As I hurried through the airport in LA, I was struck by how different I felt from the first time I had walked through the airport.  It was December 22 and Nick and I had been together for 6 months.  The last three months, we had seen each other mostly on the weekends or when he could come to New York for a few days here and there.  I had managed to stay an entire week over Thanksgiving which had been absolutely wonderful.  We’d even managed to go down to Mexico for 3 days and relax in Cancun.  Things had been going great.  While Nick hadn’t exactly announced he was dating anyone, he wasn’t hiding it either.  I’d been photographed several times in New York and we’d been chased around LA a few times.  I was slowly learning to deal with it.  I hadn’t run into any psycho fans…yet.

Christmas in LA and Christmas in New York was certainly different.  I had left in snow boots and a parka and changed on the plane into a cute sundress.  The last semester had been a whirlwind.  After designing dresses for Leighanne (who was pregnant) and Kristen for the Video Music Awards (and walking the red carpet myself with Nick in my own creation), my first line “Thunder and Raine” was born.  The entire line was edgy, inspired by rock ‘n roll and already drawing the attention of young Hollywood. I was designing outfits for Britney Spears and Pink for the Grammy’s.  I was on my way and just had one semester left.  Very few had ever graduated from Parson’s already with their own line.  I was ahead of the game and I couldn’t have been happier.  Everything was falling into place.

I was surprising Nick by arriving two days early.  I had wrapped up my final  project of the semester and changed my flight so that I could spend as much time as I could with him.  Backstreet Boys were headed for a two month tour of Asia so I knew my time with him would be few and far between before graduation.  I had called his housekeeper Lola to pick up some groceries.  I knew he’d be recording all day and I wanted to fix a special dinner for him when he got  home, followed by a very romantic evening. 

I grabbed my suitcase and found the car I had hired to take me out to Malibu.  I still got goosebumps thinking about spending time at Nick’s place.  The beach was amazing.  We spent so much time there together, from early morning runs with Nick’s dog Layla to romantic midnight walks.  Every time it was time to go back to New York, I felt like I was leaving a piece of me there.  I had a feeling LA would be home in the not so distant future.

I pulled up to Nick’s and let myself in.  He’d had a key made for the last time I had come out.  I was glad that Lola had been there earlier in the day to clean the place.  There was no telling what state it had been in.  Nick wasn’t the cleanest guy in the world, but then again – what guy was?  It was about 5:00 o’clock and if I was correct, Nick should be rolling in around 7:30 or 8:00 so I wanted to get going on dinner.   I had thought about calling AJ or Brian to see what time they would really be done, but neither one of them could keep a secret, so I had decided against it.  I was just going to whip up a quick pasta dish, toss a salad and chill some wine.  Perfection.  I got everything going and moved around the condo lighting some candles. 

Around nine, Nick still wasn’t home.  By this point, it was almost midnight East Coast time and I was starting to feel the effects of the two glasses of wine I had drank waiting.  I laid down on the sofa in the living room to wait for Nick.  Maybe him and the guys had decided to go out for a couple of drinks after the recording session.   I must have dozed off because the beeps from the security system roused me out of a light sleep.

“Hey baby…” I began as I heard the door open, my heart almost stopping when I sat up.  Nick hadn’t even heard me.  Nick wasn’t alone.  He was entangled in the arms of a half-dressed blond.  Her clothes already hitting the ground before she was even in the door. 

I stood up, numb – not even knowing what to do.  My words were caught in my throat, I couldn’t even speak.  Hot tears stung my eyes.  I was frozen in time – forced to watch this.  I finally found my voice.  “What the FUCK is going on…” I hissed, barely able to even get the words out.  Nick’s back was to me, but as soon as he heard my voice he spun around, shock and guilt registering on his face.  Then, I saw who he was with, and the bile rose in my throat.   Unbelievable.  Paris fucking Hilton.