Chapter 1
“Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up…” I can’t believe how impatient I am. Why the hell won’t anyone answer their damn phones?
I can’t believe this list of questions for that interview. They are ACTUALLY going to ask us our opinions of fan fiction? Why? I don’t even read it. Why would I?”
I hang up my phone, wanting to just throw it. I know why they are ignoring me. They think this is freaking funny. Dammit.
When my phone buzzes with a text, I almost ignore it. Then I decide to read it. “Just check out the fanfic. Its not that bad. At the movies, later!”
Great. Check it out he says. My brothers are fucking idiots.
I go to my computer and call up the website they sent us. Seriously, this many people write about US? OK, so maybe it’s flattering. But why? I feel like such a fool reading this.
So far, I’ve read two stories. And I’m even more pissed than I was before. Why do they make me out to be an idiot? I’m not an idiot! OK, yeah, I’ve done some pretty shitty interviews, but that doesn’t mean I was stupid. I was probably wasted. OK, that’s not much better. Fuck. I knew it. I’m just a big old joke to the fans. A joke with a big dick. If they only knew the truth.
I shut my laptop and walk away. I can’t do this. I’m just going to be honest. I don’t read fanfiction. Period.
When my phone rings later, I’m not surprised. “What did you think?”
I say, “I’m not reading it. I feel like an idiot. I’m just going to say I don’t read it, end of story.”
Brian says, “Come on, man, give it a chance. Some of it’s pretty hot. Kind of flattering.”
“Flattering?” I practically scream into the phone. “They make me out to be an idiot with a big dick. How is that flattering?”
Brian says, “First of all, you are…umm, endowed. Don’t you EVER tell anyone I said that.”
I have to laugh. I say, “Well, duh, Brian…”
He says, “Second, you have to admit, some of your earlier interviews weren’t your stellar moments. Come on, I’ve read several and you are actually pretty decent. Some of them are off the chain crazy. In one, Howie’s bi-sexual…”
I stop him. I say, “And he’s OK with that?”
Brian says, “Honestly, I don’t know. Look at it like this…All these women are fantasizing about having sex with you. They are just writing about it. It’s not meant to hurt your feelings. Hell, I bet half of them don’t even expect you to read it.”
I snort and say, “I wouldn’t have if you guys weren’t making me.”
Brian says, “Well, whatever, you have to be nice in the interview. Personally, I’m flattered.”
I laugh and say, “You would be. They make you out to be some kind of Romeo. If only they knew…”
He says, “Well they don’t, and man, I’m telling you, some of this stuff is really HOT. Remember how we’d stash Penthouse on the bus and read the forum? This is ten times better because it’s about us!”
I sigh and say, “If I keep reading this and I don’t change my mind, I’m going to be completely honest at the interview.”
Brian says, “You’ll hurt a lot of fans if you do that. Just keep reading. I think you’ll find it’s not so bad.”
I spend an hour watching TV before turning back to the computer. I pull up the sight once again, this time picking a story about AJ. Let’s see how they think of him.
Three hours later, I’ve read AJ stories, Howie stories, Brian stories, all of which weren’t bad. I was surprised they weren’t all romance stories with happy endings. OK, guess I should give a story about me one more try.
Wanting to throw my computer across the room, I yell at the walls, “That’s it! I am not playing this game anymore.” Picking up my phone I call AJ. When he answers, I say, “You guys better get ready ‘cause I’m going to piss off a lot of people in that interview. I may even call a few out.”
AJ says, “Come on man, why you gotta be like that?”
I say, “Well, I’m either stupid, a sex freak or gay. Take your pick!”
He laughs at me. Really laughs. He says, “Nick, don’t you get it? It’s just a fucking story! Get over yourself already. So what if they make shit up. Don’t you fantasize?”
I grudgingly say, “Well hell, yeah I do. But seriously, dude I’m a murder in one. A fucking murderer!”
AJ chuckles and says, “I know. Wasn’t that a hoot?”
I groan and say, “Why can’t you guys see it from my point of view?”
He says, “Why can’t you see it from ours? Nick, it’s just stories. Not rumors, it’s not something that people think is real. It’s all make believe. Seriously, Dude, grow up. Oh, and check your email. I found a hot one you’ll like. I bet you even jack off.”
So here I go again. Reading another one. I’m half way through it and damn if I don’t have a fucking hard on. Shit, women really write this stuff? Damn I wish I could do half of it. OK, the one story I can stand is almost pornographic?
Before I totally lose my mind and jack off as AJ said I would, my phone rings. Howie. When I answer, he says, “What’s up Nick? I got your twelve missed calls.”
I say, “Howie...I can’t say I like this stuff. I just can’t.”
Howie says, “Well you’re not hurting the fans feelings either.”
I say, “So I’m supposed to lie?”
He says, “Think of it as being diplomatic. What would Jesus do?”
I have to laugh at him. I say, “I would expect Brian to say that.”
Howie chuckles and says, “At least you aren’t mad anymore. Or are you?”
I sigh and say, “I don’t know, D. I can’t help how I feel.”
He says, “I know Nick. Look at it like this. How many times have fans given you a stuffed animal?”
I groan and say, “More than I can count.”
He says, “Yet you manage to smile and say thanks. Can you do that now?”
I say, “I don’t know.”
Howie says, “Think about it. I gotta go. Leigh’s reading one that’s turning her on. Later dude.”
I hang up and close my eyes, trying to block out the mental picture of Howie doing the nasty with Leigh because of one of these stories. As I look at the computer again, I find my hand pushing my shorts out of the way. Who’s gonna know I did this?
