Leah’s Point of View

AJ was out looking at houses since he was moving to Atlanta. I still wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to go to the doctor. The panic attacks were scaring me. They would happen at random time. AJ was worried and forced me to go the doctor.

“Good afternoon Leah. How are you?” Dr. Ross asked.

“Not good. I’ve been having panic attacks for the last two weeks. My chest tightens, and I can barely breathe.”

“Are you having any other symptoms?”

“I’m nauseous a lot of the time, but mostly when I’m having the panic attacks.”

The doctor nodded as he wrote the information on my chart. “When was your last period?”

Usually I was on top of things, but with everything going on I had to think about it. When was my last period? The question kept going through my mind. I couldn’t come up with an answer. “Do you have a calendar I could look at?” I asked Dr. Ross frazzled.

He handed me the calendar and I flipped to the previous month and did some calculations. No, that couldn’t be right. I did the math again and again. “Dr. Ross my period was due last week, but I haven’t gotten it yet. Could stress do that?”

“Stress can definitely cause your periods to stop, but I need more information before I can rule anything out.” Dr. Ross was always through when it came to anything. He wanted to be sure of his diagnosis. I wished he would just chalk this up to stress and send me on his way.  “Have you had unprotected sex anytime in the past few months?”

“Yes.” I said slowly. Shit, AJ and I didn’t use a condom any time we had sex. I wasn’t on birth control because of Brian. Why was I so stupid?

“Well I’m going to get some blood work done to check your levels. I don’t want to rule out anything like pregnancy or illness. After the nurse is done taking your blood, I’ll be back with some relaxation techniques.”

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“L-bug is everything okay? You seem kind of quiet tonight?”

I kissed him on the cheek and smiled at him. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

“You want to go to bed?” AJ asked as he wrapped his arms around me. I was enjoying being in his embrace.

“It’s not even eight thirty.” I giggled. “I’ll be up at the crack of dawn if I go to bed now.”

“Well, we can always go cuddle.” He wiggled his eyes at me. “Anyway are you really ok? You’ve seemed off since you got back from the doctor’s.”

“I’m fine. He just gave me some relaxation techniques and took some blood. I’m fine Alex.” I said testily. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk. I didn’t want to discuss what went on at my doctor’s visit. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of being pregnant.

“Sorry I’m just concerned.” He scooted away from me.

“I know you are. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just tired and feel stressed.” I was ready to go to bed and ignore the world.

“Talk to me. What’s bothering you?”

“I feel like crap, and I can’t relax. I have to find a way to tell Brian. He’s not going to react well.”

“I’m sorry Leah. Is there anything I can do to make it better for you?” AJ said sincerely. He was so aware of my every thought and feeling.

“Just be there to support me. I have to be the one to tell Brian. I just don’t want to hurt him more than I have to.” Brian had always been good to me. He deserved better than what I could give him. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him.

“I here for you no matter what happens. I won’t let Brian treat you horribly.” He placed at kiss on my head. “If Brian loves you as much as you say, he’ll accept it. He may not like it but he’ll let you go.”

“If only it were that simple.” I nuzzled into his body. AJ gave me a sense of comfort that no one else did. I couldn’t explain it, but I never wanted to leave his embrace.

“I know it’s hard, but the best things in life are worth the fight.”

“You’re right. I can’t believe that we are back together.” Really I didn’t ever see myself back with AJ. I kept my distance for a reason.

“Why is that?” He started playing with my shirt. I loved how touchy feely AJ was with me.

“Because I hid that part of my heart from the world. I never stopped loving you. For my own sanity I needed to get it together and figure out how to be my own person.” I rubbed his thigh. I needed to be as close to him as possible. “Being on tour brought out all the feelings I had hidden. At first I wanted to deny it. I had Brian and thought I was happy with him. When we were alone I forgot everything existed.”

AJ’s mouth was on mine before I could say anything else. His tongue was parting my lips. Our tongue moved at a feverish pace. AJ gently pushed me back onto the couch. He placed his body on top of mine.

“I’m going love you forever and ever. I’m going to please you in every way possible and do it again and again.” He crushed his lips to mine. AJ’s hands were on my hips as he grinded himself against me. We weren’t even having sex and I was close to the edge.

I grabbed the top of his wife beater and ripped it off his chest. “Oops. Did I do that?” I batted my eyes at him. Then I raked my nails down his chest. When I got to his belly button, I traced his sixty-nine tattoo.

“Damn woman, I’m going to explode in my pants if you don’t stop. I’d rather explode in you.”

“Then you better undress us. I want you exploding in me over and over.” I moaned in his ear.

Within two minutes we were undressed. AJ spread my legs apart and situated himself between them. His mouth moved from my breasts to my mouth as he entered me.

“Leah, keep your eyes opened the whole time. I want to see what you’re feeling the whole time I’m inside you.” He pushed inside me again and again. I followed his command. There was something to be said for looking into your lovers eyes the whole time you’re making love. My senses were heightened.

The look in AJ’s eyes was one of pure unconditional love. Mine were showing the same thing.

“A…A…lll…eee..xxx. Oh god.” My body started to shudder with him inside me.

“Keep looking at me.” He demanded.

Within in a minute we were in pure ecstasy. I had never experienced anything like that in my life.  I waited for my breath to slow down before I spoke.

“Oh fuck, Alex. That was sooo amazing.”

He kissed my sweaty head. “I know L-bug. I’ve wanted to make love to you like that for so long. I had it planned for us to do it that way when we got engaged.”

“Have you ever done it like that with anyone else?” I asked quietly.

“No. There’s no one worth me giving my soul to. I love you, Leah.” He played with my damp hair.

“I love you Alexander James McLean.” I kissed him on the cheek.

“Are you feeling any better?” He smiled at me.

“I feel better than I have in a long time.” I snuggled up to him. I was the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I knew that being with AJ was the right thing.