An Illicit Gentleman

                     Chapter Twenty-Four

 AJ sat alone in the waiting room.  The colours on the wall, the chairs, and the electronics, that were placed in the room to make it a more calming place for people to be, did nothing to keep him calm.  He shook as he held his cell phone in his hands against his lips.  A tear dripped down following the same path all the other tears had gone down and landed the leg of his jeans.  His mind would not let him forget what he saw in the room, wouldn’t let him forget the ice scattered around the floor and it wouldn’t let him forget what she looked like, lying there motionless.  Tightly he closed his eyes and lowered his head as tried to push his emotions away, he didn’t want to deal with them right now, he just wanted to know if she was alive or…dead.

Slowly he slumped from his chair and fell to his knees.  He dropped his phone onto the floor and ran his fingers through his hair stopping near the top of his head.  Pulling on his own hair he curled his body as he knelt on the floor, sobbing.

“Please.” He blurted out.  “Please don’t take her away from me.” AJ sobbed on the floor.  “I am begging you.” He let go of his hair and looked up at the hospital ceiling, his head started to shake in disagreement.  “You can’t take her from me please, I need her.” He closed his eyes and lowered his head as he started crying again.  “How could you possibly need her more than me?” AJ sobbed as he rested his head in his hands. 

When he felt someone in front of him he looked up quickly and saw his Mom kneeling down in front of him.  At that moment he didn’t care how she acted towards Eve, how she always gave him a hard time about the two of them, all he cared about was that his Mom was right there.  Not saying a word as he broke out into more tears and sobs, he wrapped his arms around her neck and held her.  Her arms around him were comforting and soothing. 

“I should have gone with her, I shouldn’t of let her go by herself how could I’ve been so stupid.” AJ mumbled as they held onto each other.

“Alex you had no way of knowing he was going to rush into the room like he did.” Denise told him as she pulled her son away and looked at him.  “They weren’t even sure he was in Florida.”

“I should have protected her like I promised her and after everything they had already done.” He stopped and looked down at the ground.  “I shouldn’t have left her alone.”

“Alex” Denise sighed, the hurt of seeing her son in so much pain evident in her eyes and face.  “She’s going to make it Alex.”

“You don’t know that.” He snapped and stood up.  “You didn’t see her; you didn’t see her lying on the floor, blood everywhere, her blood.”  AJ stopped at the waiting room window.  His Mom stood up and picked up his phone.  She walked over to him and placed her hand on his back.  “I’d give it all up.” He whispered staring at the window.  “He can have it all back, the money, the music, the fans, the house, the cars, he can have it all, I don’t care I just want her.”  Denise pulled AJ into her arms as he started crying again.

The sound of people coming into the room pulled the two apart and AJ looked over at the entrance hoping it was a doctor but he was a little disappointed to see it was just his friends, his band mates. 

“Have you heard anything?” Kevin asked as Howie and him walked over to AJ and Denise.

“All I know is that she’s in surgery.” AJ said shaking his head. 

“Why don’t you go sit down darling?” Denise asked her son as she walked him over to one of the waiting room chairs.

“When was the last time you heard something?” Kevin asked as he sat down beside AJ.  He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes and then sighed.

“I dunno, a while ago.” AJ mumbled.

“How about I go get everyone a coffee, do you want a coffee Alex?” Denise asked as everyone started to sit down.

“Sure” AJ said with a light nod.  His Mom gave him another hug and then left the room with Howie to go get everyone some Coffee and drinks.

“Can you talk about what happened?” Kevin asked.

AJ took a deep breath and sat back.  “I got a call this morning from one of the detectives in LA saying they received information that Mats accomplice might have followed us here, they were sending someone over and informing the hotel what was going on.” AJ explained as Kevin, Nick and Brian listened.  “I ordered breakfast, I had a shower, I woke her up and then we ate.  I told her about the phone call and she decided she didn’t want to go to Mom’s today, she wanted to stay away if we were being followed.”

“So he wouldn’t follow you to your Mom’s house?” Nick asked and AJ nodded.

“I called Mom to let her know and Eve went to get some Ice cause she used the last of it in her Orange Juice and that girl won’t drink anything unless there’s Ice in it.” He told them with a light laugh.  Then the laugh turned into small sobs and he put his head in his hands.  “I should have gone or at least gone with her.” He moaned.

“Dude you didn’t know.” Kevin told him as he placed his hand on his friends back.

“But I did know!” AJ shouted standing up.  “I knew he was following us, I had just gotten off the fucking phone with the detective and I let her walk out the door alone.”

“Mr. Mclean?” A man’s voice cut short the conversation.  AJ turned around and saw the Doctor standing in the doorway.  AJ couldn’t say anything as he walked over to the man in the long white jacket.  His heart started racing faster, his hands were sweaty and he was pretty sure he was shaking.

“Is…Is she going to be ok?” AJ asked and his whole body tensed waiting to hear the answer.

“Right now we just don’t know.” The doctor told him.  “Can we have a seat?”  AJ lightly nodded as he walked over to a chair and sat down.  “She was stabbed three times in the lower abdomen and she lost an extreme amount of blood.  In surgery we had to repair some damage to her colon but most the damage was done to her Uterus.  We tried to repair as much as we could but the damage was so severe she started hemorrhaging on the table and I with two other doctors thought it was best to remove it.” 

“Her body has lost a lot of blood; it is a miracle she even made it to the hospital or through surgery.” The doctor told him.  “I can’t tell you right now if she’s going to pull through because we just don’t know but if she makes it through the night things will be looking up.”

“C-c-can I s-s-see her.” AJ stuttered, which was something he hadn’t done in years.

“Yes, just one at a time, only for a few minutes, she needs her rest.” The doctor told him as they both stood up.  AJ looked back at Kevin.

“I’ll let your Mom know.” Kevin said as he nodded for AJ to follow the doctor.

“She’s in that room.” The doctor said as he pointed to a large wooden door. 

A feeling of déjà vu came over him, once again he found himself standing outside of a hospital door unable to enter.  Again his hands started to shake as he wiped the sweat off of them onto his jeans.  He reached for the door, then stopped, his hand reaching for the knob, he found himself not able to move.  Closing his eyes he took a deep breath.

“At least get in there and say goodbye.” His mind yelled at him but as quickly as it had entered it was gone, replaced with thoughts of how she was going to live, going to make it and they’d be together.  With one final deep breath AJ turned the knob and opened the door. His eyes locked onto her and his breath rushed from his lungs.  She lied motionless on the bed, her arms beside her, her chest barely moving up and down and had it not been for the Heart monitor beeping he would have wondered if she was breathing at all.  Her skin was pale and off colour, her lips were dry and cracked and her eyes had purple rings around them.  Slowly he walked over to her bed and sat down, pulling the chair as close as he could.

He put his hands in a praying position, his elbows resting on the edge of her bed and rested his forehead against them as he started to cry.  The feeling of cold fingers touching his arm made his head shoot up and his eyes locked with hers as they stared at him half open.  AJ didn’t know what to say to her, what to tell her, so he took her hand and brought it to his lips and gently kissed the back of her fingers. 

“It’s not good is it?” She asked weakly.

“You’re going to be fine.” He told her still holding her hand as he sniffed.

“You’re lying.” She replied and he looked at her confused.  “When you lie your lips purse.” She told him as a small smile came over his face.

“Eve” He sighed.

“Will you make sure I’m put with Sean?” She asked.  AJ closed his eyes fighting back the tears.

“No” AJ said shaking his head and her face fell in confusion.  “I’m not letting you go and you’re not going to give up.  You’re going to fight Evelyn like you always have.”

“Alex” Her weak voice whispered.

“I’m not ready to let you go, I didn’t get shot just to watch you slip away from me.” He told her.  “Please Eve fight, fight hard and stay here with me.”

“Just promise me Alex please.  Promise you’ll make sure I’m buried next to him.”

His eyes fell in pain, the tears came out but there was no sobbing.  He closed his eyes and answered.  “I promise.”

“Then I promise I’ll fight.” She whispered to him as she rested her hand against his cheek.  He leaned his head against the palm of her hand and looked at her.

“Get some rest sweetheart, ok?” He said as he took her hand back.  Eve lightly nodded as she closed her eyes.  Carefully AJ leaned in and gingerly kissed her lips and then her forehead.  “I love you.” He whispered into her ear.

“I love you too.” She mumbled back her eyes still closed.

AJ sat beside her, holding her hand as she drifted off to sleep.  It was hard to look away, would it be the last time he would hear her say those words, would it be the last time he held her hand, or would everything really be ok.  When he knew she was fast asleep he stood up and left the room and almost slammed into the nurse as she headed to Eve’s room.  The woman asked if she was awake and AJ told her she was but not now.  The woman smiled at him and walked into the room.  Sluggishly he walked down the hall and into the waiting room where his Mom and the guys were all waiting.  They stood up when he entered looking at him.  He collapsed into a chair and started crying, everything he held back, everything he fought back came rushing out of him.

“She knows it’s not good.” AJ sobbed.  “She made me promise I’d make sure she was put next to Sean.”

“Sean?” His mother said confused.

“Her brother.” AJ said quickly.  “What am I going to do if she doesn’t make it?” He cried as he wrapped his arms around Denise and began to bawl.

“Maybe you should go back to the hotel, have shower, something to eat…” His Mom started to say.

“No” AJ cut in shaking his head.  “I need to stay here.  I don’t want to be at my damn hotel in case…” He paused then put his head back in hands and sighed.  “I need to be alone, I need a couple of minutes, figure shit out.” He said standing up.  “I’m going for a smoke.”

Howie handed him his coffee as he headed out of the waiting room and down to the elevators.  When he got outside he fumbled for his cigarettes as he sat down on a bench.  Holding the smoke in his lips he pulled open the lid to his coffee and took a drag as he pulled the cigarette from his mouth.  AJ closed his eyes as he exhaled the smoke from his lungs, his body relaxing from the nicotine but only a little.  Someone sat down beside him and he opened his eyes and looked.

“Thought I said I wanted to be alone.” AJ mumbled as he put his coffee to his lips.

“Since when have I listened to a damn word you say?” Kevin asked as he sat back.  AJ smirked and lightly rolled his eyes as he set his coffee cup beside him on the seat.

“Fuck Kev, I’m so scared.” AJ said before he took another drag.

“I know you are man.” Kevin replied as he put his hand on the back of AJ’s neck and lightly squeezed.  “But you said yourself she’s a strong woman, she’s been through a lot and she’ll get through this.”

“But what if she doesn’t.” AJ asked as he looked at his band mate.  “What if I go back up there and she’s gone, what if I wake up tomorrow and find out she’s gone…I-I” AJ stopped talking and fought back the tears.  “I don’t remember my dad leaving, I just remember him not being around, not wanting me, and the feeling it left me with.”  He took a deep breath and a sip of his coffee.  “Feeling unwanted even though I had all these people around, feeling like something was wrong with me because not even my own father wanted to be with me, wanted to love me, have anything to do with me.” He sighed putting the cup back down.  “I tried to fix it, I tried to fix it with girls who wanted to love me, who wanted to be with me but they didn’t want me they wanted AJ Mclean and then she came along.”

“She wanted me Kev, she wanted me, and she needed me because she needed the love I had for her.  Eve never wanted my money, she never wanted my fame she wanted my love.  The only person in her life who ever loved her was her brother and she had him ripped away from her by someone who was supposed to love her just as much as he did.  She went years without knowing it, without feeling it, then I came along and gave it too her.”

“I’m sure you gave her much more love than she was expecting.” Kevin said with a light smile.  “And you’ll have lots of time to give her more of it, you just need to stay strong, keep it together and be there for her.”

“Yeah cause my track record shows how good I am at that.” AJ sighed.

“But she’s different right?” Kevin asked as AJ looked at him over his cup.  “She’s not like the other girls, you know what the two of you have is real, not some substitute feeling.”

AJ slowly nodded understanding where Kevin was going.  The two sat outside the hospital nothing but the sounds of cars driving by and the odd persons walking by talking to each other.  When AJ was done his smoke he looked into his cup of coffee and saw it was almost gone so he tossed his cigarette butt into the cup and stood up.

“Going back up?” Kevin asked as he followed. 

“Yeah” AJ nodded as he tossed the cup into the garbage and headed to the general entrance doors.