- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry about the delay between updates! I got inspired for my other story "Walked Out Of My Dreams" but no worries, this story wasn't forgotten. Enjoy! :)
Chapter Five


…Beep…Beep…Beep…

“Nick, can you hear me?”

Nick, don’t forget what we talked about…

“Nick? Come back to us buddy…”

I’ll be seeing you soon!

He blinked, opening his eyes again. Immediately he squinted, the bright lights momentarily blinding him before faces hovered above him in his vision. No, one face hovered above him. He’d thought he’d seen too, but it’d been a trick of the light. Brian broke into a wide grin as he embraced him immediately, awkward thanks to everything Nick was hooked up to. He took everything in. Just behind him, much to his surprise was Leighanne. Why was she there? They had issues, always have.

“Nick?”

His eyes shifted around, still unfocused. Memories rushed through his mind in a rapid blur. A night out at the clubs. The storm, and the drive home. There had been a crash, and then nothing. Or was there more? He could quite grasp them, but there were images flashing through his mind. A young woman. Nick, staring down at his own broken, damaged body. He shook his head. Dreams, most likely.

“Brian?” He croaked, finally. He’d meant to say something different, like a thank you, for being there. He didn’t like to think about it, but Nick had always assumed if something happened to him like this, Brian would’ve chalked it up as Nick bringing it on himself. Cynical or not, it was comforting, heartwarming, to see him there at his side.

“Thank God…” Brian murmured, hugging him once again. “Leigh, get the doctors.”

“Glad to have you back with the living Nick.” She said with a smile, before doing just as her husband had told her. It was better that way. Nick had not a clue of how to respond after years of resentment and dislike hovering between the two of them. At least, not without starting a fight at least.

He simply nodded, not up for saying anything, but wanting more than anything to be free of all the cords and wires holding him still to the hospital bed. He tried once again to sort everything out. He sighed mentally, what did it matter anyway? It wasn’t like anything was going to get better.

“Frack, how you feeling?”

Nick jerked at the old nickname. Brian hadn’t called him that in a long time, not since he got serious with Leighanne at least. He simply stared up at him, somewhat in awe. Where had everything gone wrong? How had a bond, once so close, so secure, become so broken? Had it been his fault, like his dreams had said?

They were dreams, he reminded himself firmly. Or had it been because of Brian, because of Leighanne, the way he’d always told himself? It felt like old times though, like they hadn’t drifted apart over the past few years. That their friendship was as tight as it had ever been. It was an odd feeling. Nick swallowed hard, suddenly craving water.

“Thirsty.” It was a noncommittal response and he was thankful for it. There was too much in his head right then, he felt like he was on sensory overload. This wasn’t the time or the place for trying to sort things out. Brian looked relieved as well that Nick’s solitary word shattered the awkward moment between them.

“Right…” He went for a glass of water, and Nick tried to slowly get himself sitting up. It amazed him how weak he felt, his arm felt like rubber, while the other arm was in a cast. He glanced down, wondering what else he’d broken. Parts of his body he hadn’t realized could feel pain were aching mercilessly. Eventually though, he accomplished his goal, feeling thoroughly exhausted.

Brian held up the glass of water to his lips. Suddenly, a streak of sudden pride washed through him as he roughly grabbed it with his uninjured hand and caused a few drops to spill on the sheets. He didn’t want to be treated as the invalid he knew he was at the moment. He could do things for himself. The ferocity must have surprised Brian, as he took a step back, his hands held up in surrender. Nick took a sip and said nothing.

I’m hurt, I ain’t dead. Fuck.

“So…Nick, what happened that night?” His friend asked, finally breaking the silence again. He just wanted to know what was taking Leighanne so long finding a doctor. Not that he minded her being gone of course.

“Which one?” He asked without a moment’s thought. It sounded odd, even to him.

Brian’s brows furrowed a bit as Nick took another sip. “The night of the accident.”

His head turned away and he stared at the wall. What would Brian know? He wouldn’t understand. A nagging feeling entered his head, throbbed incessantly. Nick pushed it aside, it was probably a headache. He did just come out of a coma after what must have been a pretty bad accident. No, he knew he’d been bad, he’d seen the wreckage. It was a miracle he was awake at all.

…The hell? Where did that thought come from? How could I see the wreck when I was the one in it?

“I was having some fun.” He finally said after trying to shake the troubling thoughts out of his mind.

“You call that fun?!” Brian asked incredulously, all the warmth had suddenly vanished from his voice. It was like their bond that Nick had thought resurfaced had once again been turned off like a light switch.

“Not the accident, but I was having fun up until then, yeah!”

The man he once called his best friend turned away, but Nick could make out his mutterings all the same. “Fun, are you kidding me? …Maybe that knock to your head killed your common sense.”

“You know what Brian, I can fucking hear you!”

The door opened just as Brian turned to face him. His mouth closed once again and silenced the angry retort Nick knew was lingering there inside. He expected to see the doctor or Leighanne enter the room, but instead, it was Kevin. He glanced between them and looked puzzled to see the furious stares shooting between them. Brian just shook his head, his expression an unreadable mix of frustration, worry, and distaste.

“I’m going to see what’s taking Leigh so long.”

Kevin raised a brow at him as he walked over and pulled up a chair to sit beside his bed. He sighed and Nick saw up close just how tired he was. Kevin always had that knack of being able to get him to feel guilty. He took another sip of water as an excuse not to talk. He was tired anyway, not that he’d admit it to anyone right then.

“You’re awake not even an hour and you’re already back to pissing people off.”

He rolled his eyes while Kevin chuckled.

“I don’t like being treated like a fucking child.”

Kevin’s eyes stared into him with those piercing green eyes, in a way only Kevin could. “Then maybe Nick, you need to stop acting like one.”

“I don’t-”

“No, Nick, you need to hear me out. You have any idea how worried we’ve been, how many times Brian’s been pestering the doctors about you, arguing with your mother – and you know how she is – doing everything he can for you? It drove him crazy; it drove us all crazy, having you in here like this. Even if we’re pissing you off, the least you can do is deal with it.”

He turned his head away, staring at the wall. He was so sick of being told what to do. And what right did Kevin have to do that anymore? He’d abandoned them, abandoned the group. He didn’t deserve to boss him around anymore. He heard Kevin sigh, but neither of them said anything more. He loved them, more than he’d ever told them. They were his brothers, his family in all the ways his own “blood family” had failed him. At the same time, they didn’t understand. They never would. They all had family who supported them. Even if friends they made failed them, they had their family.

Nick never had that luxury.

He knew Kevin, Brian, AJ, and Howie all loved him, that they cared. He could even say that in some twisted way, the Carters all loved him too. But was any of it unconditional? Probably not. He stopped believing in that a long time ago. Love had limits. No matter how many people denied it and tried to say otherwise. He knew better. Too many people had used him, given up on him, for Nick to believe otherwise. His band mates were still around, but who knew how long that would continue. Even Brian. Sure, Brian was here, Brian cared. But it wasn’t like they were friends anymore outside of the group; it wasn’t like they were close. Not how they used to be. Slowly but surely, he was giving up on him. Just like everyone else in his life.

Nick just continued to pretend he wasn’t affected by any of it. It was all he could do.

Kevin took his uninjured hand. “Look, little man…”

The doctor came in before he could say anything more. And for that, Nick was thankful. He didn’t want any more “deep” talks. He didn’t want to hear it. All he wanted was for them to let him be. He thought of his siblings, his parents. Did any of them even bother to come visit them in here? Probably not. The fellas might drive him crazy, but at least they came.

The doctor was talking to him, but Nick tuned it out. He’d had enough talking for the day.

Fuck, I don’t even think I know what I want. I want them gone, I’m glad they’re here. He hated feeling such a mess. Maybe it was the medication. Or, maybe he was just being honest with himself. Nick wasn’t really sure.

He simply wished he didn’t feel so alone all the time.

****

Grace watched them from the doorway. She knew none of them would sense her. But she could sense them, their emotions, their fears, their thoughts. None of them were particularly pleasant at the moment. Her eyes focused on Nick. He reminded her so much of herself back when she was still alive. He had so many people around him who loved him, and he was so tragically blind to all of it. All he could see was everything he lacked.

She was like that once.

Grace started walking down the hall as she pondered her next move. Why did God believe she could handle this? She couldn’t even handle herself when she’d traveled down a similar path so many years before in her own lifetime. Why would He make Nick her new charge? She sighed. God worked in mysterious ways, it was a phrase she’d found to be proven true in so many ways.

Somehow, someway, she had to make this work. She had to make him see everything she, herself, had once been blind to. Grace desperately wanted to protect him from the fate that had befallen her. If only he could see how much of a blessing it was to be alive, he wouldn’t be so self-destructive. Maybe then, he wouldn’t subconsciously try to find ways to kill himself. She stepped outside the hospital, enjoying the breeze as she took on her corporeal form. At least this assignment had some blessings. It was the closest she’d felt to being alive since she died.

She thought back to her life, back to a simpler time. Back to the pain and the joy, to the thrills of simply being alive. Of everything Nick would miss if he finally accomplished his goal. Grace stared up at the stars, at the heavens beyond them that mortals couldn’t see. The beauty was breathtaking, but had nothing on Earth. Her jaw set.

She couldn’t fail him.