BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
His hand slammed the alarm as hard as it could. It shattered as it fell onto the floor. Nick groaned, shifting a bit on his bed in an attempt to get comfortable again and forget that the evil alarm ever existed. For the ten seconds his eyes had been open before he killed the clock, he’d caught sight of the time. Eight o’ clock in the morning. Early, way too early for him to even bother. It felt like he had just fallen into bed.
You did genius; you didn’t get back home till after four. It’s because of me that you even got in then!
He jerked at the sudden appearance from an unfamiliar voice in his head. In the end though, he dismissed it, still caught in between that state of dreaming and being awake. Because he knew he couldn’t be hearing voices. That would mean he’s completely lost his mind. It was just a remnant of his sleep deprived mind. He wanted rest, craved it, so right then, nothing else mattered. He sighed, happily, drifting off back into slumber. A smile flitted across his face. To an outside observer, his face looked peaceful in sleep in ways it never looked when he was awake and aware.
At least till his phone started going off loudly, rousing him yet again. His hand slapped around the nightstand beside his bed till finally it settled on the Blackberry he was so addicted to. Fumbling with it, he finally answered.
“What the fuck…I’m trying to sleep.”
“Nick, where are you?”
“At the fucking north pole, leave me alone Brian I’m sleeping.” He hung up and put it back down, burying his face within a pillow. Light filtered in through the windows despite the curtains, and all he wanted was the ability to block everything out.
Until the phone rang yet again. Nick growled as he reached for it. Was it just him, or did it seem to be getting louder? He rubbed his eyes, answering. “WHAT?!”
“Where are you?”
“Jesus Howie, I’m at home trying to get some fucking sleep!” He shouted into the phone, now wide awake and feeling far worse than he expected.
“You can’t sleep.”
“Why can’t I sleep?!”
“Because you were supposed to be at the studio an hour ago, we were worried something happened. Now will you get your ass up and get down here?” Howie demanded, sounding angrier with each word said. Nick sighed as he sat up slowly. It didn’t look like he was getting sleep anytime soon.
“Fine.”
“See you there Nicky.” Click, and then the dial tone. He rolled his eyes; Howie would never stop calling him Nicky, despite how much he hated it. Or maybe it was to spite him, knowing it drove him crazy.
It didn’t take much for him to get ready. He didn’t bother showering because honestly he couldn’t have cared less. A pair of track pants, a random t-shirt, and a baseball hat, and he was good to go. He knew he looked like shit, but what did it matter? It was just Howie, AJ and Brian. It wasn’t like there was anyone important at the studio. No record executives, just whatever producers they agreed to work with that day and each other. They’ve seen him looking worse. It wasn’t long before he was behind the wheel of his black Cadillac, driving down the roads towards the studio.
Nick glanced at the time. 8: 45 – he was going to be well past two hours late by the time he got there. He still had a bit of a drive, and Los Angeles traffic was anything but friendly. His head still throbbed, despite the pain Advil he’d downed with can of Red bull on his way out the door. He turned on the radio, but kept the volume down. He hated silence but knew he couldn’t take anything loud right then.
He made a turn, continuing the drive and listening partially to the radio. His mind drifted, as he craved what he knew he couldn’t have at that moment. Not until later. He fiddled with the station as traffic came to a standstill on the highway.
“So Aaron, you and your siblings just finished doing a reality show – House of Carters. How was that?”
“I’m just glad it’s over.”
“It seemed like you and your brother have some issues.”
“Nick, he’s always been like that. I do my thing and he tries to control me. It’s like; he can’t control his weight or his life. He gets mad cause he’s a fat ass and can’t change it. So he’s trying to do it to control me or something. We never get along.”
Nick’s head snapped to attention. Aaron was known for spreading lies, stories, anything for attention. He always blamed himself partially for that. It couldn’t be easy growing up as the younger brother of “Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys”. How many times had Nick himself rebelled from that title? Aaron loved music the same way Nick did, it used to connect them, created a bond only the two of them understood within the spotlight. When the spotlight on Aaron faded, their relationship deteriorated as well.
He hated that more than anything.
“So give us the inside scoop, you think all those rumors about Paris Hilton are true?”
“I don’t know, but he’s hit me before, he can get pretty violent, so yeah, maybe they are.”
His eyes widened and immediately he dialed the number of his youngest brother. Nick felt incredibly betrayed. He turned off the radio as he listened to the phone ring. He was still stuck in traffic but couldn’t care less. How could Aaron do this to him? Despite their issues, Nick knew he had never done anything to deserve that. He did everything he could to try and help him. How many strings had he pulled? How many chances had he given them?
Sibling rivalry was what it came down to.
“Hello?”
“How the fuck could you do that to me?!” Nick almost yelled into the phone.
“What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about? How about that interview you did this morning? They’re playing it now dumbass! Acting like I beat on you and Paris when you know that’s fucking bullshit!”
“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true man and-”
“Oh cut the shit!” he mimicked Aaron’s more nasally tone as he repeated the hurtful words. “I don’t know, but he’s hit me before…he can get pretty violent…”He paused, trying to regain control as traffic started to move once again along the highway. “Why Aaron, why? What did I ever do to deserve you tossing my name back in the mud like that?”
No response, just his brother breathing on the other end of the line.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. So much for trying to bring us together, that only works when there’s money involved. So just…leave the fuck alone. You’re just like mom.” He hung up. As much as he thought that rant would help, it didn’t make him feel any better.
The rest of the drive there was in utter silence.
When he got to the studio he knew the others would be furious. They wouldn’t bother to ask why he looked so upset; they’d assume it was a hangover. It was part of it sure, usually was. But it was never the full story. He got out of his car and walked inside, a set of sunglasses helping to keep the blinding light away from his eyes. Nick was met with a bombardment of angry questions the moment he passed through the door. He flopped into a chair, groaning as his head began to throb. What had he done last night? He couldn’t really remember, it was mostly a blur. He’d gone to the club with some people he called friends, Bean, Chris, and some others they brought along. They split up in the club, and after that it was like his mind went on warp speed.
There had been those two girls, what were their names?
Eh, it doesn’t matter, he thought to himself.
It was just better to think about that night, than everything else.
“Nick are you listening? Where have you been?” Brian’s voice was getting louder and the pain residing in his head intensified immediately.
“God Brian, I have a fucking headache…”
“And it was probably well earned.”
“You’re two hours late!”
“Oh bite me Howie, just cause Kevin walked out the damn door doesn’t mean you get to play daddy to the fucking group now.”
AJ’s hand rested on his shoulder. A side glance caused his eyes to fall on the delicately painted fingernails, buffed and polished as well as any girlfriend Nick’s ever had. AJ was the girliest guy he ever knew; who he knew for a fact was not gay. The amount of beauty products the man owned was just downright terrifying whenever Nick caught sight of it.
“Nick, look…”
“I’m fine! Fucking fine. I’m just a bit hung-over okay!” He stood up angrily, regretting the action immediately as he swayed a little. His head pounded to the beat of an Indian drum. Nick sat back down, groaning. “Just leave me alone. I’m here, let’s just start singing.”
“Dude…”
“I’m fine.” He ignored the looks shot at him at their response. He knew they didn’t believe them. They would probably try their best to babysit him. It was typical; they always acted like he was still that twelve year old shrimp he used to be. Let them worry.
He didn’t care.
****
The roads were slick that night, but Nick didn’t care. In fact, everything seemed hilarious to him as he drove down the side roads of Los Angeles. Lightning flashed across the sky furiously, and he simply giggled at the way everything lit up when it did. Cars honked at him as they passed, and he just flipped them off, laughing as he did. He didn’t think about that morning. Everything seemed a lot better. So what if he seemed to be disappointing everyone around him? Who cared if Aaron was selling him out the same way his mother loved to? Or that BJ and Leslie had gone back to not talking to him again the moment the reality show promotion and interviews ended?
The night had been to forget the day. Bean and Chris had dragged him out for another night on the town. What could be wrong with that? He needed it. No he deserved it. There had been no girls leaving with him from the club however. Nick wasn’t too sure why, they’d been all for the idea of coming back to his place, before suddenly blowing him off.
But he didn’t care, he was having fun.
His phone rang, and he glanced around in search of it. Shit, where’s my phone? Nick’s eyes weren’t on the road; they were looking for the missing phone till he finally discovered it on the seat beside him. The car swerved till he grabbed the wheel once again and answered. There was a chorus of honks in response, but he didn’t really notice. The storm intensified as the rain fell in a horrendous downpour.
“Helloooooooo?”
“Nick, its Brian.”
“Why are you calling? You don’t talk to me no more.” He laughed. “You’re too holy for the likes of me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“What is? Not my liiiiiiife!”
“I just wanted to see how you are. I, I don’t know, I have a bad feeling.”
“You have a bad feeling? You don’t even know what bad feelings are!” Nick grinned, amused. “I’m fine. I told you that today! Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fiiiiiiiiiine!” He sang.
Another flash of lightning danced along the night sky. The roads were instantly illuminated. For a split second, he could see a young woman standing in the middle of the road up ahead. She was trying to get his attention. He squinted, confused. Nick blinked, but she was no longer there.
What the hell?
“Nick?”
The minute of distraction cost him. His car started to run off the road and he swerved to correct it. In doing so, the car began to spin out of control. The last thing Nick would remember was seeing the young woman again, this time in front of a tree. The very tree his Cadillac slammed into only moments later. Metal crunched and twisted, the windshield became nothing more than a spider web of cracks. His body flew forward unimpeded by the seatbelt he ignored that night. His head slammed into the windshield. Pain radiated throughout his body, all consuming.
And then, Nick knew nothing more.
