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Chapter Thirty-Two
Point of View: Nick


I had never been to an actual recording studio with the sole intention of taping music by myself. I shuffled my papers nervously and looked around at the equipment. It was the third or fourth time now that Krystal and I had been in that week.

Today, the producer's name was Joe, but we were calling him JDawg. He was a big, bulky black guy with gold chains hangin off his neck like he was some long lost prince of Persia. He had bling in his teeth, even.

"You're amazing," Krystal was telling me, fixing the color of my polo shirt. She smiled and ran her fingers through the side of my hair. I tilted my head into her palm and hummed happily. Krystal laughed. "You're like a puppy sometimes, you know that?"

"Doggie style?" I whispered.

Krystal rolled her eyes and patted my shoulder, "You're a pig." She winked.

JDawg flipped on the intercom. "We almost ready to tape?" he asked.

"Yup," I replied. I looked at Krystal. "Workin' time, babe," I said.

Krystal laid a kiss on my cheek. "I'll be right there in that chair." She pointed to an extra desk chair in JDawg's soundbooth and slipped out the door.

I stared down at my sheet music, feeling kind of nervous. We were taping My Confession, the song I'd written for Krystal. I put the sheets down on a podium and rubbed my palms against my jeans. For some reason, the melody of this one just kept escaping me halfway through singing it, and I was struggling when I practiced it at home. Krystal and I had sat on the living room floor one day singing it over and over and over again, working on it, trying to get it just right.

"Ready?" JDawg asked.

"Yeah... hit me," I said, pulling on my headset.

The music started and I leaned toward the microphone, my mouth almost against the pop blocker, my eyes traveled down to the lyric sheet and when the cue came, I started singing.

Two lines in, and we'd had to start over.

An hour later, we were still struggling.

I was getting frustrated. The music piped through my headset for what felt like the twelve-millionth time, and again I fucked up early into the first verse. "God dammit," I groaned as JDawg cut the music, shaking his head. I took off the headset and shoved them down onto the podium, irritated. "This is crap, maybe we should junk this song. I'm never gonna get this damn thing right..." I punched the podium in aggrevation and only achieved pain in my fist.

"NO!" Krystal's voice carried from behind JDawg, "You can't junk my song!" she stood up and disappeared from view for a moment before coming into the studio. I was clutching my fist and cursing under my breath, rubbing my knuckles, as I watched her cross the oriental carpet to stand by me. She grabbed the sheets from the podium. "You're over thinking this, Nick," she said, "Just like we discussed."

JDawg had a bemused smile on his face as he watched us.

"C'mon, just do it like we practiced it," Krystal said.

I took the sheets from her and sighed and, without the music on the headset, started singing. Again I screwed up. I started to throw the sheeets in frustration, but Kryssie grabbed my hand. "Stop with the temper, mister," she said, shaking her head, "You're overreacting."

"Overreacting my a--"

"Nick," she said pointedly. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm just frustrated is all," I said. And feeling a little guilty, I'll admit. It felt strange being in the studio without the fellas. Maybe subconciously that's why I was struggling so much with the music. I mean, normally I don't have any problems like this. Music comes naturally to me.

Krystal grabbed my hands, "I'm just trying to figure oouuu-oout..." she stared.

"What's wrong with your hea-ad," I answered.

"Ev-e-ry time I come a-rou-ound," she continued.

"You're somewhere else inst-ead."

"I wanna ask you why-y."

"But every time I try - you cry."

Krystal smiled, "Voila," she said, "You did it. Now do it all together, like this: I'm just trying to figure ou-out, what's wrong with your hea-ad. Ev-e-ry time I come a-rou-ound, you're somewhere else inst-ead. I wanna ask you why-y, but every time I try - you cry."

I stared down at her. She was so beautiful. I smiled as she sang the lyric back to me. She paused at the end and waved her hands at me, as if you say, now you go. But before I could, the intercome crackled.

"Dude," JDawg said, "You didn't tell me your girl had pipes like gold."

We both looked at the window that separated us from the soundbooth. I grinned, Krystal looked surprised. "I know, right?" I said, proud, "She's fucking amazing, isn't she?"

Krystal turned red, "Stop it, you're both insane."

JDawg laughed, "Insane? Probably. But you've got one hell of a voice on you there." He paused, "I wouldn't mind taping with you sometime, actually," he said, "I have some stuff I've been working on and I need a fierce female vocal... I was thinking Aguilera or Pink for the song, but..." he shook his head, "Hot damn, I could use someone to do a demo with me."

Krystal laughed, loudly. "Me? You're joking."

"You should do it!" I said, excited. I could still remember how exciting and affirming it was to work in the studio and produce good music. When I was younger and we'd first started, my self-esteem had been shit. Not that it's great now or anything, but it was even worse then... and music had changed that. Images of Krystal, happy and confident flashed though my mind. It was exactly what I wanted. "You gotta do it," I begged as she shook her head no. "You gotta!"

"Nick, you guys are nuts - both of you," she said. "I can't sing for crap."

"That's not true," I said, "Dude, JDawg is like a world famous producer, Krys. He's heard it all, and he's impressed by you. He wants to tape a demo with you. You know how cool that is?"

"Yeah he's gone soft, or deaf, or something..." she started to walk out of the studio, but I caught her arm.

"Krys," I pleaded, "At least think about it? Please? For me?"

"And me?" JDawg intoned. I'd almost forgotten he could hear us.

Krystal studied me. "Why do you want me to do this so bad?" she asked.

"Because I love you," I answered, "And I think it'll be good for you. And just think..." I added, "It'll give you a chance to show up your mom. It'll get you some money."

Krystal's eyes glowed. "She always said I'd never be anything..."

"You can be anything," I said.

Krystal's smile spread slowly. She turned and looked at JDawg through the glass. "When do you wanna tape?" she asked.