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I nestled back into Nick’s arms and enjoyed the beautiful blanket of stars we were laying under.  The tour had ended three days before and Nick had convinced me to come home to his condo in Malibu for the week before I was due back at school.  The tour had been amazing, inspiring…there really were no words.  I was definitely going back to school with a renewed vision for where I wanted to go.  Over the course of the tour, I had slowly realized the reasons for sending me on the internship Professor Marin had.  Before, I was a by the book, straight-laced close minded designer.  Going on tour with the boys had opened up my horizons.  I had designed dresses for both Kristin and Leighanne to wear to the VMA’s (and a maternity dress for Leighanne at that!) – not to mention really honed my technical skills with all the alterations and repairs nightly. 

In my quieter moments, I had begun to sketch a new line of rock and roll inspired clothing.  I had already sent several to Professor Marin and she said she was seeing some interest.  Hopefully, I would have a job locked up before I graduated – hopefully.. in LA. Nick had offered to finance my own line, but I was going to do this on my own without his help.

“Lost in thought?” Nick inquired as he began feathering light kisses down my neck.

“Just thinking…” I responded, taking a sip of wine.  I could hear the waves crashing against the beach, the salty smell of the surf hung in the air.

“About?”, Nick whispered, gently pulling me closer.

I didn’t want to verbalize my thoughts.  For to say out loud what I was thinking, would be letting my worst fears be known.  I was leaving tomorrow.  Going back to New York,  four thousand miles away.  Could I trust him?  What about all the girls out here who wanted a piece of him?  Were we meant to be? Should I just end it right now?  Was he worth the risk?

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said softly tilting my chin up to meet his eyes.  “You’re trying to figure out if you can trust me or not, aren’t you?” The tears that filled my eyes, answered his question. “Look, Whit – I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, there’s going to be shit on the internet  about me, someone may claim to have my baby, another may claim that I’m engaged to her – who knows, it’s been happening since I was 13 years old.  You got a taste of my fans on this tour.  But know that YOU are the one I love, you are who I call when I get in every night, you are the one that I fly out to see on the weekends, because I am coming to see you…you just need to believe in US,” he lowered  his lips to mine.  I felt better.  “Now, let’s go to bed,” he said standing up and reaching for my hand.  “You have to be at the airport at 8:00 a.m., and I don’t plan on doing much sleeping tonight.”

The next morning, I put the last of my suitcases in the car.  How I came with 2 suitcases but was going home with four, and a whole bunch of crap I had already shipped, I would never figure out.  Plus, I was leaving a whole bunch of stuff at Nick’s because I was planning on being out in LA quite a bit.  I had already planned on being out there the entire week of Thanksgiving and the whole Christmas break.  I hoped to see him at least every other weekend - whether I was out here or he was in New York.  I figured I’d stay busy with school during the week.

We rode in silence on the way to the airport, his fingers laced with mine.  I tried to take in all I could of LA as we drove along the 405.  “You don’t need to park,” I said as we approached the airport.  “It’s just going to make it harder,” he pulled up to the curb.  Taking my face in his hands, I looked lovingly into his eyes. 

“Know that I have never felt safer anywhere in my life than when I am in your arms, baby” He said stroking my cheek.  I reached up and placed my hands over his.  “These last two and half months have been amazing, but they are only the beginning.  I love you.  I’ll be in New York in two weeks,” he said as he kissed me deeply.  Horns started to honk, and a police officer rapped on the window.

"Okay kids, let’s move it…” he said.  Nick got out to get my suitcases out of the back as I hailed a sky cap.

“I love you, Nick,” I said giving him another quick kiss.  He grabbed my hand as I began to walk away, our fingers holding on as long as possible.  I quickly checked in and got on the plane.  I laid back and closed my eyes and tried to process everything that happened over the last two and half months.  Was this some crazy dream I was going to wake up from?  I hadn’t felt so at peace since before my mother died.

Five hours later I landed in New York.  My heart ached for Nick already, but I was also ready to get home and sleep in my own bed for the first time in over two months.  I opened the door to the apartment to find it empty.  Lila must have already gone out for the night.  I hadn’t expected her to stick around.

Part of me just wanted to crash in bed, but the OCD side of me wanted to get all my suitcases unpacked before I did anything.  I began going through my suitcases and hanging up my clothes, admiring all the new clothes Nick bought me out in LA, I think I had doubled my shoe collection.  I didn’t know where I was going to put all of this stuff. 

As I was getting ready to zip up the last suitcase to take down to the storage area in the basement, I noticed there was something in the pocket in the front.  Funny, I hadn’t remembered putting anything in there.  I unzipped it and stuck my hand in, feeling something very soft.   I pulled it out.  I gasped softly and my heartbeat quickened when I realized what it was.  In my hands was the holey, ratty beloved Tampa Bay Bucs t-shirt Nick had had since he was 14 – the one he had worn the first night I had rode on the bus with him (and many more nights after that).  I knew what this shirt meant to him.  I couldn’t believe he had sent it to me.  I held it up and a note fell out, picking it up I unfolded it and began to read:

Whitney –

These last few months have made me happier than you will ever know.  I love you with all that I am, and all I ever will be.  Going to sleep with you every night and waking up with you in my arms every morning has made me the happiest guy in the world.  You know how much this shirt means to me, but what means more to me is that even though I’m not there to hold you in my arms every night, there is a piece of me there for you to wrap yourself in.  I love you to infinity.

Nick

I silently slipped out of my clothes, dirty and rumpled from flying all day and into Nick’s shirt.  I slid into bed and wrapped my arms around myself.  To infinity, I smiled to myself.  That was our little secret – after a night of getting into a real mature “I love you more,” contest.  We had decided that infinity was far enough away to capture the love that we felt.  There was no end to infinity, just as though there would be no end to us, I thought as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.