"Oh my Heavens, I can not go in there with you."
"Why not?"
Bri was sitting in the car, sh arms on the steering wheel, staring at the building in disbelief. I was already undoing my seatbelt.
"Why can't you be like normal girls and go to Wal-mart?"
"Wal-mart? Are you serious? Does Leighanne buy panties at Wal-mart?"
Bri flushed. "Well, no...but."
I smiled teasingly. "Does she have her own brand of Wylee panties? Does she only wear what she makes? Do you put rhinestones on them for her? Is that part of your penis-on-a-leash contract?"
Bri glared at me. "Shut up about the p-p--it's not on a fucking leash!"
My mouth dropped open in surprise. Bri never cussed. Never. I mean, he used to when we were just starting out, but not often. Howie even cussed way more than he did. But he had just gone and said fucking.
And I was mortified at how hot it sounded coming from his mouth.
"I'm sorry," Rok said quickly. "It's just this has been a very stressful day and--"
"Stressful? Imagine how I feel!"
I don't know why, but I touched my boobs again. I had a feeling that maybe if I actually had a bra I'd stop doing it so much. Bri undid his seat belt.
"Let's just get this over with, okay?"
"You're going in with me, right?" I asked. "Because I can't use my credit card. You know what happened to AJ when he tried to use his bankcard when he looked like Howie."
Bri winced. "Yes, I remember. And unfortunately, if you attempt something embarassing I guess I feel a duty to stop you."
"Me? Embarassing? C'mon. Besides, it's not like I haven't been here before."
With that, we both got out of the car and shut the doors. With a smile I sauntered up to the doors. Bri caught up to me and opened it. I looked at him in surprise.
"Force of habit," he muttered. I laughed.
"Thank you."
Victoria's Secret was just as pink, if not pinker, than ever. I took a moment to take it all in.
"Just go get some panties," Bri hissed.
"Can I help you?"
I squealed. A salesclerk appeared out of nowhere.
"No," Bri said quickly.
"Yes," I said. The salesclerk was staring at my outfit and I was feeling self- conscious. that in itself was weird because I never felt self- conscious.
"What are you looking for this evening?"
"Everything," I said. "I need panties, and bras, and shirts and..."
"You're in luck," the lady said happily, no doubt thinking about how big her commission was going to be. "We just added a maternity line last month."
"What luck," Rok said under his breath.
"What size are you?" the lady asked as I followed her deeper into the store.
"Size? I don't really know..."
"You don't know your clothing size? Your bra size? Your panty size?"
For the millionth time today I teared up. "All I've worn so far is this," I said.
The look of disgust was masked by sympathy. "Oh dear." She shot an evil look at Bri. "Well let's fix you right up."
Bri sank down in a chair and I was lead into a dressing booth. The lady whipped out a tape measure from out of thin air. "Go ahead and strip down."
I did as I was told and stood there with arms outstretched. She began to make her way around me and I've got to admit, I probably could get used to being lesbians with Becky. Maybe it was just the baby hormones, but anyone touching me felt awesome.
"Okay," the lady finally said. "You wait right here. Are you looking for cute? sexy?"
"Both," I said. I figured it I was cute and sexy as a male that I shouldn't be any different as a female.
"I'll be right back," she said.
I stood there staring at myself in the mirror again. Maybe it had just been Brian's mirror, because I was seeing an uber-hot girl in the mirror. Pregnant, yes. But still uber hot.
"Hey Bri!" I called out.
"What?"
"I am hot!"
I heard a groan. I peeked through the curtain, but just as I did the woman came back. In her arms was heaps and heaps of panties, bras, outfits, and pajamas. She smiled as I backed up and she walked back into my dressing room.
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"Oh yeah, I like that..." Nick's voice was echoing out of the dressing room. I hoped he was talking about the lingerie and not the fitting. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the chair, sighing heavily.
"Like -- Oh my God, you're Brian Littrell!" the voice was accented thickly southern. I opened one eye and leaning over me was a tall, semi-obese brown haired woman with her hair in tight braids, ala Laura Ingles Wilder. I blinked my eyes open more widely and saw she was holding aloft four bras whose cups Nick and I could've cut apart and worn as football helmets.
"Hallo," I greeted her, my cheeks turning a shade or two shy of scarlet.
"I never would've expected --" she stammered, laughing, her eyes twinkling bright green, "I mean, of all the doggone places..." I was just about to ask her not to draw attention to me, when she bellowed (and I do mean bellowed) across the store, "JESSILYN! Get over here and take a peek-see at this! It's BRIAN LITTRELL."
Oh. My. Lord.
I melted like butter into the seat.
A shriek chased the woman's bellows and a petite red-head approached, clutching her lower jaw with nail-bitten fingers. She was wearing a scandalously high-cut denim skirt and a J-Lo-Low emerald green top with rhinestones. Around her neck, though, I noticed was a nice yellow selection from the Spring line of Wylee scarves.
"Oh goodness gracious," she purred. She was wearing green Converse trainers and the hottest pink lipstick I'd ever seen. "I never thought I'd meet you while we were vacationing in LA!" She squealed.
I laughed, "Never know where I'll pop up..."
"And in a Vicky's Secrets no less!" chimed in the fat one.
"Oh Daisy," giggled Jessilyn, "I cannot believe it. Can you believe it?" she turned back to me. "You have been our favorite singer since the day your CD released!" she grinned proudly.
I smiled, "Wow, go back aways, don't you?"
"Hey Brian??? Do you think I'd look sexier in red or blaaack?" All three of us froze at the chiming, feminine voice emitting from the dressing room. I swallowed.
Jessilyn looked nervously at Daisy. Daisy smiled. "Oh, is Leighanne here, also?" she asked.
I don't think it would be physically possible for my face to turn redder. "Yes," I stammered, I laughed, "Yes, of course, why else would I be in Victoria's Secrets?" I swallowed, "I mean, she's just, you know, she's trying stuff on... I'm waiting... here. Outside the waiting room."
"BRIAAAAAA-AAAANNN?!? Hellooooo? Red or blaa-aaack?"
Daisy's eyebrows puckered in concern, "She sounds strange. Is she sick?"
"Yes, very," I stammered, "Extremely. Practically on her death bed. We just came from the hospital, she's - she's got like some virus... some stomach virus... it's going around..."
Jessilyn looked around. "Where's Baylee?"
"Howie," I said, my mind whizzing. "Howie's got him." I nodded.
"Ohh," she said, a disappointed tone ekeing into her voice, "That's too bad, it would've been so sweet to meet him."
I nodded. My mouth felt dry.
Suddenly the saleswoman wandered by, she smiled at me and said, "Your wife has exceptional taste." She smiled. "And congratulation s, by the way," she added, "Is it your first?"
I swallowed.
Jessilyn and Daisy's eyes were both wide as saucers. "Leighanne is pregnant?" they asked in unison.
I started to open my mouth to say yes, when the sales woman - bane of my existance as she is - said, "Leighanne? I thought she said her name was Nicole?"
Jessilyn and Daisy's eyes were about to pop forth from their faces. My face could, indeed, it turn out, get redder than scarlet. I was probably a fair shade of eggplant by now. "Leighanne likes - likes role... role playing and..."
At that moment, the dressing room door flung open and Nick, in all his feminine glory, glad in lacy black lingerie, stepped into the center hall. His big round, pregnant tummy led the way as he frolicked down the carpet toward me, the reflection of his tight little butt in a thong bouncing in the mirror behind him, his breasts flopping about before him... and he stood about two feet away - unable to see Jessilyn or Daisy yet from where he stood - spread his arms widely and announced, "Aren't I the sexiest thing you ever laid eyes on?"
Jessilyn and Daisy both gasped - loudly.
Nick looked around, realized we were not alone, and pinkened slightly. "Oh," he muttered, "Sorry." He quickly slunk back into the dressing room.
The two girls turned to look at me.
"...That's Leighanne's sister..." I breathed the words as though I were treading on thin ice. "She's... a little... you know..." I spun my finger by my ear, and smiled a nervous, sheepish smile. Their glares hadn't decreased even slightly. I struggled to my feet. "Excuse me," I murmured, and quickly scurried, as fast as I could, out of the waiting room.
