Dealing with Brian was getting easier. He wasn’t saying rude things about me anymore, but he wasn’t very friendly. I was letting him spend time alone with Shane. They got along great and were so much alike.

I knew it was wrong of me to not tell Brian about his son. Shane seemed happy to have Brian in his life. Hopefully he would be excited when he found out that Brian was his daddy.

“Momma, how many days til my birfthday?” Shane asked as he ate his lunch.

“Well your birthday is on July 5. So that means your birthday is in six days. We’ll celebrate the Fourth of July the day before your birthday.”

“What’s that?” He scrunched his face up.

“It’s the day we celebrate America’s birthday.” I explained to him.

“Oh.” He munched on an apple.

“What would you like to do for your birthday?” I asked. As of today, I still didn’t have any plans for his birthday.

“I wunna have a part-tay wif mommy, Bwian, Nicksey, Miss Jacksie, and Mr. Har Old.” He giggled.

“I think that would be excellent. Is there anything special you want for your birthday?”

“Hmmm.” He sat there thinking, blowing his nostrils out. It was such a Brian action. “I know. I want a daddy. He needs to be fwunny like Bwi Bwi.”

“Well, I’ll see what I can do.” My heart broke into a million pieces.

I notice Brian standing in the doorway. The look on his face told me heard what Shane asked for. Quietly, he walked over and sat down at the table.

“Hey Shane.” Brian ruffled his hair. “Hello Josie.”

“Hi Bwian. You want an apple?” He gave a slice to Brian.

“Thanks kiddo. So, I hear you have a birthday coming up?”

“I’ll be thwee.” He held up three fingers.

“Wow, you’re such a big boy.” Brian chewed his apple slice.

“I done mommy. Can I go play?”

“Let me wipe your hands.” I placed his hands in the rag and wiped the stickiness off of them. He jumped off his seat and ran off towards the living room.

I started clearing off the table, but actually I was trying to ignore Brian.

“Sit down.”

“Brian, I need to clean this up.”

“It can wait.” He grabbed my hand. I slowly sat down.

I stared at him waiting for him to speak. He just stared back. I hated when he acted this way. Couldn’t he just tell me what he wanted? Did he have to be so dramatic everything we tried to have a conversation?

“Are you going to speak or do I have to read you mind?”

“I heard what Shane said. What are we going to do about?”

“I want him to know you’re his daddy, but I don’t think his birthday is the right day.”

“I agree with you. I don’t want the focus of his special day to be me.”

“Wow! I’m shocked. We both agree on something.” I almost fell out of my chair. Did Brian Littrell actually agree with me? It was going to snow on Fourth of July.

“It’s amazing isn’t it? We finally made a parental decision together.” He smiled at me.

“I’ll admit it’s getting easier doing this with you.”

“I don’t want to hate you. The last week I’ve done a lot of thinking. I made a lot of mistakes when it came to us. It didn’t start the night we had sex.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Josie. I’m not the asshole you’ve made me out to be. We both made mistakes. It’s time we work through them for Shane’s sake.”

“That’s all I want is for Shane to have parents that get along.” I told him honestly. I wanted so much more from Brian. I wanted to hear how that night meant everything to him and that he was in love with me. It would never happen, but a girl could dream.

“I think we have a lot of unresolved issues.”

“We need to talk about them. In order to move towards the future we need to resolve our past.”

“Maybe we can get away from here one evening and go talk.”

“That would be good.”

------------------------------

Nick was dribbling the basketball as Brian was learning against the fence. They were spending the afternoon playing ball.

“How are things in the Littrell household?”

“Okay.”

“Really, you and Josie haven’t killed each other yet?” He smirked. Nick thought it was hilarious how Brian and Josie fought all the time. He could not believe how oblivious Brian was. Didn’t he realize that love and hate were almost the exact same emotion?

“We’re trying to get along for Shane’s sake.”

“I think that’s wonderful.” Nick smiled a toothy grin.

“Why the hell do you care so much?” Brian questioned his best friend, as he sat down on the ground.

“God, Brian don’t you realize what is right in front of you?”

“Apparently I don’t, but I bet you’re going to tell me.” He sighed in annoyance. Brian was getting sick of Nick’s attempt of trying to fix this situation.

“You’re damn right I’m going to tell you.” Nick flopped down by his friend. “Before all of this crap happened, who was the one person that was by your side?”

“Josie.”

“When did things start to change between you and Jo-Jo?”

Brian thought about it for a few minutes. He needed to be honest with himself.

“Things started to change after her mother’s funeral.”

“Brian that was two years before you slept with her. What changed?”

“I don’t know. I guess I started seeing her differently.” Brian was giving Nick vague answers.

“Could you be more specific?”

“When we cuddled, it felt different. The way she looked at me was different. At the time I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was just starting to date Tiara. Things were complicated.”

“Was it a good different of a bad different?”

“Well it wasn’t bad.” Brian shifted uncomfortably. “It was nothing I had ever felt with Josie. Hell, it was nothing I felt with any girl.”

“You’re so blind, man. You were in love with her then and you didn’t even realize it.”

“How could I be in love with my best friend?”

“How could you not? You’ve known each other forever. Josie knows you better than you know yourself. You complete each other better than any two people I’ve met. Hell, you’ve always looked at her differently than any girl you dated.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Brian, just think about your feelings when it comes to Josie. Let your heart guide you.”

“Let’s get out of here.  I have some thinking I need to do.”