to be fading right out of opacity in a strange way. I could almost see her soul falling out of her. I looked around the room, fearing the unseen.
"I saw you," she whispered, "On the Leno show the other day. You looked so happy, and handsome." She smiled weakly.
"I enjoy what I do," I answered quietly.
"I am glad you found some happiness."
"I was happy with you," I said. "I loved you desperately. But... I knew you deserved... and needed... more than I could give you."
Claire closed her eyes again. "I understand," she said."
"I wish it didn't have to be like that," I explained. I looked up.
000:000:00:03:11
000:000:00:03:10
"I would have come back sooner, if I knew," I whispered.
"I know," she answered.
"I love you," I told her, my voice breaking at the edges, tears threatening to fall. My face felt hot.
"And I, you," Claire whispered. She was scarcely moving her lips, the words riding out on the coattails of her breath, like a musical exhale.
"Are you afraid?" I asked.
"Not even a little bit," she said.
000:000:00:01:45
000:000:00:01:44
"Sort of," I admitted.
She hummed her response, her eyes slipping closed again and sinking into the pillows. This time I knew she would stay that way. "It's a relief," she confided.
"A lot of people have said that," I answered, "That death is a relief."
"It is," she said confidently. "I feel like I'm about to take a nap after a very, very long day."
I toyed with her hand, trying to submerge the mixed feelings of envy and loss. I would never know that feeling. I would never touch this hand or kiss this mouth, or hear this voice again. She would discover what comes beyond living, while I... well.
000:000:00:00:38
000:000:00:00:37
"Nick?" she asked, her voice weaker than it had yet been.
"My love?" I asked.
"Remember me."
"Always," I promised.
She sighed, happily, and I watched as expression melted slowly from her face, my insides churning, my arms itching to do something - anything - to stop what I knew I could do nothing about.
000:000:00:00:03
000:000:00:00:02
000:000:00:00:01
000:000:00:00:00
A land of ice, of lonely winter...
When I was certain she was gone, that my touch could not bind her, I lifted her hand gently, carefully, and laid the softest kiss on her skin.
