Brian leaned against Josie’s car in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Josie’s shift was just about to end.  He needed to talk to her after she gave him the cold shoulder this morning.

I slowly walked to my car. I just wanted to go home and spend the evening with Shane. I was exhausted since I didn’t get any sleep after my talk with Jackie.

I noticed that Brian was waiting by my car. I did not want to talk to him at the moment. I gave him the brush off this morning and I knew he was upset.

“What do you want Brian?” I sighed.

“We need to talk.”

“Couldn’t you wait until I got home? There’s no reason to stalk me at work.” I leaned against my car.

“God damn it, Josie. I’m not stalking you.” Brian paused. “I want to know why you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you.” I lied. I really didn’t want to discuss this with him. I wish he would leave me alone.

“You’re such a liar.”

“Brian, just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I attempted to open my door, but he scooted over so I couldn’t.

“We are going to talk. I’m not going to do this every time you decide to ignore me.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his car. I had no choice but to follow him. Brian opened the door and gently pushed me in. Quickly he moved around the car and got inside.

I looked out the window and paid no attention to the man sitting next to me.

“We can sit here all night, but I know you want to get home to Shane.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Fine, you may have nothing to say. I’ll do the talking then.”

Brian situated himself in his seat to get comfortable.

“Why the fuck are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not ignoring you Brian. I’ve been busy working today. I can’t loaf around like you can. I have a child to take care of and bills to pay.”

“That’s why you left for work an hour early. I tried to talk to you and you left the room. I thought everything was okay between us.”

“Just because we had sex for the past two nights, doesn’t mean anything has changed between us.” I grumbled.

“Josie, I can’t deal with your Jekyll Hyde personality. It’s not fair to me. I love you with all my heart. Please look at me.”

I slowly turned my head. It pained me to see Brian looking so sad.

“Brian, I don’t know what you want from me. I can’t give you want you want. Right now I think it would be better for us to be parents to Shane. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. Plus you just got out of a long term relationship.”

“Damn it, Josie. I love you and want to be with you. Last night you felt the same way. What changed since then?” He grabbed the steering wheel. I could see the anger on his face.

“Brian, I had a chat with your mom last night. She put a lot of things in perspective for me. I need to be a mom to Shane before I can be anything else. He’s my life.” Tears slowly slid down my cheeks.

“What did my mom say to you?” Brian asked his voice shaky.

“Shane woke up last night with a nightmare. He couldn’t find me. That made me feel like a horrible mother. I wasn’t there when he needed me.”  I paused to breathe.  “After he fell asleep, I went downstairs. You’re mom was in the kitchen. I apologized for having to get up. We started talking. She basically told me that sex wasn’t going to help us fix our problems.”

“I don’t think she meant it like that.” He tried to justify his mother’s comment.

“She meant it. Your mom proceeded to lecture me about how sex got us into this situation. Brian, your mom was right. Sex is a problem for us. I don’t think we should be a couple. Let’s just be parents to Shane Thomas. I’m going to move out as soon as I get an apartment for us.”

“Please don’t. I need to be with Shane.” He pleaded. I could see tears forming in his blue eyes.

“I will let you see Shane any time you want. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m going to tell him you’re his dad the day after his birthday.” I opened the door and left Brian sitting in his car.

As I walked to my car, my heart broke. I loved Brian more than life itself. I just couldn’t hurt him. He was better off without me. He would still be in my life as Shane’s dad. There was no way I could have more than a friendship with him.