Chapter 12

Nick slowly stepped towards me.  “Is it really you?” he whispered. 

“Yes, Nick…” I smiled shyly, “it’s me…” I stepped towards him meeting him halfway in the dark room, lit only by the streetlights outside.  He slowly raised his hand and stroked my cheek. 

"Whit, I….I, oh, Whitney…I’m so sorry,” he said his voice slightly breaking.  “I wasn’t myself, the drugs…I was awful…I tried to call you, to tell I was sorry…I’ve thought about you so many times over the years…I never wanted to lose you…”

“Shhhhh….” I said raising my finger to his lips.  “that’s not important now, that’s not why I came….” My emotions were starting to get the better of me.  I couldn’t seem to form the words.  Nick cupped my face in his hands, I raised my hands and stroked his wrists, staring into his eyes.  He was more beautiful than he ever had been.   His features more chiseled, more refined than they had been 8 years before.  He had lost weight but built up muscle.  I lowered my hands and placed them against his sculpted chest.

“You came…that’s what’s important.  I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.  I’m so proud of you, Whitney…you, God – I can’t believe you’re standing right here.” Overcome with emotion Nick stopped talking and rested his forehead on mine.  We stood there for a minute, listening to the sound of labored breathing.  I could hear the beat of music and the crowd in the background, but at that moment I felt like we were the last two people on Earth.

“Nick, I….I need to tell,” I started to say as Nick pulled my face towards his.  His lips capturing mine in a heated kiss.  All rational thought escaped my mind as my body began to respond.  I eagerly allowed him to deepen the kiss.  He abruptly pulled back.

“I….I’m sorry…” he whispered, pulling me into his chest.

He had lit me on fire.  I pulled his face back down wanting more of what he had offered.  I ran my fingers through his hair as he kissed me again.  His hands beginning to wander.  He picked me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist.  My back slammed into the wall as I let out a soft gasp.  He looked into my eyes as though asking for permission.  I silently nodded as I pulled him in for another kiss.  I couldn’t get enough of him.

Setting me down gently, he pulled me into his arms –it felt so familiar, like I had never left.  This man was my drug and he had been.  Who was I kidding?  I wasn’t a saint through the years, but it had never been like it was with Nick when I was with other men.  Our bodies were made for each other.  I felt Nick’s hand move up between my legs as I raised my knee feeling his desire.  Our breathing intensified.  I felt Nick’s hand hook around the tiny string holding my thong together and with an expert tug, it was gone – discarded on the floor. 

I reached between the two of us and fumbled with his belt, making quick work of it and shoving his pants down just far enough to get me what I wanted.  Nick pushed my dress up, picked me up and brought me down hard, filling me up as I gasped.

“Oh God….” I said as I wrapped my arms around him.  This was animalistic.  He began to thrust hard as I wrapped my legs around him and began to race with him to our release.

“God forgive me…” I heard Nick say as he lowered his lips to mine in a hungry, feverish kiss – our tongues locked in a duel neither of us wanted to lose.  I pulled away and began devouring his neck, relishing in the familiar taste of him – reaching under his shirt I raked my nails up his back. 

The release was quick, but intense and explosive and I felt him shudder and threw  my head back as I felt his throbbing within me cease.  The sweat was beading on his forehead as he looked down at me.  He kissed me softly on the forehead.

“Nick…” I whispered gently. “I’ve missed you so much…” He reached up and entwined my hand with his.

“Did I hurt you baby?” He asked with a concerned look on his face.

“Not at all…I think that has been building up for eight years.” I smiled.  I needed to get my wits about me.  I had lost all track of time.  “ I didn’t come here tonight for that….” I began as I stared to pull myself together.  “I need to tell you…”

“Tell me what?” Nick asked as I took a deep breath.  As I was about to begin, I saw a streak of light flash over Nick’s face and a shadow against the wall. 

“Nick?” I heard an unfamiliar voice ask.  My heart leapt into my throat.  “Are you in here?” It was the brunette from earlier walking into the room.  My eyes met with hers as I felt Nick pull away from me.  “Just what the hell is going on in here,” she demanded.

“Lauren….” Nick began.  She was standing between me and the door - and she was considerably taller than me.  Although Nick and I had managed to put ourselves together, it was still obvious that she had walked into the middle of something.

“I need to go…” I said as I began walking out of the room.  I felt her try to grab my arm as I pulled away.

“What the fuck is going on?” she asked as I started to run out of the room.  I heard Nick call my name but I just kept on going.  I ran down the stairs and out of the club.  I ran out the back and found the limo from earlier.  I got in, I hadn’t even told Lila I was leaving.  Thank goodness I had grabbed my purse on the way out.  All I wanted to do was get home.

I could hear my phone going off.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  Not even my best friend.  I needed to process what had just happened before I could even think of talking to anyone else about it.  The driver pulled up to my building and I got out as fast as I could.  I waved a quick hello to the doorman and got into the elevator before the tears started falling. 

Letting myself in the apartment I was glad to see Meg had already gone to bed.  By this point, all my makeup had probably run down my face.  I went in to Jackson’s room and sat down in the chair next to his bed, watching his rhythmic breathing.  What would I do if I lost him?  He looked so beautiful, calm, peaceful.  It was hard to believe a horrific monster existed within this perfect little angel – that would eventually kill him unless I had a way to stop it.  I don’t remember how long I sat in the chair next to his bed, but I must have dozed off.  I woke up and looked at the clock, it was 3:30 a.m.  I stood up to walk out of the door when something caught my eye.

Walking over to the chair in the corner I picked up Jackson’s baby blanket and ran my fingers over it.  I had made this for him before he was born.  I had used Nick’s Tampa Bucs t-shirt, so he’d always have a piece of his daddy.  “I think I need this more than you do tonight, buddy…” I said as I took the blanket making my way to my bedroom.  I stripped down and put my pajamas on and slid into my huge, empty king sized bed.  I balled up the baby blanket and wrapped my arms around it, crying myself to sleep.