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Chapter Thirty Five - August 22

"Does Howie know about this?"

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

Liv and I were stopped at a gas station in the convertible. I turned to her, stretching my arm over the backseat.

"Okay, I told him it was a business meeting. Which it kind of is. I mean, you said yourself the fan poll showed that there are clearly six songs the fans prefer off the album. We can discuss going in and recording six more for an extended edition."

"But, it's his birthday."

I grinned. It was taking her awhile, but she was catching on.

"Exactly."

"And you're going to do something stupid."

My eyes widened. "Me? No way."

"He's only turning 39," Liv said. I turned back around and started the car back up.

"I know. This is his last shot at youth before old-age sinks in."

Liv rolled her eyes. "I hope you're prepared for all the shit the guys are going to do to you when you turn forty."

I laughed. "I can take it."

A week ago, I had called Brian, Kevin, and AJ to formulate a birthday party for Howie. We nominated Kevin to call Howie and tell him about the business meeting. He would have suspected anyone else. In reality, we were going to have a fun, adults-only evening...with just a little business mixed in.

And Howie was the man of the hour.

"So AJ's coming?" Liv asked. Her hair was whipping around in front of her face.

"As far as I know," I said.

"How's the nanny working out?"

"Fine. Actually, he says she's doing so well that he's bored and ready to get back to work."

"Maybe that would be the best thing for him. Y'know, keep his mind busy."

"I'm ready. I feel like I haven't worked in years."

Liv smiled. "Brooke and Noah don't count?"

"That's a different kind of work."

We pulled up to La Hacienda. Brian and I had conducted an intense Skype conversation to pick the perfect restaurant for the bash. Judging by the bright lanterns hanging everywhere and the dancing mariachi girls out front, I'm going to go out on a limb and saying we picked a winner.

"I smell trouble," Liv said as I hopped out of the car and opened her door.

"Naw, I think you're smelling the burritos," I said.

Kevin, Howie, Leigh, and AJ were already at the table. Howie kept looking around and shaking his head. There were so many guys wearing fake moustaches and pictures of Charo on the wall that it crossed way over the amusing border and went straight for comical.

"Hey guys," I said. I pulled out a chair and sat down. I immediately went for the chips on the table.

"Why did you guys pick this place?" Howie asked. I shrugged.

"We felt like Mexican food," I said. The salsa was heavy on the jalapenos.

Brian and Leighanne arrived a couple minutes after Liv and I.

"Sorry, plane was late," Brian explained. He pulled out a chair for Leigh and then sat down.

"Welcome to La Hacienda!" our waitress said wih a cheery smile. She handed out menus. Brian and I shared a grin.

"The guy at the head of the table will have a tequila," I said. Howie looked up and shook his head.

"No."

"It's on me."

"No, really."

"Make that two tequilas for the guy at the head of the table," Brian said. The waitress winked and walked off. Howie set down his menu.

"Okay, what's up?"

"Nothing's up. I just feel bad that you have to work on your birthday so I'm buying you a tequila."

"Me too," Bri said.

Howie studied us both for another second and then raised the menu again. Liv's leg pressed against mine. I stifled a laugh.

"So Kev...nice hair."

Kevin scowled. His hair was looking pretty grungy.

"Yeah, I think Kurt Cobain has risen from the dead," Bri teased.

"It's coming off soon."

"Not until we do the hair and video thing," I said. "Plus, we haven't gotten a wedding invitation yet," I added. Kev smiled.

"Oh yeah."

He stood up and leaned over the table. He passed around a simple invitation with date, time, and address. The date was September 8.

"Let me know if you can make it," Kev said

"I can make it," I said. "I'll be flying in on the 6th to get my bet reward," I said. Kev groaned.

"How many people did you invite?" Liv asked.

Kev leaned back in his chair; I think he was still thinking about the dreads and his upcoming declaration of my ultimate supremeness. "Family and you guys. Addy doesn't want a big wedding and I've already been there, done that."

"I'll let you know after the next doctor's appointment," AJ said.

"How are the babies?" Leighanne asked. AJ smiled; it was good to see.

"They're growing."

The waitress brought Howie's tequilas and soda for the rest of us. Bri blew into his straw; bubbles erupted from the glass. He laughed; Leighanne just rolled her eyes.

"It's amazing how kids do that," I said.

"Yeah, they shouldn't grow," Bri agreed.

For the next ten minutes we all swapped baby war stories. Finally the waitress came bouncing back to our table.

"Ready to order?"

We went around the table and put in our orders. Howie downed one of his tequilas.

"So about the tour..." he said. AJ was the first to jump in.

"I'm going stir-crazy. I'd like to get back in the studio by October at the latest," he said.

"That sounds good to me," I said. Bri nodded.

"We can release the extended edition around Christmas."

"And start touring January 2."

"Let's hit South America, Africa and Australia," I said. In a rare move, Howie actually agreed.

"Yeah, it'll be warm."

"Then we can do Europe in April and May and hit the U.S. and Canada this summer," Kevin said.

It was almost too easy; for once we all actually agreed.

"What about a videographer?" AJ asked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liv raise her hand.

"I told Nick that I'd like to take the job," she said, almost shyly. It was adorable. She had been around us for three years and she still sounded nervous.

"That sounds fine," Bri said. "You did an awesome job last time."

"You showed the world just how fucked up Nick is," AJ added.

By the time our food arrived, everything was decided. Howie downed his second tequila before digging into his quesadilla.

Brian and I kept glancing at each other as we ate. We didn't know exactly when our plan was going to start, but the suspense was killing me.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait too much longer. Howie was pouring hot sauce over his last piece of quesadilla when our table was suddenly surrounded by Mexicans including one with maracas and one with a guitar. Our waitress plopped a giant sombrero on Howie's head.

His face was priceless. He looked up and groaned; then he glared at Brian and me.

The staff sang and played a peppy song in Spanish. The lead singer sounded a lot like Speedy Gonzalez. Howie sat there, his face turning red as the entire restaurant stared at him. Obviously the two tequilas we bought him hadn't been enough.

"And now!" our waitress said. I squirmed; this was the part I had been waiting for. "The birthday donkey!"

Howie's eyes widened. Leigh looked like she was trying hard not to laugh for his sake, but she was failing.

A teeny tiny stooped old Mexican lady came out from the back leading a donkey. On the donkey's back was a piece of birthday cake with a candle. This was better than what the website had said. Bri had his napkin up to his face; suppressed tears of joy were building in his eyes.

"Levantase!" our waitress cried. Two of the guys tugged Howie to his feet. He looked like he was about ready to go all Ricky Ricardo on our asses.

But he didn't get a chance.

The staff led him over to the donkey. After another jolly round of the birthday song the candle in the cake piece was lit. Howie leaned down to blow out the candle but a staff member snuck up behind him and smashed his face in the cake.

In seconds Howie was leaning over the donkey getting birthay spanks. Bri and I whipped out our cellphones. It wasn't every day someone got a picture of a Backstreet Boy being spanked on a donkey.

It was all over too soon. At least for me. Howie came back to the table, grabbed a fistful of napkins and wiped his face roughly. Leigh started to help.

"Happy Birthday!" I said.

"Fuck off, Nick," Howie said.

"I like that hat. I think we should work that into tour wardrobe," Bri said. Howie tossed it at his head. Bri caught it and put it on.

"If it makes you feel better, we have another birthday surprise," I said.

"I don't want any more of your surprises," Howie said.

"I think you'll like this one," I assured him.

--------------------------

An hour later all five of us were strapped into go karts. Leigh, Leighanne, and Liv hung over the fence.

"Men and their little cars," Liv said. Leighanne started to laugh.

"I don't have a small car!" I said.

"Hey, it doesn't matter how big a car you have," Bri said. "As long as it fits well into tight places."

"You just have to know how to maneuver the corners," Howie added.

"And when to shift gears," AJ said.

"I have a feeling this isn't about the go-karts," Kevin said. "Will you guys stop thinking with your dicks?"

"You're just jealous," I said. I tightened my helmet. Kevin grinned.

"Unlike you, I don't need to measure. There's not a ruler big enough."

"OOH!" Brian said. "BURN!"

Before we could continue, we took off. Howie has this whole 'Fast and Furious' fixation. You put that small Latino behind the wheel and he suddenl thought he was Vin Deisel. At one point we were racing side by side. Howie kept glancing my way. I saw him give a sharp yank to the wheel. My kart drifted off to the right; I swore I heard him cackling.

Needless to say, Howie won. He hopped out of the kart and climbed over the fence, scooping Leigh up in a hug. I got out of my kart slowly. He was happy now, but he wasn't going to be smiling when Brian and I snuck the donkey picture into our next CD liner.

"Want to play miniature golf?" I asked.

Kev checked his watch. "I've got to catch a flight back. Addy stayed back home with Mason. He's helping her make table decorations."

"I better get going too," AJ said.

"You both are party poopers," I declared.

After AJ and Kevin left the six of us played minature golf. It was like a triple date.

"This is one sport I'm good at," Liv said with a bright smile. I watched her ass wiggle back and forth as she lined up her shot. Even thought I reached out and grabbed a handful, she still managed to get a whole in one. She let out a squeal and whirled around. I took the opportunity to press her against me.

"Okay guys, it's my birthday. I don't want to see Carter porn," Howie said. Liv blushed; I just grinned. We stepped aside and let him putt.

"Hey Nick, you like my balls?" Brian asked. I looked over. He was holding both his golf ball and Leighanne's up to his crotch.

"Can I touch them?"

"Just be gentle."

By the time Brian and I stopped horsing around, Howie was three courses ahead of us and Liv and Leighanne were talking about some new type of bra or something.

"Aren't you enjoying your birthday?" I called out. Howie turned. He gave us a genuine smile.

"I am. But you guys still embarass the shit out of me."

Brian sniffled. "I'm touched."

I leaned down to pick up my ball, but instead I reached back and tapped his junk. He jumped.

"Nope. Now you're touched."

Before Bri could retaliate and we totally gayed up the place, my phone rang. My caller ID showed that it was from the local police station. Frowning, I connected.

"Hello?"

"Nick?"

"AJ?"

I heard a heavy sigh.

"I need you to come down to the police station. I was just fucking arrested."