“What do you dream about? Because I can make it happen.”
“I wanna be an actress, perhaps the best actress. The one everyone’s talking about, the way they do Clara Bow.” She said softly, her eyes shining with the stars she so desperately wanted to pursue as she gazed up to the dapper looking man leaning up against a closed building.
Nick turned, but it was like no one saw him. He was nothing but the observer in the scene around them. He felt like he fell into an old silent film except for the obvious fact he could hear people talking and everything was in Technicolor. The woman talking was beautiful, happy, and familiar. With short golden hair done in tight curls and held back by a feathered headdress; she wore a black shimmering dress and heels while smoking a cigarette with a long holder. She inhaled deeply before blowing smoke out into the chilly Chicago air. Nick wasn’t sure exactly how he knew where they were, but know he did. Cars looking like they came right of some educational special were driving by casually in their Model T glory.
“And I can show ya the way doll face.” He told her as he started brushing some unseen dust off his suit. “All you gotta do is trust me.”
Giggling, she tucked a curl behind her ear and nodded. A car passed them by as the two started walking away. “You’re the first guy I feel like I can trust, James.”
“Don’t worry Gracie, I’ll never steer you wrong.”
“I know.”
“You did the right thing, coming with me. That one horse town was only suffocating a dame like you. We’ll head to California in a few weeks and we’ll pound the pavements till we make it happen.”
“I was the luckiest girl in the world when you walked through my daddy’s door.”
Nick blinked and started walking closer. He wanted to get a better look at the pair.
His hand slipped into his coat pocket to pull out a fancy gold pocket and clicked his tongue at the time. “Let’s go to Sam’s joint and tip a few.”
She looped her arm through James’ and they walked off without a second thought.
Nick hurried to catch up with them as he watched the two of them head into a local speakeasy and…
***
It was the middle of the night in Nick’s apartment when he suddenly jerked awake from his dream. He rolled his eyes and changed the channel. That’s what he got for leaving the history channel on after he took his pain medication. Between that and whatever that stupid thing that decided to haunt him every chance she had. He still debated on if angels were real of he was simply psychotic. It wasn’t making sleeping easier in any case.
Sleep in general wasn’t a simple feat given the soreness of his body and the incredibly stiff cast on his arm. So really what ended up happening was a lot of staring up at the ceiling and too much thinking. He couldn’t drink yet though the drugs for pain were helping at least. The fact none of the drugs he’d done had been found in his system made it so the doctors didn’t hold back on certain prescriptions. The only reason he wasn’t using that to his advantage yet, was simply because he knew the others were watching him too close for the moment. As much as they could at least. Christmas was tomorrow and he’d shut out the world. He wasn’t up for their pity invites. The idea of having him over because he almost got himself killed.
The idea of asking to have a family holiday was completely laughable.
Well, with the exception of Angel. His baby sister, the youngest girl but somehow the most mature. Yet she was the only one of them who seemed to give a damn beyond the idea that he could be a walking, talking ATM machine. He glanced at the phone before looking at the clock. It was only four AM. No one he knew family or otherwise was going to be up at this ungodly hour anyway. Hell, he wished he wasn’t. Sighing, he glanced at the TV again. Infomercials. Lovely.
“You know, you should call someone.”
Nick almost fell out of the bed, glaring at the girl who walked from nowhere to stand in front of the bed. She turned the TV off with a bit of a grin. “Stop being so angry and listen to me.”
“You almost made me fall out of the fucken bed and break something else!”
“I wouldn’t let it happen.” Grace sat on the bed, smirking. “If you don’t heal, you can’t serve your ninety days community service and go to outpatient rehab.”
He rolled his eyes. Rehab was for addicts. He wasn’t an addict by any means. Sure sometimes he’d go crazy and binge for months. But he wasn’t AJ! Every time he was on tour he’d quit cold turkey and handle it just fine. Nick could function which was more than his friend and band mate could ever claim. There was a difference. He simply figured God liked fucking with him. Why else would he give him his poor excuse of a family and then surround him with those who had what he never would? Or hell, maybe Grace was really some alien experiment. He could see that.
“They should save that for someone who needs it.” He muttered.
“You know I have better hearing than you right?”
No, he didn’t. “Don’t care.”
There was so much in that moment Nick just didn’t know. As always, He had a plan. But it was within His wisdom to be sure humans had their free will; Grace knew what was to come but wasn’t by any means allowed to share it. She was supposed to help convince him to make that choice. That was the most she could do to interfere. She could guide, show him truths in the here and now that he hadn’t yet seen. If she was up to it, she was even allowed to show him her own sad tale. But that was it. Fixing the family problems was something she knew might never happen but she herself prayed she might help him mend those shattered bonds. If not, in a little over five years Nick would come to regret it with every part of his being.
And depending on the path he’d chosen it could even cause his complete self destruction.
Then he’d be nothing more than another star doomed to an early grave. The other path is what had her here in the first place. This man, this broken, shattered mess of a man could help change the world. He could help save souls without even realizing he was saving himself. The tragic event causing this wouldn’t change no matter which path he walked, only the destinations. If only he knew.
She sighed, shaking her head. “You don’t have a choice anyway. To be honest your lawyer was pretty skilled since he kept you out of jail since this was your second DUI.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Someone should Nick!”
“Yeah some fucked up part of my brain or one of God’s bitches.”
Grace bit her lip and kept her own temper under control. Heavenly being or not she was still human once upon a time. That never faded away completely. “This is the last night I’ll be here.” This was a lie. She’d be in the wings, watching. Hoping to influence helpful situations and possible chase away darker possibilities. And then she was planning on revealing herself again after he got out of rehab to either support new healthier choices or prevent a horrible relapse. Either future was very possible and it was unclear what would happen still. Everything about Nick’s future was murky to be honest. “Does that help? I can’t and won’t force you into anything. I’m doing nothing but trying to help you.”
“Heh, yeah. Merry Christmas to me!”
Another eye roll. She noticed how he avoided her real point but let it be. “You’ll be spending it alone. How’s that merry?”
Nick was just damn glad the lectures would end after tonight. Didn’t he get enough? Then again, like it or not she had a point. He wasn’t in Florida; he didn’t have his dogs here. What “friends” he had would only want to show up if Christmas meant getting blitzed as usual. It was looking more and more like a day from hell no matter how much he didn’t want to admit to it. And it wasn’t like he’d ever have a real girlfriend again. That was a joke. The world thought he was a woman beater; the rest used him for money, fame, and drugs. Easy as that.
“Nobody wants me crashing their Christmas.”
It was sad but in that moment, Grace completely softened. He looked like a lost little boy as he said it. “That’s not true. Brian didn’t leave for Atlanta cause he’s hoping you’ll call him. But if you’re uncomfortable because of Leighanne, don’t call him. AJ may have gone to Florida to be with his mom but you know he’d welcome you to crash. Howie wouldn’t mind either. Kevin’s mom told him to stay here when she heard about your accident, because she felt you needed him…”
The tiniest of smiles formed. He always loved Momma Richardson. Protecting him since he was only twelve years old after learning from his son about Nick’s home life. “She’s always loved me.”
“So do others.” She said gently. “Call Angel if you don’t want to go with any of the fellas. You know she’d happily ditch your other siblings in a second for a quiet Christmas with you. It’d be small but it’s better than being alone.”
He snorted. “I bet they’re having a happily fucked up Carter Christmas without me.”
He wasn’t completely wrong. Her lips pursed and her arms crossed over her small chest. She hated having to tell him things he should know about his own family. “Leslie’s spending it with your mom and Mike.”
“And the others?” He prompted.
“Yes, Bob invited BJ, Aaron, and Angel to have Christmas with him and his family. Angel’s not happy about the idea, Aaron’s been trying to talk her into it.”
Dad’s new family, my replacements, Nick couldn’t help but think. Bob had that new picturesque family with his new wife, her daughter and now one and a half year old Kanden. While he’d always known his mother was never right for his father with all their dysfunction, it still stung. He knew why Bob hadn’t invited him. After House of Carters he’d asked Nick for money to get some new house and sick of handing out cash, he’d been firm in saying no. “Lucky them.”
Grace took his Blackberry into her softly glowing hands. “Call her, call Kevin…actually call both.”
Kevin was a no. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever stop feeling so bitter and abandoned. “If I call Angel will you calm down?”
She smiled. “Not tonight but I might try being a little nicer.”
He sighed dramatically though deep down he didn’t hate the thought. “Fine, hand me the phone.”
It wasn’t much, but it was a start at least.
And enough to keep hope alive.
