~ 35 ~

The Monster in my Dreams

“Andrew where are you?” The woman who wasn’t my mother but kept acting like my mother shouted once again. This time she sounded panicked. I felt bad for scaring her. She was a nice lady and always took really good care of me, but I wasn’t hiding from her. I was hiding from the monster.

She left me alone with him so she could run upstairs for a minute. She told me she’d never leave me alone with him. She lied to me and now here we were. He didn’t even look my way when she walked out the door, so I decided to hide.

“Who the hell cares where he is? Maybe if we’re lucky he walked too close to the lake and drowned!”

“How can you say that?” She cried, “You didn’t see him leave the backyard did you?”

“I wasn’t looking.”

“But I asked you to watch him.”

“I told you I’m no one’s babysitter.”

She moved away from him and opened the back door. I did think about coming out from the cabinet I was in, but he was still in the room.

“Andrew!!” She screamed out into the empty yard.

“We’ll just get another one.” The monster said as he continued to sip his coffee.

“It’s not like it’s a dog we’re talking about here.” The other guy said, the man who would turn up on my doorstep and claim to be my uncle.

The monster shrugged and opened the newspaper while his poor wife was sobbing almost to the point of hyperventilation. Max stood up and walked over to his sister, “It’ll be okay Nicole, we’ll find him. He’s just a little kid, it’s not like he could have gone too far.”

She seemed to calm down at her brother’s words. I remember liking him because he always made her smile. I didn’t like him when he was with the monster.  No, he was completely different when he was with the monster.

“What if he’s right? What if he went down by the lake?”

Max placed a loving arm around his sister’s shoulders and squeezed her tight. Same thing my father always did to my mother. I missed them. I wonder why they left me with these people?

“I’ll go down to the lake and make sure he’s not there, okay?”

She nodded at her brother as she pat her eyes dry. “I don’t know what to do… I can’t lose him…I can’t lose another one…”

“We’ll find him.” He once again reassured.

“I guess we can always call the police and file a missing persons…oh yeah, I guess we can’t.” The monster joked. He thought this was really funny.

Maybe it was his horrible laugh after he said the thing about the police or maybe it was Nicole’s constant sobs, but either way I found myself opening up the cabinet door and shouting “Surprise!”

When I did that, Max and Nicole both turned my way. She came running at me and scooped me up in her arms, crying hysterically as she hugged me too tight. “Andrew, don’t you ever do that again! You had mommy and daddy so scared!” She twirled me around and kept kissing my cheek.

As for my ‘daddy’, he just smirked at the situation. See, I didn’t realize it then, but he knew I was in that cabinet the entire time. I could tell by the way he wickedly winked at me as he walked out of the room.

You would think that maybe that thought would have given me comfort. Knowing he wasn’t upset about my disappearance because he knew I wasn’t really missing. Instead it just filled me with an even bigger sense of dread because of the way he let her suffer thinking the worst.

That’s really the day I realized he wasn’t just a monster to me, but a monster to everyone.

Now I found myself staring at this monster right in the face as he smirked at me once again. “Are you ready to go?” He asked me. “The longer we wait the colder the trail will get.” He was enjoying this. I could tell. I was the small mouse and he was the cat, holding me by the tail and playing with me before he made the kill.

My brain was working in overdrive, trying to come up with anything that would allow me to stay here with the rest of the guys instead of get into a car alone with this one, but in my state of panic, nothing came to mind.

“I think we shouldn’t be split up.” Howie said, coming to my rescue without even really knowing it.

“I agree.” AJ was quick to add. Maybe they saw it on my face. They were able to read the panic behind my eyes. I am easy to read, so everyone says.

Max and Roger looked at each other questioningly. “We can’t all go, it’ll cause too much of a distraction. We have to be inconspicuous, how can we do that if there are 6 of us all sitting in a car?” Max actually laughed when he said that as if the idea was the stupidest thing he ever heard.

“Then let me go at least.” That was Brian. “Howie and AJ can stay with you and I’ll go with Nick.”

At that suggestion my heart started beating normally again. Not really sure why, because now instead of killing just me, I also let my best friend condemn himself to death. Not that Howie and AJ will make it either but this is pretty much a given. I know I’m not making it out of this alive.

Once again Roger looked over at Max. I knew that was maybe what they were mentally shooting across at one another. He was just about to say something but I wouldn’t give him a chance. There was no way I was letting Brian sacrifice himself for me.

“Okay.” The words came out of my heart and not my brain. My heart has always worked much faster. I turned to Roger, “I’m ready when you are.”

“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea!” Brian said more insistently this time. “I should go with you!”

“We don’t have time for this Max!” Roger said growing ever more impatient. At this point I knew if Brian got into that car he would leave in a body bag. This was a monster we were dealing with and one thing you learn from watching a ton of monster movies is not to make them mad.

“Brian will stay here, I’ll go. I just want my family back and have this end.” I said more to my friend than to our captors.

“But…” Brian looked so defeated. He knew I wasn’t coming back from this too.

“All right kid, let’s get moving then.” Roger said as he grabbed my arm and led me out of the room, before I even had a chance to say goodbye to anyone.

I heard Brian protest further and got one final look at a deeply concerned Howie before the door closed on me. I hope I do see them again because I didn’t really want that to be the last image of my friends in my mind. I have to just trust that they will be okay. The one thing that I was able to count on was the fact that my brother wasn’t too far away. I’m sure he’d see me get into this car with Roger. Maybe by then he could have someone rescue the guys and he could follow us.

Roger was pulling me along by my shirt sleeve. “You can let me go, I know how to walk.” I insisted.

He smiled and let go, “Of course you do. Sorry.” He was trying to sound overly nice. I’m not sure why.

We made our way into a very nice car. Of course it was all black and I’m pretty sure the windows were bullet proof because isn’t that what makes a villain a villain? “So what is the lead you guys have?”

“Put your seatbelt on.” He said this like a father talking to his son. I almost laughed at the irony. I am sure he’s going to kill me but I guess he wants it to be on his terms and not some stupid car accident. What’s the fun in that?

“I mean I know you said a warehouse, but what makes you say that? Did you see the guy who took me?”

He turned out of the parking lot without answering me. I found myself glancing back at the hotel and thinking about jumping out of the car before he really took up speed. I was scared to death, not gonna lie about that. In fact I was so scared I was having trouble breathing. I actually wanted to cry, but what good would that do?

“Just want you to know that the second she gets tired of you, I’m going to rip your little heart out and feed it to the neighbor’s dog.” The monster whispered to me as he bent down beside me pretending to give me a kiss on the cheek at Nicole’s insistence.

I looked at him with wide opened eyes, not even really comprehending what was said until now but knowing the words were not meant to be nice. He then stood up and gave his wife a kiss. “I’ll be home before dinner.” He said.

I didn’t want him to be home. Every time he walked out the door I wished he would never come back. I was getting used to this new home and my new mother but I knew I’d never get used to him. I’m not sure why she put up with him. She was a beautiful woman. I could tell she was smart because she was always reading something. Holding me and bouncing me on her leg while she read a book or magazine. Imagine being so young and still being able to realize that someone wasn’t living up to their potential.

“We should go home.” I would say to her sometimes. She always looked at me strangely as if I were just saying something a baby would say.

“We are home.” She’d always answer.

I meant home to my family. I was sure they’d take her in and love her the way I was learning to love her, but little did I know that it was my family that would end up killing her.

I glanced over at him as he kept his eyes on the road. He was wearing sunglasses now which were better for me for some reason. Not being able to see the evil in his eyes helped me to pretend that maybe I was with someone else.

“Where is this place?” I asked.

He still didn’t say anything.

“Can we put the radio on or something?”

When he said nothing, by instinct I moved my hand to the radio, ready to put it on myself but the way he quickly turned his face to me made me freeze in my tracks.

“I just wanted to listen to music. It’s too quiet in here.”

“You’re just as annoying as you were as a little brat.”

And that my friends meant that the show was over. No more pretending. He knew perfectly well who I was and worse, he knew I was aware of who he was. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I wasn’t. I was hoping he’d at least wait until we got to our destination before it happened though.

“Where are we going?” I was impressed I was able to get that out, although to me it sounded like a whine more than a question. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Self composure is so over rated.

“I don’t know what she ever saw in you. Why she even wanted another kid. It made no sense. Our lives were not meant to be one filled with babies and happily ever after.”

He wasn’t talking to me. I know I was in the car but he was having this conversation with himself. I just happened to be there.

“I thought you were dead but here we are again.” He laughed and let out a sigh as if he had just had the world’s best meal. “Fate has a twisted sense of humor.”

“I’m going to leave you!” She said as I listened in from the bathroom. I learned to lock the door finally. I was always afraid to do it, thinking that once I was inside I would never be able to get out. In the end, my fear of the monster far outweighed my fear of having to live in the bathroom for the rest of my life, simple as that.

“You just try sweetheart, see how far you get!”

“I can go anywhere I want!”

“And I’ll find you and bring you back!”

“You can’t treat us this way!”

“There is no us!”

“We are a family!”

“No we aren’t. I never wanted that kid!”

“What about OUR kid? Did you ever want him?”

“No I didn’t!”

There was silence. I was afraid something happened to her. Nothing could happen to her because then I’d be left all alone with him. I heard a thump and then cries. Maybe he hurt her. I moved from the door to my hiding place under the sink. I should have unlocked the door to check but I was too scared. I was just a little boy. This all happened when I was just a little boy.

He must have moved to help her because she growled a “Get away from me!” Her voice sent chills down my spine. I remember the sound so distinctly, half anger and half grief. I kept wondering who this other kid was they were talking about and when I’d finally get to meet him. Maybe we could play together. Maybe he could push me on the swings.

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone but remember, there’s no leaving. You’re here with me forever.”

Maybe I wasn’t the only one who didn’t feel like this was home after all. Maybe if I asked her to come live with me and my family she’d say yes. But that night as she rocked me in her arms and sang me a sweet song, I couldn’t ask her because I knew just like me, she was trapped here. All we had was each other.

“If you hate me so much, why are you here with me now?” I asked. I was proud of myself for being so blunt. I guess that’s what happens when you feel like you have nothing else to lose. You become a braver version of yourself.

“If it were up to me, I would have drowned you the second she brought you home.” Again he wasn’t even listening to me. I became his personal diary of a madman.

“What stopped you?” At that he did actually look at me and answer.

“Love sometimes makes you do crazy things kid. It’s a life lesson I’m teaching you now.”

“Great.” I said sarcastically. What am I, crazy?

It got another laugh out of him though. I was afraid he’d punch me. Maybe I was pressing my luck but once again, I was the boy with nothing to lose. “We aren’t going to any warehouse, are we?”

“We aren’t. I am though.”

I let that sit for a second before asking my next question, “Where am I going?”

Just as I said that he stopped the car. Jesus Christ, this was it. I was going to die and I wasn’t prepared for it. I started breathing really fast and lost my cool. Now I was full on crying, “Please don’t do this!” I begged.

He got out of the car and came over to my side. In my panic I didn’t even think to try to lock the door. My hands were frozen. I was frozen. He opened the car door, “Get out.” He demanded. I couldn’t get my legs to move and I was afraid I had wet myself so I just sat there.

“Now!” He said as he pulled me out of the car where I landed on the cold, snowy ground in a heap.

I was on all fours crying in the snow. I must have looked pathetic but I didn’t care. I was hoping that someone would see me and maybe come to my aide but we were kind of isolated in an alleyway between two tallish buildings. It was a perfect place to dump a body.

“Please don’t kill me!” I begged once again, this time putting my hands up in the air as if he was holding me up.

“Stop crying kid, you’re pathetic.”

“Please…” I said in a whisper… “Please…” I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see it happen. I also placed my hands over my ears because I didn’t want to hear the pop of the gun.

I felt like I stayed in that position forever before being pulled up to my feet. “Please…” I kept saying over and over again.  “Please…” I heard a click and tightened my eyes as much as I could, waiting for the smell of gunfire and the burn of death to come.