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Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Four



By the time AJ had gotten Laila and himself some milkshakes and was headed for the park his cell phone rang. Assuming that it’s either Howie calling to bitch at him or his mother calling because Howie had called her and told on him AJ groaned and reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. But much to his relief, when he glanced at the caller ID it read ‘Brookie’. AJ grinned and turned the phone on and he placed it to his ear.


“Hi baby, I miss you” he announced sweetly.


“Aww…I miss you too darlin’,” Peyton’s voice replied on the other end causing AJ to flinch a little and he heard Brooke laughing in the background. AJ rolled his eyes playfully.


“Why are you calling me on my girlfriend’s phone?”


“She asked me to,” Peyton answered simply.


“Why?” AJ asked curiously. “What is she doing that she couldn’t call me herself?”


“We’re shopping at the mall. We’re in the lingerie department and she is in the middle of trying on sexy lingerie so –“


“-PEYTON! I’m going to kill you!”


“-So she’s kind of busy at the moment.”


“I see,” AJ replied with a smirk on his face. “Tell her I think she’d look gorgeous in black.”


“Brookie your boyfriend says you’d look gorgeous in black. See? I told you that was the best!” AJ chuckled in amusement.


“Peyton! Give me the phone before I hurt you,” Brooke ordered and Peyton just laughed.


“Okay, okay big sister, chill. I was just having a little fun,” she replied and she handed the phone over and the next thing AJ heard was Brooke’s voice.


“Hi baby, I miss you too” she informed and AJ smiled.


“I see you are having fun with your sister though.”


“Oh yeah Peyton is real fun,” Brooke replied sarcastically.


“But of course she is! She is a blast!” Peyton insisted in the background.


“So what are you really doing?”


“We’re at the mall like Peyton said…but we’re in the candle store. Peyton was being too fun so mom sent us here so she could spread the fun around.” AJ laughed. “We’re supposed to pick up a list of groceries on our way back for our thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Mom has been in the kitchen making pies all day.”


“Mmm…I wish I was there.”


“Me too…what are you up to?”


“Well I’m out with Laila right now, the two of us went for a walk. I kind of left the house pissed off and mom is going to kill me when she gets back.”


“What happened?”


“Kori and I got into a stupid fight.”


“Already? She hasn’t even been your sister for a full day and you’re already fighting with her?” Brooke asked incredulously.


“I said some things to her that I shouldn’t have…but I’m so sick of her being so doubtful of Nick’s loyalty to Ashley all the time it pisses me off.”


“She’s her sister Aje, you can’t blame her for worrying about her sister…and I can see where she is coming from. She is seventeen years old and most seventeen year olds don’t fall as hard for their first boyfriends as Ashley has.” Brooke explained, knowing exactly what the argument was about. She has heard Kori voice her concern a few times.


“Well in all honesty, Ashley isn’t most seventeen year olds. She’s different Brooke…” AJ argued. “She’s experienced things that most seventeen year olds haven’t – horrible things. She’s a lot more matured then an average seventeen-year-old too. I mean yes she does have her childish moments but she’s different. The way she is with Dakota and Sarah it’s like watching them with their mother. If she were like any other kid her age she would be more concerned about going out and partying not about mothering a four and six year old. But Sean forced her to grow up real fast…and if Kori were here for those five years that she missed out on, she’d know that.”


“She does know that Aje…hell everybody sees it. Kori made the mistake of running away and she knows that. She doesn’t need you to make her feel worse about it. She’s trying her best to make up for it…so give her a break.”


“As soon as she starts having a little more faith in Nick I will give her a break.”


“No matter what she is always going to be worried about her sister getting her heartbroken. I’m a sister myself I know the feeling.”


~*~*~*~*~


Meanwhile at the Littrell House, Wiley had managed to coax Kori into coming downstairs and Spencer who was playing a one on one game of Skip-Bo with Harold, looked up at his mother with great concern.


“Momma are you okay?” Kori smiled at him.


“Mhm, I’m fine baby.” She reassured.


“Come play Skip-Bo with us Momma please?” he requested with such eagerness.


“But you and Harold are in the middle of a game right now. How about I play the next round?”


“Wiley too!” Spencer insisted.


“Yes and Wiley,” Kori agreed and she smiled up at her boyfriend some before taking his hand and pulling him over to their spot they where sitting in earlier when they were playing the first game.


“Where is Howie?”


“He and Ryan are out in the backyard talking.”


“Oh boy…what did the kid do now?”


“Nothing, he just took him outside to spend sometime with him. I think he’s planning on letting him call his mom.”


“Oh, okay.”


“Where’d AJ go?” Wiley spoke up. Kori grumbled.


“Who care’s, as long as he’s away from here everything is fine isn’t it?”


“Kori…” Wiley began.


“What? It’s not my fault the man doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a sister.”


“No but he does understand what it’s like to be a brother. He may not have had siblings for most of his life that share the same mother, but he’s had Brian, Kevin, Howie, and Nick and he gets pretty protective of them when he feels he needs to – especially of Nick.” Harold explained gently.


“Well then he should understand why I am the same way with my sister.”


“I think neither of you are ever going to see eye to eye with each other when it comes to Nick and Ashley, so the best thing to do is learn how to keep an open mind. Especially since he is considered your brother now.” Wiley insisted.


“Hey, it’s him who bit my head off when all I did was voice my concern. Maybe it’s him who needs the open mind.”


“I think you both need to work this out somehow because you are going to be seeing a lot of each other whether you like it or not.” Kori shrugged and hugged her legs to her chest as she watched Spencer and Harold play cards.


“When he’s ready to apologize, I’m here to listen.”



~*~*~*~*~


Meanwhile outside in the backyard, Ryan was sitting on the tire swing swinging back and fourth while Howie sat under the three out of the way with his phone in his hand.


“Do I get to call my mom?” Ryan asked while eyeing the cell phone that Howie was opening and closing in his hands.


“In a little bit.”


“Why can’t I call her now?”


“Because you and I need to have a little talk, that’s why.”


“Is my mom okay?” Ryan asked worriedly. Howie nodded.


“She’s fine but your behavior isn’t.”


“I told you I did not want to play Skip-Bo, but you forced me to do it.”


“Yes, well you understand why I made you do it right?”


“To torture me,” Ryan answered simply, as he twirled around on his tire swing while staring up at the blue sky.


“If I wanted to torture you Ryan I would lock you up in your bedroom day and night and bring meals to you every breakfast, lunch and dinner.”


“So why don’t you do that then?”


“Because I actually care about you believe it or not…and I want to believe that you can be good.”


“Then why don’t you let me and Laila go back to my mom?” Ryan asked as he continued to look up at the sky in order to hide his tears that he can’t hold back. Howie can hear it in his voice though.


“Believe me…if I could reunite you with your mom right now I would in a heartbeat, but I don’t have that choice. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to act like a brat to people who are just trying to care about you and offer you a safe home until that can happen.” Ryan shrugged his shoulders.


“I’m sorry I can’t be as happy and cheerful as all of the other kids around here. At least they have their parents to spend Thanksgiving with when Laila and I are alone.”


“Ellie, Kota, Josh, Spencer, and Sarah all have problems of their own but you don’t see them with your attitude, do you?”


“You just don’t understand,” Ryan insisted bitterly, as he shuffled his foot in the dirt.


“Then why don’t you help me to understand Ryan? How many hoops do you want me to jump through before you let me in?” Ryan didn’t answer, he only continued to stare down at the ground. “I can see that you’re angry and you let it be known to the whole world but we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what you are angry about. We can’t read your mind.”


“I think it’s pretty obvious what I am angry about.”


“It’s obvious to you, because it’s you who feels it. As much as I would like to I can’t get inside your head…so you need to help me out a little.”


“I’ve only told you a hundred times!”


“What? That your mom is sick? Is that the only thing you are angry with Ryan? Because you are way too bitter for that to be the only reason.”


“I don’t want to talk about it.”


“Fine. We won’t talk about it right now. But I can only let you run away from me for so long Ryan but eventually you’re going to have to –“


“-Oh for godsakes, just SHUT UP! Let me be!” Ryan interrupted, and he got up and headed for the door.


“Ryan! You get back here right now! You are not going to speak to me that way!”


“I’ll do whatever the hell I please!” Howie got up and hurried after him. When he reached him he grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face him.


“No you will not. It is high time you learned to give me and everybody else around here some respect because all we’re trying to do is help you!”


“I will too! I can do whatever I please because you are NOT my father! My father is dead and my mother is sick so LEAVE me alone!”


“Is that what you’re angry at Ryan? Are you angry at your father?”


“I SAID I don’t want to talk about it!” Ryan snapped and he suddenly broke down into sobs, as he just couldn’t stay strong any longer.


“Ryan you need to talk about it.”


“No I don’t! Just LET me be!” Ryan begged as he tried yanking himself free of Howie but Howie gently grabbed onto his other arm so he couldn’t go anywhere. “LET GO OF ME, PLEASE! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!” Ryan wailed as he punched and kicked Howie as hard as his strength would let him but Howie did not budge.


“It is not me you hate Ryan, It’s your father that you hate isn’t it?”


“NO! Just let me be, Please….”


“Ryan it’s okay. It’s okay to be angry at him…no one is going to be mad at you for it buddy just let it all out.” Howie encouraged and Ryan threw his arms about Howie and buried his face into his shoulder as he continued to sob hard. Howie rubbed his hand over his back in slow circular motion.


“I hate him…I hate him so much! Why did he have to leave us? Why did he have to leave Laila, mom, and me all alone? IT’S HIS FAULT! It is ALL his fault! If he hadn’t left us mom wouldn’t be sick! Mom wouldn’t have been so sad that she had to go and hurt herself! She wouldn’t have! We would still be a family and would have been able to spend Thanksgiving with each other! Why did he have to go? How could he not see that we still needed him here? Couldn’t he see that Laila and I would miss him so much? Couldn’t he?” Howie got up and with one swift movement he lifted the nine-year-old into his arms and he carried him over to the bench in the garden and sat down with him in his lap not caring if he is kind of too big to be there. Ryan doesn’t seem to care much either because he slid his arms around Howie and buried his face in his shoulder where he continued to cry. Howie sat there and just held him, allowing him to get it all out.


“It’s not fair…” Ryan sniffled moments later when he had managed to calm down some.


“I know its not fair buddy…trust me I know that all too well.”


“How could you know? Did you ever lose anybody like Laila and me?”


“Mhm…I did.” Ryan looked up at him suddenly curious.


“Who?”


“My sister,” Howie answered sadly. “Her name was Caroline…and she died from a disease called lupus.” Ryan looked at Howie with eyes full of empathy and Howie wiped Ryan’s tears away with his finger. “I felt angry when she died too. It wasn’t right and wasn’t fair that I had to lose my big sister.”


“How could you ever stop hurting? How could you ever smile again after losing someone that you love?” Ryan asked softly.


“I haven’t stopped hurting,” Howie reassured. “But it gets better Ryan I promise. There is never a day that passes by that I don’t miss Caroline very much.”


“I don’t think it can ever get better for me…”


“That’s understandable. I thought that way myself…but it will when you least expect it. Just remember that your dad wouldn’t want you to be so unhappy.”


“Well too bad for him because I am angry with him and I want him to know it.”


“It’s okay to be angry…it’s a common way to grieve. But eventually you will have to face the fact that it wasn’t his fault. He did not ask to have a heart attack…I know he would much rather be here in my place right now.”


“Mom never let me talk about him…I always got yelled at if I brought him up…”


“That must’ve been really hard for you…”


“It is,” Ryan admitted. “I have so much I want to talk about…I have so many questions to ask but she won’t answer them…I’m starting to forget the way dad smelled…what he looked like…the sound of his voice because she doesn’t like to have memories around the house. It makes me angry.”


“You can talk about him to me all you want buddy…I won’t get mad at you.”


“Really?” Ryan asked softly.


“Of course,” Howie reassured as he rubbed his hand over his back. “I would like to be your friend Ryan…you just have to let me in.”


“I want pictures of him too…and to know what he smells like…and what he sounded like.” Howie thought a few moments before replying.


“What if I could get all of those things from you? Would that help you feel better?”


“You could do that?” Ryan asked with slight eagerness in his voice.


“If you want me to. I could even find out where he was buried at and we could go visit his grave when we get back to Florida. Is that something you might feel comfortable doing? Some people like to go and visit their loved one’s graves…and leave them flowers…sometimes it even helps to talk to them…”


“Why? They’re dead…its not like they are listening.”


“You never know…they could be.” Ryan raised his eyebrow.


“How do you know your dad isn’t watching over you this very moment up in heaven?”


“Cause I can’t see him.”


“Just because you can’t see or feel something it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”


“Do you really think Dad is watching over me?” Ryan asked softly, and Howie can hear the hopeful tone in his voice.


“I do…” Howie answered with a small smile. “I believe he is watching over you every single day like a guardian angel. I bet he’s thinking how much he loves you and Laila…I bet it pains him to see you hurting so bad…I bet he would want you to try and move on...It would probably even make him happy.”

“What about mom? Wouldn’t he want mom to move on too?”


“Mhm I’m sure he would…but that’s all up to your mom if she moves on or not. I bet it would help her a lot if she knew you were moving on right a long with her.”


“Can I call her and talk to her?”


“You sure can…” Howie nodded and he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the hospital’s number. “I want to talk to her after you though…and I want you to go inside when I do so okay?”


“Why can’t I be out here?”


“I just need sometime alone with her for awhile okay? Your mom and I need to get to know each other if I’m going to help take care of you while she’s sick.” Ryan nodded.


“Kay…”