“Brian, I want to apologize for last night.” I leaned against the counter. “I didn’t plan on kissing Nick. It just happened.”

“Josie, I can’t stop you from kissing other men. You told me you weren’t ready for a relationship with me. I’m fine with it. I won’t stop you from dating Nick. I know you have a history.”

“You don’t get it Brian Thomas.” I was annoyed with him because he was putting words in my mouth. “I don’t want a relationship with anyone. My heart isn’t ready for it. My priority is Shane. I need to focus on him.”

“So, I don’t matter to you.”

“I can’t believe we are having this conversation again. Brian, I love you. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. Right now, I can’t give you what you want.”

“But yet you kissed another man. A man you slept with multiple times.”

“I’ve never realized how jealous you are about everything. I didn’t plan to kiss him. I’m sorry that you are jealous of my relationship with Nick.” I yelled. “I don’t love Nick. I only love you. It’s never been about Nick. You’re the one acting like a bonehead.”

“I’m sorry. When I saw Nick kiss you I got pissed. I’m going to respect your wishes…for now.” He smiled at me.

“Thank you Brian. Are you ready to tell Shane?”

“Yes, I can’t wait for him to know he has a daddy.” Brian grabbed my hand.

“Just remember he might be confused or take it hard.” I cautioned. I didn’t want Brian to get his hopes up. Shane was a sensitive and a worry wart like me. I prayed that Shane would take the news well, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t.

“I’m prepared for whatever happens. I love him no matter what. Today is only the beginning of fatherhood. I have a lifetime with him.”

------------

Shane was sitting on the floor playing with his new toys when Brian and I walked into the living room. He didn’t even notice us because he was busy playing with his new Buzz and Woody figures.

“Shane, can you stop playing for a few minutes? Mommy needs to talk to you.” I said as I sat on the couch. Brian sat down next to me.

“Okay momma.”

Shane walked over and crawled up into my lap. He waved at Brian.

“Shane did you have a good birthday?” I asked ruffling his hair.

“Yes, momma. It was the bestest.”

“I’m glad. Did you get everything you wanted?” I looked my son directly in the eye. Brian was nervous.

“I got everything I wanted.” Shane stopped. “No, I didn’t get my one wish.”

“What was that?” I inquired.

“I wantsaed a daddy, but I didn’t get it.” He frowned at me. Brian’s eyes got glassy as tears threatened to spill.

“Shane why do you want a daddy?”

“Cause…daddies are fun. Bwian has a daddy. They do fings togeter. I wantsa to do fings wif a daddy.” He started to cry.

“Shane it’s okay. Don’t cry.” I rubbed his back as he brought his face toward my chest.

My heart was breaking from the pain I caused my son. I looked at Brian who was wiping his eyes. He squeezed my hand reassuringly. We were in this together.

“Shane can you look at mommy?” He wouldn’t put his head up. “I have a special birthday gift for you.”

Slowly Shane looked up. His face was red and tear stained. He started rubbing the tears off his face.

“Momma my birfthday was yesterday. Why do I get a pwesant today?”

“Sweetheart this is a special birthday present, but I wanted to wait until today to give it to you.”

“Okay. Wheres is it?” He looked around the room.

“Mommy wanted to give you something so special. It’s the thing you wanted the most.” I took in a breath and attempted to compose myself. This was harder than I thought it would be. “I want you to meet your daddy.”

Shane’s eyes got big. He looked around the room. Then he turned towards me in confusion.

“Momma, where’s my daddy?”

“Sweetheart, who’s the only man in the room?”

“Bwian.” He looked over at Brian.

“Shane, Brian is your daddy.”

Brian smiled at Shane. He stayed on my lap and stared at Brian. Shane jumped off my lap and ran out of the room. I looked at Brian. The look on his face said it all.

“I thought he would be happy to have a dad.”

“Brian, he will be. It’s just a lot for a three year old to take in. He’s so sensitive about things. He takes after me in that respect. Everything else about him is you.” I slowly placed my hand on Brian’s face and caressed it gently. “He’s going to love you so much Bri. He already does. Shane just needs time to get used to the idea.”

“I hope so. I love Shane with all my heart. I want to take him fishing and play basketball with him. I want to teach him how to be man.”

“You will get to do all that and more. Who should go talk to him?”

“I’ll do it.” Brian got up. “It will be our first man to man chat.”

-----------

“Shane, can I talk to you?” Brian knocked on the door. He heard no answer, so he went inside.

Shane was sitting on the bed hugging his bear. He wouldn’t look at Brian when he came in. Brian sat on the floor beside the bed.

“That’s a cute bear you have. I gave that to your mom a long time ago. You’re mom is a special person. You have the best mom in the world.”

Shane threw the bear across the room. Brian turned around, picked Shane up and placed him on his lap.

“Put me down. I hate you.” He fought against Brian.

“I can’t do that. I know you are mad. It’s okay to be mad.”

Shane cried into Brian’s shoulder. Brian held his son close and rubbed his back. He was at a loss for his son. This wasn’t what he envisioned when telling Shane that he was his dad. Life rarely had a way of playing out the way you wanted.

“I love you Shane. I’m so happy that I’m your daddy.” Brian rubbed Shane’s back. “From the first day I met you I loved you. You are so special. I can’t wait to take you fishing and teach you how to play basketball.”

“I don’t need you.” Shane hiccupped. “I have my momma to do fings wif.”

“Of course you have your mommy. She loves you just as much as I do. Your mom will always love you.”

“You twy to take her away from me.”

“Shane I would never take your momma away from you. I just want to love you.”

“I no love you Bwian. I only love my momma.”

“Well, I will still love you no matter what Shane Thomas. You’re my son and that won’t change.” Tears fell from Brian’s eyes. His voice broke as he continued to talk to his son. “I’m not going to take your mom away from you ever. How about we just stay friends for now?”

“No.” Shane jumped off of Brian’s lap and ran out of the room. Brian continued to sob, knowing that he couldn’t change the situation.