I sat at the kitchen table going through mine and Shane’s important documents. Since we moved back to Kentucky I wanted to get things in order. In the fall I wanted to enroll Shane in preschool, so I knew I would need his birth certificate and other important documents.

“Hello Josie.” Brian said as he came in from outside.

“Hey Brian.” Even though I was cordial with Brian, deep down inside I was still angry.

“What are you doing?” He sat down across from me.

“Just going through some paperwork. I’m going to be enrolling Shane in preschool in the fall. I need to make sure I have the things I need.”

“That’s good. He’s a sweet kid. I think being with other children will help his shyness.” Brian commented.

“I agree. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with other kids. We’ve moved around a lot.” I started placing the papers back in the binder.

“Josie, why did you move around so much?” I looked at him. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.”

“I didn’t have a lot of money and worked one dead end job after another. We had to keep moving because I couldn’t afford rent.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” Brian said sincerely. I knew he meant it.

How I wish things could be different between us. Brian was really trying to be friendly with me. I just couldn’t deal with it. How could he just forget what happened? I relived it every day. Every time I looked at Shane, it was a reminder of that horrible, yet magnificent night. Shane was the only good thing to come from that night.

I closed my binder and stood up to leave.

“Hey it’s the life I got dealt. Things are starting to work out. I have Shane and that’s all that matters.” I exited the room.

Brian sat at the table thinking about Josie’s life. He never thought she would end up that way. She always had so much potential, but life got in the way. She gave up college to take care of her mother. She was such a strong women.

He noticed that Josie left a paper on the table. He decided that he should give it to her so that it wouldn’t get lost. He quickly picked it up. It was Shane’s birth certificate. Shane Thomas Littrell. What the hell? Why did she give Shane his last name? Josephine Megan Fitzgerald was listed as the mother. Brian Thomas Littrell was listed as the father on the birth certificate. Why would Josie put his name down as the father? Shit, this wasn’t happening. Was he the father? Josie Fitzgerald had some explaining to do.

Brian marched upstairs to his bedroom. He didn’t even knock on the door.

“What are you doing in here?” I was changing my shirt.

“You forgot this.” He handed me the birth certificate. I turned away from him.

My worst feat was coming true. I didn’t want Brian to find out, especially this way. If felt like my heart stopped. Brian looked beyond pissed.

“What the hell, Josie? Do you care to explain?” He exploded.

Where did I begin? How did I explain it to him without hurting him?

“Brian you’re Shane’s dad.” I barely choked out.

“God damn it, Josie. Why didn’t you tell me?” He punched the wall.

“How was I supposed to tell you when you thought making love to me was a mistake? You made me feel like a trashy whore that morning. Did you really think I wanted to have anything to do with you?”

“He’s my child. Regardless of what you thought about me I deserved the right to know.” He hollered at me. I broke down and started to cry.

“Brian, he was the only part of you I had left. You were married when I found out I was pregnant. Did you really want me to breakup your marriage to Tiara?”

“I had a right to know. I’ve missed out on two years of my son’s life. I can’t get those back.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose. Every day of my life I had to relive that night. Do you know how that made me feel?” I sat on the bed.

“I don’t know and I really don’t care. All I care about is my son.”

“Thanks for telling me how you really feels about me.” I screamed. “It’s nice to know you care about me.”

“At this point I despise you. I can’t believe that you would keep my son away from me. That ends tonight. I am going to be in Shane’s life whether you like it or not.”

“I won’t stop you. But I will tell Shane when I am ready. I need a little time to figure out how to tell a two year that he has a dad. Please give me a couple weeks to work it out.”

“Fine you have two weeks to tell him. Until then I am going to spend time getting to know my son. Then we can work things out about visitation. Other than that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Brian stormed out.

I crumbled into a ball and bawled like a baby. My world was turning upside down. I made the mistake of coming back to Kentucky. Jackie and Harold were going to be disappointed in me and my decisions. I couldn’t blame them. I hid the fact that they had a grandson. My life was turning upside down. Normally I would runaway. This time I was defeated and had no where to go.