Chapter Three-Hundred-Forty-Two
“Well, I guess now we know how they figured out where we were keeping Ashley…” Sean announced grumpily as he had come to a stop just at the exit to the woods where Trevor’s Lake House stood and they found cops everywhere.
“How would they find out?” Trevor wanted to know. “We didn’t write anything down.” Sean looked away from Trevor then, looking everywhere but at him. “We didn’t…right?”
“I kept a journal,” Sean finally admitted after awhile. “I wrote it down. Okay?” Trevor narrowed his eyes.
“How could you do that?” he asked surprised.
“I needed a way to sort my thoughts, okay? Yeah I screwed up. Fuck off” Sean snapped and he turned and stormed off in the opposite direction.
“Yeah well where are we supposed to go now Sean?” Trevor asked becoming just as moody as him as he followed.
“Why don’t you just say what you are really thinking?” Sean shot back as he whirled around and looked at Trevor now that they were a safe distance from the house.
“I don’t know what is it that I am thinking Sean?”
“That I am a fuck up and if it weren’t for me, if you didn’t have to worry about me all the time you would still have the home you grew up in! Well guess what Trev, NO ONE is making you stay with me! Why don’t you go be with Shelly?”
“Sean!”
“Fucking let me be!” Sean snapped before turning around and storming off in the direction of his trailer home. Trevor let out a low growl and followed Sean doing his best to keep up. He doesn’t know that Detective Stabler and Detective Benson almost caught him at his trailer home. What if they are there now? He has to protect him. But it wasn’t his trailer home that Sean had led him to; he went straight for the log that he had hidden behind as a child – which is okay since it’s in a safe distance from the trailer and well secluded by the trees. He watched from a distance as Sean went toward the log, angrily kicking objects as he stormed by them and he shook his head silently wishing Sean could respond to his emotions like everybody else. Why does everything have to result in a tantrum? He watched as Sean got the key out from the special hiding spot, and he watched as he retrieved the treasure box from inside the log before sitting down. He then opened up the box and from where he was standing, Trevor could see him pulling out the picture of his mother. Trevor stood there and silently watched, as Sean appeared to be finally feeling something other then anger for his mother’s death. He let him be for about twenty minutes letting himself cool off as well before going down to his lover and taking a seat next to him. Sean looked at him for a short moment before back down at the picture in his hands not bothering to hide his tears. Trevor silently wrapped his arms around Sean’s shoulders and rested his forehead against his.
“One of these days I’m going to succeed in teaching you how to deal with your emotions without anger. You just watch” Trevor whispered in his ear.
“What are we going to do now Trev?”
“We’ll worry about that a little later” Trevor insisted. “Just take it easy for now.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up and you don’t have your house anymore. I know living there made you happy.”
“It’s not your fault,” Trevor insisted.
“I meant it when I said you could leave if you wanted to. Don’t feel like you have to take care of me Trev. I’ve ruined your life enough as is.”
“It is far too late for that babe. I became your protector the day you entered my life in Kindergarten.”
“You became my protector because you wanted to be, not because you had to.”
“That’s not true. You may be too tough to believe in fate Seanie but not me.”
“Well if fate is what brought us together, then god really fucked you over didn’t he?”
“I wish you wouldn’t be like that” Trevor insisted while trying not to laugh.
“Why? I am only speaking the honest truth. If it weren’t for me you would be a really kick ass doctor right now. Not wanted by the police. I know you miss that.”
“Hey I made my own bed and here I am lying in it Sean Ellerbee,” Trevor demanded lightly as he slid his arms around his waist and hugged him close.
“I chose to do drugs, I chose to murder people, I chose to rape Ashley, I chose every action that I made without your help. I screwed my life up by myself. So will you stop taking credit for it?”
“Bu you mi—“
“-Yes baby I miss every minute of saving people’s lives and yes I regret every stupid mistake I made but I’m dealing with it.”
“So why don’t you leave me and make it better?”
“It’s a little too late for that now.”
“No it’s not. Leave the country…go to Canada and make a new life there.”
“My life is, and always will be all about you” Trevor insisted, tightening his arms around Sean.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“Too late for that too” Trevor chuckled.
“Love makes you do stupid things but you know what? I enjoy every minute of it and there is nothing you can do to change my mind. I screwed up on being a doctor but life isn’t exactly terrible for me either.”
“But you have to run all the time.”
“As long as I’m running with you it doesn’t matter.” Sean shook his head.
“It matters to me. You deserve so much better…”
“The only way I am skipping the country is if you’re doing it too so you might as well give it up.”
“I can’t skip the country,” Sean insisted.
“Sure you can…it’s probably your only option left if you think about it. If you think you’re such a fuck up why not make it better and run away with me? Put all of this behind us. You know that’s what I want more then anything Sean…” Sean shook his head.
“I have business to take care of here” He insisted, looking back down at the picture of his mother and he lightly traced it with his finger.
“Well then I do too,” Trevor whispered. “I just wish you could share with me what this business of ours is. It kind of hurts me that I don’t know everything about you like I thought.”
“Kori and Ashley had the loving home that I never did,” Sean spoke in a soft but dangerous tone of voice. “And I won’t rest until I’ve torn it apart.”
“You already did baby…you killed their parents isn’t that enough damage?”
“They still have each other.”
“So what?”
“I never had a brother or sister to lean on and love me when my family fell apart.”
“No, but that’s okay because you have me,” Trevor insisted while rubbing his hand over Sean’s back. “You’ve always had me. I’ve loved you every single day since the moment we met can’t that be enough for you?” Sean looked away, the anger for his father and the hatred for Kori and Ashley burning madly inside him.
“Its not their fault that life has been so cruel to you” Trevor told him softly ignoring the ache in his heart for Sean’s silence at his question.
“I don’t care. If I couldn’t have a happy home neither can they.”
“You can have a happy home now! Why can’t you understand that I’ve been trying to provide you with that all along?”
“This is just something that I have to do Trevor! I can’t be at peace until I do.”
“Why Ashley and Kori? Why not some other family out there? Why is it specifically Ashley and Kori that you are after?”
“You didn’t see how loving their family was before I bruised it,” Sean told him, his eyes blazing with hatred. “When Kori was apart of us, I studied her and her family…she didn’t appreciate them the way she should have. Her mother and most importantly her father cared about her so deeply that they would’ve done anything for her and all she wanted to do was rebel and make them worry. It wasn’t right. She didn’t deserve them.”
“So you decided to play god and punish her for it?”
“She deserved it. And now she doesn’t appreciate her sister when she obviously loves her very much. So why should she be allowed to have her?”
“Why should Bella, Dakota, and Sarah be without their future mother when all those girls have ever done is love and appreciate Ashley? Bella actually is hers now.”
“It’s not my fault she went and got those brats thinking she is going to be their mother and adopted a fucking baby. They aren’t apart of this. This is about Kori and Kori alone.”
“You are being rather selfish Sean and it’s not up to you to play God either.”
“Well gee Trev, if you don’t like a selfish man then why did you fall in love with one?” Sean snapped somewhat. “Cause that is exactly what I am and I am not about to change either.”
“No you aren’t,” Trevor insisted softly. “What you did earlier for Ellie was far from selfish.”
“So I had one moment big deal.”
“What about the time you gave her up to Kevin? That wasn’t a selfish act.”
“So what?”
“And earlier when you were begging me to leave you because I deserve so much better?” Sean crossed his arms over his chest and looked away.
“And what about all of the times when you show me affection and tell me you love me and do genuine things for me? That doesn’t sound like a selfish man to me.” Sean continued to say nothing, as he can’t come up with a good argument.
“I don’t think you are selfish at all. I just think you are a very angry man and you don’t know how to do anything but be hateful and hurt people.”
“Yet somehow I manage to do all of those unselfish things,” Sean told him sarcastically.
“Yes you do,” Trevor agreed. “Half the time you don’t realize you are doing it.”
“You are so full of shit Trev.”
“And right too. I know you.”
“I hate you.”
“Well I love you,” Trevor smiled. Sean scowled stubbornly and Trevor smirked and hugged him tightly. Sean smirked a little before shoving him to the ground and crawling on top of him and he leaned forward and placed kisses on his neck and shoulders.
“No Seanie, not here” Trevor laughed.
“Why not? Here is as good as any place and it’s dark – no one will catch us.”
“Someone might” Trevor insisted, thinking about the time when he was there by himself and he kept getting mysterious hints about where to find things and such. He still believes it was an unseen force. He doesn’t believe in coincidences. It would really suck if it was Sean’s mother. The last thing he wants to do is have sex with Sean in front of his mother – even if she is just a spirit.
“Quit being paranoid Trev, who in their right minds would walk through these woods at this time of night? Besides us.”
“I don’t know…” Trevor replied while looking toward the tree. He could imagine Lindy sitting on a tree branch staring down at them and the thought just creeps him out to no end. But he can’t share that information with Sean because he would think he was insane and laugh at him. And even if it really was Lindy who helped him out that night…what in the world is she still doing here? Shouldn’t spirits like…crossover or something? With the horrible life she lived why would she want to stick around?
“Hellooo…earth to Trevor” Sean spoke up cutting into his thoughts and he gently placed his forefinger and thumb to his chin and made him look at him. “Whats so interesting about that tree that made you go into a trance like that?”
“Nothing, nothing…I was just thinking is all.” She is probably having a real laugh about this too. Sean raised his eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. Trevor rolled them over so he was lying on top and in control and he wrapped his arms around him and rested his forehead against his.
“We should go find a place to stay.”
“Can’t we just stay here for the night?” Sean pleaded causing Trevor to raise his eyebrow. Sean doesn’t plead, he demands. “I feel…at peace here…for some reason. Like we’re safe…and nothing can touch us.”
“Fine…but we aren’t having sex” Trevor insisted after a moment, deciding there is only one reason why Sean feels that way…he feels his mom. He is very positive that she is an earthbound spirit and she is there for a reason - to help protect Sean maybe? Maybe she’s been present all along and he just didn’t know it until now. He can’t tell Sean though because again, Sean would laugh at him for automatically believing in such a crazy thing without any question at all. But, Trevor has always believed in them. He reads up on that stuff. So what? He has an open mind, is that so horrible? Maybe that’s why she reached out to him that night…because he would believe.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“You are amazing, you know that?” Nick asked softly as he slid his arms around Ashley’s waist and pulled her near while the two of them stood in the middle of their room – all three children sound asleep for the night. Ashley smiled up at him some.
“Why is that?”
“You just are,” Nick insisted. “You impress me. Just when I think I know everything about you, you turn around and do something that completely blows me away.” Ashley raised her eyebrow.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah…like the way everything fell apart the moment you disappeared…it was complete chaos baby you wouldn’t believe it. Then not even a day after you come home you have our children at ease again, Dakota and Ellie friends and acting as if nothing went wrong between them, and Detective Stabler considering on making sure Sean doesn’t die even though he doesn’t believe he deserves it,” Nick explained. “And that last bit alone surprises me more then ever. The last thing I ever expected was for you to have mercy on him when he’s completely torn your life apart.”
“Well, I never expected it either,” Ashley insisted. “But not only do I love Ellie very much but I also have to admit something. Even though he tore my life apart, took away the two people that mattered most to me, and made me and Kori practically strangers, there is one result out of all of it that made it somewhat tolerable.”
“And what is that?” Nick asked curiously.
“It brought me to you.”
“I’m glad I’m able to help,” Nick told her while smiling some and Ashley leaned forward and placed soft kisses on his bare chest as he stood there before her with no shirt on. “I always knew I loved you and that my world revolves around you but it took thinking that I’ve lost you to see that you are my world.”
“You are my whole world too baby and if I didn’t find you alive today it all would have come crashing down in an instant.” Ashley looked up at him as her eyes watered up and he delicately rubbed his thumb over her cheek.
“I thought I was never going to get a chance to marry you…I looked down at my promise ring and remembered how you put it on me with so much love. All I wanted to do was cry because I dream about that day every single night and day and I thought it was never going to come true.”
“It is going to come true baby,” Nick promised while trying not to cry himself and he hugged her close and leaned forward and brushed his lips lightly over hers. “I haven’t gone anywhere and you are here and safe where you belong and my promise to you still stands. Some day I’m going to give you the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever dreamt of. I promise you.”
“I wish it could happen tomorrow,” Ashley told him tearfully and she rested her head against his chest and nestled into him as a safe feeling rushed through her.
“I do too but sadly it can’t sweetheart. You still have things you need to do…and experience before we can have our special day.”
“But what if that day never comes? You never know when your whole world is going to come to an end…we should be living life like we’re dying Nicky…”
“It’s going to happen sweetheart I promise. And when it does its going to be amazing and you are going to realize that waiting was worth it – more then worth it.”
“But what if something unexpected happens? Something we have no control over?”
“Nothing is going to happen,” Nick insisted while gently wiping her tears away.
“How can you be so sure about that? After what happened to us over these past few days aren’t you even a little scared?”
“No I’m not and you know why?” Ashley shook her head.
“Because I firmly believe that nothing can tear us apart.”
“Sean can…”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.”
“But what if you don’t?”
“Then no one will rest until Sean gets what he really deserves.”
“If I die without getting the chance to be your wife then I’m going to come back and we’re going to have a ghostly wedding you just watch.” Nick chuckled softly.
“Lets not talk about you dying anymore okay? I fully believe that we belong together and nothing or no one is going to tear us apart no matter how hard they try.”
“You are going to have to believe in that for both of us…because what happened to me these past couple of days has put a bit of a damper on my faith Nicky.” Nick gently placed his hand at the back of her head and lightly pressed it against his chest before planting a kiss on top of it and he rubbed his hand over her back as he held her close protectively.
“I love you,” he whispered softly in her ear knowing that was the one thing that she could believe and hold onto.
“I love you too” Ashley whispered back, holding onto him so tight that you would think some very strong force was trying to pull them apart.
“We should go get our showers out of the way and get everything ready to move to yours and Kori’s house. Remember I promised you we could stay there while we remodel this room? Brookie wants to get going on that.”
“You can go shower if you want to, but I’m not.”
“Baby you can’t avoid showers and baths forever…that would get pretty smelly…”
“I’m not going near water ever again so you can just forget about it.”
“Come on…I’ll go with you and make sure nothing happens to you.” Nick started to lead her toward the bathroom but Ashley pulled away from him and went over and sat in the chair before hugging her legs close to her chest and automatically putting the invisible red light up. Nick sighed heavily.
“Sponge bath?” he asked softly.
“That requires water.”
“But you won’t be sitting in it. There is no possible way for you to drown in a sponge bath sweetheart.”
“Sean could probably find a way.”
“But baby I’m not Sean am I? It’s me we’re talking about here…you know I am never going to let anything hurt you.” Ashley buried her face in her knees and she slowly began to rock back and forth. Nick stood there watching her as he felt a heavy weight on his heart from seeing her in such a terrified state. He was just getting her out of this and Sean had to go and ruin everything. And on top of everything else, he has given her something new to be afraid of. Nick heaved another sigh and then went over and sat next to her and he wrapped his arms around her protectively as she leaned into him with her legs still pulled tightly into her chest and the invisible red light blinking madly.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's the next chapter.
Enjoy =)
Enjoy =)
