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Story Notes:
Runner Up: Best Drama/Angst - 2010 Felix Awards

Runner Up: Best Unfinished - 2010 Felix Awards
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Chapter One

"Dad, if you let me go, I will babysit the kids for you and mom anytime. I will be at your service. No complaints."

I was on my knees at my dad's feet, my hands clasped in hopeful prayer. My dad grinned down at me.

"Even if you want to go to the movies with your friends?"

I stifled a groan.

"Yes, I can catch a movie anytime."

"No complaining?"

I made a circle above my head.

"See my halo?"

He laughed.

"Well, your mom and I had already decided you could go, but I'm glad I held out."

I gasped and sprung to my feet. "DAD!"

"Sorry Shel. You have to wake up a lot earlier to beat me at the game. I perfected the game."

Dad playfully tweaked my nose and headed into the kitchen.

My name is Shelby McLean and I had just been given permission to spend the summer in Sadieville, Kentucky mucking out stalls and fetching water. I would get paid for my work and best of all I would be able to hang out all summer with my best friend.

It couldn't get any better than that.

I followed dad into the kitchen. He was holding my mom in his arms and covering her face with kisses.

"Uh, parentals? Kid alert."

Mom smiled over at me. I looked just like her...curly red hair, big brown eyes, big boobs, and a butt that could be used as an end table. I had wished for years for my boobs to grow. When they finally did, I spent the next couple years trying to squish them back down.

Life just wasn't fair.

"You heard her J, kid alert," mom teased.

My dad just shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. I rolled my eyes.

Dad wasn't just an ordinary guy. He was AJ McLean, famous for his years as the bad boy in the Backstreet Boys. Now he was forty-five with five kids and still groping my mom like he was twenty.

I walked around them and opened the refrigerator. I took out a small bottle of orange juice and closed the door.

My boogerhead brother Joe had snuck behind the door.

"BOO!"

"JOE!"

He cackled. It was the middle of the afternoon and it didn't look like he had even combed his hair. I wrinkled my nose.

"Did you even shower today?"

"You don't need to shower every day!"

Jonah was eleven years old. Everything except for video games lacked importance. Especially hygiene.

"You're never going to get a girlfriend that way."

He rolled his eyes. "Girls are stupid."

He stuck his tongue out. I stuck mine out back.

"Woah, someone stinks."

Joe's twin sister Ally stopped a couple feet away and waved her hand in front of her nose. Joe turned around and grinned.

"Is it me?"

He raised his armpit and smashed it into her face. With a shriek she ducked, ran behind me, and wrapped her arms around my waist.

Ally was so...skinny. And pretty. I had a feeling she was going to be a model when she grew up. Or Miss America. I laughed and peeled her arms from around me.

"You better get used to it, Al. I'm not going to be around this summer to protect you."

Her eyes widened in surprise. Truthfully, I was protective of her. As a baby, she had been deaf and had undergone surgery to install cochlear implants. The devices wrapped around the back of her ears, relaying our speech into recognizable sound. After so many years, I had become so used to them that I didn't even realize they were there.

"Where are you going?"

I smiled. "Kentucky."

"The whole summer?"

I nodded. "Yup!"

Joe and Ally turned to mom and dad.

"Why does she get to go?"

"I want to go!"

"WATCH OUT!"

I ducked just in time. I plastic arrow shot through the air. I turned and watched it land directly on the top of dad's bald head. Red feathers stuck up like victory flags.

"Tristan!"

"It was Brayden!"

"Nu-uh, it was Tristan!"

My four and a half year old twin brothers ran into the kitchen. Tristan was grinning sheepishly, his freckly face flushed. Brayden looked defiant. He held out empty hands.

"I told you guys not to play with this. It's dangerous!" mom said. She plucked the arrow off of dad's head. It made a hilarious suction sound as it popped off.

"Sorry, mommy," Tristan said. He widened his eyes for effect. She smiled.

"You two want a snack?"

Fifteen minutes later, all seven of us were gathered around the table with cookies and milk. Joe grabbed my OJ and poured half into his glass. He filled the other half with milk. Ally's face screwed up in disgust.

"EW!"

I shook my head. I loved my family, but I couldn't wait to escape. I mean, I always made my presence known, but it was kind of nice to know that I wouldn't have to fight quite so hard to be front and center.

My best friend Mason was lucky. He had only one little brother, Daniel. Dan was nine and a half and what everyone called a 'perfect' child. I don't think he has ever been grounded.

Mason and I have been grounded...a lot.

The first real memory I have of Mason was when I was five years old. We had been in Sadieville...I think for his dad's wedding. We made an imaginary fort under his picnic table and kept all the babies out. And then we loaded up balloons with horse shit...

His dad was so pissed off.

I leaned back in my chair and played with my nose ring. It was my present from dad for my 16th birthday. When I had told Mason he had laughed. He didn't think any girls in the whole state of Kentucky had a nose ring.

That made me feel good.

"Shelby's picking her nose!" Joe announced.

"I am not! And even if I was, that would still be less disgusting than smelling like a cow!"

Joe grinned. "MOOOOOOOO!"

Tristan laughed so hard that milk came out of his nose. Brayden took a big bite of cookie and tilted back his head.

"MOOOOO!!"

The two little goobers idolized Joe.

We were all in big trouble.

While insanity erupted around the table, I caught dad's eye. He smiled at me and winked.

AJ wasn't my real dad, but he was the only dad I had ever known. I still remember the Christmas I had asked Santa to make AJ my daddy. I now realize that it had probably been him in the Santa suit. But I would never tell him I knew.

After all, he had turned my mom's life (and mine) into a fairytale.

A very crowded fairytale, but still...

"So Shel, when did Addy say she wanted you up there?" dad asked.

I popped the last bite of cookie in my mouth.

"Next week. She's doing a summer riding camp for kids and she wants to make sure the stalls are nice and clean."

"You're going on vacation to shovel manure?" Joe asked in surprise.

"It's not just a vacation. I'm going to be an employee."

"You mean you'll get paid?" Ally asked. She looked impressed. I nodded.

"Yup, I'll get paid."

Joe grabbed the last cookie off the plate. He had already woofed down three.

"You couldn't pay me enough to shovel horse shit."

"JONAH!"

My mom was constantly after him about cussing. Dad really couldn't say anything...

In a past life I'm sure he was a sailor.

"Sorry! Manure," Joe corrected.

I glanced over at the twins. They looked like they wanted to say 'shit' so bad that they were going to explode. Brayden leaned over and whispered in Tristan's ear. Even though I couldn't hear what he said, I knew what he said. Tristan grinned and whispered back.

I looked over at Ally. She shrugged.

I was sixteen and I still didn't understand boys. I was just thankful that I had Ally around.

Us girls had to stick together...except I was throwing her to the lions for eight weeks.

I just hoped she was still alive when I got back.