“Hi,” I said to Nick as he walked in the room.  I shut the door quietly. 

We stood there looking at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, the silence hung thick in the room.  I’m sure Nick didn’t know what to think. 

“I know this is out of the blue, Nick…” I began.  He took a step towards me.  “I don’t even know where to begin…”

“It can’t be that bad, Whitney…” Nick started to say.  My look silenced him. 

“Hey….,” he said gently moving towards me.  He put his arms on my shoulders and looked down at me.  “Is there something wrong?  Do you need help…” he began.  He reached up to stroke my cheek.

“No, Nick...stop,” I said lightly moving his hand away.  I didn’t want him to be nice to me.  “This is probably the hardest thing I will ever have to do.” I still didn’t know how to get the words out.  They weren’t going to come out.  I walked over to my purse and grabbed my iPhone. 

“The reason I came to see you in New York at the club was to tell you something I should have told you years ago.  So many things were left unsaid between us when I found you with Par….with her.” Even after all these years, I still couldn’t say her name.  It made my stomach turn. 

“I don’t blame you, Whitney.  I was so fucked up back then.  I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me.  I should have come after you when I realized it.  I knew it right away, I should never even have stayed with her. But I was such a stupid prick.  It was all about appearances back then.  I was on the A list, we were the golden couple…God, it makes me sick to even think about that.” He sat down on the bed. 

I sat down next to him and faced him.  I hit the home button on my phone and pulled up my pictures.  “You need to know about this, Nick…” I said bringing up a picture of Jackson.  It was one of my favorites taken by one of my best photographers in Central Park.  It was a candid shot and it always reminded me of Nick.  I handed him the phone.  “That’s Jackson…my son.” I whispered.  Nick took the phone and studied it for a minute.  He swallowed hard and looked over at me, recognition registering on his face.

“How old is he?” he said pointedly. 

“He’s seven, Nick – he’ll be eight in August.” I replied simply, lowering my eyes.  I couldn’t look at him.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  “His full name is Jackson Carter Raine.” 

Nick stood up and walked over to the window.  Neither of us said a word.  He began to scroll through the other pictures on my phone.  Studying each one of Jackson.  He turned around slowly.  I couldn’t read his thoughts.  Anger, hurt, resentment – all of the above? 

“You’re telling me I have a seven year old son and you’ve NEVER told me.” He took a deep breath. 

“Nick…” I began.  I put my hand over my mouth, trying to figure out my next words.

“When….when did you find out?   Why didn’t you tell me?  What…” he began.  He had so many questions.  Questions he had a right to ask.  Answers he may not like. 

Tears started to form in my eyes.  “Nick…I didn’t know when I came out for Christmas.  I found out after I got home.  I was devastated by what happened, I didn’t know what I was going to do.  Everywhere I turned, it was your face on the front of magazines.  I couldn’t tell you.  I hated you, Nick.  I didn’t want you to ever know.  I never wanted to talk to you again, or have to see you.” 

“Okay, I get that,” he said, raising his voice.  “But that was a long time ago, you could have told me.  Are you kidding me?   This is bullshit.” He put his hands behind his head and looked down. 

No words were spoken between the two of us.  All I could hear was heavy breathing.  I didn’t know what I should say, could anything make this better.  I stood up and walked over to him. 

“Nick,” I whispered softly walking up behind him.  “There’s more.  He’s sick…” 

Nick turned around, his eyes like daggers.  “What do you mean, he’s sick?” he ran his hands over his face. 

“He was diagnosed with leukemia a year ago.  They…they don’t know how long…,” The tears were streaming down my face.  I reached up to touch him and he pulled away from me,  anger all over his face. 

“And you still couldn’t bring yourself to call me?  Fuck you, Whitney!  Jesus, did you think that low of me?  Am I that revolting to you that you’d think I wouldn’t care about my own son!  YOU of all people know the bullshit I went through my family.  You know I would have done the right thing.  It wasn’t fair for you to make that decision for me.  YOU’RE not the person I thought you were.  You’re a cold, calculating b…”

“I’m pregnant, Nick….” I said simply stopping him in mid-conversation.  “I’m laying it all out this time.  I have no expectations of you.  I’ve done fine with Jack, and I can take care of this baby too….” 

“WHO ARE YOU?” Nick said looking at me with disgust.  “I don’t even know who you are.  How can you just keep your children from their father?  How do I even know it’s mine?” he asked pointedly. 

I felt like he’d slapped me.  There was no will in me to fight back.  “Look, I know I’ve laid a lot on you today, and this might not have been the best way to do it – but I knew if I didn’t do it, I might not ever.  I just…I just wanted you to know.  If you don’t ever want to talk to me again, I understand…” I trailed off. 

“Oh, you’ll hear from me – you can count on that…”Nick walked over to the door.  “But for now, I need to get back to the hotel and figure out how the fuck I’m going to be in a mindset to go on stage tonight after learning all of this.  Thanks for that…” he opened the door.

”Nick, I never wanted it…” I began. "

Save it, Whitney,” he spat out.  “Right now, I can’t even look at you…” he slammed the door and left.  I sank down on the bed, overcome with emotions.    

I laid there for an hour, drifting back to eight years ago – like a movie playing over in my head.  I placed my hand on my stomach and thought of the new life we had created.  How could I have ever thought it was a good idea to bring a child into this?

I stood up and grabbed my bag and purse.  I couldn’t stay here, I had to get out of here.  I knew there was not a flight out that night, but I had to get out of there.   I just wanted to get home to Jackson, to my work, and to my life.  The city was about nine hours away.  If I left now, I’d get home around two in the morning.

I went downstairs and had the concierge arrange a rental car.  It would be dropped off in fifteen minutes so I went outside to wait.  I sat down on the bench and took out my phone trying to call Lila.  No answer so I left a message.

I saw a car pull up from the rental car company and stood up as I walked over to the car, I thought I heard someone call my name.  I looked around briefly but didn’t see anyone.  I thanked the agent and he opened the door for me. 

“Whitney, is that you?”  It was my name someone had called.  I turned around and saw a short man with sunglasses and a hat on.  “It’s me, AJ…is that really, Whitney?” he said opening his arms for a hug.  I hadn’t seen him in seven years. 

“Hi, AJ…” I said quietly. 

He grabbed me in an awkward hug.“Wow, Whitney…” he said in his usual upbeat tone.  “I can’t believe it…what are you doing here?” He asked.  “You know Nick’s over at that…”  

"AJ,”  I shook my head sadly.  “It’s really great to see you, but I can’t talk right now.  I have to leave.  But do something for me, please?  I have already seen Nick.  Please, go find him.  I think he’s really going to need you right now.  I’m so sorry…I can’t go into it anymore…” I quickly got in the car and drove off leaving a very confused AJ standing in the hotel driveway. 

This was not how I wanted this to go at all, I thought to myself as I drove out of the city.  Headed towards home I had nine hours to think.  Where this was going, was anybody’s guess.