My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Nine

                He walked down the hall with the Doctor beside him. They had gone through a set of doors by Chelsea’s room, walked down another hallway and took an elevator up to the fourth floor.  Now they left the elevators behind and walked down another hall.  He saw the window of the nursery but he knew his son wouldn’t be there.  When they stopped at a door she pulled out a card and then swiped it along the door knob. It went green and she opened it.  He walked into the room and looked around.  Everything was metal, bare, and sterile.

“He’s doing well.” The Doctor told him as she turned around.  “He’s on the ventilator, he has the feeding tube in, he’s not wrapped up but he is nice a warm so don’t worry there and his eyes are covered because they’re too sensitive to the light right now.” She explained.  “His heart is beating well, it’s strong and that’s what we need to focus on right now, then we need to watch how he’s developing outside of the womb.  Are his lungs growing, is his heart growing, and things like that.” 

“Okay” AJ nodded a little hopeful with what he had just heard.

“But I must warn you, it can go from great to bad in a second, he’s still very small, and we’re just not sure how strong that heart is just yet.”  She told him and his hopefulness went out the window.

“Take off your jewelry and just put it here.” She said as he looked down at the box she held.  “And then was your hands up too your elbows.” She explained.  “After get dressed in those garbs and the when you’re dressed go through that door, don’t forget your mask.  The nurse in there will help you.”

“Okay” AJ said with a light nod, he felt a little overwhelmed as he pulled off his rings and watch.

When the Doctor left AJ walked over to the large metal sink, he turned on the water and grabbed the soap.  Lathering his hands first he scrubbed up to his elbows and then rinsed them in under the abnormally high tap.  He walked over to a cupboard and opened it there were shelves in front of him.  Each shelf had different pieces of clothes on them, pants, long sleeve shirts, and boxes on the others.  The clothes were not cotton, or jean or anything you would normally see, they were made out of a paper like material.  He slipped on the pants and carefully pulled the shirt over his head.  The one box that was right in front of him read boots. He looked inside and saw protective shoe covers, so he put those on too.  Then he checked the other box, it had a picture of a head on it and when he pulled out the tissue like hat he knew what it was.  He grabbed a mask and put it over his face and sighed nervously.

When he was dressed he turned to the door and froze.  His son was on the other side.  He had seen movies that had showed preemies, he had probably seen pictures somewhere so he tried to use that.  Use it to get him ready for what he was about to walk into. He exhaled.  It was a whole new ball game as soon as he walked through that door.  He took a moment.  AJ then stepped towards the door; he reached out to grab the handle but stopped. A moment of hesitation and then he opened it and walked into the room.

The room was kind of small or maybe it was because there were so many things in it that it looked small.  He heard beeping and whooshing, he looked over at the sounds and that’s when he saw it.  A small plastic see through box, with two circular windows, tubes and wires running in and out of it, and then he saw him.  He was so small about the size of a, well AJ couldn’t think of anything at that moment but he was sure the little boy would fit in his hand or close too it.  He had a tiny tube in his nose and a tube in his mouth.  AJ breathed in and slowly exhaled keeping himself as calm as he could.

“Hello” A short middle age woman said and AJ looked at her.  “You must be Alex”

“Yeah” He nodded still standing in the room, frozen not wanting to move in case he accidently pulled out a wire or cable.

“I’m Jamie did you want to come over” She waved him over and he looked around first making sure there was nothing around him.  Slowly and carefully he made his way over to plastic box.  “I know it’s hard to take in but I’m going to tell you what everything does, so you know they’re not hurting him, okay?” She said as he walked up to her.

“Okay” AJ replied his throat dry and raspy.

“The one in his nose feeds him and the one in his mouth helps him breathe.” She told him as AJ looked at his son.  “The patch on his chest is to monitor his heart.”  He looked at it and he had seen those before, he had worn them a few times too but the ones on him were bigger.  “The one in his foot is his IV, cause his hands are too small for it right now.” She said and AJ’s eyes darted to his sons hands.   They were small he wondered if he would be able to wrap his hand around AJ’s pinky, let alone hold his Dad’s hand.

“We want to give him a few days and then you can probably hold him.” The nurse said and AJ looked at her.  “But for now you can put your hand through here and try and get him to grab your finger.” She said.

“Now?” AJ asked.

“Sure” She replied with a light smile. 

AJ walked closer to the incubator as the nurse opened the window.  Slowly and carefully he put his hand through the circular window, he extended his finger and touched his sons hand.  The small fingers opened up and AJ was able to get his pointer finger close enough to his little boys hand that when his fingers closed they barely wrapped around it.  He closed his eyes for a moment, his heart fluttered and he let the feeling of those tiny, tiny fingers wrapped around his sink in.  After a couple of minutes AJ took his hand out and the nurse closed the window.

“You can stay as long as you like, I just need to go over some charts but right now we need to limit visits just because of infection or illness, so try to limit how much you go in and out okay?”

“Okay” AJ nodded as the woman walked over to the door.

When she left AJ looked back at the plastic crib. He leaned down a little and looked inside through the top.  “Hey Buddy” He whispered. “Been a crazy day huh?” He said at the small eyes that were covered by white tape and the small nose that was covered in clear hospital tape.  His eyes drifted to the tube in his mouth and he got flash backs of the night he woke up in the hospital after the car accident.  “I know things are pretty scary right now, they’re scary for me too.” He said as he lightly touched the top of the incubator.  “But I promise they will get better, if you can just make it through this I promise. There are so many people that want to meet you like your Mom, she’s amazing you’ll love her.” AJ said with light smile.  “She’s funny, kind, caring, and she gives awesome hugs.” He said with a soft laugh.  “Oh and your sister Nadia, I’m sure you two will get along great, well up until you start getting into her things.”  He looked at the baby lying below him.  “And wait till you meet your Uncles, don’t listen to Nick he knows nothing about women.”

AJ sighed.  “But speaking of sisters I need to go check on yours but I’ll be back.” He whispered.  “Stay strong and we’ll meet back up in ten, okay?”  His face fell even he couldn’t laugh at his own jokes.

After getting undressed and throwing out the clothes in the proper garbage container, he walked out of the prep room, the heavy door clicked behind him.   He wanted to drop to his knees and start crying, he felt helpless but he couldn’t he had to keep walking, keep going for them.  His hand pushed against the door and when he looked up he saw more people in the hall.  Kevin, Brian Howie and Nick we’re still there, plus Kristin and Howie’s wife Leigh and then there was Nadia.  She looked up at him Nick’s hand held still in her hand.

“Did you see her how is she?” Kevin asked as AJ stopped in the hall.

“Chels is doing ok” AJ nodded.  “Right now she blames herself.”

“Well she shouldn’t” Kristin said as AJ looked at her.

“I know and I told her that she shouldn’t, I think I cheered her up with some jokes but she’s pretty tired and out of it still.” He told them.

“Can I see her?” Nadia asked.

“She’s sleeping right now.”

“Can I go sit with her then?” Nadia asked again.

AJ nodded lightly.  “Alright, I’ll walk you to her room in a little bit.

“AJ?” Kevin said and he looked at his friend.  “Have you seen the baby?”

“Yeah” AJ nodded.

“You did?” Nadia said and he heard some excitement in her voice.

“Yeah” He nodded again.  “He’s small, very small, like this big.” AJ said looking at his friends as he held out his hand.  “He’s got the ventilator on, feeding tube in his nose, and everything else you can think of coming out or going into him.”

“How is he doing?” Nadia asked.

“Well the Doctor told me that when they got him out his heart rate went back to normal.” AJ told them.

“That’s good?” Kevin said.

“From what she said yeah it is, plus the fact he seems to be doing ok right now is also good.” He said as he took a deep breath.  “But it can change and it can change fast, they said.”

“Do you need to sit or anything?” Kevin asked.

“Actually I need a smoke” He sighed as he reached for his pocket.

“Want company?” Kevin asked.

AJ shrugged. “Sure” He then turned to Nadia. “When I get back I’ll take you down to see your Mom okay?” AJ said as he looked at her.

“Kay” Nadia replied and he could tell she wanted to go now.

When Kevin and him walked outside they found a bench and sat down.  He pulled a cigarette from his pack and put it into his mouth.  Lifting the lighter he lit the end and then took a big drag.  As he exhaled he felt some of the stress and worries go away with it.  He looked up as a car drove past the busy street, which was still wet from the rain before.

“How are you doing man?” Kevin asked.

AJ sighed with a small laugh behind it.  “Hanging by a thread.”

“Things will get better Alex.” Kevin said as he looked at his friend.

“They have to.” AJ replied.  “Because what I just saw in that room…” He paused the helplessness came back.  “It just has too.”  Kevin lightly smiled.  Now AJ had known Kevin a long time so he knew what smile that was and like he had predicted they sat in silence for the rest of the cigarette.

“I need to ask you something” AJ said as he headed back to the ER doors.

“Anything man.” Kevin said looking at him.

“Be there for Chels, she made me promise that I would spend every second I could with the baby, I need someone to be with her for me.” He told him as they stopped at the doors.

“You can count on it” Kevin said with a nod.  “I’ll be there, my Mom will be there, don’t worry about her.” He said and AJ raised his eyebrows and scoffed a little.  “Ok try not to worry.” Kevin smiled.

AJ lightly grinned and then reached for the ER door.  He walked to the hall where everyone was standing and he noticed they fell silent when they saw him.  With a light smile to them all he walked over to Nadia as she shut the game off.

“Ready?” He asked her and she nodded giving the hand held back to Nick.

They walked down the hall, Nadia beside him as Nurses whizzed by them.  “He needs a name.”

“He does” AJ nodded and he realized they needed to do that.  “We’ll talk about it when your Mom wakes up.”

“What about Logan?” Nadia said and AJ stopped walking.

“Logan?” He replied.

“Yeah, Logan James Mclean” Nadia said and it flowed through AJ’s ears.

“What happened to Hunter?” He asked as he walked up to her.

Nadia shrugged.  “He’s been through a lot already and he needs a cool name.”

“You mean like Wolverine?” AJ replied with a smile.

Nadia rolled her eyes.  “We can’t call him Wolverine Dad.”

“Why not, I’m a celebrity isn’t that the trend now, to name our kids ridiculous names?” He asked looking at her.

“You’re not Gwyneth Paltrow.” Nadia sighed.  “And I think its use to be famous.”

AJ’s eyes shot open but he knew she was joking.  “Yeah well let’s see if this use to be famous person ever takes you shopping again.” He replied as he nodded his head and started walking again with a smile on his face, he really did love bugging her.