Chapter 17

“Ashy!”

Tasha’s ears perked at the sound of the familiar voice coming from the distance. She was in the middle of telling the Rolling Stone reporter about her upcoming album when she saw Matty breaking into a dead run once he saw her on the other side of the Compound’s pool.

“One sec,” she told the reporter and ignored the other man taking photos of her a few feet away.  She went straight for Matty, who was about forty feet away, running dangerously close to the edge of the pool.

Her first thought was how the hell did Matty get out from under Nick or Damon’s watch? The Compound’s pool was located on the other side of the Artist House, which meant that either Matty had gotten away from Damon at the studio or he’d escaped Nick’s office. Either way, her heart was beating a million miles a minute. One misstep, he’d plunge straight into deep waters.

She got to him just as he noticed the panic on her face. He stopped running abruptly and frowned, sensing that he did something wrong.

“Ashy?” he asked as she pulled him up in her arms.

She released the deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding and gave the boy a hug. “Oh Matty, don’t scare me like that.”

In the corner of her eye, she saw Damon running, then stopping to catch his breath when he saw Matty safe in her arms.

“It’s okay, D, I got him,” she told him with a nod.

He frowned. “I’m getting too old for this. Carter needs to get a freakin’ nanny,” she heard him grumble as he approached them, heaving.

 “What happened?”

“That Bieber kid left the doors wide open in the studio. I turned my back for one minute and he went running. Come on, Matty, Tasha’s busy.”

Tasha shook her head and cradled Matty closer. “It’s okay, he can stay, we’re wrapping up anyway.”

“Are you sure? Because if Nick sees Matty…”

“Let me handle Nick,” she said, tiptoeing to give the much taller man a kiss on the cheek. “You go take a break. We’re still on for car shopping later, yes?”

“Four o’clock, don’t be late,” he mumbled before he turned and walked away.

 “Ashy, I owie,” Matty cried against her shoulder.

“What happened, Matty? Where’s your owie?”

He pulled away from her and showed her his bright red thumb. “Owie.”

Tasha frowned as she kissed his thumb. “Oh boo, that looks painful. What happened?”

“Doe. Bad doe.”

“What door?”

“Fish.”

Tasha blinked. “Uh…your fish?”

He shook his head. “No, Daddy fish.”

She laughed. Tasha had no idea what he was talking about. Her Matty-speak was getting rusty. “Okay, baby. Stay with me, we’ll get your owie better, okay?”

He sighed as he leaned his head against her shoulder. “Okay.”

She smiled apologetically at the two men looking on. “Sorry guys. Do you mind if Matty here joins us?”

Both shook their heads no and the interview continued as if it didn’t even stop. As Tasha sat, chatting casually for the next fifteen minutes, Matty slowly drifted to sleep against her.

She did make it a point to tell the photographer to keep Matty off his shots. She didn’t want Nick having a heart attack when his son suddenly shows up on the pages of Rolling Stone.

“I think we got everything,” the reporter said, standing up. “Thanks for your time today, Tasha.”

“It was my pleasure, guys,” she said, starting to stand up.

“Oh no, it’s okay, we’ll see ourselves out. We don’t want to wake up the little boy.”

With a wave, they walked off to the driveway where their car waited.

Shifting the sleeping toddler in her arms, she raised her feet and rested her legs on the table. Leaning back, she stared at the horizon, listening to Matty’s steady breathing and the waves crashing on the beach not too far away.

After another night of barely two hours of sleep, she’d made some decisions that not only would help her sanity but keep her relationship with Nick professional. Being in the Compound, in such close proximity to him made her extremely uncomfortable. What better way to preserve a purely professional relationship than to move out to her own apartment and get her own ride. Her tour was starting after Thanksgiving which was only a few weeks away but by the holidays, she’d be back and finishing her album. She needed her own space apart from…this.

Looking down at Matty’s sleeping form, she felt a sharp tug in her heart. She would miss this little guy though.

“Miss Tasha?” a hushed voice said behind her, “It’s Mr. Dorough for you, on the phone.”

She turned and saw Carson handing over her mobile. She totally forgot she left it with him before the photoshoot. Giving him a smile, she grabbed the iPhone and greeted Howie cheerfully.

“Well hello, Mr. Dorough. Didn’t think I’d hear from you this quickly.” She was a bit surprised, considering she’d contacted him regarding any leads on a rental nearby just two hours ago.

“Tash, are you sitting down?”

“Very comfortably, sir. Good news?”

“The best news. My partner just reminded me that we have a one bedroom condo we were putting on the market just two blocks from the Compound. It’s furnished, on the beach, and you get one parking spot. It’s off the PCH. Interested?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am,” she said, hoping her excitement translated over the phone even as she spoke in a hushed tone.

Howie’s voice lowered to match her own. “Why are we whispering?”

“Sorry, Matty’s just asleep on top of me. I didn’t want to wake him.”

Howie laughed. “Once the Carter men are asleep, nothing would wake them so don’t worry about being too excited.”

Tasha smiled. “When can I see the place?”

“Now, if you want. I’m leaving the house in a few minutes, I could get to the condo in twenty. Maybe you and Nick could meet me there. I can give you the address.”

“Oh. Sorry Howie, I haven’t told Nick about me moving out yet. I’ll walk down, if it’s just two blocks away. What’s the address?”

Howie hesitated. “Uh, Tasha, I’m not sure if walking alone is a good idea. It’s not safe. The paparazzi…”

“D, please, this is Malibu, the safest place in the world. And besides, I don’t want to bother anyone. I’ll get there in fifteen minutes. I just need to drop Matty off with JC in the studio.”

“Okay, you know what, why don’t I pick you up? I’ll call Damon to make sure he joins us too, okay? Be there in fifteen.”

“Howie, seriously, you don’t need to do that. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there. You’re already doing me this big favour by finding this condo for me.”

“Nope, already done. I’m heading to the Compound. See you there with bells on,” he pronounced happily before cutting the call.

She stared at her phone for a good minute. What was going on with this overly protective people in her life? Tasha knew the news of the tape and her connection with the White House was a big deal, but for crying out loud, they were in Malibu. She hadn’t seen hide nor hair of paparazzi in this side of town.

Tasha sighed and stood up slowly, careful not to jar the softly snoring Matty.

God, this kid was adorable.

Shifting him so he rested his head against her shoulder, she made her way to the studio. She sang a little Janis Joplin for Matty, just so he could sleep a little more soundly, even as she walked unsteadily in five inch heels.

“Matty’s always been a Joplin fan.”

She turned and saw Nick walking behind her, his cellphone in hand.

Her step faltering a bit in surprise, she found her footing soon enough but not before Nick caught her by the waist.

“You okay?” he whispered against her ear, his hand gripping her at the waist.

She ignored the sudden feel of goosebumps against her arms and straightened. “I’m fine,” she said, pulling away from him.

“I can take Matty,” he said quietly, “He has a crib in the daycare room next to my office.”

She blinked and looked down at the boy in her arms, forgetting for a moment that he was there. “Oh. Sure.”

As Nick lifted Matty into his arms, Matty seemed to groggily resist the move. “Mama,” he mumbled as he tightened his hold around Tasha’s neck. “No.”

Tasha looked up at Nick in surprise, as his mouth formed a thin line of concern.

“I didn’t—“ Tasha said as Nick managed to pry Matty’s hands off her neck.

Nick nodded. “I know. He’s…he’s learning new words.” He shrugged and gave her a small smile. “Jake calls Leigh ‘Mama’, I guess he sees you often enough, he thinks you’re his.”

Tasha was still getting over the fact that Matty called her ‘Mama’, she didn’t really know how to respond to Nick’s statement.

After settling Matty in his arms, he looked up at her again. “All done with the Rolling Stone interview?”

“Yeah, about fifteen minutes ago.” His presence felt too close, too…real. She moved a step back.

If Nick noticed, he didn’t show it. “You look great. It went okay?”

She shrugged, itching to move on from the conversation. “Listen, I have to go and get changed.”

He kept his gaze on her steady. She couldn’t move even if she wanted to. “Can we talk? After you change? I can order some lunch and we have it at the house.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. Howie’s picking me up in fifteen minutes. Can we try tomorrow? Before I start at the studio?”

“Howie? Where are you guys headed?” He asked with a frown. “I was just on a call with him and the guys half an hour ago. He didn’t mention anything about seeing you.”

“He called me about a minute ago. Gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Tash, wait---“

Her heart racing, she pretended not to hear him and continued to walk to the Artist House. She knew she was being a chicken-shit by avoiding him but she wasn’t ready. He looked too good, smelled too good for her peace of mind. She was also still uncomfortable at the fact that he sat in the same room with her as they watched the clips from an afternoon she’d long wanted to forget.

She needed some time away from him, she knew that now. But she knew too that he wasn’t going to stop until they’ve talked about Baltimore. She had just got a hold of her emotions around him. If they talked about Baltimore, she’ll run the risk of exposing herself raw when she should be over the whole situation. She was almost thirty, for God’s sake. She shouldn’t be afraid to have an emotional meltdown in front of the jerk that broke her heart.

Is it so bad that a part of her wanted to keep hating him forever?

**********

Nick’s foot started tapping a staccato rhythm in impatience as he waited for Howie to get out of his Jaguar. He’d pulled into the Compound’s driveway a few minutes before but stayed in the car while he finished a conversation on his phone.

“What’s your hurry, boss?” Damon drawled, stopping next to him.

Nick had to stop himself from growling. “Howie talks too damn much. He needs to get off the phone.” He looked at the other man, who was dressed in full security gear. “Where are YOU going?”

He gave his boss a smile. “You need to ask Tasha. I’m on her detail.”

Nick crossed his arms over his chest. “You realize I sign your paychecks, right?”

Damon’s smile widened. “You could threaten to fire me. You’ve been doing it since you were fifteen. It’ll be fun.”

Nick couldn’t stop himself. “Don’t tempt me, old man,” he grumbled as he jabbed the other man in the ribs while keeping his eye on Howie.

“What are you really worried about?” Damon asked.

He knew Nick too well. “Nothing. I just need to know what’s up with Howie and Tasha. If you won’t tell me, Howie will.”

It took a few more minutes but Howie finally emerged from his car and walked over to them. “Hey guys. Is Tasha ready?”

“She’s coming down soon. Where are you guys going?” Nick asked with suspicious eyes.

Howie immediately looked uncomfortable. “You mean Tasha hasn’t spoken to you yet?”

Nick shook his head.

Howie frowned. “How much of her income do you control, Nick?”

“Control? Nothing. I look after her tour and album royalties, but we haven’t had a discussion on investments. What’s going on, D?” Nick had a sinking feeling about this whole outing.

Howie hesitated. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but she’s looking at rental property, close to the Compound. I found her a place a couple of miles down the road.”

Nick’s head started pounding when he realized what Tasha was doing. She was moving out. Of the Compound.

And she didn’t even tell him.

Nick ran a hand over his face. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me she wanted to move out.” He needed to fix this. Could she afford a rental property on her own? Maybe he can talk to her, convince her she should stay. Maybe…

“Listen, Nick,” Howie said, pulling him away from Damon and closer to his car. “I don’t know what went down between you and Tasha in Baltimore, but you need to fix this.”

God. If it were that easy. “I don’t know if it’s fixable, D. I fucked up, big time.”

“If you don’t fix this, you’re going to lose her. You know that. Moving out is the first step.” Howie gave him a rueful smile. “And besides, I really hate the fact that my wife bitches about you every single night, bro. She needs a peaceful pregnancy.”

Nick smiled at that. “Her calling me jackass every day IS starting to get annoying.”

“Oh trust me, she’s called you worse. Normally I love her potty mouth but DUDE.”

Nick nodded but his mind was preoccupied with how he was going to sit her down and listen to him. Alone.

“You do have feelings for her, don’t you? I’m not just misreading this hero complex you have where Tasha’s concerned?”

Nick frowned. “Hero complex? I’m her manager, I…”

Howie shook his head and laughed. “We’ve heard that before, kiddo. Are you in love with her?”

Nick’s stomach dropped at the unexpected question. “Howie, I…”

“Sorry I’m late, Howie,” Tasha said from behind them, breathless. “Were you waiting long?”

Howie gave Nick a frown before turning his million-watt smile to the freshly changed Tasha. “Not long at all, my lovely. Nick and I were just going over some strategy for our meeting with Cronenberg tomorrow.”

Tasha raised an eyebrow. “Cronenberg the director?”

Howie nodded. “He wants Nicky here to produce the music for his next movie.”

Nick saw the surprised look in Tasha’s eyes when she turned to him, her first genuine smile directed at him since…well, forever. “Oh Nick.” Her left hand rested on his chest in an unguarded move. “That’s incredible.”

The back of his eyes burned with emotion at the pride he saw in her eyes. After everything, after what he said, he did, she still looked at him with an open—albeit hurting—heart. He covered her hand with his and squeezed. He gave her a half-smile and whispered, “I haven’t said yes yet, but thanks.”

“That’s true. We still need to negotiate your fee,” Howie remarked dryly as he opened the door to the passenger seat of his car. “Ready to go, Tash?”

And just like that, she pulled away and disappeared into the dark interior of the Jag.

Howie gave him a look as he reached the driver side. “Fix it, Nick.”

And as the three of them drove away, Nick was left with a rising feeling of panic and a tingling at the tip of his fingers from where he and Tasha touched.

Fix it, Howie said. Running a hand through his hair, Nick tried to control his breathing and think, dammit. He needed ideas to keep her near, and FAST.

*********

Couldn’t he just leave her alone?

She sat down on the piano stool next to JC in the sound booth and gave Nick a frown.

“Again, Tasha,” Nick fairly growled over the microphone from the engineering booth. “You know what I’m looking for. We’re going to keep doing this until you give me what I want.” To JC, he said, “Let’s take it from the beginning of the chorus, C.”

Tasha put a hand over JC’s to keep him from playing. She was exhausted, it was almost three AM and her voice was close to breaking. “No. Nick, it’s late, everyone’s tired. We’ll pick it up again tomorrow.”

She looked around the sound booth and noticed relief in everyone’s demeanor, from the horn player’s sudden relaxed stance to the violinist’s raising his hands in the air to JC’s slow expectant smile.

Nick ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. Everyone, we’re done for the night. We’ll pick it up at 9. Don’t be late.” He pointed to Tasha with a frown. “You. Stay put. We’re not done.”

Tasha rolled her eyes. She should’ve known. He’d been terse and short with her for two days now. Especially since she’d come back from her excursion with Howie and told him and Leigh that she found a condo and she’d be moving out in five days.

That just sent Nick into frenzied snit. “What do you mean you’re moving out? We never agreed to that, Tasha.”

“I didn’t realize I had to ask permission to move to my own place.”

“How safe is it? Do you have security? You can’t make decisions like that without consulting me and your team, Tasha. You know that. Especially with what’s happening.”

“Nick, I’m moving two blocks down. I can walk here if I wanted to. But if it makes you feel better, yes, I do have a security desk at my building, and my car is parked underground. And I’m four floors up, the paparazzi can’t get me.”

Nick crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. “You’re safer here. The Compound has state of the art security. And it doesn’t cost you anything.”

“It’s not about the money, Nick,” Tasha said, “You know that.”

“No I don’t know. I don’t know why you need to move away from the Compound to somewhere where I can’t protect you.”

Leigh gave Nick a warning look. “Nick, don’t.”

“No, let him finish. Go on, Nick. You want to protect me? From what? Paparazzi?”

“They can get vile, Tash. I don’t want you getting hurt or run over. This is very different from Baltimore.”

“Nick, your job is to keep me gainfully employed. And it ends there. Paparazzi can do their worst but I’ll survive it. I’m an adult. I know what I need to do to protect myself.”

His frustration showed in his face. “But Tasha…”

“I’ve lived on my own for years, Nick, I don’t need a protector.” She gave him a cold stare. “You said you don’t want me to get hurt and that you want to protect me. But who’s going to protect me from you?”

He didn’t have an answer for that one, as she knew he wouldn’t.

She walked out of that room with her head held high, even as her heart constricted painfully in her chest. As cool and detached as she pretended to be in front of him, her insides were a mess, and the tears that stopped flowing down her cheeks a week ago still flowed freely beneath the surface.

She tried to avoid him for the last two days, she really did. But he was constantly around…in the studio while they re-recorded the songs she wrote in Baltimore. When she went out to have lunch with Leigh, he followed with Damon not far behind.

He was right in a sense that the more she left the Compound, the more paparazzi seemed to be following her. This sex tape craziness had gotten old for her but it was fresh material for anyone trying to sell gossip magazines. So she gratefully kept herself in the studio, busily rearranging and rerecording her new tracks.

Thankfully as well, Nick had kept himself busy in the engineering booth, happy to keep JC in charge and allowed Tasha her creative freedom.

At least until they started recording the very last song.

“Gravity”* was a much more personal song than she wanted to admit. As she sang about heartbreak and wanting to be set free, she didn’t dare look at Nick because it was enough that her heart was in those lyrics.

But he made her sing it, over and over, to the point where she found it unbearable and minutes close to tears. Her exhaustion didn’t help.

JC touched her arm. “Do you want me to stay?”

She pulled away from her thoughts and saw JC standing in front of her, getting ready to leave. “No, C, it’s okay.” She stood up and kissed his cheek. “Go get some rest. Nick and I should be done in a few minutes.”

He hugged her and whispered in her ear, “Don’t let him bully you. That song was beautiful.”

He waited for her smile and nod before he walked away. Calling out good nights to the rest of the band, Tasha walked over to the table next to the piano and drank what remained of her tea and fixed her ponytail. In the corner of her eye, she saw Nick walk in the sound booth and closed the door behind him.

“Care to tell me what the last two hours were about?” he asked curtly, walking up to her.

Tasha frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “I will if you tell me what you’re so pissed off about.”

“You know why.”

“I honestly don’t. I’ve done everything you asked me to do with this song, Nick. I’ve changed keys, I’ve added a bridge that showed my vocal range, I toned down the theatrics. I don’t know what else I can do for you to be less angry.”

Nick stepped back. “I’m not angry, Tash. I’m…I don’t know…frustrated. You’re not connecting with it. It’s such a beautiful song but while you’re singing, it doesn’t feel real.”

“It feels real to me.” Too real.

“Then sing from your heart. Make me feel how broken you are, how fragile.”

Her stomach dropped. “I did. I’ve been doing that for the last two hours.”

He shook his head as he stepped closer to her. “No. You’re reining it in. You’re controlling it. I don’t want control. This song deserves wild emotion: heartache, anger, desire, disappointment.” He looked straight into her eyes, willing her to back down. “I want it all, Tasha.”

Tasha’s breath caught at his nearness but she kept her back straight. “We can’t have it all, Nick,” she said quietly.

“We can, Tash,” he countered. “For this song at least.”

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Fine. We’ll try one more time.”

She felt Nick watching her as she moved away and stood in front of the studio microphone, her headset in her hands.

Soon enough, with Nick’s fingers over the ivory keys, she started the chorus.

Set me free, leave me be. 
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

She felt her voice crack as she sang the last word, images she thought she’d suppressed in the last week crashing back to her in the forefront of her consciousness.

She watched Nick watching her, as he played her song softly on the keyboard, like he didn’t know the song was about him.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see 
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Tasha moved away from the microphone as the last high note choked her. No, she won’t do this in front of him. She won’t break down and give him the satisfaction of getting the upper hand.

She won’t. Even as her eyes brightened with tears, she wasn’t going to shed them. Not here. Not in front of him.

“Tasha, sweetheart,” he called out, standing in front of her in seconds.

She pushed him away, as roughly as she could manage. He was too close and she was itching to do something to him. Punch him maybe, kick him in the groin. Slap him again. Her fingers trembled with the urge. “Don’t call me that.”

But he didn’t budge. It was almost like he was an overgrown tree trunk. Looking down, he saw her shaking fingers. She quickly hid them in her jacket pocket.

He boldly took another step forward. “Do it,” he dared, looking straight in her eyes. “Push me again. Punch me. Kick me. Do it.”

She shook her head and took a step back, collapsing against the piano keys. “No, move away from me, Nick. I can’t…”

“You can. I deserve it. Do it.” The calm in his voice started to annoy her. “Slap me. Goddammit, do something.”

Her eyes narrowed as she pushed him again, her hands flat on his chest and barely controlling the urge to bury her nails deep under his skin. His shirt was thin and if she wanted, she could draw blood. She pushed again. Harder this time.

He stood still, his body unaffected, his eyes turbulent.

She gritted her teeth to stop the annoying arrival of tears and closed her hand to punch Nick on the chest. On the stomach. One time. Two times. Two fists and four times. And Nick didn’t try to stop her once.

Then she lost control. She didn’t know when the tears started flowing freely but she couldn’t stop it, her focus on hurting him too intense. First she slapped him so hard, she saw her handprint on his cheek. When that wasn’t enough, she pushed his shoulders, slapped him again, then punched him in the gut. With every emotion in her.

But he was still there. Why wouldn’t he move? As she continued to push him, she ignored her tears and started rambling.

“Why won’t you move, dammit? I hate you. I HATE you. I let you in and you hurt me. I thought…God I feel stupid.”

With that, all the fight in her left and in its place, a broken little girl. She collapsed against his chest and clutched the fabric of his shirt. She couldn’t control the sobbing if her life depended on it.

Nick’s arms went around her tightly and in the edges of her sniffling, she could hear his laboured breathing, while his hands went up and down her back soothingly.

“Never stupid, baby,” he whispered. “I was stupid. I was an idiot.”

It took Tasha a few minutes but she managed to get a hold of her tears and pushed away from Nick when she realized what she was doing.

“I need to get out of here,” she murmured, going around him and running to the door.

Nick caught her arm. “Tasha, wait. Please. I’m sorry.”

She didn’t dare look at him.

“I’m so fucking sorry, I was a mess and didn’t know what I was saying. I was drunk and—“

She whirled around and shook his hand off her arm. “Are you kidding me? You’re blaming the alcohol for treating me like two-bit groupie?” Her eyes blazed with fire. “I’m not stupid. Wait. Yes I am because I foolishly---stupidly—thought you cared about me. I didn’t realize I was a temporary replacement for your wife.”

She saw him cringe. “It’s only been two years, Tash…and Faith, Faith was my soulmate.”

“And what was I to you then?”

Nick released a pent up breath. “I don’t know. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. I do care about you, Tash…”

“Just not enough to keep the ring off your finger.”

“Tash,” he said, his voice rising, then breaking. “Listen to me. I am drowning in GUILT. Faith is dead and I have a son to raise. I can’t…I can’t fuck this up. This is not what she would’ve wanted.”

His broken voice clutched at her heart. “Nick.” She took a step forward when she saw his wild eyes.

“Just…I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve let someone in my life. I’m an asshole for doing what I did but you have to know, I haven’t wanted someone like I’ve wanted you, Tash. But I’m no good to anyone.”

“You’re wrong, Nick,” she answered quietly, walking over, torn between wanting to hold him and shaking him senseless. “Faith would’ve wanted you to be happy. If she’s half as wonderful as you say she is, then she’d want nothing else for you and Matty but happiness.”

Against her better judgement, she cupped her hands over his cheeks. “And Nick, you ARE good for us. For me. For Matty. For everyone you care about. But you need to let yourself be happy. You of all people deserve it.”

He covered her hands with his and kissed both of them with painful reverence.

She should pull away. She knew she should. But no matter what he did to her, how much he hurt her, she couldn’t leave him, especially when he was in this much pain.

“Nick?”

He gave her a slight smile and pulled her hands away from his face. “You’re amazing, you know that? Not even a minute ago, you hated me. Now…” He shook his head and put her hands back down. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Tash. But this can’t go further than friendship. You deserve better than someone like me. Much better.”

“Bullshit.”

“Tasha…”

The fire in her eyes was back. “You don’t know what I deserve, Nick, just as you don’t know what you want.” Taking a few steps back, she cocked her eyebrow as a challenge. “Come to me when you figure out how you really feel about me. But don’t wait too long. Patience has never been my strong suit.”

* “Gravity” lyrics belong solely to Sara Bareilles. Thank you for such a moving song.

***********

“You and sleep used to be friends, right?”

Nick looked up from his spot on the darkened beach and saw JC walking to him, with two open bottles of cold beer in his hand.

“What are you doing up? I sent you guys back thirty minutes ago.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” JC said, handing Nick a beer and dropping onto the sand beside him. “You haven’t been sleeping in the last few days. What’s going on?”

Nick shrugged. He could tell JC that this whole sex tape business with Tasha was keeping him up, but truthfully, it was plain wanting. He wanted everything with Tasha back to how it was, before Baltimore, before he gave in to some stupid baser instinct and ruined what tenuous friendship they had.

“If Faith were here now, do you think she’d be happy?” Nick asked after a few minutes of silence.

JC seemed surprised at the question. “Here as in the Compound or here overall?”

“Here with me.”

He was thoughtful for a little while. “I think so. She always thought the world revolved around you and your weird blonde head.” He looked at the younger man. “Do you think otherwise?”

Nick bit the inside of his lip. “I wonder sometimes how my life would be if I didn’t meet Faith. Or if I met Tasha first.”

JC understood what he meant. “You were on a downward spiral before you met Faith. It would’ve taken a woman as strong as her or Tasha to get to you…or at least under your skin.”

Nick nodded and looked back at the dark expanse of the ocean.

“What brought this on?”

“Tasha. She said something tonight that…” He shook his head. “She said I don’t allow myself to be happy.”

When the expected denial from JC didn’t come, Nick turned to him. “You agree with her don’t you?”

“Nick,” JC started, “I think you’re a wonderful friend. Brother. Father. If Faith were looking down on us now, she would be so proud of the man you’ve become.”

“But…”

“Tasha’s right. You’ve been mourning Faith for two years. You’ve kept everything as if Faith was here. Her clothes. Her photos. Your wedding ring. Yes, we should remember her, but, bro, you need to move on too. Not only for your sake, but for Matty’s. He’s happy as long as you’re happy, Nick.” JC gave him a wan smile. “But you’re not.”

“I don’t need to be happy to be a good dad.”

“No but you do need to be happy because you deserve to be.” JC turned to his friend. “Look. I know you don’t like talking about Faith but maybe it’ll help if you did, to someone other than us. Maybe a therapist?”

“I don’t need to talk about Faith. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine if you’re bringing up Faith and Tasha in the same conversation. And if Tasha says you don’t let yourself be happy, then I’d say there’s more to your relationship than you’re willing to admit.”

Nick stayed thoughtfully quiet for a few minutes before saying, “I don’t know what I want, JC.”

“No kidding.”

“I know I want Tasha. My body and my soul want Tasha. But my heart…my heart can’t forget Faith. I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

Then suddenly, in the silence, came the sound of glass breaking. The two men were suddenly alert and looked to the direction of the sound.

Nick spotted a dark figure on the beach meters away from them. At the same time, there was a sudden light coming from the Artist House, specifically from Tasha’s second floor balcony door.

Nick was already on his feet, making a run for the dark figure. JC stood up as soon as Nick shouted, “Call security!”

Whoever it was on the beach was way too quick on his feet. He disappeared before Nick could even get close. Stopping in front of the Artist House, he took a deep breath and looked up, wondering where that broken glass was.

He didn’t have to wonder too long. As soon as he saw licks of flame coming from the second floor corner window accompanied by the smell of smoke, Nick felt his heart drop to his feet in panic.

Tasha.