I felt like a mack truck was running across my back and my stomach at the same time. I was laying across Becky's lap as Brian sat in the driver's seat mumbling to himself. I felt like I had just expelled a jellyfish and as such, it was the closest description I could give to the feeling between my legs.
"Breathe," Becky said. She ran a hand through my hair. "Breathe."
A fresh wave of torture took hold of my body and I screamed to the point I was practically hyperventalating. I grabbed Becky's wrist and squeezed.
"I'm so sorry for everything," I gasped. "I'm sorry I did this to you."
Becky shook her head. "It's okay. You can squeeze my wrist as hard as you want."
I shook my head. I gasped for breath. How did that breathing thing go again?
"Can you speed up?" Becky called.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" he squealed. "Hang on Nick!"
"Nick?" Becky asked. I screamed, half in pain and half in fear. The car rocked suddenly and I buried my face in Becky's familiar chest and began to cry.
"BRIAN!"
"Jesus. Gee-sus. First I'm too slow than I'm too fast..."
"I bet that's what Leighanne says," Becky and I said at the same time. We looked at each other. Becky paled.
"How did you--"
It was a one-liner Beckers and I pulled on Brian all the time. I struggled to sit up. That was a big mistake. Becky's eyes grew wide with horror.
"Nick?"
I didn't have a chance to respond. My mouth opened and I threw up all over her. The car swerved erratically.
"You did NOT just throw up in my car! You didn't! Oh my god, it's sick smell. I can't stand sick smell. I--"
"YOU DON'T HAVE A BABY COMING OUT OF A REGULAR HARD SHELL TACO!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs. "IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE THE SUPREME OR THE DOUBLE CHALUPA!"
"You just threw up on your wife and you're talking about Taco Bell?!"
I glanced at Becky. She had grabbed a towel that had a large pair of praying hands and was wiping herself off, looking rather pale and green. I took it from her and began to dab.
"I'm so sorry. I never realized puking was so bad. I should have been holding your ha--ha---"
I grabbed the towel and twisted it hard. I felt something slip down a little farther.
"OH GOD!" I wailed. "I can't do this!"
"We're here!" Bri said. He rolled down the window. "THE PUKE MOBILE HAS ARRIVED!"
The back door quickly opened. "The puke--holy shit on a stick. You threw up on Becky?"
Becky reached forward and held my face before I could even think about sliding out of the car.
"You're really Nick," she said dumbfounded. "My...husband?"
"I've had a bad couple days," I said. "I--"
I didn't finish. My foot shot forward as another contraction overtook me. It connected with something soft and I pressed harder. I fell back and stared at the ceiling.
"I'll go get a wheelchair!" Bri yelled.
"Make that two!" Becky said.
I didn't realize what she meant until the contraction lessened. I looked down and saw AJ crumpled on the ground. A tall shadow covered him and the toe of a huge sneaker nudged him.
"You kicked him hard."
I gasped. That voice.
"GIVE ME MY BODY!" I bellowed. Forging through the pain, I got out of the car. My own body looked back at me. The eyes fell to my stomach.
"MY BABY!"
Becky and Bri careened around the corner with two wheelchairs. Becky stopped in her tracks.
"What the hell is going on?" she asked.
I leaned back against the car; lightning-hot daggers of pain shot down my back. I grimaced.
"BRIAN KISSED ME!" I yelled.
"You did what?!" Becky gasped. "You kissed me?" the chick in my body demanded.
"I---I---" I heard Bri stutter.
I was seconds away from sliding down onto the ground when a soft hand glided by my elbow. Becky sat me down in a chair. AJ crawled into the other. She knelt down, resting her hands on my girly knees.
"Is it really bad?" she asked. For the first time ever, I saw the fear in her eyes. I touched the side of her face.
"I promise you I'll be there for you. I won't let you--" I hissed out a breath. "hurt like this."
"Oh, Nick," Becky said softly.
Before she could say another word, some medics finally came out.
The wheelchair races had begun.
"I can never have children again."
"You're fine."
"TRUST ME... YOU DON'T WANNA ... WANNA ---- Ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyy fuckiiiiiiiiin g GOOOOOOOOOODDD DDDD!!!!!!"
"Breathe... Hooo-hee-hooo-haa!"
"Why are you singing The Witch Doctor to Nick?"
"I want my baby! If you hurt my baby with your man stupidness, I will never forgive you!"
"AJ! Hold the ice. Brian, stop looking at my husband's breasts."
"YEAH! Stop looking at my breasts!"
The last line was said by both versions of Nick. AJ was clutching a bag of ice to his crotch and Becky was impatiently arguing with the receptionist. I felt like I was having deja'vu. It had been less than a year since we'd stood in this same spot with Rochelle, having a very similar argument.
"If you don't get us up stairs, my husband is going to have a fucking baby here in your waiting room!"
Well, maybe not the same argument.
The receptionist blinked.
"IT HURTS... Oh God it hurts! Becky I'm sorry! I'll never sleep with you again!"
Becky looked at Nick. "It's okay, sweetie, you can sleep with me..."
"I'll wear a condom every time, I swear it. You do not hafta go through this more than once. I won't let you. OH. MY. GGGGGGGG-------"
I rubbed Nick's shoulders. He was squirming every which way in the seat below me. AJ was curled into fetal position on his chair. "At least your dick's not broken," he muttered.
"I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ONE! DON'T MAKE MY LIFE WORSE!" Nick bellowed.
"At least you don't hafta push the baby out of your penis," I pointed out gently, figuring me saying the P-word would distract Nick's mind from the pain.
Nick's eyes widened. "Do NOT give fate ANY ideas."
"Yeahhhh," AJ said, perking up at the thought of it. He grinned wickedly. "Nick, what happens if you switch back while you're on the delivery table?" AJ's eyes twinkled.
Nick paled.
"Shhhh," I hissed, glaring at AJ as Nick's eyes welled up in fear, "AJ's being an asshole, don't listen to him, sweetie..."
"STOP HITTING ON MY HUSBAND!" Becky snapped. She motioned to the doors that we'd pushed Rochelle through before and led the way down the same hallway. Nick's shouts echoed off the walls. AJ, who didn't really seem to need the wheelchair any longer was grinning from his throne as Lainey pushed him along behind Nick and I, headed toward the delivery room....
