Chapter Three-Hundred-Seventy-Seven
When everybody minus AJ and Jaime were out on the playground they spotted Kevin sitting under their usual tree. Ashley took one look at him, noticed he was pissed off, and looked at Marcus to see that he can’t even look at him right now.
“Marcus…please tell me what’s going on. You can keep trying to tell me its nothing, or that its allergies, but you know I know better so why not just come out with it already and get it over with?”
“Why don’t you go ask Kevin?” Marcus asked while turning his back on everybody in order to hide the sudden wave of emotion. “He’ll tell you all about it.” Ashley stared at Marcus’s back sadly as she silently wondered what could’ve happened to make her Marcus so upset. She has never seen him on the verge of tears like this in all the time that she’s known him. Although she knows he is human and has his moments just like everybody else, it still makes her feel uneasy to see it. Maybe she just takes advantage of the fact that he is always there to be strong for her when she’s not. Wanting more then ever to get to the bottom of this she let go of Nick’s hand and walked on over to Kevin, another person who means the whole world to her – even if, he’s not being himself right now. When she approached him she sat down next to him and he stared ahead of him at the grass avoiding eye contact with her.
“Hey,” She greeted him casually.
“Hi…”
“How’s it going?” she asked him while leaning sideways so her head is rested comfortably against his shoulder and she gazed up at him with a small innocent smile. Just as she hoped would happen, Kevin returned her smile halfway, as he never could resist her. No matter what mood he is in, no matter who he is angry at, he will never be able to deny that he loves Ashley very much and that she gets to him.
“Good to be expected I guess.”
“Whats the matter Kevy?”
“I’m just sitting here wondering when I will finally get a handle on this father thing.” Ashley sat there quietly next to him non-judging and waiting to see if he is going to add to that.
“What do you think of Summer Ashley?” He asked after a few moments, and Ashley pulled back from him and looked at him in surprise at his abrupt change of subject.
“I uh…well, I’m pretty sure you are getting sick of hearing everybody tell you what they think of her…”
“Yeah, but the difference is…I asked you for your opinion. I can’t get mad at you when I asked for it.”
“You really don’t want to know my opinion Kev,” Ashley insisted while looking down at the grass and idly picking at it. Anything to keep from having to make eye contact with him.
“I’m not going to get mad at you sweetheart. Like I said, I’m asking for it…and I really need to know.” Ashley gazed down at the grass in silence for a few moments before answering.
“I’m going to be honest with you…flat out honest with you…”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
“Really Kev? Are you sure you weren’t asking me because you thought I would be sweet and kind hearted Ashley who always considers people’s feelings before doing or saying anything?” She asked seriously. “Are you sure you aren’t looking for someone to back you up because sweet ol’ Ashley has the tendency to do so?”
“I’m asking for your opinion because I admire it,” Kevin insisted gently. “I know that trust doesn’t come very easy for you…you have this tendency to see both the good and the bad in people before anyone else does. You are very perceptive about things like that. So I know that when you don’t like someone…there is usually - and I emphasize the word usually…a very good reason for it.” Before Ashley could even muster up the words to reply he went on. “And yeah…I won’t lie, I do like the way you deliver the truth. I know you won’t be all up in my face like everybody else constantly is these days.”
“I’ve never liked her,” She answered while finally looking up at him and directly into his eyes. “From the very beginning. I mean, yeah I’m glad she was there that night at the ball to help you have a good time and realize you want to start dating again. But I think you picked the first girl that made you feel good and automatically decided she was the one without really getting to know her first.” She waited for Kevin to comment and when he didn’t she went on. “And ever since she came into your life you’ve become very distant and withdrawn from the rest of us. Kori says Jer and Ann had to practically drag you to the family picnic the other day…and that’s not like you. You are a family and friends man; can you honestly say Summer supports that? You would be lying to yourself if you did. She’s a party girl…and all she cares about is being out and having a good time.” Kevin nodded quietly in response as he idly picked at the grass just to have something to do. “I know you want a mother for Ellie honey and she deserves that – more then anything but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for the first girl you see. You say you love her…you are dead set on that fact but if that’s true then can you tell me what it is that makes you love her? What is it about Summer that makes her so special?” She waited on an answer and when she didn’t get one she glanced over at him.
“If you can come up with a genuine answer to that question…well…I will consider that yeah, maybe you are in love and deserve to be together and that we were all wrong and just need to give her a chance. I will even work on getting everybody else to see that and maybe suggest professional help for her and Ellie so they can work out all of their differences,” Ashley explained not going into detail on what kind of professional help. Kevin shrugged his shoulders.
“To be honest, I don’t know anymore…” He finally spoke up. “Define love Ashley? What does that even mean?”
“If you have to ask me that then the answer to my question is obvious.” He gazed over at Ashley quietly and his eyes met with her sincere and caring ones. He loves this…being able to talk to someone who will listen to him and isn’t judging him. “If you were in love you would be able to tell me so right off without even thinking about it. If you or anyone else asked me why I love Nick I could tell you right off the top of my head every emotion that beautiful man over there has ever made me feel. I could give you a whole new perspective of that man through my eyes if you asked me to. Down to the very last detail.”
“Yes but that’s different…you and Nick are like something straight out of a fairytale. That’s not a very fair comparison…everybody wants what you have, including myself believe it or not. It’s just different with me and Summer. I mean I know she thrills me…makes me feel…well, she just makes me feel we’ll leave it at that. And with what I’m going through…the loss of my father, the messy breakup I went through just before Ellie came into my life, I really need that right now. I always have the time of my life with her. But if you ask me if I love her…well I can’t answer that right now.”
“You could find your own fairytale Kevin, I know you can. Your soulmate is out there somewhere, you just have to keep looking.”
“I don’t even know where to begin looking.”
“Why don’t you begin with Ellie?” Ashley hinted while swinging an arm around him and resting her head against his shoulder comfortably. “Back before all of drama between the two of you started I watched the two of you and she was like the only girl that ever mattered in your eyes. You loved her and she loved you and the two of you were at your happiest. Nick told me that when she came into your life you were going through a tough time and that it wasn’t just Ellie who was healed. Maybe the key to discovering love is beginning with her. Maybe that’s why she was given to you…maybe the big man upstairs knows what he’s doing after all and you just have to trust him.”
“I just don’t know how to bond with her anymore…my relationship with her has gone spiraling out of control. I just feel so lost and confused right now…how can I even begin to be her father when I don’t even seem to be stable enough myself?”
“Well…you know…this whole spiraling downward thing started when Summer entered your life. I’m sorry, I don’t want to sound like everybody else but you did ask me to give you my honest opinion…”
“I was just trying to find her a mom…”
“And you will some day…but maybe you should consider finding someone who has that special touch with Ellie…you know? And maybe someone that you love? I understand what you are telling me Kev…but there is a difference between lust and love, and trust me…once you find that difference you will see what I’m talking about.” Kevin shrugged his shoulders.
“Like I said before…maybe you just need to begin with her. Work on your relationship with your daughter and see where that takes you. If you try to look at this whole thing through her point of view I bet she’s pretty upset and angry that just when she finally got a daddy who loves her enough to keep her…some woman came into her life and suddenly she had to share him.”
“Yeah…I can see that,” Kevin agreed softly. “I would want to be a brat, throw tantrums, and run off on me too if I were her.” Ashley smiled up at him some glad that he was seeing the issue here and she wrapped both her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
“You are a smart man Kevy, I know you will figure things out for yourself in the end.” Kevin enveloped her in his arms and planted a kiss on top of her head.
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to this group Ash, you know that right? You should become the family therapist.” Ashley giggled softly.
“I am becoming a therapist in a way…just not the kind you have on your mind. I’m specializing in abused and neglected children.”
“You’ll be very good at it.” He kissed the top of her head once more and then spoke up again. “Anyway sweetie, I need you to let me up now okay? I need to go find and talk to someone.”
“Ellie?” Ashley asked curiously. “Cause we know where she’s at now, you know.”
“No…I’ll talk to Ellie later. I assume she is with Dakota and Josh though right?”
“Mhm, in the air vents.”
“How’d you figure that out?”
“Marcus and Q let her run off so that they could catch her going to them on camera.”
“I see…” Kevin replied softly, the guilt currently on his conscious increasing. Upon saying Marcus’s name, Ashley suddenly remembered the reason why she’d come to talk to Kevin in the first place.
“Before you go I need to ask you something Kev…” she began and Kevin looked at her cautiously. He had heard her conversation with Marcus earlier and knew the real reason why she’d come to talk to him, and he worked so hard on distracting her. Had she just reminded herself? “Why is Marcus so upset? I’ve never seen my Marcus this upset before and he said to ask you and you would tell me everything. What happened earlier?” Kevin thought about his answer carefully for a few moments before responding.
“Lets just say I…said and did some really stupid things,” Kevin replied while looking over at Marcus and the others on the other side of the playground knowing that if he could hear Ashley’s conversation with Marcus earlier then they can hear his entire conversation with her now. He can even see that Brian has joined them. “I wasn’t being myself…I haven’t been myself in a very long time and I’m hoping that its not too late to change.” Ashley being as perceptive as she is noticed that he wasn’t just talking to her anymore and she once again wrapped her arms around him, kissed his cheek, and hugged him close to her.
“The best thing about family is that they will love you no matter how much of a jackass you’ve been…its just up to you to take that first step.”
“I’m gonna go do that right now,” He promised before kissing the top of her head softly and pulling away from her. He got to his feet and helped her up and as he headed for the Orphanage door, a confused Ashley walked over to the others and Nick slid his arms around her waist and pulled her near.
“Is anybody going to tell me what happened or am I to just be left completely in the dark here?”
“He fired Q,” Brian answered softly. “Because he asked him to watch her while she was in time out but he had other duties to take care of and just let her run off.”
“Because of me,” Marcus added as he rubbed at his eyes. “I had to use the restroom and since there was just him, Laney, and I, he had no choice but to turn away from her. I even told him to let her go anyway because one, Kev was being too hard on her and two, well…we found Josh and Kota.”
“So that is who he is going to talk to right now?” Ashley asked hopefully. She would be lying if she said she wouldn’t feel very insecure if all five security guards weren’t near by to keep watch. And plus, like Marcus, she has grown to love each and every one of them not just for their protection, but for who they are and she can’t imagine not seeing one of them every day.
“I hope so,” Nick replied while planting a kiss on her forehead. “He’s not just any security guard to us, he’s part of the family. But he refuses to come back as long as Kevin continues to be an ass.” Ashley quietly rested his head against Nick’s chest and Jerald gently ran his fingers through her soft brown hair and smiled at her some.
“Thanks for talking to my brother…its nice to know that there is a reason for his behavior…and its nice to see that he is finally starting to see the light thanks to you.” Ashley shrugged her shoulders.
“Its no big deal.”
“Yeah it is, it’s a huge deal. None of us have been able to talk to him like that since Summer walked into his life. You made a huge difference.”
“Well, he doesn’t exactly like it when you get in his face and go all judgmental on him.”
“I’ll take that into consideration the next time I try to talk to him,” Jerald insisted while looking at Ashley as if she’s the best thing that ever happened to all of them.
“So, any ideas on how we are going to get those kids down from the vents?” Nick asked after a long while as he stood there gently rubbing Ashley’s back and placing small kisses on her forehead.
~*~*~*~*~
“Hey, What’cha thinking?” Trevor questioned Sean as he walked up behind him and enveloped him in his arms. He had come outside after spending sometime with his new dog and he found his lover standing at the edge of the dock just gazing up at the dark clouded sky.
“Just about the weather…” Sean answered vaguely. Trevor arched his eyebrow suspiciously and he could feel very strong vibes near by – very unhappy ones which means his mother is near and she doesn’t like what he is really thinking in the least bit.
“The weather? You were thinking about something as normal as the weather?”
“There is nothing normal about this weather, Trev,” Sean insisted casually. “It’s been dark, cloudy, and dreary like this for a couple of days now and hasn’t even so much as drizzled.”
“That happens sometimes,” Trevor pointed out, sounding very much like he was talking to a five-year-old. “Sometimes the big man upstairs likes a big dramatic effect before the storm. So what?” Sean quietly glanced up at the sky again; the back of his head rested against Trevor’s shoulder and he let his mind wander. After a few moments, Trevor began to feel uneasy about Lindy’s vibes and had a feeling that whatever she is angry about; it must be whatever Sean is thinking that is triggering it. Wanting to get Sean’s mind off of whatever it is he’s thinking, he moved around in front of him and once again slid his arms around him and he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his nose. “Anyway, how about we go upstairs…where it’s a little more private?” he asked, emphasizing the word so that he will get his point across.
“Private? Its about as private as it can get here baby…” Sean questioned while looking at his lover confused. Trevor laughed and he could feel the amused vibes of his invisible ghost friend and shook his head.
“I would just feel more comfortable in the house in our room is all.”
“Why, so Diego can watch us instead?” Sean asked amusedly.
“I moved him down onto the couch where he could have a change of scenery.”
“He’s a dog,” Sean pointed out.
“So? He still has eyes, feelings, and emotions just like humans do. I’m sure even animals get bored sometimes.”
“Did you turn the television on for him too?” Trevor gazed at Sean innocently.
“Well…he likes to watch Bold & The Beautiful…its his favorite show!” Sean shook his head.
“You and your soaps.”
“Oh hush I catch you watching them too sometimes.”
“I do not.”
“Whatever you say Seanie,” Trevor laughed.
~*~*~*~*~
“What are you doing out here?” Q asked when Kevin walked out of the Orphanage and found him leaning up against his car.
“I could ask the same thing about you. I thought you would be long gone by now…”
“Would you like me to be?” Q asked suddenly. “Sorry I didn’t think it would bother you much if I hung out in the parking lot,” he added while moving away from the side of his car and reaching for the door handle.
“Q stop,” Kevin replied while rolling his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. I just thought I would have a harder time looking for you is all…”
“Why are you looking for me? What could I have possibly done to piss you off now?” Q asked irritably. “I didn’t do anything…but then again, no one has to do anything to set you off these days, huh?”
“You are right, I’ve been a real ass,” Kevin agreed softly as he approached Q and he stood beside him leaning up against the car. He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced over at him.
“Well, I’m glad you are able to admit it” Q told him irritably.
“I’m not even going to try to come up with an excuse for my behavior this afternoon,” Kevin went on as if Q hadn’t said anything. “All you need to know is that I’m sorry…and I don’t want you to leave.”
“Ellie is in the air vents you know,” Q announced softly after a long moment of silence.
“I know,” Kevin nodded. “Which brings me to my next apology…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m your security guard I should’ve known better.”
“No, I shouldn’t have dumped her on you like that” Kevin insisted sincerely. “She’s my daughter and I haven’t been taking the responsibility for her that is expected of me lately. I put her in time out for the wrong reason…it wasn’t because she wouldn’t tell me where Kota and Josh are…its because I couldn’t handle being her father at the moment…I know that’s horrible, that’s really horrible and I need to make some serious changes.” Q stared at the ground quietly without interruption as Kevin went on. “And you are not just our security guard Q…you are part of our family…and you’ve done so much for me…for us over the years that I couldn’t even begin to say thank-you for. You do so much for us that sometimes I take advantage of it…and I’m sorry…”
“What kind of changes are you planning on making?” Q asked softly while turning around to face Kevin and pulling him into a hug.
“Big ones…I get to see Summer tomorrow, and when I do her and I have a lot of talking to do.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Kevin tightened his arms around the man who has put everything he has in him to protect him over the years and gave him a great big bear hug.
“Come back inside Q…please. You are already missed.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
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