“I’m gonna miss you so much, baby,” Nick told his fiancée, Lauren, as he kissed her goodbye.
“I’ll miss you, too.” Releasing him from her embrace, Lauren put both hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. “You be good while I’m gone, now,” she said, pretending to be stern. “Just cause you’re baching it for a week doesn’t mean you can sit around, drink booze, and be a bum all day. Make sure you eat right and get to the gym so you can stay… Kitt Fit!” She flashed him a winning smile.
Nick smiled back. “Don’t worry, babe. I’m gonna be too busy busting my ass in the backyard to lie around eating junk. I’m sure I’ll burn plenty of calories even without going to the gym. I’m gonna show you and our fans some more creative ways to get… Kitt Fit!” He winked and clicked his tongue, giving her a double thumbs up.
The couple had kept up their “Kitt Fit” lifestyle throughout their time in Tennessee, where they were remodeling the house Nick owned near Nashville. Nick was staying to finish the renovations while Lauren returned to Los Angeles to train for her next fitness competition. He had some “special projects” he hoped to tackle while she was out of town.
As soon as she was gone, he got started on his work. The first phase of the project involved finding some willing participants - or, rather, waiting for them to find him. All he had to do was go to the gym, like he’d promised Lauren he would, and wait to be recognized. If he was approached by a fan who fit the profile he was looking for - overweight from hours spent sitting at the computer, eating chips and writing fan fiction - he fed her his line: “Hey, girl. How would you like to get… Kitt Fit?”
He told them he and Lauren were developing a weight loss competition series, similar to The Biggest Loser, to accompany their Kitt Fit campaign. “We’re searching for contestants to be on the show, and you’ve got just the look we’re going for!” he claimed. “How would you like to come with me back to my place and audition?”
In a single day, he brought home three eager victims. The first was Amanda, who’d worn a Backstreet Boys t-shirt to the gym. The second was Becca, who’d wiped her sweaty face with a BSB cruise towel at the end of her workout. Finally, there was Cassie, who’d gushed that she always listened to his songs while she walked on the treadmill. (Nick had shuddered as he heard the beat of “Burning Up” blaring out of her ear buds, remembering the flames igniting his pants while the smoke signed his nostrils. She would burn for reminding him of his own fiery death.)
He made each contestant strip down to her undergarments and step onto a scale. “Smile for your ‘before’ pic,” he would say, as he snapped photos. Then he locked the three of them in separate rooms, which he called “confessionals,” and went to work on the next phase of his project.
Amanda looked up nervously when he walked into the bathroom. She was lying in the bathtub, where he’d left her, looking like a beached whale in her bra and panties. He had chained her wrists to the faucet and bound her legs together so that her lower half could only flop around like a mermaid on land.
Nick could tell she had been crying. Clearly, she had realized this wasn’t a reality show. But that didn’t make her situation any less real. “You came here to lose weight, and I’m going to make sure that you do,” Nick promised, offering her a reassuring smile. “I know you’ve probably tried all kinds of weight-loss strategies in the past: diets… exercise… but have you ever tried liposuction?”
She shook her head, her eyes wide, and his smile grew.
“No? Well, prepare to be amazed. Liposuction is quick and easy. You just lie there and let the fat get sucked right out of you. It’s like magic! Look, I even have a magic wand!” He held up the end of his vacuum cleaner hose, hooked up to the narrowest attachment.
Amanda started to hyperventilate.
He set down the hose and took another step toward the tub, pulling a small knife out of his pocket. “Normally they knock you out before any kind of surgical procedure, but I wanted you to be able to watch the magic happen. Fair warning, though - this may sting a bit.”
She started screaming as he stabbed the knife into her belly and didn’t stop until he had finished boring a small hole.
“Shh,” he scolded her, wiping the bloody knife with a towel. “Don’t scream so much. You’ll scare the others.”
His weakened victim whimpered with pain and fear, while the blood poured from the knife wound in her belly. When he held up the vacuum cleaner attachment, she started to scream again. He jammed it through the opening in her skin, plugging up the hole. Then, with the flip of a switch, he turned it on.
The sound of her screams was overpowered by the roar of the vacuum, as it suctioned out her abdominal organs. The hose rattled in his hands as bloody bits of tissue were sucked through it. He held on, letting his homemade liposuction machine run until the “check bag” light came on, signaling that the vacuum cleaner bag was full. Meanwhile, Amanda’s abdominal cavity must be empty. Her belly was certainly looking flatter than before.
“Lipo may not be for everyone, but there’s no denying results like these,” he said to himself as he snapped an “after” picture.
After wrapping the body in a plastic tarp and dragging it out to his backyard, he spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the bathroom with bleach. That evening, he took to Twitter, posting a picture of himself standing in the sparkling bathroom, the vacuum cleaner propped in a corner behind him.
Nick Carter @nickcarter
Got my bathroom clean and my workout in at the same time. Just another way to stay #KittFit!
Later, Lauren replied:
Lauren Kitt @Lauren_Kitt
So lucky to have a future husband who helps out around the house! Love you @nickcarter! #KittFit
Nick smiled as he read her tweet. He wished his fiancée wasn’t so far away, but it was probably better that she was. He still had plenty of work left to do there without her. One down… two to go, he thought, turning his attention to contestant number two.
