Brian and I were sitting on the bed in the guest room, where he was staying. We had put Shane to bed. Brian’s parents were watching a movie in the living room.

“Wow. That little bugger has so much energy.” Brian chuckled.

“He’s excited for his birthday. You only turn three once.” I traced the pattern on the pillowcase with my finger.

“I enjoyed spending the day with you and Shane.”

“I’m glad Brian. I enjoyed it, too.” I said quietly.

“Josie what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I replied not looking at Brian.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine.”

“Josie, you can’t ignore me. I want you to be honest with me.” He scooted closer to me.

“Even if it hurts?”

“Even if it hurts. We have to move past all of this. It may be hard, but it needs to be done. I want to move forward with you.”

“Brian, what do you want to happen between us?” I looked him in the eyes.

“Josie, I want us to be family. I want Shane to have two parents that love him unconditionally. I want to have more babies with you. I want to marry you.”

“You want to marry me?” I asked incredulously. Only a day ago he was professing his love for me. Now he wants to marry me. I was living in a dream world.

“You sound shocked by that.”

“You just told me you loved me. How could you be ready to marry me?”

“Josie you have been everything to me. None of my relationships have worked because deep in my heart I was in love with you. I can’t see myself being married to anyone else. What do you want to happen between us?”

“I love and care about you, Brian Thomas Littrell. My world is changing again. You know I don’t do well with change.” I stood up and started to pace. “I just came home. Things are going to change once we tell Shane the truth. I want to take my time with everything. I don’t even know if I believe in marriage.”

“I’m not asking you to get married tomorrow. I want to take me time to get to know Shane better. I want to spend time with you. You are the only woman for me.”

“Brian, what if I’m never ready for marriage?” I questioned.

“We’ll deal with that when the time comes. I’m not pressuring you about it. Let’s just take the time to be a couple and Shane’s parents. We don’t need to be married to do those two things.” Brian had some concerns when it came to my issues with marriage. Even when we were younger it bothered him that I didn’t believe in marriage.  My parents were happily married, so I had good role models for marriage. I didn’t know what my problem with marriage was.

“Oh Bri, as much as I think the two of us are good together, I’m worried that it’s just not meant to be. Something will come along and tear us apart.”

“Josie, I know you are a worry wart, but please just take it one moment at a time.” Brian pleaded with me.

“Fine, but remember if we don’t work out, we still have a son together. I don’t want us hating each other. That won’t do any good for Shane.”

I was a worrier through and through. Brian knew this since we were in about third grade. I panicked and worried about every test we took in school. I couldn’t change who I was, not even for him.

“You won’t have to worry about it. I’m going to love you forever.” He placed a kiss on my nose.

Then he kissed my forehead and moved down to my lips. Slowly he moved my upper body against the mattress and moved on top of me.  His hands were roaming my body. I loved the way he touched me. It unnerved my soul. I totally forgot about everything.

“Brian, you’re parents are downstairs.” I tried to push him away.

“I don’t care. I’m a grown man.” He sucked on my ear lobe. “They know I have sex.”

“But not in their house.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “What if Shane wakes up?”

“Josie relax. I promise no sex. Just a lot of making out.” Brian’s hands went to my thighs as he pushed his tongue in my mouth.

----------------------------------

“Mommy….mommy…where are you?” Shane called frantically from the hallway.

“What’s wrong Shane?” Jackie asked the little boy.

“She not in the room when I waked up.” Tears fell from his face. Jackie picked him up. “I had a bad dweam.”

Jackie looked at the clock on the wall. It’s was two thirty in the morning. She had a feeling she knew where Shane’s mommy was. Quietly, she knocked on Brian’s door.

I heard someone knocking on the door. I quickly woke up, not even realizing I was still in Brian’s room. I opened it up.

“Shane, baby what’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dweam. You weren’t in your bed.” He cried. I took him from Jackie. She looked at me and walked away.

“Oh baby. I’m sorry. I was talking to Brian and fell asleep.”

“That’s okay mommy. Will you lay wif me til I fall sleep?” I nodded my head and carried him back to his room.

Twenty minutes later Shane was fast asleep. Unfortunately I was wide awake. I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Jackie was sitting at the island drinking tea.

“Jackie, I’m sorry that Shane woke you up.” I was feeling guilty about being a bad mother.

“It’s okay. What’s up with you and Brian?”

“We’re working on our problems.” I sat down next to her.

“From the looks of your clothes I can see what you’ve been working on.” Jackie didn’t look happy. I blushed from embarrassment.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m just concerned. Sex is what got you into this situation. It’s not going to be the answer. You need to work on the problem.”

“I love Brian.”

“I know you do, and he loves you. If you can’t get it together, no amount of sex is going to make it work. Both of you have a son to think about.”

“We both know that. I think we are responsible enough to handle our actions.” I commented.

“Age has nothing to do with it. I love you both dearly, but my grandson is my biggest concern.”

I sat there stunned. I didn’t even know how to react to Jackie. She was like a mom to me. I didn’t want her thinking badly of me. Everything with Brian was complicated.

“Josie, for Shane’s sake I hope things work out with Brian. You are good for each other. Don’t be afraid of telling him the truth. He needs to hear it, but you need to listen to him also. Both of you have a long way to go.” Jackie got up and placed her cup in the sink. “Night Josie.”