WELCOME TO THE LAND DOWN UNDER
Men at Work was blasting through my headphones, as I always did when we arrived in Australia. It was the anthem of the nation, for crying out loud! I walked through the airport, bopping my head to the sound of the beat, looking around. I smiled at the line about meeting a strange lady who made me nervous, and wondered where Victoria was at.
The moment I thought of her, she was at my side, her hand on my forearm. She smiled, "It's pretty here."
Because the fellas were all in close proximity, I couldn't answer, so I just nodded subtly, and led the way through the airport, dragging my suitcase behind me. Victoria's arm stayed looped through mine until we reached the sidewalk, where a limousine was waiting. We all climbed in, and Victoria sat on the floor of the limo, right at my feet, leaning her head against my knee sleepily. I'd stayed awake on the plane talking to Victoria, rather than sleeping, and it was taking its toll on us both.
Howie was staring down at his cell phone, sighing. "Leigh said the girls' plane got delayed," he said, "They're still in Singapore."
Rochelle, Leighanne, Leigh and James were on their way back to the United States, rather than continuing on with us during the March portion of the tour. Victoria had pointed out how convenient she was - she never had to leave me, she was with me wherever I was, and she didn't even cost money to keep on the tour. She was simply there.
Brian sighed, "I hate that they couldn't have at least flown here and left from here. I hate leaving them in another country like this..."
"We left the best of the best with them," AJ commented, referring to Marcus, one of our most trusted security guards. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Rochelle could take anyone that pissed her off enough. Even if it's a freaking UFC fighter or a sumo wrestler..." AJ laughed.
Howie sighed, "Leigh's just all worked up about James and the germs."
"That kid's gonna be like OCD when he gets older," AJ commented, rolling his eyes, "Ya'll are way too overprotective of him."
Victoria looked up at me, "See? I'm stress-free." I smiled.
I was laying on the stage in the venue, staring up at the riggings for the lights as some crew members were working on setting them up. Victoria was laying beside me, using my arm as a pillow. It was peaceful on the empty stage, with her beside me, and I was almost asleep.
"Do you feel like your dreams came true?" Victoria asked suddenly.
"My dreams?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said. "When you were little, you told me you wanted to be a singer when you grew up." She took my hand in hers and inspected it. "Is it everything you wanted it t to be? Being a singer?"
"Yes," I answered. "Except it's better." Victoria kissed my hand gently. "How about you?" I asked, "Did you get everything you dreamt of?"
She laughed, "I didn't dream of much Nick."
"How come?"
"You didn't dream it for me," she answered simply, as though that should've been obvious. "Ironically, though, the thing you dreamed for me I never got, no. At least not yet."
"And what was that?" I asked.
"I wanted to be your wife one day," she answered.
I smiled, "Well, don't rule it out."
"I won't," she answered.
I heard familiar footsteps crossing the stage, and Victoria disappeared as Howie stopped, looming over me, his feet exactly where Victoria's chest had been just seconds before. I wanted to scream at him not to stand on her, like a little kid panicking over an empty seat on a bus. The only reason I was able to restrain myself was because my body was so sleepy I couldn't get the words to slip from my mouth.
"What are you doing Nick? We've been looking everywhere for you," Howie said, extending a hand to help me up. I ignored it.
"I was taking a nap," I answered, frowning.
"On the stage?" Howie looked perplexed.
I shrugged, "It's comfortable."
"Why don't you nap at the hotel?" he asked, confused.
The real reason was because Brian and I had been lumped together to share a room. I had wanted to be with Victoria, and that simply wasn't possible with Brian in the next bed watching a muted TV rerun of last year's basket ball championship game.
Howie frowned, "Well, the three of us and a bunch of crew are going to lunch on the water, you coming?"
"I don't feel like it," I said, thinking that I'd rather score some alone time in the hotel room with Victoria, since Howie was taking Brian out of the picture.
He sighed and shook his head, "Fine, whatever Nick." He trotted across the stage quickly, mumbling in Spanish.
I sat up and stretched. Victoria was suddenly behind me, rubbing my shoulders. "There you go," she whispered, massaging the kinks out of them with her strong fingers, "How's that?"
"Thanks," I said. What was wrong with Howie? I wondered.
"He thinks you're being stupid," she explained, point blank. "They've been plotting how to take you away from me all week. They think you're sick."
I rolled my eyes, "I'm not sick, I just wanna be alone with you." I looked up at her, "Why do they have such a problem with that? They always get alone time with their women..."
"Well people expect that," she pointed out, "I mean, you can see their women." Victoria laughed. "Now about that empty hotel room of yours..."
"I was thinking exactly the same thing," I answered as she ran a hand along my neck.
"I love that we're on the same page," she said, smiling.
Victoria and I were in the middle of having sex, the covers pulled up over our heads, my body shaking. The hotel room had been rocking with our moans all afternoon. I clutched her to me as we moved together rhythmically. She groaned in my ear.
Suddenly, the hotel room door banged open and I could hear Brian and AJ talking. I started to let go of Victoria, but she grabbed my face and turned my head to look at her. "Don't leave me," she begged, "Not now, we're so close..."
"But..." AJ and Brian will see us, I thought, desperately.
"They can't see me," Victoria reminded me.
That's even worse, I thought.
"Uhh, Nick?" Brian's voice sounded awkward.
AJ laughed, "Oh fuck I uh, I think we're ... interrupting something..."
"Nick!" Brian's voice was angry now.
Victoria started kissing my chest. I lifted the blanket off my head, careful to keep Victoria concealed beneath it, and looked at him, my body still in the awkward position over Victoria. My face and back were drenched in sweat. "Can you please come back later?" I demanded, breathless.
Brian was covering his eyes and he quickly turned away. AJ was leaning against the jamb and snorted, smirking, and gave me the thumbs up. He turned and followed Brian and the door slammed behind them.
My libido having been sufficiently murdered by their presence, I rolled off of Victoria and landed in a heap on the bed.
She sat up, clutching the blanket around her breasts. Her long slender back was fully visible, though, the vertebrae in her spine a design under her skin. I reached out and rolled my fingertip down them slowly, but it didn't have the same effect on her as it always did on me. She just sat there.
I sighed. Her lack of response sent my mind into worrying about Brian and AJ. What the hell was I going to tell them?
"Why do you have to tell them anything?" she asked, shrugging. "They're too intrusive on your life. Like they need to know everything you're doing, everywhere you are, at all times. What is that about?"
I shrugged, "They're just my friends, that's all."
"It's too much," she said, shaking her head, "They can't even leave you alone for ten minutes. Seriously, they ask you to go do stuff like everyday. You work so hard and spend so much time dedicated to this Backstreet Boys thing, you barely have any time to yourself to just relax." She looked at me, "You deserve a vacation."
"A vacation?" I laughed, "Well that's gonna be awhile, we're working straight through until September practically..."
Victoria sighed, "You work too hard."
"I have a break coming up," I pointed out, "Almost a whole month."
She smiled and turned to me, sliding down so the length of her spanned most of the length of me. She climbed on top of me and I closed my eyes, a moan rising from my throat. "Good," she whispered, "We can spend more time together alone."
"So glad you could join us," Brian commented with a laugh that was mean t for the fans' benefit. I could tell the sentence was meant bitterly, though.
Thanks to Victoria's attentions, I had arrived at sound check ten minutes late and the fans were already in the stadium. They were crowded around in the first few rows in front of the stage, and several had spotted me coming out and started screaming wildly. AJ had glanced back and given me another thumbs up - at least one of the guys appreciated that I'd been having sex and couldn't exactly run off from it.
Howie leaned into his microphone, "Get stuck in traffic again Nicky?" he teased.
It didn't bother me when Victoria called me Nicky, but I hated it when Howie did and he knew it. He smiled at me in a weird way, and I recognized it as a jab. They were all irritated with me. I sighed. "Yeah, traffic, it's crazy." I stared at my fingers.
Brian sighed and picked up his water bottle, taking a long sip off it.
The sound check went typically. I mean nothing terribly exciting happened, it was just what we always did. Sit on the stools, sing, banter, sing, take fan photos, etc, etc, etc. By the time we were done, though, I was exhausted from putting too much effort into getting along with the guys, acting like nothing was bothering me. I wanted to go back to the hotel room and hide under the sheets with Victoria again, where I didn't have to think so hard or put so much effort in.
It was becoming challenging to be me.
The fans walked out of the venue, glancing back at me and the guys, clutching their autographed photos and cameras. One girl waved to me and I half-heartedly waved back. Just go, I thought, my eyelids feeling heavy.
Victoria's right, I thought, I do work to hard.
The moment the doors closed behind the last fan, the guys turned on me.
"What the hell are you thinking?" Howie demanded.
"Who the hell were you sleeping with?" AJ asked.
"Nick, what're you doing?" Brian cried.
I stepped back from them, shellshocked by the rapid fire questions, feeling like I was under attack. "Whoa, whoa," I said, holding up my hands, "Whoa, cool your jets. So I was a few minutes late," I snapped, "So what? Christ, I can't help it if there was traffic."
"That's bullshit Nickolas," Howie yelled, his Puerto Rican accent coming out as he barked my name.
AJ laughed, "Down, Jose," he joked, patting Howie's shoulder. Howie threw AJ's touch off with a grunt. AJ made a face as if to say whoa, okay and backed a good three feet away from Howie.
"It's not bullshit, why else would I be late?"
"Cos you were getting laid," AJ suggested.
"In the hotel room that we share," Brian added. "Nick, you didn't even put a do not disturb sign up..." he complained.
"And what happened to that Internet chick, Victoria?" AJ asked.
I glared at him, "Oh like you're Mr. Faithful over here..."
AJ's eyebrows raised, "Uh excuse me?"
I pointed at him, "Yeah, you always have two or three girls on the side of your relationships. Like you're one to talk about having sex and a girlfriend on the side. Don't even start with me."
"Dude I was on your side," AJ snapped, "Now I think you're being a jerk off."
Brian shook his head, "So now you're gonna have multiple relationships and act like a douche to us, too? Nick, act like a moron to us all you want, but that doesn't mean you get to take it out on the fans. You totally crushed all those girls just now." He waved a hand at the place where our little crowd of fans had been. "They paid a lot of money to get back here, money that we need to keep up a tour like this, and you act like a putz to them..."
"I didn't act like a putz to them," I argued.
"No? Sorry, I was under the impression they liked it when you responded and talked and did more than sit there like a drugged baboon..." Brian hung his arms down his side and slumped and puckered out his lower lip and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and stood still like that a moment.
Howie sighed, "The point is Nick, you're not... you.... lately, and it's getting ridiculous. If you don't get your act together you're going to ruin everything we've worked so hard for..."
"You guys are so fucking critical of me!" I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls through the stadium. Some crew guys looked up, surprised by my volume. "You're being fucking mean!"
"We're not being mean," Brian argued.
"We're just telling you what's going on," Howie agreed.
"Well I fucking don't need you to baby-sit me twenty-four/seven," I shouted, my body tensing up, "I'm a grown up. Just leave me alone for ten minutes without begging me to do shit with you or criticizing me! Christ!" I stormed off the stage, my sneakers hitting the floor with loud claps, and locked myself in the bathroom backstage.
As soon as the door was closed, I leaned against it and sank to the floor, grabbing my forehead in my hands and squeezing my eyes shut. I was angry, and I didn't know why. I felt so disconnected from myself, from the me that I'd been a week and a half ago to the me that I was now. I rocked myself, clutching my head, tears pouring down my face.
What the hell is wrong with me? I wondered. Why do I feel like this?
"It's going to be okay, Nicky," Victoria snaked her arms around me, holding me as I rocked. She rested her cheek against my head. Her body moved fluidly with mine. "My poor baby," she whispered as I broke down into gut-wrenching sobs.... and I didn't even know why.
Bad Romance by Pengi
