CJ laid in her room on the couch. She was so exhausted. She wasn't used to an actual tour schedule... not to mention all the work behind it. "I have a few hours before I need to be on stage. I should try to get some rest." She grabbed her iPod and put in the earbuds to listen to her 'Sleepy Backstreet' playlist to try to relax and fall asleep. She closed her eyes and started humming along to 'More Than that', 'No One Else Comes Close', 'Darlin' ', 'Unmistakable', 'Missing You', 'Siberia', and 'This Is Us'. Once 'Drowning' started playing, CJ drifted off to sleep.
CJ was a little girl again, happily playing while surrounded by her brothers and Adam. She looked down the street and saw a little blonde boy come running towards them. CJ smiled her biggest smile. Who was he? She'd never seen him before.
"Hey Kid," Kevin yelled at the boy.
He stopped and started at all of them. "Hi," he said.
"Where you headed?"
The blonde boy smiled at them. "We just moved in down there. I'm going to tryta catch my dad. Momma forgot to put carrots on the list and I just ate the last one."
The boys all laughed at him.
"Hey, can I come play when I get done? Momma says I should make friends."
They all nodded.
"OK. Be back soon."
The boy ran off down the street.
"Look J, another kid around your age!" Howie picked her up, gave her a kiss on the cheek and swung her around. She squealed in delight. She looked at Adam who was pouting.
"Down How, pwease.?"
"OK Little J." Howie placed her gently on the ground.
She ran over to Adam and hugged him. "Adam, we's gon have a cawwot to pway wif!"
Her brothers laughed. Brian patted her head. "No, J. He's a boy. But he likes carrots... I think. He'll be our... your new friend."
"Cawwot's a boy?"
"His name isn't Carrot. He has a name."
"What is? What is?"
The boys looked at each other and shrugged. Brian looked down at her and smiled. "I dunno J. But it's not Carrot."
CJ pouted and watched the boy go running back toward his house.
"Was a cawwot!"
Brian shook his head. "No, J. His name is not Carrot."
"it is! Its is! It is!"
The boy came running up to the group and stopped in front of them, panting. "Momma says I can play for awhile."
CJ pushed her way through her brothers and up to the blonde boy smiling her sweetest smile at him.
"Well hi! I didn't see you before. You look like a pretty little princess in that dress."
CJ grinned at him then looked back at Kevin. "II's a pwincess?"
Kevin started to say something but the boy turned her around before he got any words out. "To me you are. Andya always will be."
CJ squealed and hugged him. "And you's a cawwot, wight?"
The boy giggled at her. "If you want me to be. I'm a carrot."
She squealed again and turned to her brothers with a triumphant attitude. She put her hands on her hips and yelled "SEE?! I tolds yous hims a cawwot!"
The boys all laughed. "Alright J, you win. Hims a cawwot."
Kevin smacked AJ lightly on the back of the head.
"Ow!"
"You've been told to speak properly to her." "Sorry Kev. It was just so hard to resist. She just talks so cute!" He smiled at J, who was grabbing Carrot's hand and pulling him toward Adam.
"Cawwot, this is my best fwiend, Adam. Yous twos fwiends now too."
She smiled at Carrot and Adam. They both nodded.
"K." She dragged Carrot over to her brothers. "Dese my brovvers. Dats Kevy and How and Bwee...Bwy...Hims a Bee and dats Alex and James... And I's a pwetty wittle pwincess."
Carrot smiled down at her. "I'll remember."
CJ beamed up at him. "K. Now we pway!"
CJ Flash Forward
CJ watched date after date, guy after guy, face after face flash in front of her. She always had a reason to dump them. They always had one thing wrong, one thing that told her they weren't Carrot. She had tried for a long time, with a few different guys, to put everything into the relationship. But every time she was hurt so badly. She watched herself put less and less effort in as she realized they weren't Carrot. She knew she'd stopped trying at some point. The flash of faces and dates started to slow down as her times with Nick started to play out in front of her. She smiled as she watched. She felt the warm fuzzies inside. She felt... something. That's why it was a big deal. She'd stopped feeling for guys. She watched as more of her and Nick played, stopping right before she opened the door that led to nick and Stacy. Her gut wrenched and knotted up. "NO! Don't open that door! it'll kill you inside." The CJ in the hotel turned toward her. CJ stared at herself.
"Why? What's behind the door?"
CJ cried. "You don't want to find out. I wish I hadn't/ Things might be different if I hadn't gone through that door." She put her head in her hand and cried.
The CJ in the hotel stepped out and sat by CJ. "Hi. I don't think we've met properly. I'm JC."
CJ looked up at her. "JC? But you're me!"
JC shook her head. "Not quite. I'm the you who still lives in the past and won't move forward. I'm here to help." JC smiled at CJ. "You see, I know all about your past. I know all the guys. I know all about Carrot, even things you've forgotten. I'm also here to help you move on from Carrot. We've lived too long holding onto Carrot. Think of all the great guys who we've turned down or thrown away a good shot at because of carrot: Mark, Jason, Travis, Eric, and most recently, Nick."
CJ huffed at JC. "He's the one who ran off to another girl and slept with her! See? That's what's behind the door.
JC nodded. Yea, I know. But what was the first thought that you had as you ran down the hallway?
CJ stared at JC. "I... I...I..."
"Come on CJ, admit it. What did you think?"
Tears welled up in CJ's eyes. "I thought 'Carrot wouldn't have done that to me... and then tried to rationalize for Nick." JC nodded. "Exactly. Yet you told me not to open those doors that would show me Nick with Stacy. If you're only searching for Carrot, and Nick isn't Carrot, then why would you care what is behind those doors? Why would you even care what I see?"
CJ started crying. JC handed her a tissue. "You know the answer to this. This is exactly what I mean. You throw away the possibility of something great because," JC made air quotes, " He's not Carrot!"
CJ continued to cry.
"So CJ, answer this: Why would you care what I saw?" CJ looked at JC. "Because it's killing me that I can't trust him." JC nodded. "What else?"
CJ looked at JC as realization came to her. "Because I never thought of Carrot while I was with Nick, not until I saw him with Stacy. And 99% of me wants to say 'fuck it all' and try being with Nick... Carrot or not."
JC smiled. "But it's that 1% that's holding you back, right?"
CJ nodded.
"Well CJ, I have good news for you."
CJ cocked an eyebrow at JC. "Oh yeah?"
JC nodded. "Yup. I am that 1% that you've been listening to. I'm the 1% that's been holding you back, and CJ as that 1% I 'm giving you my full permission to move on, move past the shit. I'm the 1% that's idolized Carrot and kept you from seeing the good non-Carrot qualities in guys, the part of you that shut down because they WEREN'T Carrot and you couldn't deal with the pain. Now I'm telling you that you're ready to move on. And I want you to know this: Whatever happens between you and Nick from here on, you owe him a great deal. He brought you to me so you could move on and move past Carrot. Nick made us feel again."
CJ smiled. "You're right. All thanks to Nick. I'll have to find a way to thank him.So... I guess this means I have to let you walk in on him and Stacy, huh?"
JC nodded. "Yea." She got up and walked back into the picture of the hotel. "Don't worry though, once you wake up you'll feel better and things will start coming back to you. It was great to finally meet you CJ. But I can honestly say that I hope we never have to meet again."
CJ laughed. "Me too... Wait! What things? And what do you mean wake up?"
JC smiled then turned to the doors and opened them.
Chapter End Notes:
In case it isn't obvious, the centered text is a dream sequence.
