Chapter Twenty One

<u>June, 2012</u>

::: Rayne POV :::

Since Nick left to go on tour I felt completely lonely. I’d gone back to my apartment, but it didn’t have the same feel. I guess because deep down I knew Nick’s house was my home.

I’d spent a few days here and there with Brin and Trey, but with them working and out partying I kinda felt like I didn’t fit in any more. I was 6 months pregnant now, with a huge tummy and barely any nice clothes that fit. I still had a few dresses, they were maternity fit, but I liked them. I just didn’t feel comfortable all dressed up and pregnant. In fact my favourite outfit was a pair of Nick’s old shorts and a tank top. Comfort over ruled all.

I’d been to a Lamaze class since Nick had gone, and it had been the only one I attended. Seeing all the other women there with their boyfriends and husbands, or moms made me sad. I had none of them to come with me and help me. I’d told my midwife I was ditching the classes. She didn’t seem too happy, but the classes weren’t compulsory any ways. I decided to do at home classes instead, watching videos on the internet for help.

Me being pregnant still came as a shock to me. I mean from being told it would be luck that would give me a baby, to actually finding out I was pregnant it was more a miracle than luck. When I would feel little kicks, or run my hand over my stomach and feel my bump just made me realise how incredibly blessed I am.

Of course I would feel even more blessed if I had things the way I wanted them for sure. You see something had changed since Nick had gone. My mind.

It was one of those ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone’ moments. Sure, Nick was only gone on tour. But it took for him to not be here for me to realise that I wasn’t down for the whole friends with benefits routine, and that yes, I’d actually been lying to myself, because in fact I wanted it all. Love, Happiness, Nick forever.. A family. All of it.

I kinda felt stupid. I mean there Nick had been, downright telling me he wanted me forever, and all that, and I’d been rattling on about a relationship without the actually relationship. Because lets face it, that’s what I had been implying. Poor guy went along with it because he loves me, and I was being a horny pregnant bitch.

So I was waiting for when Nick came home. I had a month to figure out just how I was going to do it. I mean, sure… I could call Nick and tell him out right, but what fun would that be. He’s over in Europe, and I’m stuck here. In person would have do to. I just had to figure out how I was going to tell him. But of course thinking about it only made me miss Nick more.

It was a vicious cycle.

***

Sleep always usually comes naturally to me. Especially when tucked up in Nick’s bed, surrounded by his things, and his scent on the pillow. Sleep still came naturally for me this night, but something, or should I say someone, was determined to keep me awake.

Not Nick, not anyone else, but my baby.

She’d been kicking up a storm. Kicks I could actually feel, little kicks that despite the fact I was tired still made me smile and run my hand over my stomach. I guess my little one was really happy inside me. I ached to share this moment with Nick, and knew there would be only one way to do it.

I picked up my cell from the bedside, and scrolled through the contacts before finding Nick’s name. I quickly calculated the time difference, he was 8 hours behind, meaning it was around 11pm where he was. I hit call and snuggled back into the covers, resting my hand on my stomach as I listened to the call ring through.

It took a while before Nick answered the call, and straight away I knew why. Loud music was pumping in the background. I knew Nick wouldn’t even hear me if I spoke, but still I shouted hello down the phone as Nick said my name.

“Rayne… hang on, let me go somewhere quiet!” Nick yelled down the phone, making me chuckle. I remember him mentioning something about after parties the day before when I spoke to him. He was obviously at one.

There was a lot of shuffling, and voices. I couldn’t really make much out until the sound became clear again. The music was still there, and still loud, but the next voice I heard was loud and clear.

<i>“…Nick, baby, forget the call… let’s get back to where we were..”</i>

I frowned. I could hear Nick talking, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I waited a minute or two, hearing them talk back and forth before I heard her giggle. I waited, waited to hear Nick’s voice talking to me. So my blood literally froze when I heard him talk to her.

<i>“Let me take this call babe, then we can carry on…”</i>

That was enough for me to cut the call completely and throw my cell across the bed. Suddenly being in Nick’s room was no longer comforting. I was angry, and for once proven right. Nick Carter didn’t want to be with me. Clearly not when the moment he was out the door he was back wooing the fans.

My cell started vibrating from across the bed, making me even more angry. I knew it would be Nick calling back, but rather than answer I threw the covers off me, burying my cell underneath them and climbed off the bed and headed out the room.

I knew I’d been right to hold off from giving myself to Nick. All those times he told me he wanted us to be together forever were nothing but words. Words to keep me sweet because I was having his baby.

Well not no more.

I raided Nick’s cupboards, desperate for some comfort food. His cupboards were pretty much empty though. I remembered the pot of ice cream in the bottom of his freezer though and grabbed that and a spoon before sinking down on the sofa in the living room. It wasn’t until I dug my spoon in the ice cream and stuck a chunk into my mouth that the tears started flowing.

Trust me to let Nick Carter hurt me all over again.

***

After a night of crying, ignoring my cell and eating the tub of ice cream I decided to head out to wal-mart and buy a few things. I knew I should just head back to my own place, but with Nick’s house being only a short drive to the nearest superstore, and my place being a good half hour away it just made more sense for me to buy the food there and eat it at Nick’s. Once it was gone, I would go home.

After all, it’s not like Nick would notice.

I’d left the house in sweats, and one of Nick’s oversized hoodies. I hadn’t bothered with make up, or with brushing my hair. I just wanted to get enough food for the next day or so then go back to Nick’s house to cry some more.

I’d filled a basket with snacks, some food to make for dinner and a new tub of ice cream when I turned the corner and near enough bumped into the person turning into the aisle I was walking out of.

“Sorry…” I said softly, not even looking up and went to walk around them.

“Rayne..”

I looked up and froze, seeing Ty stood there, smiling softly. I shook my head and went to talk on, but he took my hand.

“Rayne, listen to me, please?”

I tore my hand from his and turned around. “I heard everything you had to say last time. I did everything you wanted, please just leave me alone.” I sighed, not feeling comfortable around Ty. And what was worse, I wanted Nick to magically appear and save me from him. But he wouldn’t. Because he was off sleeping with his fans.

Ty sighed. “I know, and I was a complete dick and I’m sorry. I really am.”

“It’s kinda late for sorry, don’t you think?” I rolled my eyes and went to walk away.

“Rayne.. Look.. I love you, ok?”

I turned back around and looked at Ty, who had a slight blush to his cheeks. A few people were watching, but I ignored them. “If you love me Ty, you wouldn’t of said all those hurtful things.”

“I’m sorry. I was mad. I was mad because we were getting so close, and things were looking up and then you just leave. I couldn’t take that. And then you told me you were pregnant and It just made me madder because that asshole Carter is getting everything with you that I should have!” Ty took a deep breath. “He doesn’t deserve you. Leaving you for months on end, your 6 months pregnant and need looking after. I could do that for you.”

I looked at him, half in shock, and half bewildered. He loved me? What the hell. “I don’t need looking after.”

“Sure you do.” He nodded toward the shopping basket. “If you was with me I would of left you tucked up at home and come out to get you the groceries you wanted, rather than making you go yourself. Rayne, I want to help you. I want to be there with you, support you and the baby… be a family. We could so do that. Imagine it… me and you in my house, I’d change the studio to a nursery.. Our little angel sleeping in their crib.”

I shook my head rapidly. “No.. she’s not your baby, Ty. She had a father.”

“She? A little girl.. Rayne that’s amazing..” He reached forward to touch me but I stepped back, tears clouding my vision.

“No.. Ty.. Please just.. Leave me alone.” I dropped the basket on the ground before rushing out of the store and straight over to my car. I locked myself inside before letting the tears flow.

Why has my life got so complicated?

***

Take out was my new option.

After what had happened at wal-mart I had decided on ordering a sub from Nick’s favourite take out. As soon as they heard the address they were rushing my order through. Didn’t matter that it wasn’t for Nick, they just clearly liked delivering to this neck of the woods.

I settled down on the couch and devoured my food once it arrived before sticking the tv on, but not really watching it. My mind was on Nick.. On Ty.. On everything.

I was so confused. My heart screamed for Nick, yearned for him, but he wasn’t ready for that, even if he said he was.
Ty’s heart yearned for me, but did I really want him? No… it was safe to say that Ty was no where near as highly ranked as Nick in my eyes. Ty had once been a good friend, someone who, yea.. I guess I did use when I was at my lowest, so I probably did deserve the abuse he threw at me. But did I like him enough to love him?

Sure he could grow on me. But then it wasn’t all about me, was it? My baby was a huge factor in this. She needed a normal life, she needed a mommy and a daddy who loved her unconditionally. I wanted her to have the family I had when growing up.
Would she get that with Nick? Well, he would love her unconditionally, that’s for certain. But she would never know what it would be like to have a mommy and daddy who lived together.

Whereas Ty was offering me all that. A life, a family, a happy home for my baby. Sure I may not love Ty, and will never love him like I love Nick, but it could work, right?

I ran my hand along my stomach and looked down. “What do you think baby? Nick, or Ty?” I sighed softly, feeling no movement. I just wished someone would tell me what do to.

I headed upstairs to grab my cell phone, which was still buried under the covers, and in serious need of charging. There were more missed calls and texts that the phone could handle. I plugged it in and sat on the bed, clearing all the missed calls before deleting all the texts from Nick. I didn’t want to see what excuses he had.

One of the last messages was actually from Ty. I clicked it open and placed a hand on my tummy before reading the short message.

<i>“ I meant what I said Rayne. I love you, and I want us to be together. Think about it. Xx”</i>

I sighed softly, feeling the baby kick and decided I knew what I needed to do.

I clicked out the message and went through my contacts, scrolling down to Ty’s name before hitting call.