“Mommy, fourwth of juwly is sooooo fun.” Shane bounced up and down beside me. We had just finished watching the annual Tates Creek Fourth of July parade.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I ruffled his hair. “Are you ready to go back to the Littrell’s for a cookout?”

“Mmmm…I ready for some hot doggies.”

I picked him up and we walked towards the car. I walked quickly, hoping no one recognized me. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone or explain who Shane’s father was. Tates Creek was a small town and everyone knew each other’s business.

When we got to the car, I quickly buckled Shane in and we were on our way. The ride home was about five minutes. The Littrell driveway was packed with cars as I drove onto the street they lived on.

I noticed Nick’s car and that made me smile. At least I had someone to talk to. After our heated discussion Brian wouldn’t even talk to me. I know that is what I wanted, but my heart was telling me another story.

I parked and helped Shane out of the car. We made our way to the backyard. Shane ran over to Brian. I slowly walked over to Nick, who was talking to a guy with dark hair.

“Hey Yicky Nicky.”

“Hello Jo-Jo!” He pulled me in for a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” I looked at him and then at the guy he was talking with. “O-M-G. Kevin Scott!!!!”

“Well hello there, Josie. You’re looking more beautiful then the last time I saw you.” He smiled and pulled me away from Nick.

“You’re looking good yourself Kevin. What’s new with you?”

“Not much. Just enjoying life. Nick was telling me you have a son.”

“Yes, Shane Thomas is the light of my life. He’s the little bundle of energy hoping around by Brian.”

“Holy hell, he’s a spitting image of Brian.” Kevin said in amazement. I looked at Shane with his daddy. They shared the same energy and mannerism. It was scary since they’ve only spent a few weeks together.

“He is daddy.” I whispered.

“You can see how much he loves him.” Nick smiled. “It’s all going to work out.”

“I just hope Shane doesn’t forget about me when he finds out Brian is his daddy.” I frowned. Today was supposed to be a happy day. I needed to get my emotions in check.

“He would never forget about you.” Nick commented as he brushed a stray tear from my cheek. “How are things with Brian?”

“You mean he didn’t tell you?” Nick shook his head. “I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship with him. Things are complicated between us. I need to focus on being a mom to Shane Thomas.”

“I love you Josie, but I’m going to be honest with you. You can’t keep stringing Brian along. It’s not fair. Either you want to be with him completely or you don’t. I don’t want to see him get hurt again.”

“Nick, I can’t promise anything right now. I care about Brian, but things are just moving so fast. I’m not good with things changing in my life. My main concern is Shane. Until I’m ready to give my everything to Brian, I won’t string him along. That’s why I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” My voice rose as I spilled by guts to Nick. Then I got mad and stomped off.

“Wow, what happened to the sweet even tempered Josie.” Kevin watched me as I walked off.

“She’s changed after everything that happened between her and Brian. The first couple years of Shane’s life were hard for her. She barely had any money and was working two jobs. Josie had no family. She became hard as stone because she had no choice.”

“Why didn’t she just tell Brian?”

“He was married. Josie’s not the type of woman to break up her best friend’s marriage.”

--------------------------

“Bwian, spin me. Spin me.” Shane shrieked.

Brian grabbed the little ball of energy and spun him around. I quietly snuck up on them.

“If he pukes, you can clean it up and take care of him the rest of the night.” I commented with a smile.

Brian stopped spinning Shane and placed him on the ground. Shane started walking, stumble, and fell to the ground in a fit of giggles.

“I dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.” He quickly stood up. “I need a popsicle.

He quickly ran off to get his popsicle.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time with Shane.”

“I love him so much. I can’t wait until he knows I’m his daddy.” He beamed.

“It will be good for both of you. I hope he takes it well.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he might be confused and have questions. We’ll be able to handle it, especially you. You are a strong woman.”

“Brian, don’t you think I get tired of being strong. I’ve always had to hold it together.” I paused. Then I sat myself on the ground. Brian plopped down next to me. “I’ve always had to take care of everyone. Sometimes I don’t know who I am because I’ve never gotten to be me. All those years I took care of my mom and then I had Shane to take care of.  Mind you, I don’t regret it, but I’ve never had a chance to live my hopes and dreams.

“I’m sorry things haven’t worked the way you’ve wanted them to work out. You deserve to have the world.  I’m going to pull my weight with Shane. That will give you some time to find out who you are and to follow some of your hopes and dreams.” Brian looked intently at me. “I love you so much Josie. I promise I will do anything to make your life a little happier. I know you love Shane with all your heart. You’re a good mother, but you need to take care of you. I’ll wait for you. When you are ready for me, I’ll be waiting.”

He kissed me on the cheek, got up and left me by myself.