Chapter Four-Hundred-Twelve
“Baby, you need to tell me what’s bothering you. Right now,” Nick insisted after a long moment when they left AJ’s motel room and the two of them were currently walking a long the sidewalk toward the shops in town while holding hands.
“There isn’t anything wrong with me, I’m fine” Ashley replied while avoiding eye contact with him. She knows full well that if she lets him look into her eyes he will see right through her. There are times when their connection is the best thing in the world, and then other times…it just plain sucks. On the other hand, she is just grateful that their connection isn’t as powerful as twin telepathy…otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to keep a damn thing to herself.
“Bullshit. Is that why you had such a hard time turning Bella over to AJ just a moment ago?” Nick interrogated. “Why are you being so clingy to her all of the sudden? I know you love her and everything, but you never had such a hard time letting your brother watch her before. Something is just off.”
“Nick, just drop it.”
“No. I will not drop it. You know perfectly well that when we keep secrets from each other it screws us up and you know perfectly well that we need to be in sync. It’s important.” When she didn’t reply, he went on. “Do you want to get shot again? Is that it? or are you asking for an even bigger tragedy this time?” Ashley shoved Nick’s hand away from her then, and walked ahead of him into the jewelry store before he could say anything more and Nick growled in frustration before hurrying after her. When he went inside he found her already at the counter talking kindly to the lady behind the display counter. He walked up behind Ashley, slid his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck softly.
“Are you looking for anything in particular this afternoon?” The lady asked, and Ashley nodded. “Yes I am. I’m looking to buy a locket for my daughter…and have it engraved. It would be for an infant who is three months old…do you do lockets that are that small here?” she asked, causing Nick to tighten his arms around her protectively and grow even more concerned for her.
“All the time, Miss. I would just need you to pick out a pendant here,” the woman explained kindly while indicating to a particular display case and Ashley moved over to it and began to look. “What would you have it say?”
“To Bella with love, Mommy…or something a long those lines...and I really like that one” Ashley answered while pointing to a silver heart pendant. It has a polished finish on the edge and a Florentine finish in heart center.
“I can have that finished for you in an hour,” the lady announced as she opened up the display case and fished out the pendant Ashley was pointing to and Ashley smiled some.
“Great, thanks.”
“Is there anything else you would like to get?”
“Yes, actually…” Ashley answered thoughtfully, deciding she can’t very well buy Bella something and not Dakota and Sarah. “That for my six year old,” She added pointing to a pendant that was silver and shaped in the letter ‘S’ and was accented with one single diamond. “And the letter D for my four year old.” The lady got those two pendants out and began putting them on a silver chain and into a velvet box for her. She bagged them and set them on the counter and Ashley paid for each of them with her own money from working at Ramsey. She gave the lady her name and Nick’s cell phone number and set it up to have Bella’s necklace engraved, and then she grabbed Nick’s hand and lightly tugged him out of the store.
“Nicky, I need a cell phone of my own,” She announced abruptly as they started walking along the sidewalk.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Nick replied. “Id like to be able to reach you if you should go out without me. I should’ve bought you one for Christmas.” The two of them were silent for a couple of seconds, and then he squeezed her hand gently before speaking up again. “Why don’t we put you on my t-mobile plan? Will that be okay?”
“As long as I’m buying my own phone.” Nick rolled his eyes playfully.
“Yeah, Yeah I know…but at least this way it might be a little cheaper if we had a shared plan. Especially since you are going around buying our kids jewelry that isn’t exactly cheap.” The two of them grew silent again for a long moment, and then suddenly he brought her over to a bench and sat down before pulling her down next to him. He turned to face her as she already sat facing him with her legs hugged close to her chest and he gently caressed her cheek with his finger.
“Talk to me baby…please,” he pleaded and she looked away from him stubbornly.
“You can avoid looking into my eyes all you want baby, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know something is bothering you.” When she didn’t reply, he continued. “We’re best friends…we have a very special relationship…you know there isn’t a single thing that you can’t talk to me about. So why are you shutting me out like this?”
“Because I’m scared,” Ashley admitted tearfully.
“Of what?” Nick urged gently and he lightly turned her head so she’s looking into his sincere blue eyes as he slid his fingers through her silky brown hair that she had left down and straightened earlier that morning.
“Of what I have on my mind…of what I seriously thought of doing earlier…” Nick gazed at her in silence for a few seconds and when she didn’t elaborate, he gently prompted her.
“Talk to me baby…tell me all about it. I want to make it better, you just have to let me.”
“I wanted to give Bella up…” Ashley whispered tearfully.
“…What?”
“I wanted to turn her over completely to Momma Denise…I was going to go home to mom and ask her to take over completely.”
“Why? Why would you even think of doing that?”
“Because I love that baby with every ounce of my heart Nick,” Ashley insisted suddenly breaking down into sobs. “She is my pride and joy, she’s everything that is pure and innocent in this world and the thought of Sean destroying that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I look at Kota and how traumatized she is and how much fear she bears for a four year old and it breaks my heart knowing that its because she’s apart of my life. I don’t want that for Bella, I want…I…just want to do everything in my power to make sure Sean doesn’t get to her. Not my baby, he can’t have her! I just keep thinking that as long as I’m part of her life, he’s going to get my baby!”
“Ashley you—“
“She deserves so much better than me. She deserves a mommy who is always going to be there for her, who is going to be with her every single minute of her childhood and not die on her. I know what its like to not have parents and I don’t want that for her. I never should’ve adopted her Nicky…I never should’ve brought that beautiful baby into my dangerous life. What was I thinking? How could I be so selfish?”
“You were thinking that you love that baby with all of your heart and she brought nothing but joy into your life, and vice versa. You weren’t selfish; you gave her exactly what she needed. You gave her the love that she so desperately needed. No one else was right for the job, there isn’t a single person in this world who can love her the way you do. You were meant to have her.”
“But what if I die on her? Then she’ll be without a mommy and will have to go through all of the hurt and emptiness that I did.”
“You’re not going to die on her.” Ashley sighed heavily and rolled her eyes as tears fell down her face.
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to confide in you…you want to keep insisting that I won’t but I just can’t let myself rely on your faith. I would rather think what if and be prepared because there are no guarantees when it comes to Sean.”
“I won’t let you hand your parental rights over to Denise baby, I won’t.” Nick insisted firmly. “She is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. She is your pride and joy and it would kill you not to be her mommy anymore. I won’t let you do that to yourself.”
“I don’t want to be selfish anymore, Nicky…” Ashley whispered weakly and he noticed pain in her eyes at the very thought of giving Bella up. “I love her too much. I want what’s best for her and I will do everything in my power to make sure she gets the very best. Even if it means getting her as far away from me as possible. I would give up everything in a heartbeat for her…my mother sacrificed her life to save mine, I’m ready and willing to do the very same for my little girl.”
“If you want the very best for her like you say you do, you will keep her” Nick insisted firmly and he cradled Ashley’s face in his hands as he looked into her eyes. “Bella needs you. She already knows that you are her mother. Giving her up now would be a big mistake – she can barely make it through even a single night away from you, do you really think she’s going to let you give her up? She’ll just scream and cry every day all day until you finally come back to get her. Just like she did when you were kidnapped. She didn’t sleep well at all the whole time you were gone…because she wanted you. You should see the way she follows you around the room with her eyes when you walk away from her making sure you don’t go very far. You are her mommy and she knows it and to abandon her now would be cruel.”
“But what if I die on her Nicky?”
“It’s not going to happen, plain and simple. But if it ever did…then and only then will Denise step in. But for now you’re to remain Bella’s mommy because neither she or I will have it any other way.” Ashley gazed at him in silence for a long moment as tears ran down her face.
“If I do die Nicky…” She began softy. “I want you to immediately take on the role as Bella’s father. Will you do that for me?” Nick leaned forward then and kissed her forehead softly and he wiped away her tears with his finger.
“If you haven’t already noticed baby…I already have. I’ve done everything except adopt her but I plan to the moment we’re married. I’ve loved and cared for Bella since the very moment she came into our lives."
“But if I die before we manage to get married…I want you to go on ahead and adopt her Nicky, okay? If she can’t have me then I at least want her to have you.”
“I will,” Nick promised as a single tear slid down his own cheek and Ashley reached up and wiped it away.
“When we get home to Florida I’m going to talk to Momma Denise about all of this. And then I’m going to create a will and in that will I’m going to make it perfectly clear that you two will both get Bella if anything should happen to me. Okay?” Nick nodded tearfully and he slid his arms around her protectively and pulled her to him and she nestled into his chest.
“Nothing is going to happen to you baby,” He insisted softly. “I’m not going to let it.”
“Even so…” Ashley whispered into his chest. “It would give me peace of mind to be prepared…I don’t want Bella to go through what I did. I was alone when my parents died with no where to go Nick…no one to take me in…I’m not letting that happen to her.”
“You can prepare yourself all you want, but nothing is going to take my soulmate away from me.” He cupped her chin in his hand then and tilted it up to see her face and he leaned forward lightly brushing his lips against hers. Ashley slid her arms around his neck, rested her forehead against his and she gazed into his watery blue eyes.
“I love you Nicky…”
“I love you too…”
~*~*~*~*~
When Spencer and Kori arrived at the playground they spent some very much needed time together for awhile until suddenly Scott arrived with a box of pizza in his hands from pizza hut. Kori narrowed her eyes at him upon noticing him and he just grinned.
“There you two are! I went to the Diner and Isabel said you went to the park. So I thought Id get some lunch and bring it to you.”
“Uh-huh, sure…” Kori muttered quietly to herself.
“YAY! I’m starved!” Spencer cheered happily, and he jumped down from his swing and made a mad dash toward the picnic table that his father was currently setting the box of pizza on.
“Come on Kor you better get over here before us boys eat it all up,” Scott insisted.
“Yeah momma, hurry!” Spencer added eagerly, and Kori rolled her eyes before getting to her feet and going over to the picnic table. She went and stood beside Scott locked eyes with him and they instantly began communicating in the way that people only see Nick and Ashley do.
Using our son again I see.
I don’t know what you are talking about.
Did you even take him to the mall at all, or was that just an excuse to get him away from me so you could discuss your plan?
No we went to the mall.
Oh yeah? What did you buy?
Stuff.
Liar.
“Don’t believe me if you really feel like being that stubborn. But either way I bought you a delicious pizza, you’ve been working all day, you have to be hungry. So just sit down and enjoy it will you?” Scott spoke aloud this time. Kori narrowed her eyes at him and then placed two pizzas on her plate before walking all the way around the table to the other side before sitting next to Spencer. Scott eyed her and Kori eyed him back challengingly.
Did you really think I was going to sit next to you or something?
Wouldn’t it have saved you a whole lot of trouble of having to actually walk all the way around the table like that?
This is a small town, Scott. Anyone could see us. How would this look after I just kicked my boyfriend out after telling him that I need space, huh?
If you would just quit denying your feelings to yourself and everyone around you, we wouldn’t have that problem Kori scowled at that last comment he threw at her with his eyes and the two of them grew silent – both ways as they ate their pizza. Spencer sat there watching his parents in silence for a long moment, knowing perfectly well that they were having a private conversation without him. The last time he allowed that to happen, his mother threw water at Scott. Not happening this time…no way hosee.
“You know, Momma, daddy….” He spoke up suddenly, causing both parents to look at him curiously, almost surprised that he is still sitting there with them as they were deeply entranced in each other and their own thoughts. “If I didn’t know any better…I would think you two act exactly the way Nick and Ashley do. Isn’t that funny?” Scott looked back and forth between his son and Kori a couple of times, blinked, and suddenly comprehended what he means and suddenly laughed amusedly at the totally random, cute, and very true observation. Kori gave a nervous laugh as well, as she had caught on just a little before Scott had.
“Oh yes Spencer…Hilarious,” she told him, but she couldn’t help but smile at the random cuteness either.
“Just thought Id point it out,” Spencer told them cheerily.
“Well, thanks a lot kiddo” Kori laughed, and she reached out and gently cupped his cheek in her hand before leaning forward and kissing his other cheek affectionately. When she pulled away and looked at him, he was making a face. Kori rolled her eyes playfully.
“I know, I know, hush” she told him, and she stuck her tongue out at him. She looked back at Scott then, who was sitting there watching his child and the woman he is still very much in love with happily. He can’t even believe he gave this up…he doesn’t even know or understand the kid that he was back then anymore. What was he thinking? How could he give something so important up?
“He wasn’t thinking in the first place,” She told him reading the look on his face and automatically knowing where his thoughts were.
“I guess not,” Scott replied. “But he’s thinking now…very clearly. Better late then never right?” Kori reached out and gently touched his hand as it lay on the table clearly telling him in a silent way that he’s been forgiven. Just then, Spencer who had finished eating got up and he took off running for the jungle gym leaving the two of them alone.
“Please don’t hold my hand unless you know for sure you want to,” he whispered softly. “My emotions are very high right now after what we did last night…please don’t tease me. I don’t think I can handle you getting close to me only to pull away again.”
“Your emotions are high?” Kori asked in a slightly incredulous tone. “I was up all night puking out of guilt and crying Scott…I didn’t sleep at all. I lay in bed for maybe five minutes before getting up and getting the diner ready to open. Can you beat that?”
“I can’t say that I did any puking because I was guilty…because I wasn’t feeling guilty for what happened. I waited for a very long time for it. But I can honestly say that I was up all night.”
“Must be nice not to feel any regret what so ever for hurting Wiley…huh?”
“If you want me to admit I’m selfish, then I will. I have no problem at all in saying that I’m a very selfish man when it comes to you.” Kori looked away from him stubbornly. “But I promised you I’m not going to pressure you. I will wait for however long it takes – but like I said, please don’t hold my hand if you don’t want to and are just going to pull away from me again and give me false hopes.” He started to pull his hand away from her, but Kori tightened it in her own and finally met his eyes.
“Don’t let go of me,” She pleaded tearfully.
“What are you saying?” Scott wanted to know. “Kori you really need to be clear on what you want.”
“Just hold my hand…it’s the only thing I trust you with right now. Scott please…” Scott eyed her quietly for a couple of seconds, and then laced their fingers together as he held her hand firmly.
“Is there anyway that I can get you to trust me with holding all of you in my arms anytime soon?” Kori shrugged her shoulders.
“I need to take things slow with my heart right now…please understand that.”
“I can take it slow,” Scott agreed readily. “Its better then nothing at all.”
“Thank-you,” Kori whispered.
~*~*~*~*~
“Oh it’s so beautiful…and so perfect. Bella is going to treasure this when she gets old enough to understand it’s importance” Ashley gushed as she and Nick walked out of the jewelry store and she was in the process of admiring the locket she had made for her baby girl.
“Just please promise me this isn’t going to turn into an Orphan Annie kind of thing,” Nick pleaded gently as he enveloped her in his arms and pulled her to him as they walked. “You aren’t going to abandon her with that locket as her only memory of you, I won’t let you.”
“No, I’m not” Ashley promised and she looked up into Nick’s eyes so he could see that she is being honest with him. “At least I won’t intentionally,” She added. “She already had me talked out of giving her up the moment I took her into my arms at the diner earlier and cuddled with her…but if anything should happen to me, then at least she’ll have that locket. I’m going to put our picture in it so she can always look at it and know how much I love her. Whether I’m dead or alive at the time.”
“She already had you talked out of it huh?” Nick asked gently.
“Mhm. I had my mind made up right after calming Kota down and the whole time we were upstairs spending time together. But once I came downstairs and she started loving on me as much as I was loving on her…I knew I would never be able to actually go through with it.”
“So what was the whole point of that discussion we had earlier?”
“I needed you to use your persistence and finish talking me out of it and make it very clear that I wasn’t going to do it so that I wouldn’t keep fighting with myself. I may be the one who - as Dakota put it when I was rescued from Sean…sets you straight, but sometimes I need a voice of reason too.”
“Well, I’m always going to be here to be your voice of reason baby, I promise.”
“And it also really was an important discussion to have too.” Nick leaned down to graze his lips lightly over hers, when suddenly she was yanked forcefully from his arms and the next thing he heard were her screams. He went to whirl around and see just exactly who grabbed his girlfriend, when a pair of arms wrapped around him strongly and made it entirely impossible for him to break out of them. Even with the self-defense skills he, Detective Stabler, and AJ had been working very hard to teach Ashley how to do.
“NO!!!” She shrieked. “LET ME GO, LET ME GO! NICKY HELP!” She sobbed. When the guy holding Nick had turned him around to look at his girlfriend, he noticed the guy trying his very hardest to drag her off, but she had put all of her weight into her feet on the ground and she was struggling with him. Nick struggled too with all of his might as the world around them disappeared, his heart had stopped, and all he could hear was her desperate cries for him to help her and he so badly wants to do so. After a long moment, when it was clear that he wasn’t going to get free, he made eye contact with his girlfriend and she stared back at him with eyes full of tears and terror.
“Damnit I’ve about had enough of this, come ON!” The guy holding her back ordered in a rough voice and suddenly he lifted her up into his arms as her back was to him and she began to shriek and cry as he carried her off, all the while she kept hold of Nick’s eyes.
“NO! NO! NO! NO! PUT ME DOWN PUT ME DOWN! NICKY HELP ME!” she pleaded.
“NOOO!!!!” Nick cried, and he elbowed the man holding him back hard in the gut
causing him to yelp and let go momentarily. Nick used that short moment to dart off after Ashley, only making it half way to her when the man had regained his composure and gone after him. He grabbed him by the back of his shirt and yanked him backward before shoving him to the ground. In one swift movement he had hold of his arms and was holding them back and Nick cried out in agony – not because it hurt, but because he just so badly wants to get to his girlfriend – he needs to get to his girlfriend. He watched helplessly as she was dragged toward a car in the little ally that they were momentarily in, all the while she still shrieked and cried for help and struggled in his arms though the man wasn’t hurting her any, just terrifying her. Then a thought hit him. Why isn’t he hurting her? Why is he being so lenient? He pondered confusedly when he noticed the guy wasn’t even putting up much of a fight. Then it clicked. Goddmanit Stabler! he cursed inwardly to himself.
“ASHLEY! ASHLEY BABY LOOK AT ME!” He shouted desperately then. The man ‘attacking’ her went to shove her into the car for a second time, only to have her grab onto each side of the door stubbornly, and she glanced at Nick over the man’s shoulder.
“NICKY HELP ME, HELP ME PLEASE!”
“No baby listen to me! I need you to listen to me. I can’t get away from this guy, so I need you to fight him yourself. You can do it baby, I know you can!”
“No Nicky I can’t! Please help!” she sobbed pleadingly.
“Yes you can,” Nick reassured and he looked her in the eyes telling her what to do with his eyes. “I believe in you sweetheart it’s going to be okay.” Ashley stared back at him helplessly for a few short moments as she struggled with the man. Then suddenly gaining confidence with Nick staring at her and urging her on with his eyes, she grabbed onto the man’s hair and yanked hard on it causing him to cry out in sheer pain and loosen his grip slightly. Ashley used this to her advantage and brought her foot up and kicked him hard in the nose causing him to let go of her completely and stagger back. She jumped down from the car then and made a run for it toward Nick when suddenly the man grabbed her by the arm and yanked her so her back was against his chest. He slid his arms around hers holding her back and paralyzing her just exactly the way Trevor had done so.
“What are you going to do now, Ashley huh?” He asked roughly, keeping to his role no matter how badly his nose hurts. “Did you really think you could get away from me that easily?” He started to pull her back toward the car again, and she caught Nick’s gaze again as he still continued to coach her with his eyes. All the while he struggled with Detective Stabler’s buddy in order to make it look real for her. Taking comfort in the fact that he is there with her, watching her, and counting on her to get away from this guy she bent her head forward, and then threw it back hard against her attacker’s chin. He shrieked in agony, let go of her, and fell back against the car. While he was down, Ashley looked around wildly for something to use. Detective Stabler had told her that anything could be used as a weapon.
When she suddenly caught sight of a long piece of wood with sharp jagged edges in a near by garbage can, she ran over and grabbed it up just as her attacker had regained his composure and started after her again. Only when she was turned around and had her arm with the wood raised in the air to hit him with it did he realize what was going to happen and he cowered away having enough of this game. As far as he is concerned, she passed the test – he isn’t going to get hit in the face to help her prove it though. She was about to bring it down on him when a hand from behind her quickly grabbed it. She cried out weakly and went to attack the person behind her, when she felt a gentle touch on her arm and she whipped her head around to see that it was only Nick. He was free, and he was behind her. She broke down into sobs, turned around and threw herself into his open arms and he hugged her close to him protectively as she cried.
“Shhh…its okay baby, its all right…you did good…you did really good. You’re safe. I’ve got you…” he told her softly in her ear, and he rubbed his hand over her back soothingly as she held onto him with the tightest death grip he has ever experienced.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's the next chapter.
Enjoy =)
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