Chapter 1

Lindsay POV

The beach at sunset is always beautiful. It touches me much more when it's Paige's beach.

A year has past since Paige died. I miss her every day. She is still a big part of my life just as much as she was when she was alive, and those close to me knew where ever i went, so did her letter to me.

I never could tell Nick what she had said in it, and Nick never told me what his said. I'll never forget how relaxed and calm he had looked as he came over and held me. I was in pieces. Thinking back now it was more than likely because what she had said was true, and the fact i could hear her voice as if she was reading it to me.

We came to the beach alot. Usually Nick would come once a week when he didn't have his children and just think. He had started a journal, and alot of the time he would bring it with him. He never told me what was inside, but I know that they were letters to Paige. His way of telling her everything. I'm sure it had the exact time and date of when Summer first smiled, rolled over, crawled and spoke. That and when Casey said his first sentence or had his first hair cut. Nick had been quick to take some of Casey's first pieces of hair cut and tucked it into an envelope. They never had baby books for the kids, so I knew it was for Paige.

The sand was still warm on my feet as i walked down the beach and i could hear Nick, Casey and Summer before i saw them. Casey was a bundle of energy and even though he was only two years old, he was very clever. He knew how to get under Nick's skin as well as getting what he wanted. Paige had been right about that one, Casey definitely needed an eye on him at all times.

"Look kids, Auntie Lindsay!"

I smiled when both kids turned to look at me before Casey ran as fast as his little legs could take him. I noticed Summer wave, but she was firmly standing by her daddy. Nick was smiling over at me and I could never get enough of that. He was so cute holding his little girl. Paige would have been dying if she had still been around to see how he cared for both kids. It was adorable on so many levels and I loved seeing him with them.

Andy was probably sick of all the time I spent with Nick and the kids, but he never complained even though I asked him to come along most of the time he always said no.
It annoyed me at times because he would always say he had to work instead of coming with me. I knew he was at work so it wasn’t that, but it just annoyed me that he couldn’t spend a little time at Nick’s as well.

“Andy not with you?” Nick smiled again and I couldn’t help but grin back at him.
“Nah, working again. I swear he lives at that job. Promised he would be home for dinner though. I can still take the kids tonight though if you want to get some work done. He won’t mind and I haven’t had them to myself for days. Miss the little rugrats.”

Nick smiled at me before helping Summer walk over to me so I could pick her up.
“It’s ok. Dan is taking them for the weekend. They are going up to some park over the weekend and wanted to bring them as well. It’s going to be weird being all alone in the house. Not sure what I’m going to do.”

"Ooh ooh i know! Finish that cd already!" I faked excitement before tickling Summer, getting a high pitched laugh in return. I didn't notice Nick pick Casey up and stand by me until Casey grabbed my arm.
"Release our song?"

I turned to look at Nick and shook my head. "Not yet." I watched Nick's face light up before he grinned.
"So I'm getting closer to releasing it then? That's the first time you've ever actually said anything that means we will release it."
I just grinned and moved Summer to my hip before walking down towards the water. The sky was a mix of pink, orange and dark blue as the sun set and a warm breeze ran through me, making the hairs on the back of my next stand up. I glanced down at Summer, who was just grinning happily looking ahead and it made me smile before looking out at the ocean.

Paige was with us everywhere, but more so in Summer. She was her spitting image, other than the fact she had Nick's dimples and ears. Everything else was Paige. From the big green eyes to the pout on her lips. At first it hurt to look at the little girl. Seeing Summer smile was like seeing Paige smile and damn...the amount of times i would cry, only to realise i probably scared the crap out of Summer all because she was smiling.

"I can't believe it's been a year." Nick spoke softly next to me and i instantly reached out and took his hand. After we had scattered Paige he had taken a new lease on life. Focusing on Summer and Casey and making time for himself. I'd never felt so proud as i did for Nick. He could talk about Paige and still smile, and that was progress.

"I know. It seems so long. I miss her." I whispered back before kissing into Summer's hair. I noticed Nick nod before trying to control Casey when he wriggled in his arms to get down.
“I was looking through videos last night when I went to bed. And came across a few I shouldn’t even be looking at.” He laughed and I felt myself blush.

Nick still had that power over me, but he had made it clear that he wouldn’t get involved with anyone again, and I was with Andy. Yet I would still love it when Nick touched me or hugged me. Everytime he would come up and slide his arms around me I would fall into them and hug him tight.
Andy hated that and we had even had a few fights about it even though I made it clear to him that nothing was going on. Nick and I were just close and It would always be that way. Or at least I hoped it would.

“Uhm… you know I’ve been thinking lately. What was in your letter? I know it’s private but I’ve been so curious as to see how similar our letters were or how different they were. Did she tell you that I would take it harder than you? I’m sure she did. Sometimes wonder how she managed to know me so well. She hit it right on the spot in my letter. Almost scarily close to the facts. Well expect a few things that were in her dreams and won’t make it into reality.”  I smiled then felt myself blush slightly.

Paige had told me that Nick and I were meant to be, and I somehow knew she said that to make me feel better knowing I had Nick. There had been moments between us, but there were moments before Paige passed away and nothing changed that.
Nick knew how to make me blush and he loved playing on it. His playful side had started coming out lately, and I knew it wouldn’t belong before he was back to his old self with his teasing and joking around.
The flirt that was Nick Carter hadn’t been around for a while.

"She did. She reassured me about everything that had been bothering me since she had died, which was weird." Nick stopped talking as Casey screamed to get down. "And she told me some things that she didn't want me to do, and what i have to do." He looked at me and smiled. She had told him the same thing she had told me. I could tell by his expression.

No more words were said. Instead we watched the sun lower a little more, whilst Casey whined and moaned that he was tired before we made out way back to our cars. Summer had fallen asleep in my arms and as heavy as she was i really didn't want to part from her. I guess I'd attached myself somewhat to her. She was our last link to Paige, and she kinda was the daughter i'd always wanted. Not to say Casey wasn't the son I'd wanted. He was, It's just there was something about Summer.

I reluctantly put Summer in her seat before waiting for Nick as he put Casey in his. I took a moment to glance out at the sky and smiled softly before turning back to Nick as he shut Casey's door.
"You coming back to ours for a bit or going home?" Nick was standing next to her, leaning against the car and had folded his arms as he looked at her.
"I don't mind. Guess i can come back for a bit."

Nick grinned. "Sweet. I'll pick us up some food on the way. Get Andy to come if you can. I know he feels weird coming round, but...well i feel bad keeping you away from him."
I nodded and watched Nick climb into his car and wave bye before i moved over to my car. Truth was i don't think Andy would come. He was married to his work, and anyways... there was a part of me that didn't want him to come.
Somehow nights with Nick on our own was more fun that when Andy tagged along. I was just glad that was a rarity.