Chapter 12

It was a sweltering late Sunday afternoon in Malibu when Tasha decided to calm her nerves by doing yoga with Lenny Kravitz blaring in the background. Thank goodness her suite had an ample sized balcony overlooking the ocean.

She never liked the “calming” meditative music her yogi in Montreal played during their classes. Loud and dirty guitar riffs got Tasha in the zone and often helped her focus much better on her breathing, and subsequently, her poses. And thankfully, occupying her subconscious like that helped her forget the recent onslaught of oddly graphic sexual images of Nick in her head. Damn him and his liberal hugs policy.

The last day and a half since she’d been back in California had been spent in the studio with JC. Not that he wasn’t good company. On the contrary, he was charming, patient, unapologetically generous with his dirty jokes and was easy to talk to. She learned more about music theory from him in a day and a half than she did while touring with her Metal Gyros bandmates (who were all music majors) for two years.

One very noticeable detail missing from the last day and a half was Nick’s presence. According to JC, he was busy planning for the next few months, juggling booking requests as a result of her Youtube notoriety. Once they arrived at the Compound, Nick helped her get settled in her suite in the Artist House, her new home until she moved to California permanently, and then promptly disappeared.

Tasha closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she moved from plank position to a dolphin pose.

Rehearsals were going well for the Ellen Show and even JC said she could rock the song in her sleep. Their next mission was to find her a legitimately good first single. Earlier that day, she played a few lines of her own music for JC while on guitar and they talked quite a bit about where she wanted her music to go.

“Seriously, JC, cookie cutter prefab isn’t for me. I want to have my own sound and not have people constantly comparing me to Adele or Pink or...”

JC laughed. “Come on, your sound is way hotter than Adele’s or Pink’s. We should aim for something different.”

“But how do we do that? I have an idea of the kind of sound I want but I can’t verbalize it until I hear the right music or write the right song.”

JC nodded  thoughtfully. “Nick and I were talking about that, actually. How do you feel about doing small club gigs for the next little while, just to get your feet wet and maybe experiment with some different sounds?”

Her smile was slow but heartfelt. “That’s a brilliant idea! That way, I can sing as many different ways as I want and figure out what feels right.”

“At the same time, we can just jam together using pieces of your music and maybe create new tunes and see where this goes. How does that sound?”

It was refreshing to talk to someone so in tune with her thoughts that she couldn’t help but give JC a hug. “How is it that no woman’s snatched you up for your brilliance and sensitivity? I think I love you.”

He laughed out loud and returned the hug tightly. “Clearly I was waiting for you.”

Tasha was grateful for JC’s easy company. He wasn’t kidding when he said both him and Nick wanted her transition to a world famous rockstar to be as painless as possible. As she moved into a supported headstand, she breathed in and reminded herself that she wouldn’t even be here in California if it weren’t for JC. And of course, Nick.

Nick Carter, with his irresistible charm, his comforting hugs and his quiet confidence in her, in her talent. He had an answer for any of her crazy questions, and a kiss for every single one of Matty’s booboos. He had an unlimited supply of positive energy, always on the go, always with his hand in different areas of her career, and it hadn’t even started.

He was quick to protect her against harm…her father, case in point. In the same breath, he was quick to sympathize with the pain of having a loved one sick and not quite their usual self. He was free with his affection and his teasing all the same, each random touch sending her already burgeoning infatuation into a whole other level of lustful fantasy.

She was almost thirty years old, for crying out loud. And he was her manager, therefore off limits. Right?

Even as she repeated those phrases over and over like a mantra, she still ended up with steamy daydreams involving Nick and the massive bed in the Marilyn room, both of them naked and touching each other…EVERYWHERE.

In her imagination, he would come to her in the dark, his gaze intent, wearing nothing but a smile and his pajama bottoms. He would pull the covers off her and crawl to her slowly, his blue eyes bright with obvious devilish intentions. He would kiss her, hard, as his hand explored the skin underneath her lacy top.

It didn’t really matter that she hated wearing lace. In her dreams, she was freakin’ rocking a see-through top and Nick was loving it.

Where was she?

Oh, yeah. So as his hands travelled up her torso, hers would touch his broad chest, at first tentatively then a little more boldly. He would keep her mouth busy by nipping her lower lip lightly as his hands found the swell of her breasts and cup them gently. While she opened her mouth to his, his tongue…

“Seriously, you’ve been upside down for a good five minutes, Tash, your face is turning red,” a voice outside her thoughts said with laughter.

Tasha’s thoughts took a dive, and so did the rest of her body. “Yaaaahhh!” she screamed as she landed on her back quite ungracefully.

“Oh shit,” the familiar voice said in a panic as it came closer, “Are you alright? Did you break anything?” She felt a warm hand on her waist and another on the back of her head.

Slowly she opened her eyes, embarrassed partly because of the fall and mostly because of the direction her thoughts had taken.

“JC, you psychopath,” she breathed as she tried to ignore the pain in every single cell of her body. “You don’t talk to anyone who’s meditating upside down, did you want to kill me?” She smacked his arm HARD.

He smiled and winked when he realized she was okay. “What? You’re fine. Walk it off, sunshine.” He stood and offered his hand to help her up.

Tasha looked up at him and his evil smile and shook her head. “What if I have a concussion? Or a broken rib? Oh my god, what if my spine broke and punctured my lungs?”

JC laughed and grabbed both her hands to pull her up. “You are such a brat. And seriously bad at anatomy. If you can talk and breathe, you’re fine. Come on, get up.” He pulled her to her feet and brushed the dust off her top and her hair. “What were you thinking, doing yoga in this heat anyway? I swear I could hear Lenny Kravitz all the way from the beach house.”

Tasha shook her head, freeing her dark hair from the haphazard ponytail that had started to come loose as soon as she stood up. She felt a little lightheaded from being inverted for so long but it should pass soon. “Sorry, I wanted to get rid of the nerves. For tomorrow. Yoga usually helps.”

“You know what usually helps for me? Beer. Or wine. Which Nick and I have a bunch of at the house. Come over for some dinner. Nick just fired up the big grill. And the girls are there, they’ve been looking for you.”

Tasha’s eyes widened in excitement. “All of them?”

He nodded and pulled on her hand. “And the guys too. They heard you were back and wanted to throw a good ole’ fashioned Backstreet barbeque. Come on and get changed.”

All her anxiousness at tomorrow quickly dissipated at the thought of seeing her friends again. She dropped a quick kiss on JC’s cheek as a thank you and rushed to the bathroom. “Wait for me! I’ll be ready in five minutes! Oh my god, what am I going to wear?”

As Tasha rushed to the bathroom that doubled as a massive closet, she showered quickly, scrubbed her face clean and put on shorts and a simple backless purple shirt over her red bikini top. Grabbing her sunscreen and flipflops, she ran out the door and saw JC calmly seated on her bed, checking his phone messages.

He looked up at her in surprise. “I didn’t think you really meant five minutes.”

“I don’t like to keep people waiting. Would you mind putting sunscreen on my back?”

JC blinked as he looked at the bottle she held in his direction and then to her bare back. “Uh, sure.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you, you’re my hero,” she said as she clipped her hair in a lazy ponytail. As he lathered sunscreen on her back, she peered over to the mirror next to them and made sure she looked at least presentable. “No make up is okay, right? I mean, it’s not a dressy thing, is it?”

“All the girls are in shorts and shirts. You’re good.”

She relaxed a bit. “Thanks, JC. I promise, next time I won’t sound so neurotic.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. “Believe me, neurotic is the last word I would use to describe you.” Tasha heard the cap from the sunscreen click shut. “Okay, back’s all done. Can we go now?”

They walked over to the beach house talking about tomorrow’s schedule. The Ellen taping was at 2 PM but their call time was at noon, for soundcheck and a quick run through. Afterwards, Nick booked some time with her to meet with Leigh to do some media training. It was a full day for sure, Nick didn’t believe in wasting time.

It turned out that the party was being held close to the beach, at the first level deck, next to the rec room. As soon as Leigh, Rochelle and Leighanne saw her walk over with JC, they descended on her like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

Hugs were freely given, as well as compliments on each other’s hair and outfits. JC decided to walk away when he saw AJ raise a bottle of expensive Jack Daniels in his direction from beside the grill.

“Congratulations on the Ellen Show, love,” Leighanne gushed, “I wish we could all be there for moral support, but we know you’ll kick ass.”

Tasha smiled. “I hope so! I’m wearing some of your couture though, we’re going bohemian tomorrow so at least something’s going right.”

Leigh scoffed. “Pshaw, Tash. I heard you rehearsing with JC yesterday. You got this.”

Rochelle handed her a shot glass. “In the meantime, let’s celebrate the start of something freakin’ awesome. To Tasha!”

Just as she was about to down the shot, Tasha felt a hand on the small of her back. “Hang on, ladies. No shooters til our rockstar tries some of my Malaysian spiced burgers.”

Shivers went through Tasha’s spine when she recognized Nick’s low voice right next to her. She turned and saw his smile. “Hey stranger,” he greeted, squeezing her waist. “Hungry?”

Tasha swallowed but managed a flippant grin. “Starving.”

Nick held up a plate filled with delicious smelling burgers in fresh buns. “Come on, try one. I made it myself.”

She hesitated. She wasn’t sure if Nick had noticed she was vegetarian but as much as she wanted to try this wonderful smelling dish, she was afraid of what her stomach may decide to do if she even attempted.

“I don’t think I can, Nick. I’m vegetarian, sorry.”

Nick laughed. “Now what kind of manager would I be if I didn’t know the small details? This is a lentil burger, made with just a little added tofu and Malaysian spices. Come on, try it. I made it for you. And it’s extra spicy, just the way you like it.”

Surprised, Tasha turned to Leigh, who, after emitting the most unladylike snort, looked quite fascinated by this turn of events. “Why, Nickolas, this newfound sensitivity is surprising. What’s MY favorite food?”

Nick gave her a sweet smile. “Whatever Jake doesn’t finish, babe.” He handed Tasha a smaller burger. “Come on, just one small one. I SLAVED away on this all afternoon. Tell her, Brian.”

Surprised at the mention of his name, Brian turned to Nick and Tasha from behind them both and blinked. “If I were you, Tash, I won’t believe anything that comes out of Nick’s mouth. I, on the other hand, will never lie to you when I say you look gorgeous tonight.”

Tasha beamed under his praise and gave him a hug. “I knew there was a reason you were my favorite Backstreet Boy.”

Nick rolled his eyes heavenward. “Really? Really, Rok? Stealing my thunder NOW? Put down my whiskey.”

“Hey, boy, not my fault your Backstreet charm got left behind in the 90s.” He turned to Tasha. “The only person who slaved away over those burgers was me. Charm Boy here thought lentils were purple.”

Nick’s eyes narrowed in feigned irritation. “Oh you are dead, old man.”

With a grin, Brian barely squeezed out a ‘see ya’ before Nick started chasing him down the deck and onto the beach.

Tasha laughed as she took a bite out of the veggie burger. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her friends look at each other knowingly.

“What? What did I miss?”

Rochelle shook her head and smiled. “This is going to be an interesting night.”

******

Nick shut down the grill later that night, when everyone was congregated around the patio table, finishing up what remained of the peach cobbler Leighanne brought over. Most of the kids were tuckered out, Matty included. He spotted his son sleeping comfortably in Tasha’s arms. It was close to nine and although he knew his friends were going to head home soon, they were still too busy talking about the good old days.

As Nick sat down at the head of the table, he watched Tasha on the other end, having a quiet conversation with JC while Matty slept, their heads close together so they don’t wake the toddler.

“You look worried.”

Nick turned to his left and smiled slightly at Howie. “Me? Nah. Just thinking.”

Howie followed Nick’s gaze and shrugged. “Looks like a serious conversation to me.”

“Probably about tomorrow. She’s a little nervous about going on national television.”

Howie looked at Nick and chose his next words carefully. “Leigh tells me they’ve been spending a whole lot of time together lately.”

“Normal for a producer-artist relationship, I would think.” He picked up his beer and downed it. “Want another beer, D?”

He shook his head. “Aren’t you worried that they might, you know…”

Nick looked unconcerned. Or at least he hoped he did. “Get it on? We’re all adults here, D. And besides, JC knows better.” He reached behind him and pulled out two cold beer cans from the cooler. “JC, heads up.” He tossed the beer to his brother-in-law across the table, careful not to hit anyone else.

The older man caught the can easily and nodded thanks.

“So you and Tasha…it’s all professional?” Howie asked quietly as Nick opened his beer.

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t it seem professional to you?”

“Meh,” Howie said, shrugging. “You guys seem…close.”

Nick laughed. “You need to stop listening to your wife.”

“Really? You’re not even the slightest bit attracted to her? Look at her. She’s gorgeous.”

“And so is Leigh,” Nick reasoned. “And I’ve worked with her for six years. Have we ever gotten it on?”

“No. Thank goodness for that. But it was also because you had Faith. You kids were crazy about each other.”

Nick shook his head. “I’m not talking about that tonight, D. Leave it alone.” He started to pull back.

Howie pulled on his friend’s arm. “Nick. We have to talk about Faith sometime, buddy.”

“Not right now we don’t.”

Nick and Howie had a mini staredown before Howie gave up. “What’s up after Ellen for Tasha? New single?”

Now this was a topic he was more comfortable with. As they talked, he saw Tasha stand up with Matty and started walking over to them.

Tasha stopped next to him and leaned by his ear.

“I’m bringing Matty inside. JC said you have a makeshift crib in your studio?”

Nick nodded and started to stand up. “I’ll do it…”

Tasha shook her head and put her hand on his shoulder. “Oh no, sit, I got it. It’ll take a second. I figure he’s more comfortable lying down than on my shoulder. I’ll make sure to leave the door open.” With a smile, she turned and walked into the rec room adjoining the deck.

Nick’s gaze followed her until she disappeared into the darkness.

Stuck in deep thought, he turned his attention back to Howie and tried to remember what they were just talking about. “What was I saying?”

Howie leaned back on his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not attracted, my ass. You have the hots for Tasha. Admit it.”

Brian leaned over from Howie’s left as soon as he heard his friend’s last statement. “D, come on, we both know Nick will deny it til he’s blue in the face.” Then an evil grin. “But the rest of us…well, we know you too well, Frack. You don’t let just anyone in your life like this. This is pretty big.”

Nick sighed. “What are we Rok, twelve? I can be friends with women. In fact, I have many close friends that are women… your wives included.”

“That’s different and you know it, kid.” Brian said as he finished off his beer. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you’re finally back out there, doing your thing. But I’m calling this as what it is, that you’re ready to move on. And frankly, Tasha’s good for you. I wouldn’t have picked better.”

Howie nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Nicky, she seems like a good influence on you, and on Matty. I think you should keep her.”

Nick clutched his head in frustration. “You guys. I’m not dating. I won’t be dating anytime soon. Tasha and I, this is a purely professional relationship. I want to help her out, that’s all. That’s what JC and I are doing, nothing more.”

JC chimed in from behind Nick, “Speak for yourself, Carter.” He pulled up a chair and joined in on the conversation. “If you aren’t calling dibs, I’m so making my move on her.”

Brian’s eyes twinkled evilly. “Oohh, competition. My money’s on JC. He’s a closer after all.”

JC laughed and gave Brian a fist pump over Howie’s head.

“C, come on, man. We have rules about these things.” Nick gave his brother-in-law a pithy look. “Don’t tell me you want to break them all over Tasha.”

“First of all, bro, those rules are all you. I’ve never had a problem breaking them. Second, you have to admit, Tasha’s different from all the other women we know. She’s...real. You know?” JC then turned to Howie and Brian. “Your wives excluded, of course. They’re fantastic.”

Nick gave JC a long suffering look. “JC...”

“All I’m saying, Nick, is that if she even offers a hint of something more than friendship, I won’t say no. I mean, come on. Have you seen those legs?” JC leaned back, looking wistful. “And those eyes. I could look at them for freakin’ days. Did you know she has a tongue ring?”

Howie laughed and slapped JC on the back. “I think what you really need is a cold shower, bro.”

JC shook his head and sighed. “God, Nick, I don’t know how you do it. Two years of no action? I get two weeks of no sex, I’m just about ready to climb walls.”

“Try having a sex drive with a two year old in the house. A boner killer if there ever was one.” Nick grumbled.

“You guys are amateurs,” Howie said proudly, “I have a beautiful wife, who’s almost four months pregnant, a crazy three year old and a really great sex life. You just need a good woman, Nick.The rest won’t matter once you do.”

Nick gave his friends a wan smile. “I had the best woman, guys. I’m not sure if I’ll be that lucky twice in one lifetime.”

JC reached out and squeezed Nick’s shoulder. “If anyone deserves a second chance, it’s you, man.”

“Speaking of second chances,” Brian said, standing up, “The wife just gave me THE look. I be getting lucky tonight, boys. Your wine must have some magic in them, Carter. We may come back for more.”

Nick stood up and laughed. “I’ll make sure we’re stocked up, Bri.”

“Where’s our rockstar?” Leighanne came up to them sleepily and put her arm around her husband. “I want to wish her luck tomorrow before we leave.”

JC stood up. “She’s probably still putting Matty down. I’ll go get her.”

Leighanne came forward and hugged Nick. “Thanks for hosting tonight, Nicky. We should do it again soon, now that Tasha’s staying.”

Nick dropped a kiss on Leighanne’s forehead. “You are all welcome to visit anytime, especially if you bring more of that peach cobbler, because that seriously rocked my world tonight.”

“Your lentil burgers weren’t so bad either. But you need to work on paying more attention to Tasha. JC is outdoing you in the wooing department.”

Nick groaned. “Not you too, Leighanne.”

“Listen,” she said forcefully, touching Nick by the chin. “Darling, it’s your move now. She’s already half in love with you. All you need to do is close the deal. Alright?” She went up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Remember, I have faith in you,” she said with a grin.

Nick put his hands on his waist and shook his head in disbelief. “You guys need to stop messing with my head. I’m happy single, and I’m sure Tasha can pick her own boyfriends. Alright?”

Brian gave Nick a few playful slaps on the cheek. “We meddle because we care, man.”

“YOU meddle because you know it pushes my buttons, Rok,” Nick laughed. “Let me go and see what’s taking Tasha so long. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back.”

Nick walked back into the house, grabbing some empty wine bottles to deposit in the trash bin by the billiard table. As he got closer to the open doors of the studio though, he heard soft music and hushed conversation.

Curious, he walked in, but not until he recognized exactly what song was playing.

What the hell.

When he heard his own voice singing the lyrics he wrote right after his wife died, he had the urge to scream in anger and laugh out loud at the same time.

Instead, he dropped the empty wine bottles he was carrying in an attempt to keep his emotions in check.

Tasha and JC looked up from their spot next to the soundboard when they heard the sound of shattering glass.

Tasha was quick to get up and rush to him. “Nick, are you okay? Let me help---”

In his growing anger, he grabbed her arm and turned to JC. “Stop it. Right now.”

Confused, JC pressed the stop button on the board and frowned. “Hey, sorry Nick. Tasha and I were just listening to this CD she found next to the crib. Are you working on a solo record because you sounded AMAZING---”

Nick’s face remained impassive as he turned to Tasha. “The guys are leaving now. Why don’t you both go and say ‘good night’ while I clean this up?”

Tasha touched his arm with her free hand. “Nick? Is everything okay? I’m sorry if we upset you, I just wanted to listen to that one track, it was beautiful.”

Nick nodded, loosening his grip on her arm and pulling away. “It may be a good idea if this studio is off limits from now on.” He turned to JC. “Okay, C?”

Realizing that the two of them hit a nerve, JC nodded somberly and walked out the door, pulling a confused Tasha with him. “We’ll walk the guys out, Nick. Take your time in here.” Quietly, JC closed the doors to give Nick some privacy.

Nick stood there for a long while, immobilized by the sudden onslaught of memories of Faith...his beautiful, trusting, supportive Faith. Slowly collapsing against the wooden doors, he slid to the floor and buried his face against his knees, determined to erase the memory of that awful crash that took his beloved from him.

A crash that was, if he was being honest with himself, entirely his fault.