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Chapter Twenty Nine - I'm Not Lauren

~~ Two Months Later~~

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"I can do it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

Rosie looked around the living room. Cardboard boxes were stacked along every available inch of wall. She glanced back at me, my head barely visible over the two large boxes I held in my arms. Three more just like it were waiting in my trunk. I felt her fingertip run along the thick muscle in my arm.

"I'm proud of you."

"It's time," I said, clearing my throat before it became to thick, to suffocating to breath. I wrapped my foot around the door and pushed it open more.

"I'll be back in an hour."

"I'll be here. Just weave through the maze of boxes."

As I headed down the walk towards the shining black convertible parked at the curb, I thought about all the stress of moving. Rosie was handling it well, finding it almost fun to go through stuff that I didn't even know I still had. Moving just seemed like a never-ending thing for me. But this time it hadn't been my idea to move. My therapist had suggested that the best way for me to start again, start again with Rosie, was to seperate myself from the memories. When I had admitted that sometimes the walls seemed to talk, the therapist hadn't called me crazy.

That's when I knew we were going to get along just fine.

The worst part of packing was going through all of Lauren's things. The smell that permeated the walls radiated from every article of clothing still packed in the back of my closet. It wafted as I opened her jewelry box, finding a memory in every pair of earrings. Guys weren't supposed to associate clothes with memories...but somehow I had.

Rosie had left me alone for several days on end as I sat in the walk-in closet, staring up at the ceiling and holding a designer heel in my hands. Half of me wanted to box everything up and move it right along with us.

The other half, the half that was slowly being peeled like an apple knew that it was time to let it all go. Lauren would have wanted it that way. She would have wanted me to give a donation that would keep people employed and clothed.

That was just the type of person she was.

Not that it was easy. When the young girl at Goodwill saw the boxes and saw my convertible, I'm sure she thought it was a prank. When she peeked inside and saw the beautiful silks I think she almost cried.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm sure," I said. As a couple more employees came out to help, I pulled out my checkbook on a whim. Five boxes and one check later, I was gone.

But I felt good. I felt...free.

Rosie was sitting cross-legged in the kitchen, beating out a tune with a wooden spoon on an upturned pot. I leaned into the doorframe, smiling as she bobbed her head like a girl straight out of a totally cheesy, totally epic 80's music video.

"You just need fishnets," I quipped.

She let out a squeal, the wooden spoon falling from her hand. She made a mad scramble towards the cardboard box.

"That was fast!" The startled look smoothed out into one of concern. "You okay?"

I quicky internalized before I answered. Was I fine? I had saved just a few pieces of Lauren's things, things I was going to mail to her sister. She had been waiting far too long for me to get to this point. When the aching pain didn't take over, I smiled.

"I'm okay," I said. Rosie's shoulders relaxed in relief. Her eyes locked on mine as I headed into the kitchen and knelt down next to her, stopping only when I felt her breath. I could smell the telltale aroma of chocolate radiating from her mouth. I cupped her chin, pressing down until her mouth opened slightly. A piece of dark chocolate was rolling around.

"Looks tasty," I whispered. I could feel her throat muscles contract as my pinkie ran slowly in line with her esophagus.

"Delicious," she confirmed. Her eyes crossed slightly.

"So Flip Flops, can I have a nibble?" I asked. She stretched out her leg, kicking the cardboard box out of my way as I settled down next to her on the floor. The oversized sweatshirt she wore slipped off her right shoulder, revealing nothing but bare skin. She smiled.

"You can have the whole thing," she whispered.

The sex-without-guilt portion of my relationship was still the biggest work in progress, but I was banking on my good day to keep my luck going. I lowered my lips to hers, my tongue finding a welcomed home playing right along with hers. I ran my tongue over her own, rolling the chocolate piece into possession. The minute it hit my tastebuds, it exploded in flavor. Rosie didn't seem to lament the loss of the candy; she wiggled her small frame forward, pressing her palms into my chest. I curled my fingers around her waist and pulled my lips away from hers, letting the chocolate slide down my throat. When Rosie's eyes reopened, they were excited...and full of questions.

"I have a whole bag of those things," she said. "If that's what it takes."

I laughed. "I don't need any more...chocolate," I said.

My eyes roamed her body and I smiled at the sight of her nipples clearly visible through her thin t-shirt. She gasped as I nudged her back onto the floor, using my hands to lift her hips slightly from the floor and in the process lifting the shirt up to show her flat abdomen.

"Remember how you told me I didn't seem chaotic?" I asked quietly. She licked her lips as her heels planted themselves right into my ass.

"Yeah?"

"Ask me again in a half hour," I said. I slid my hands down, grabbing the waistband of her dark gray exercise pants, bringing them down to her ankles in a mere second. Only a little scrap of pink cotton covered her lower half.

"Nick, maybe we should talk about this," she gasped. I shook my head, sliding the cotton panties off of her perfect ass and past her muscular calf muscles. I flipped my own body round until my hands were resting posessively on each of her thighs. She was fingering my hair and I could feel the slight all-over quiver beginning within her. "I can handle you depressed," she rationalized. "But I--mahalo nui loaaaaa," she cried out.

The chocolate taste still lingered on my tongue as I ran it along the inside of her thigh. Her muscles jumped; I knew if I wasn't pinning her down she would have already wiggled away. Her breath came faster, filling my ears with its erraticness. I nibbled at the junction between her thigh and her perfect V. The fingernails in my hair went all the way into my scalp.

"I'm scared," she whispered. I looked up, shocked.

Because she had been my rock for the past several months, it was hard to remember that she was much younger and much less experienced than me. If I had thought that she had been jumpy just from my fingers, this was almost tear-producing. For the first time, I realized that she needed me to assure her.

"Hey," I whispered. "Just relax. I won't do anything to hurt you. I want to please you."

"Please me?" she repeated. I grinned. I think the sudden appearance of a true grin threw her off just as much as the question that followed.

"If I make you a dirty girl will you hate me forever?" I asked. My tongue ran along her tender, most private skin. Her whole body jerked.

"Nick..."

It had been forever since I had tasted a woman; had her flavor fill my mouth. I probed deeper, feeling another shockwave pass from her body to mine.

"Does it feel good?" I asked.

"I'm dying," she gasped. "I'm dying."

I took that as a good sign. I continued to lick and nip, moving her closer and closer to climax. I wasn't going to stop until both of us were satiated. I wanted to thank her for everything...for reminding me that there was life going on all around. A rush of warmth and her scream filled my mind as her legs tightened, hooking around my shoulder. I wormed my way up her, swirling my tongue around her bare stomach, my hands sliding up even farther to lift the shirt over her head.

"How did it feel?" I asked.

She blinked rapidly, helping me swing the shirt over her head. Her dark pink nipples grazed against my skin. "I can't even describe...I want to feel you in me."

Besides that first time on the boat, we had only slept together one other hurried, broken time. For me, this was truly like the first time. Rosie's fingers worked on my belt and she crushed her lips to mine. If she was freaked out about tasting herself, she didn't let on.

After a whirlwind of discarded clothing, I had her wrists held loosely under my hands and my length invading her tiny little body. I couldn't tear my eyes from hers. Her hands ran along my shoulders and down my back.

"This is incredible," she whispered.

"You feel amazing. You're so sexy. I want to flip you on all fours and get even deeper."

She shivered. I let go of her wrists and cupped both breasts, squeezing gently. Her back arched.

"Do it."

I lowered my head, drawing a nipple into my mouth and sucking. My pace quickened, my body tightened just thinking about it.

"Do it," she repeated.

I snapped into action. Not wanting to miss the opportunity, I pulled out. Rosie moved herself. My hands ran along her backside as the scent of sex permeated the air. I leaned over and kissed her back before plunging into her.

"Holy shit," she moaned. Waves of blonde hair hid her face as she lowered her chin to her chest, arching up to my movements. "You're huge."

Those were amazing words for a guy to hear. I gripped her little waist moving her along with me. I could feel another climax coming, this time for both of us. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back as the pressure became too much for me to bare.

"Lauren," I moaned in ecstasy, feeling myself pour into her. "Baby...baby..."

It was only after I had let her slender hips go and felt her pull away that I realized I might have done something wrong. When I looked at her, I saw she had flipped back over, naked and dripping.

"I'm not Lauren," she said unsteadily.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."