New York City – 2011

I tipped back my glass of wine enjoying the last few drops.  I looked around the expansive apartment I owned, feeling grateful for the last seven years and the life I had been able to make for myself and Jackson.

I had been so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice the tears on my cheeks.  I had thought a lot about Nick over the last several days since bringing Jackson home from the hospital. Time seemed to stand still when I allowed myself to go back and relive those months – something I rarely allowed myself to do.  Once I had found out I was pregnant, I had gone into survival mode.  I had done anything and everything to purge any memory of Nick Carter out of my life.  Which was a monumental feat considering the press coverage that him and Paris got regarding their relationship.  Watching that whole train wreck play out across the media was definitely something I could have lived without.  It was so disgusting.  You couldn’t look at a newsstand without seeing pictures of them with their tongues stuck down each other’s throats.  Paris showing up at the recording studio with a cake for Nick with her picture on it.  How lovely.  Nick getting a tattoo of Paris’s name on his wrist.  How’d that work out for you, Nick? I thought.  Then the breakup.  I’d gotten a couple calls from the press on it.  I chose not to comment.  Did I think Nick was capable of hitting her?  Not the Nick I knew. But the Nick I knew didn’t exist anymore – so how was I supposed to know.  I had more important things to worry about. 

I received calls from Leighanne and Kristen about what an ass Nick was.  AJ called several times, but he really was little comfort.  My biggest fear was that one of them or someone would find out I was pregnant.  I didn’t want Nick anywhere near me or the baby with the choices he was making and the life he was leading.  I had enough things to worry about.  Like how I was going to graduate six months pregnant and support myself and a child.  But I did it.  I graduated and went straight to work for Calvin Klein.  Lila and I lived in a small apartment up on the west side of Manhattan – it was literally the size of a closet.  But we kept going.  Jackson Carter Raine was born three months later.  Named after the town of Jackson, New Jersey where I had grown up.  I gave him the middle name Carter so he would always carry a piece of his father – even if he never knew it.

Within two years, my line “Thunder and Raine” had taken off beyond anything I could comprehend.  The best day of my life was when Paris Hilton’s stylist called and said Paris was ‘willing’ to wear one of my creations to walk the red carpet at the American Music Awards.  I politely declined telling her she wasn’t right for our image.  Her publicist was speechless as I politely ended the call.  I didn’t need Paris Hilton – I had plenty of others that wanted to wear my clothes.  I moved into my own studio and began other lines as well.  Within three years I was successful beyond my wildest dreams.  I had my first showing during New York fashion week on my 25th birthday.  It was crazy.  Wealth came along with the fame and I was able to afford a beautiful penthouse suite on the Upper West side of Manhattan along with a lot of other things.   Jackson and I wanted for nothing.  The best thing was, I did it all on my own.

Through it all, very few people knew about Jackson.  I wanted to keep it that way.  I kept him out of the spotlight.  After Nick’s horrific relationship with Paris and the fallout from their breakup I decided he wasn’t the right person to be in Jackson’s life.  The train wreck of a reality show “House of Carters” solidified my decision.  Over the last several years I had thought about telling Nick, but how do you really do that.  “Hey, haven’t talked to you in a long time – but thought I’d call to let you know you were a father.” To be honest, my life was perfect and I liked it that way.  Bringing Nick back would only complicate matters, on a lot of levels.  Besides, who knows if he even would have wanted to be involved.  I’m not going to say I didn’t keep up with him.  I did see that he had a pretty bad health scare a couple years ago and seemed to get his life together.  Good for him. As for me and Jackson, our life was perfect, until that horrific day a year ago.

Meg, Jackson’s live in nanny had called to tell me he was running a fever.  Not too concerning considering it was January and he was in school.  I figured he’d caught a virus from one of his friends.  When his 104 degree fever didn’t subside after a week, the doctor’s grew concerned.  Test after test was done and we received the devastating diagnosis.  Leukemia.  Treatment after treatment we’ve gone through over the last year.  First, something worked, then it would stop – then we’d try something else, then that didn’t work.  So frustrating.  I would have switched places with him in a second.  Then last weeks devastating prediction.  Jackson had 18 months to live if we didn’t find a stem cell donor – a biological sibling the only likely match.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath.  I had a plan, I just needed a way to accomplish it.  I heard the familiar ring of my cell – Lila’s specific ring.

“Hey,” I said softly answering the phone.

“Whit, you’re never going to believe it – I had to call you right away,” I heard her shout in the phone. 

“Where are you, Li?” I raised my voice a little.  I could hear a lot of commotion in the background.  I figured she was at one of her events.  She worked for one of the most successful PR firms in the city, and she was the head promoter for a lot of events.

“Don’t worry, something for Diddy tonight…” she explained.  “That’s not why I’m calling.  I had to call you right away – let me get somewhere quiet.” I waited a few seconds and I heard the background noise quiet down.

“You’re never going to believe who I just got off the phone with tonight – have you been paying any attention at all to the trade pages lately?” she asked.

“Not really, I’ve kind of turned things over at the studio the last couple of weeks to Jeff…” I said.  Jeff was one of my most trusted employees.  In my line of work, you had to follow the trade papers to know what was coming up, what was going on so you could be ready to design for anyone at a moments notice.  Plus, you also stayed up on all the gossip.

“Well,” Lila began.  “The New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys have formed some sort of super group.  They’re playing the Garden here two weeks from tonight.  Then afterwards, apparently Nick and Howie do an afterparty – and guess who’s heading that up?  Yours truly. So, do with that information what you will – but you know you’ve got a VIP pass if you want one – and your name doesn’t even have to go on the list – so Nick will have no idea you’re going to be there….”

“Have I ever told you how much I love you…” I said excitedly.  The stars were aligning after all.

“You don’t need to,” Lila said.  “Let’s just get my godson better.  I’ll call you tomorrow”.

I hung up the phone and stared into the twinkling lights of my gas fireplace, listening to the sounds of the city, fifty six floors below.  Would my plan really work?  It had to, there was no other way.  I would save my son , no matter what.