“Well….it’s killing me, what’s the verdict?” Lila yelled at me from my bedroom.  I sat down on the toilet for a few seconds to gather my thoughts.  I had wanted this so bad.  Wasn’t that my plan all along?  I had meticulously planned this – and Nick happened  to be in town at the right time.  I knew if we did what we did, what would happen.  So why was I so surprised.  There were so many things I hadn’t been able to admit to myself up until now, so how could I admit them to anyone else?

I didn’t want to tell Nick about Jackson because I was so scared that he would reject us, that he wouldn’t want anything to do with him…or me.  Sure, right after our breakup it really was about the fact that Nick was a fuck up.  Getting involved with the drugs, Paris Hilton, all the partying – who would want their child around that?  Truth be told, Nick probably wouldn’t have cared anyway back then.  But I knew that now – now he would.  He had to be told – and I needed to accept the fall out.  He had one child already, and another on the way, and he didn’t know about either of them and that wasn’t fair to him – or the babies.

I walked out into my bedroom.  I silently held up the white stick with the blue plus sign on it.  Lila’s mouth dropped open.  “Damn…” was all she could mutter.  “Whitney…” she began.  I put my hand up to stop her. 

“I’m going to tell him…” I said finishing the sentence she was already going to say.  “I’m going to look up their tour schedule and head out to their next stop, I know he needs to know – and I can’t do this over the phone…”  I felt sick to my stomach.  Nick had tried to reach me in the aftermath of our little rendezvous a couple of weeks ago.  A bouquet of pink roses had been sent to my design studio and both he and who I was guessing was their tour manager had called there several times.  I’m pretty sure it wasn’t going to be difficult to get in touch with him.   But I didn’t want to call.  If I was going to do this, I was doing it in person.

I picked up my laptop off of my nightstand.  I never stopped working and I always had it with me.  Over the last couple of weeks, I had used it for something else.  To see what Nick had been up to the last couple of years.  It wasn’t really hard to find out.  Through researching twitter, some message boards and the internet I found out that the girl he was with that night was named Lauren. They had been together about two and half years – she apparently had a love/hate relationship with the fans with half of them thinking she was the best thing that ever happened to him with the other half thinking she was a gold digging whore who was ruining his life.  My inclination was that both were partly true. I wonder how she was going to take the news that Nick was a daddy?

“They’re going to be in Toronto tonight…” I said to Lila.  “Jackson’s doing well, and that’s not too far in case I need to get back here real quick.  I can get up and back in one night.  What do you think?”

“You’re not going to take him with you?” Lila asked.

“No, no way.  That would be too much for Jackson, and probably Nick to handle.  We need to talk it out.  This is going to rock him to the core, Lila.  I don’t think it’s going to be pretty either…” I sighed.  “Do you want to go with me?” I joked with her, only half kidding.

“You know I’m there if you want me there…” she said.

“No, I need to do this on my own, it’s been way too long.” I said as I pulled a small overnight bag out of my closet.  I picked up my cell phone and called my assistant as I threw a pair of jeans and some other casual clothes in.  I had her get me on the first flight out.  I wanted to get to Toronto before I called Nick.  The element of surprise.

“Chelsea got me on a noon flight out, I think it’s only an hour up there…” My face started to feel hot.  I sat down on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair.  I looked over at Lila.  “I’m really going to do this, I guess,” I looked at her for reassurance.  “Why do I feel like life is never going to be the same…”

“Because it’s probably not going to be…” Lila surmised.  “You need to prepare yourself for this to go any way…you can’t control how Nick is going to react, and if there’s anything I know about you, you like being in control.”

I laughed softly.  “That I do…” I agreed.  “Okay, it’s 9:30 – if I’m going to make that flight out of Kennedy I need to get going…”  I gave Lila a huge hug.

“Let me know as soon as you talk to him…” she said as I threw my bag over my shoulder.  I threw my laptop in my oversized Chanel purse, gave last minute instructions to Meg to have Jackson call me before bedtime and went downstairs to meet the car I’d called.

Since I was flying first class, it didn’t take too long to get through security and get seated.  As I was sitting down, I powered off my phone but not before seeing I had a notification for a text.

Whit – It’s Nick, we really need to talk…call me when you can!

How did he get my cell number, I wondered - but then I figured he had ways, just like I did.  Be careful what you wish for, Nick.  I thought to myself just as a guy sat down next to me.  I had hoped I would have the whole row to myself.  I looked out the window and sighed.

“That didn’t sound very good…” the gentleman that sat down next to me said.  I turned and looked at him, recognizing him immediately.

“Um…you’re…” I began.  I didn’t mean to go paparazzi on the guy,  but the irony of this was incredible.  Unbelievable.

“Shhhhh….I’m going undercover,” he winked at me with a cute smirk.  “Not everyone is as lucky as you and gets to sit next to Donnie Wahlberg…” he said sitting back.  “But I’m the lucky one, getting to sit next to an incredibly cute red head.”

This might actually be an interesting flight after all, I thought, settling in for the ride.