Nick sat in the corner of the holding cell at the Lexington Police Department, his back pressed into the V of the wall. He hugged his knees and stared at the floor. It wasn't the first time he was in a jail cell, of course, but he had promised himself before, when he'd gotten the DWI, that it was the last so this time felt like the first time all over again. He hated the smell and the sounds. It reminded him of the long nights and days he'd spent there with his sentence and the thought terrified him that he'd been facing 2-years if he'd violated probation. He pressed his forehead against his knee.
Brian, he thought, If there's anything you can do ... I dunno how heaven works, I don't know if you get to control stuff or whatever... maybe pull some strings with God or something, I dunno... You know I never listened to you when you talked about this stuff... but if there's anything you can do, if you can even hear me... Please help me. I'm so scared. I did this for you, for your daughter. She needed you. And maybe she knows you a little better now than she did before. Maybe I helped her find you a little more. I dunno. Maybe I didn't. I feel like I did.
He shifted his weight. He felt crazy. Absolutely crazy.
"Nick Carter?" an officer was suddenly outside of the holding cell. He looked up. "You have a visitor."
And around the corner of the cell came Baylee.
"Baylee?" Nick's face registered surprise. Brian's son looked more like Leighanne now that he'd aged than he did like Brian. Bree had truly gotten every feature of Brian's face, where as Baylee was a definitely a blend of the two parents. Nick climbed to his feet, "Baylee, how'd you - how - how?"
Baylee stood by the door, the officer took a couple steps away and leaned against the far wall, giving the two of them some space. Baylee sighed, "I was on my way to the house. I knew you guys would be stopping here and..." he shook his head, "I was hoping I'd get there and get her home before they caught up to you." He frowned. "I heard on the radio that they picked you up and I came here first to see if you're okay."
"I didn't kidnap her," Nick said.
"I know that," Baylee answered. "Uncle Nick, you know I know that."
Nick shrugged, "I don't know who knows what anymore," he replied. "Everything's gone crazy," he said, "It's been crazy for awhile though."
"About sixteen years," Baylee agreed.
Nick looked into Baylee's eyes and for the first time he really saw an adult there, not the kid that he'd grown to know on tour way back when. To him, Baylee had always remained a 3-year old toddling around on the stage during sound check on the Never Gone tour, with bright eyes and a bushy head full of hair. Granted the eyes and hair were still exactly how they'd been back then, but this was a man with a career and Nick could actually see that for the first time. Hell, Baylee even had tiny lines around his eyes. Barely perceptible, sure, but present nonetheless.
"I'm scared," Nick confessed to this newly discovered adult.
Baylee nodded. "I know," he answered.
"I don't want to go to jail," he whispered, "Not for this. I just wanted your sister to know your father, you know?" he felt a tear cross his cheek. He couldn't believe he was crying.
"I'm glad you did this, Nick," Baylee said, "I'm glad. She deserved more than my mom and I could give her and you're the person who knew him better than anyone I know." Baylee paused. "Nick, do you know I'm almost jealous of her for having gotten to get to know him through you?" Baylee smiled, "You knew him different than me."
"And so did you," Nick answered.
"I was always jealous of you," Baylee laughed, "Because you got to be his friend and I was just a kid and he really liked doing the things you wanted to do with him."
Nick stared at Baylee for a long moment. "I fuckin' hated you when you were a kid," he burst the words out. Baylee looked surprised, and Nick laughed, "Because you stole my damn Brian."
Baylee laughed back, "What?"
"When you were born, Brian got sooo caught up in you, and I thought I lost him because all he wanted to talk about was you and how you burped or spit up or farted or whatever babies do and when we went places he had to go in all the baby stores and buy shit for you and he was constantly talking about you. All the damn time." Nick shook his head, "I was so jealous because suddenly he didn't wanna talk basket ball stats, he didn't even watch the games I was talking about, and he didn't have time to go shoot hoops and didn't wanna go drinkin' or anything. I was jealous of you because he loved you so much and before you came along he was the closests thing I ever had to a dad and I realized after he had you that he wasn't my dad. He was just my friend. He loved you a totally different way than he loved me, and I was jealous of that."
Baylee considered Nick's words for a long moment. "Brothers?" he offered his hand to shake Nick's.
"Brothers." Nick shook Baylee's hand.
Baylee laughed. "He must've had you really young."
"Five years old, yo," Nick answered.
Baylee smiled.
"Time's up," the cop interrupted suddenly.
Nick looked over at him, sad eyes, and turned back to Baylee. "Thanks for coming to see me," he offered. "I really appreciated it, Bay."
"I'm gonna get you out of here," Baylee promised. "We're gonna work this all out, all right? Just be brave."
"I'm tryin'," Nick answered.
It was sunset as Baylee pulled up to the Littrell house. The edge of the property was lined with news crews and journalists and people weilding cameras, and they barraged Baylee's car as he drove through their cluster and into the driveway. They followed him as he climbed out and rushed to the door. "Are you here to collect your sister?!" "How do you feel knowing that Nick Carter betrayed your family's trust like this?" "What was the motivation?" "Any chance of getting an interview with you and Brianna?"
Baylee's fist slammed the door, his heart racing, and after a long pause in which the crews continued peppering him with more questions, the door opened and Harold Sr. pulled Baylee in and barked at the journalists, "GET OFF MY PORCH OR I'LL CALL THE GOD DAMNED POLICE!" and they scattered. Harold slammed the door behind him and turned to Baylee.
"Well you certainly missed all the excitement around here," Harold commented.
"HAROLD? WHO IS IT?" Jackie shouted from the kitchen.
"IT'S BAYLEE," Harold shouted back.
"WHO?"
"BAYLEE!" He answered. Baylee felt like this was a bit of a flashback to the phone conversation the day before. Harold waved a finger at his ear. "She's losing her hearing, I swear it to God."
Jackie suddenly appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. "Baylee!" she cried and she rushed over to him, her arms spread wide, "Oh my Lord, you've grown up so much," her eyes filled with tears and she wrapped him into a bone-crushing hug.
"Hey gram," Baylee squeezed the words out.
"You're going to give him a hernia, for the love of Pete woman," Harold Sr. said.
Jackie backed off, holdin Baylee steady at arm's length. "They haven't been feeding you in Orlando. Come, I'll heat you up a plate." She took him by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen and waved him into the seat that Bree had occupied before she left for her walk just a moment before.
Baylee looked in surprise at Amanda, sitting opposite him. "Amanda," he stammered, "Wow, hi. It's been awhile."
"I know," Amanda said, "Wow you're all grown up now," she added.
"Yeah, college grad and everything," he said.
Amanda shook her head, "Wow. What'd you go for?"
"Advertising."
"That's fun."
"Do you like green beans?" Jackie asked.
"I do," Baylee said.
Harold Sr. was hovering in the doorway. "Everyone likes green beans," he commented.
"Not everybody," Jackie answered, "Some people don't like green beans."
"Name one person you know who doesn't like green beans," Harold argued.
Baylee raised an eyebrow at Amanda and Amanda laughed, rolling her eyes.
Outside, Brianna was walking quietly across the property. She could hear the dull murmur beyond the house of the press but not really. She ran her hand along a smooth fence that had once penned a horse, and followed a worn trail through the grass towards the edge of the property. It led through a cluster of trees and down a short hill to a banking and she saw below her the creek. She thought of the letter from her father, which was tucked into the pocket on her cardigan, and she slowly made her way towards it.
It took her a moment to pick and choose her footing as she climbed down the banking without slipping. The water rushed by, singing quietly below her, and she found the root he'd mentioned in the letter, where it dipped just right and she pulled out the letter from her pocket and stared at the handwriting on Jackie's letter before unfolding the extra envelope and staring at the seal. The sun's rays were brilliant, painting the sky gold and pink and a slight breeze rustled the tree over her head.
Drawing a deep breath, Bree opened the envelope and unfolded the letter from within, pressing it against her knees. Before she read it, she closed her eyes and breathed its smell. It was a heavy, thick smell, one that she'd only caught in whiffs and in Brian's bedroom earlier that evening, before all the drama. Despite everything that was happening with Nick, though, she suddenly felt like everything would be okay, that the problems would work themselves out in due time, just as her longing to know her father had happened so perfectly.
She was almost afraid to open her eyes and read the letter. This was it, this was the only communication she'd ever have with him in which he would answer her. There was no second chances. The words he said in this one letter would be all the words that he would ever get to speak to her, that she would ever get to hear from him. He'd dreamed, she realized, of this moment, and she opened her eyes and glanced side-to-side, wondering where he'd been standing in his dream... if he was there now.
The sun was turning the creek to gold, and she drew a breath of courage and purpose, and looked down at the unfolded page on her lap.
