Leah’s Point Of View

I walked into our room; Brian was sitting in bed reading. I chose to ignore him because I didn’t want to start another argument. I quickly brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas. I slid into bed next to Brian.

“Didn’t think you were coming to bed.” He commented as he placed his book on the nightstand.

“I wasn’t sure you wanted me here.” I said quietly. At this point I did not know how Brian was feeling about me. I was feeling vulnerable, which is something I never liked feeling. It hurt me that Brian was upset with me.

“Lee, you know I love you no matter what. I’ve just been feeling left out since you got here.” He said in a low voice. “I was jealous of AJ. He knew what was going on with Eden and we didn’t. It made me feel like I wasn’t being a good parent. I love Eden like she’s my own. How could I be so blind?”

“B, I was feeling exactly the same way. At first I was mad because AJ made me feel like I was a bad parent. I mean Eden was doing this right under our noses. Then I realized that AJ cares more about Eden then I thought. Maybe I judged him too harshly over the years.” I shared my feelings with him.

“But he’s had all these years to spend time with Eden and he chose not to. It’s hard for her to have a relationship with him. I think she’s given up on him.” He turned off the light. I quickly turned it back on.

“Brian Thomas Littrell, you can’t just end a conversation with a comment like that.” I raised my voice.”Would you care to explain to me what the hell that remark was about?” He was starting to piss me off again. I couldn’t take all this drama.

“Just from what Eden’s told me, Leah. It’s her words not mine.” He defended himself.

“What were her exact words?” I was ready to pack up my daughter and get the hell out of dodge. The Backstreet Boys were nothing but trouble in my book. I should have known better than to let her come on this tour.

“Eden told me that she doesn’t feel like she even knows her dad. She is over the fact that he doesn’t want to spend time with her. Hell she said Nick knows her better than her own dad.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I understood why she had negative feelings toward her father. Maybe it was my fault for moving to the other side of the United States. He didn’t always have the time to be in Georgia. I wonder if my pessimistic attitude towards AJ contributed to situation. I was not always pleasant when it came to him. Here I was feeling sorry for AJ. Why kind of cigarette did he give me? It must have been full of something more than nicotine. I never felt sorry for him.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Brian wrapped his arms around me.

“What’s there to say? I can’t change how she feels. I don’t want her to realize that he cares about her when it’s too late. I haven’t seen my parents for fifteen years. It hurts.”

“Leah, I think Eden has every right to feel that way. AJ hasn’t shown himself to be a good father since you got your act together.”

“Really? You would go there? I know I wasn’t the best mother in the beginning. It took a lot of soul searching for me to realize that it wasn’t about me. AJ was and is nothing like that. I regret that part of my past more than any other. Don’t you dare throw it in my face.” I yelled.

“There you go again defending him. I got get it. Usually you are moaning and groaning about what an ass he is. Why the sudden change in teams?” Brian said bitterly.

“I’m not on anyone’s side. I can’t believe you think I’m choosing. Who am I choosing between?” I got out of bed. I was upset with Brian accusing me of siding with AJ.

“Me and AJ. Currently I’m not winning.” Brian looked away.

“There’s no competition between the two of you. You’re my fiancé. I love you more than life itself.” I groaned. I never saw him jealous before. “AJ is the father of my child.”

“But your relationship with him has been…hell I can’t even describe it. I’ve just noticed things are different between us since you came on tour.”

“I’m not following.” Brian had me perplexed. I thought our relationship was strong, but maybe I was wrong. All I know is I had a headache.

“I can’t believe you don’t see it.” He was frustrated with the conversation. He stood up and grabbed his pillow.

“Maybe I’m blind. Maybe I’m tired. I’m sorry I don’t see it. All I know is your annoying me.”

“This is exactly what I mean. All you want to do is fight with me. Instead of working things out, you would rather go on and on. This isn’t the Leah I know and love.” He commented sadly.

“I’m sorry I’m not acting the way you want me to. I’m dealing with a lot of shit. I have to deal with Eden and AJ. I have the charity ball coming up and planning the damn wedding. I’m sorry that I’m not all roses and sunshine.” I screamed. I didn’t care if I woke up the whole suite. I had enough of Brian’s attitude.

“That is exactly what I’m talking about. I’m tired and want to get some sleep. I’ll be in the living room. Have a good night.” He huffed out of the room.

“Have A Good Fucking Night.” I yelled and threw a pillow at the door. No matter what I did it was wrong in someone’s eyes. I couldn’t please anyone, so why even try. The tension was coursing through my body. Was I sinking back into my old ways? Was AJ really affecting me? Was my relationship with Brian changing? I didn’t know and I didn’t want to think about it.