“So, D, what’s this big news?” AJ asked sitting down next to him on Brian’s couch.
Howie nervously glanced around the room. He was about to announce one of his deepest secrets. He had been hiding it for quite some time. Even he was surprised that the others had yet to figure it out.

“I’d rather wait till everyone is here.” He said locking his eyes to the floor.

“Hey, is everything alright?” Kevin asked him fearing something major was wrong. Howie tended to be reserved and a bit shy but not normally to this extent.
Howie nodded, “It’s nothing like what I know you’re thinking. I’m just nervous about telling you all.”

Howie was not ashamed of what he was going to tell them. He simply feared how they would respond. His band mates were like his brothers. He was closer to them than anyone else.

“I’m here!” They all suddenly heard a familiar voice call out. They all knew who it was.

“Don’t you knock Carter?” Brian asked walking past the living room and into the foyer.

“Nope.” He smiled pulling off his jacket. He handed it to Brian who hung it on a hanger in the coat closet.

“I thought Aaron was coming.” Brian asked confused.

Nick returned Brian’s look and searched around him. He then opened the front door and saw Aaron standing there with his arms folded over his chest. Needless to say he did not look happy.

“Thanks Nick.” He grumbled stepping inside the house.

“Sorry dude.” He shrugged a little.

“Don’t worry AC. I’ll have Leighanne poison his drink for you.” Brian gave the young teenager a wink and he smiled.

Brian then hung up Aaron’s coat and showed them to the living room where the others sat.

“Some big brother you are.” AJ teased Nick then turned to Aaron, “You and me, super glue, feathers and Nick while he’s sleeping.”

Aaron laughed a bit.

“Don’t even think about it!” Nick warned.

Everyone but Howie laughed.

“Something wrong Howie?” Aaron asked him.

Howie looked up at him slowly not really sure how to answer the question.

“Guys, this is ready!” They heard Leighanne shout.

Howie sighed in relief as AJ tore out of the living room and toward the direction of Leighanne’s voice. The others slowly followed but Howie hung back. The thought of eating turned his stomach. His nerves were way to high for his comfort level.

He cursed inwardly realizing he wasn’t strong enough to do this. He needed his friends and he feared more than anything losing them. He wished he hadn’t said anything. He needed to get away.
Quickly he looked around him and spotted the closet where his coat hung. His car keys where inside the pocket. If he could reach his coat fast enough he could bolt out the door and pretend like this never happened.

He could hear the guys questioning where he went in the other room. He was running out of time. He softly but quickly moved for the closet. Just as his hand gripped onto his coat he heard footsteps moving toward him. Without thinking he ducked into the closet and shut the door.

“Howie?” AJ called out. There was no response. AJ however had seen the door close and moved toward it. He wrapped his hand around the metal knob and tried to turn it but could not. The door felt locked even though it was impossible. He knew then that Howie had to be inside the closet.

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing in there?” Howie heard AJ asked. He did not reply. His heart was beating faster than he could ever remember it beating.

“Where’s Howie?” He heard Brian ask.

“In the closet.” AJ’s voice sounded really confused.

“He’s in the closet?” Nick’s voice was then heard.


“What’s he doing in there?” Kevin asked next.

“Hell if I know. He won’t say nothing.” AJ replied trying to open the door again but Howie held firm.

“Howie, come out of closet.” Leighanne softly demanded.

The words struck Howie. They wanted him to come out of the closet. Could it really be that simple?

“Come on Howie.” Aaron now called. He could hear the others agreeing.

Howie knew he needed this. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out as if he were summoning all the courage in the world to come and strengthen him.

Slowly he turned the door knob and pushed the door open. All of his friends stood looking at him as if he were crazy. “Guys…” He trailed off taking the moment to look at each of them. “I’m gay.”

There was a sudden moment of silence. Howie could hear his heart beating in his ears.

“Dude, is that what all this is about?” AJ asked sounding relieved.

Howie could only nod.

“Shit, you scared me half to death. I though you was dying or leaving the band.” Kevin placed a hand on his heart.

“Way to ‘come out of the closet’ Howie.” Nick smiled stepping toward him and patting his back.

“You don’t hate me?” He asked confused.

“Hate you? Howie! None of us could ever hate you. Right boys?” Leighanne said pulling him into a comforting hug.

They all agreed with her and Howie smiled. He couldn’t believe coming out had to them had been so simple. Coming out to himself had been so hard.

“It’s all good Howie. Let’s go eat.” Brian flashed him one if his famous southern smiles.

They all went into the dining room and sat down. After Kevin blessed the meal and they all had food on their plates, the usual laughter and chatter began. Howie smiled to himself, mixing butter into his mashed potatoes. Aaron ate quietly, his mind wandering. Nick nudged his shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked, looking down at his little brother. The younger Carter nodded, shoveling another fork full into his mouth.

"So how long have you known?" AJ asked. He and Howie were closer than any of the others. They had been friends for a very long time and AJ was stunned by the fact that he had not figured it out sooner.

"Well, I guess it started to hit me when I was about fourteen. I battled it till I was almost nineteen. I didn't want to be. I thought for sure it was wrong somehow. Once I reached out and started talking to other gay men I came to terms with it. I never told you guys cause I was scared of your reactions." When it came to important things Howie took time to explain himself. He did not want to leave any room for doubt by giving a short answer.

"So do you have anyone special in your life then?" Kevin kept the conversation going.

"No. I've only dated 2 people. It's really hard to date when you're not out."

"So why now then D? I mean, why come out to us or are you coming out to everyone?" Brian seemed very interested in the conversation. Looking at Howie is was almost as if Brian had forgotten the other people were in the room.

"Honestly, I'm not sure why I chose to now to come out. My family knows. They were shocked but ok with it. My friends know." Howie motioned to those around the table. "I want the fans to know but that will be up to management. It just feels good not hiding it. I feel more free to be who I really am. Keeping it bottled up was destroying me."

Brian intently nodded his head letting the information soak in.

"I know what you're said Howie. I mean I am most certainly not gay but I understand what it's like to have a secret that's eating you from the inside out.

AJ told him.

Howie could only smile and say, "Thanks, I knew you would."

Nick took notice of the fact that Aaron was still being quiet. Anyone who knew Aaron knew that it was totally out of character for him to be quiet. "Dude, what is wrong with you?" Nick asked him quietly so that the others would not hear.

Aaron could only shake his head and softly mutter "Nothing."

"Well cut it out. You're embarrassing me." The older Carter brother hissed.

Aaron rolled his eyes and tried to act more like himself as the conversation went neutral again. He couldn't help but think about everything Howie had said though. He didn't understand any of it.

Soon enough they had finished eating and everyone began to help clear off the table.

"Leighanne, you've been a wonderful host. Why don't you let me wash these and you relax?" Howie was often too sweet.

"Oh thanks, but you really don't have to." She told him.

"I want to." Howie said gently moving her out of the kitchen with some of the others.

"I'll help you Howie." Aaron stepped forward.

"You will?" Nick was beyond taken back.

"Yeah." The young blonde mumbled, picked up a stack of dishes and headed for the kitchen. He laid the dishes in the sink and turned on the hot water, then dumped in much more soap than necessary. He

heard Howie walk in behind him. The man set another slack of dishes on the counter by the sink. He paused, studying the boy's face intently.

"You're awfully quiet tonight. Everything alright?" Aaron shrugged without saying a word.

"I'm confused." Aaron almost whispered, watching the soap become fluffy and rise with the water. Howie shut the faucet, to avoid a small flood.

"Confused about what?" Howie gently tossed a sponge in the sink, not taking his eyes off the boy. Aaron watched the sponge float in the water, bobbing slightly.

"'Coming out of the closet.' W- what does that mean?" He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, hoping he had not said wrong. The little blue sponge seemed to be drowning in the hot suds.

"How about I wash and you rinse?" Aaron stepped to the side. Howie plunged his hands into the suds. He took I deep breath before speaking. "It's not that complicated, though it feels like it is . I was hiding who I really am." Aaron took a glass from the man and held it beneath a stream of warm water. "Coming out means I'm not going to hide my true feeling anymore.

Howie glanced to his right to see the teenager staring up at him. His lips were pressed tightly together and his eyebrows scrunched. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking down at the teen, racking his brain for I way to explain this. "Ya know how your brother has girlfriends?" The blonde nodded. "Well, being gay means I have boyfriends."

They finished the chore in silence. Aaron set the last place in the dish drainer. He looked up to see Howie leaning back against the counter, his gaze fixed on the boy. "If you ever have any questions or need to talk about anything, at all. I'm here."