An Illicit Gentleman

                           Chapter Two

The dull almost peach coloured lights raced across his face as he stared out his car window.  His elbow rested on the top of his door, stretched in front of his face, his pointer finger resting on his lips and his mind went over the past few days’ events.  He needed to drive, just drive until the gas ran out and get away from his thoughts, thoughts that spun in his head like they were in a blender.  There was the fight with Sarah, going to the club with Mats, seeing the dance and a girl he hadn’t been able to get out of his mind, the next morning waking up and finding Sarah gone and not seeing her since.  She did call this morning and said she was at a friend’s, and that she’d be staying there until they’ve both cooled down.

“Cool down.” He scoffed at the words as they played in his head.  “I’m not the one all fucking anal.  I’m not the one who’s down my throat about the fucking coke, but nothings stopping it from going up her god damn nose.”  As the words left his lips the anger rose in his body.  He pounded on the steering wheel releasing the rage in him. Jerking his wheel he pulled into a parking lot and whipped into a stall.  AJ slammed the car into park and growled as he slammed back into his seat with one final smack of the wheel.

Now the rage was gone and a feeling of loneliness and disappointment slinked through him.  What had he become?  Why couldn’t anyone love him?  He fought back the tears as he placed his hands back on the wheel.  A feeling of regret came over him and he thought he should have picked up before heading out.  Someone shouting outside his car distracted him and he looked up finally seeing where he was.  His eyes fell in puzzlement a little as he looked up and saw the large neon sign with its pink lettering.

“Drink sounds good.” He said to himself as he pulled his keys out of the ignition and opened the driver’s door.

Walking across the parking lot he pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and lit one.  Taking a long drag he waited a minute and then exhaled the smoke out of his lungs, the tension slowly blowing away with it.  He nodded to the bouncer as the large man open the door for him and he walked inside the dim lit building. 

When he reached the steps he looked around for a place to sit and made his way to the side of the stage.  Sitting down he took a look around, the place was filling up, and the room buzzed with chatter.

“What can I get ya?” A woman asked and AJ looked up at her.  Not the same waitress that had served him when he was here with Mats.

“Jack on the rocks, please.” AJ said with a light smile.

“Be right back.” The girl smiled. 

Taking a deep breath AJ relaxed in the chair a little.  He wasn’t planning on coming here, things were busy with his group getting ready to head out on tour and he hadn’t gotten down here to see her dance like he wanted too.  When he went out tonight he just wanted to get away, get away from everything and everyone.  Now here he was in large room full of people, waiting for her to come out.

“Why in the hell am I here?” He asked himself as his finger tapped the table.

“One Jack.” The woman said and he almost jumped at her voice.

“Sweet, how much?’ He asked pulling out some bills from his pocket.

“It’s on Eve tonight.” She told him as she walked away.

“Oh?” AJ said a little shocked as the waitress walked away. “Thanks.” He said as he looked at the glass a little confused.  Then he shrugged it off as he wrapped his fingers around the glass and brought it to his lips.  The potent flavour danced around his taste buds and trickled down his throat.  As he put the glass down the drink warmed his body from the chest out and another moment of relaxation crept through him.

By the time he finished his third glass, again not having to pay for it, or the one before it, the music started and he looked up almost like a kid looking for Santa in a mall but as the curtains flew open and a blond walked out he sat back, realizing it wasn’t Eve.  Not paying much attention to the girl on the stage he pulled out a cigarette from his pack and lit it, his fingers spinning the glass around as he took a drag.

More girls came out and more glasses of Jack sat at his table.  As the woman brought him another glass, his ear perked when the DJ announced the next dancer and he noticed he wasn’t the only one who did so.  The same music played from the last time he was here, the lights flashed like the last time and when the stage lit up she danced in front of the chair. 

Eve danced and AJ watched, more intently than he did the other night.  His eyes drifted along her body as she walked passed him and he lightly licked his dry lips as her robe fell to the stage floor.  Taking a sip of his drink he swallowed hard as she slithered around the pole.  He let his eyes scan up as her bikini top came off; he caressed her breasts in his mind for a moment and then took a deep breath and another drink, shaking the image away.  When he looked back up the lights were off and the DJ was calling for applause. 

Staring at the glass in front of him he found himself wanting to go back to the split second day dream.  He wanted to go back and have her dance again and feel what he was feeling when he watched her.  The girls came out but none of them danced liked her and he found himself drinking more out of boredom. 

Then reality set in, the reality of Sarah and their engagement, and the reality of whom she was and who he was set in.  Picking up his smokes he downed the last of his Jack and got up from his seat.  Wobbling a bit he put his hand down on the table and stabilized himself.  Taking a deep breath and shaking the cobwebs from his mind, he double checked for his keys and then made his way out of the building.

Carefully he made his way to his car.  He didn’t even think twice about driving, he had driven home worse than this, and he just wanted to get away from this place.  Fumbling with his keys he tried to unlock his car door and then he looked more closely at the car.  Quickly he looked up and saw his car sitting two stalls over.  Laughing to himself he walked around the car towards his.

“AJ?” He heard someone say from across the parking lot.

“Fucking beautiful” He sighed at the thought of someone seeing him here like this but when he looked up he was surprised to see Eve jogging over to him.

“Hey” He said with a dorky ‘I’m pretending not to be into you’ smile.

“Are you leaving?” She asked as she approached him. Her clothes very casual just jeans, a T-shirt and runners much like the other day.  But as he looked under the black ball cap he saw that she still wore the make-up.

“Yep” AJ nodded as he flipped through his keys.  “Already saw the best part of the show.” He smirked as he looked up at her.

“I don’t think you should be driving.” She said and he saw concern on her face.

“Naw, I’m good, driven home worse than this.” He replied as he poked at the key hole with the wrong key.

“You can’t even unlock your door.” She sighed as she pointed at the trouble he was having.

“No” AJ shook his head a little frustrated.  “I just can’t find the damn key.”

“Let me drive you home.” She said and he almost jumped when her hand gently touched his shoulder.

“I said I’m good.” AJ snapped and as fast as the words came out he regretted them.  “I’m sorry.” He apologized quickly.  “It’s been.” He took a deep breath.  “Been a long few days.”

“It’s ok; just let me drive you home.” She told him with a light smile.

“Man, you got a beautiful smile.” He said as he leaned against his car and then he kicked himself for letting his buzz get to him so much.  “I…I mean sure thanks.”

            “My cars over there.” She pointed to the corner of the lot.

“Cool” AJ said still swearing at himself in his head.

They walked along the cars not really saying much, he didn’t know why she was quiet but with him he had so many thoughts in his head, his brain was to busy trying to settle them.  He just wanted to get home before he did something really stupid to piss Eve off but he also had thought about how he wanted to take forever getting there. 

“Oh hey, ah thanks for the drinks tonight.” AJ said as he remembered the waitress telling him they were on Eve.  “Hope I didn’t run you up too high.” He joked as he got into the passengers seat.

“No and you’re welcome” She replied with a light smile.  “No Mats tonight?” she asked as they pulled out.

“Naw he wasn’t home.” AJ shrugged.  “Plus I just wanted to go for a drive and get my head clear.

“So how did you end up at that place?” Eve said nodding back towards the club even though they were far away from the place.

“I’m not really sure, just ended up there.” AJ said with a light shrug.

“You don’t seem the type that hangs out at a strip joint.” She told him as she turned onto his street.

“You don’t seem like someone who would dance there.” He replied.  AJ thought it was an innocent question but when he saw the look in her eyes he wasn’t sure.

“Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.” Eve shrugged.  “Just pull up again?” She asked.

“Yeah” AJ nodded as they pulled up to his house and he looked at her.  This time there was no worry about Sarah coming out and freaking.  He wanted to ask her in, wanted to talk to her more.   “They won’t tow my car will they?” He asked as the car stopped in front of his house.

“No” Eve lightly laughed.  “Just Mats.” She joked and it made him laugh and it was the first time he laughed all day.

“Well thanks for the lift, again.” AJ smiled.

“No problem.” She answered back.  He paused for a moment, the question sitting on the edge of his tongue and he didn’t realize he was staring.  “Everything ok?” She asked breaking him from his thought.

“Ah, yeah.” He replied quickly.  “I was just wondering.”

“Wondering?” She said confused.

“Would you like to come in?” He spurted out and then waited for his answer.  She smiled and when she did he knew the answer, he had seen it millions of times before especially when he was a teen, pre Backstreet but even now he would still get ‘the smile’ as girls still found him a little weird.  “Right, Mats said not too, sorry I didn’t mean anything by it.” He spoke nervously, awkwardly. Quickly, not wanting to make an ass out of himself anymore he got out of her car. “Thanks for the ride.” He said flashing a quick smile as he closed the door.  Not wanting to look back he jammed his hand into his pocket and pulled out his keys.  As he unlocked his front door he heard her car pull away and he stopped, his hand not letting go of the key in the lock. 

His forehead fell forward and it thumped against the wood.  He lifted it up and did it again.  “Dumbass” he scolded himself as he thought about what had just happened.  Opening his door he walked into his house.  “And what the fuck were you going to do when you invited her in?” He asked out loud to himself as the door closed behind him.  “Now you look like a fucking creep.” Pausing as frustration came into play.  “And why the fuck do you even care, you’re with Sarah.”  AJ walked up stairs and into his room, not bothering to undress or anything he fell onto the bed and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than this night to end and it did as soon as his head hit the pillow.