Leah’s Point of View

I woke up in my bed. Brian must have taken me to our room after everything that happened. My head ached from all the stress of the past few days. I wanted things to go back to normal, but I didn’t know how. This is why I stayed away from AJ. Trouble always followed me and him. Things were good when he wasn’t around.

2001

AJ sat on the bed looking at me. I was packing my suitcase and leaving the tour. Eden was sitting on the floor playing with her stuffed animals.

“Why are you doing this?” He raised his voice. Anger was flashing from his eyes.

“Eden, can you take your animals and show them to Uncle Nicky. I don’t think he has met your elephant and panda.” I prayed she would leave me alone with AJ for a few minutes. She looked at me like I asked her to build the pyramids. “Maybe you can get him to buy you some ice cream.”

“Okay.” She jumped up and grabbed all her animals. She could barely hold them all in her tiny arms. “I love ice cream.” She ran out of the room.

When I made sure she was far enough away, I closed the door. I had every intention of telling AJ why and where he could go. I was sick of his shit. I had enough to last me a lifetime.

“You want to know why. How can you sit there and act so fucking stupid.” I hissed.

“I treated you good until you started treating me like shit.” He grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels and took a swig.

“Right there is why I’m leaving.” I grabbed the bottle from him, the contents spilling over both of us. “You’ve changed. You would rather drink then spend time with me.”

“I can say the same of you. You act all innocent, but I know all about you cheating on me.” He screamed.

“What the hell are you talking about? I never cheated on you.” I lied. There was no way he knew about me and Nick. I didn’t love Nick. He was just good in bed, especially since AJ hadn’t made love to me in a long, long time. I had needs and my sex drive was high.

“You’re lying, but that’s nothing new. I can’t believe you would take my daughter away from me.” He blubbered. How the hell did he know what he was saying? He was so drunk from the alcohol he had been drinking for days upon days. He was out of control.

“My daughter doesn’t need to be in this environment. You’re drunk all the time and bring groupies back all the time. It’s not safe for her.” I threw Eden’s toys in the suitcase and zipped it up.

“That’s funny since you acted like she didn’t exist for the first three and a half years of her life. I don’t remember you doing jack shit. I’m responsible.” He gave me the dirtiest look.

“Please Age, let’s make this easy on Eden. Just tell her goodbye and that you will see her soon.” I pleaded. “As for me, when you get your head out of your ass and grow up, call me. I love you more than the world, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to me or our daughter.” I grabbed the suitcase and walked out of the room. AJ followed me.

“Eden it’s time to tell daddy goodbye.” She handed me her stuffed animals.

“Da-da, I love you. I’m gunna miss you.” Eden gave him a hug. He held onto her like he’d never see her again. My heart was breaking. I had to be strong and not cry. If he told me he would stop drinking, I would stay.

“I’m going to miss you, jelly bean.  Just remember daddy always loves you and you can call me any time day or night.” Tears started falling from both of their eyes. I had to look away because my resolve was wearing down.

“Eden it’s time to go.” She gave her dad one final kiss and hug. “Bye AJ.” I gave him a quick kiss on the check and ambled out.

“NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MY DA-DA. LET ME STAY!!!!” Eden screeched over and over until she tired herself out.

The memory of me leaving AJ haunted me still today. My mind wouldn’t let me get past it. At times I think it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I loved that man to the core. Part of me still loved him deep within my heart. How could I not love him? He gave me my daughter, but it was more than that.

Thinking back, leaving him was one thing I needed to do. It helped him realize he had an addiction and he finally got the help he needed. It also pushed me to grow up. I became a responsible parent and cleaned up my act. It was the turning point in my life.

The door opened and Brian sauntered over to the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Not really.” I sat up. I was afraid to look at him. I know that he was disappointed in me.

“It’s been a tough couple days. I never thought we would go through something like this.”

“Bri, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t change things, but I really mean it.” He scooted closer to me.

“I appreciate that. Is this the reason you’ve stayed away from AJ all these years?” I nodded my head. “Baby, if he affects you this much, how are things going to work for us? I want you on tour with me.”

“I don’t know, B. I’m trying to move past it, but I guess I need to try harder. Right now, I’m more worried about Eden. Not only does she hate AJ, she hates me, too.”

“She’s teenager and moody. Eden is starting to realize that everything isn’t black or white. She’ll get over it.” Brian put his arms around me. It was safe and I need to feel safe.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have shut AJ out of her life so much. Why was I so stupid?”

“Babe, you’re not stupid. You were trying to protect her. He was an alcoholic. It was unsafe for her to be around him.” He rubbed my thigh.

“But after he got clean I could have given him more time with her. Hell, he took care of her those first few years when I was off screwing around. They were so close and I broke that bond.”

“Leah, you can’t change the past. You can only fix the present. AJ could have done more. I love Eden like she’s my own. Knowing that I’m never going to have a child of my own, she’s all that I got.”

“Brian, I’m sorry. I sometimes forget that you’ve helped raise her into a caring young woman. You’ve been so good for her.” I kissed him. “You know we can always adopt if you want more babies.”

“I know. Maybe we will someday. It’s just I get sad knowing that you will never carry my baby. I would love to see you with a baby bump.”

“Oh Bri. I love you so much. Make love to me.” He slowly pushed me in to the mattress. His body covered mine.

The next thing I knew was Brian had undressed both of us. His tongue was swirling around my belly button. It seemed like forever since I had been with Brian, even though it was only a few days. His mouth moved up from my stomach to my breasts. He gave equal attention to them. “Mmmm, Bri baby, that feels so good. I need you” I panted.

“You need me, eh?” He gave me a cheeky grin.

“Yes, I do. I need you inside me.” He pushed himself into me as he sucked on my ear lobe. Slowly he started thrusting into me. It was perfect. I matched his movements. We were both hungry for each other.

“That’s it Leah. Feel it baby.” He let himself go. A few seconds later I hit my release. He laid on top of me. “I love you Lee.”

“I love you Brian.”