Nia and I sat at the airport waiting for the guys to come home. I was feeling somewhat apprehensive and tense because I hadn’t talked to Nick since our fight a few weeks ago. I was excited to see him, but nervous that he wouldn’t want to see me.

“I can’t wait to see Kevin. I missed him so much.”

I smiled at Nia. She was so in love with my brother.

A few minutes later, I heard the voices of five of my favorite guys. They were laughing and acting goofy.

“Cut it out guys. We’re in public.” Kevin rolled his eyes.

Nia ran up to him. He was startled but happy to see her. Kevin pulled her into his arms. I stood back watching them. I was afraid to look at Nick. At this point I didn’t even know if we were still a couple.

“Ashton. What’s up girl?” Alex pulled me into a hug.

“Hi Alex.” I whispered.

“He loves you. Nick’s just stubborn. You’ll get through it.” He whispered in my ear. I held back the tears that were threatening to fall. I couldn’t lose my composure in front of everyone.

Alex let go of me and went to get his luggage. All the guys quickly found their suitcases. It was a mad rush to the car.

“I brought the Jeep Cherokee and four of you can fit. Ashton brought her car, so some can ride with her.” Nia said giving the four older guys a look.

“I’m riding with you, babe.” Kevin started putting his luggage in the trunk.

“I’ll ride with you.” Brian followed Kevin’s lead.

“Me, too.”

“I’ll come along with you.”

That left Nick and I standing in the parking garage. He was staring at the ground. I felt uncomfortable.

“Nick, I guess you’re riding with me.” I whispered.

He grabbed his duffle bag and put in the trunk. Quietly, he got in the passenger seat.

The ride home was quiet.  I didn’t know what to say to Nick. My heart was still hurting from our fight. Nick was ignoring me by looking out the window. I decided to make the first move.

“How was Sweden?”

“It was nice.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“So…ummm”

“Ashton, enough with the small talk. Everyone knows we’re fighting. They planned this, so we could talk. Let’s talk and get it over with.”

“Fine, Nick. Apparently they care more about our relationship then you do. You haven’t called me for three weeks. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. Talking to you only made me feel worse. I missed you and knew I couldn’t be with you. It hurt me to know I wasn’t able to kiss you and hold you.”

“Nick, I feel the same way, but it hurt when you ignored me. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore.” I sighed. I was frustrated even though I understood his logic.

“Baby girl, you’re the only one for me. I love you more than life, but I can’t take this distance.”

“The distance isn’t in actual miles Nick. The distance that is tearing us apart is you ignoring me and not communicating. I didn’t even have your number to call you. I had no way to communicate with you. You put the distance between us because you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t want to try. You would rather ignore it.”

I drove the car into his driveway. We sat in the car not saying anything.

“Are we going to sit here all day?” I asked.

He looked at me. Then he got out of the car. I quickly followed him to the porch.

“Do you want me to come in?”

“Do whatever you want, Ashton.” Nick walked into the house and sat down on the couch.

“Nick what is your problem?”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!” He yelled.

“Why are you yelling at me? I didn’t do anything. You are such a jerk.”

“I just can’t deal with this now.”

“It’s not that you can’t, you just won’t. I don’t know what else you want me to do. If this is the way you’re going to act, I think we need to take a break. I’m not going to be in a one sided relationship. Call me when you’re ready to grow up and act like a man.” I quickly left.

--------------------------------------------

“Alex and Bri thank you for letting me stay.”

“Anytime. You two behave. I’ll be back later.”

“Have fun on your date.”

“So Alex, let’s get drunk. I want to forget about Nick.”

“I don’t think drowning your sorrows is the best things to do.”

“Come on, I want to do something wild and crazy. The last month has been hell for me.”

I walked into the kitchen and search the cupboards. I found a bottle of vodka. I took it out and grabbed a cup. I poured a mouthful into the cup and swallowed it down. It burned the hell out of my throat, but I didn’t care. I’d rather my throat hurt instead of my heart. I poured more vodka into the cup and drank it up. It didn’t burn as much the second or third time it went down my throat.

Alex walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle from my hand.

“Give It Back.” I screamed at him. As I reached for it, I felt the room swim. This was the first time I had ever drank vodka. I was definitely drunk.

“Ashton you’ve had enough. This isn’t going to solve your problems.”

“Nick doesn’t want to, so why should I. I broke up with him today.”

“You did?”

“Yes, he doesn’t want to work on our problems. He just wants to ignore them. I’m tired of him. Why is the room spinning?” I started to giggle.

“Let’s go sit on the couch.” Alex grabbed my hand and walked me into the living room.

“Let’s dance.” I ran to the radio and turned it on full blast.

I grabbed Alex’s hand and started to dance. I grinded against Alex. He clearly wasn’t enjoying our dance. I paid no attention to him. I continued to dance, but stumbled on the carpet and fell to the couch. The tears I had been holding back started to fall like a waterfall.

“I love Nick so much. He hates me.” I bawled.

“Shh…shh, it’s going to be okay.” Alex comforted me.

Within minutes I drifted off to sleep.