Big Girl Now

Chapter 7

Marley’s Point of View

I don’t know what kind of game Donnie was playing, but I didn’t like it. In the past three weeks he hadn’t made the effort to talk to me once. Okay, so he was only doing what I asked. This is the one time I wish the man didn’t listen to me. Why did Donnie have to be so stubborn?

I walked towards Donnie’s bus. He was standing there waiting for me. I moved past him on went straight onto the bus. I found a seat on the couch and decided to ignore him for as long as possible.

As soon as he got on, the bus driver pulled out. I guess I would be with Donnie for the long haul. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere more private.” He said seriously.

“I don’t think your bedroom is the best place.” I couldn’t believe he was going to try to get me in his bed again.

“Sleeping with you is not my intention. I don’t think you want Lonnie hearing this conversation.” He replied lowly.

I wasn’t so sure about this anymore. What hell did he want to talk about? I was more than a bit worried.

He opened the door and let me in. I walked in and sat down on his luxurious bed. I wished I slept in that every night. Donnie took a moment and locked the door.

“Are you really locking the door?” He nodded his head at me. “Do you really think I’m going to jump off a moving bus? You’re nuts Wahlberg.”

“This is an important conversation. I don’t want you running away because you don’t like what I have to say.”

“Stop and just tell me what you want to say. The sooner I get away from you the better.”  The man was beating around the bush. Couldn’t he just get to the point?

“Fine, Marley. I will.”

“What did you call me?” I asked unsurely.

“I called you by your name Marley Sutton.” He leaned against the wall, looking smug.

“Donnie, I think you are sadly mistaken. That’s not my name.” My voice began to falter. How did he find out?

“Stop lying.”

“Why do you care so much anyway? It’s not like it’s going to change things.” I stood up and started pacing.

“It changes everything. Why did you lie?” He took a seat on the bed.

“Donnie, nothing in my life has gone the way I planned it. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. I’m embarrassed about who I was back then. I figured if I changed my name I could be a new person.” I didn’t realize tears were falling down my face. I learned to stop feeling emotions a long time ago.

“What happened? I remember you got accepted into a ballet school in the city. You had all these dreams of becoming a ballerina.”

“Donnie, I came to New York to pursue ballet. My parents weren’t happy. I was lucky I got a scholarship because they were not going to helping me financially. A few months into the fall term, I started developing. My body wasn’t that of a typical ballerina.” Donnie walked over to me when he saw that I was on the verge of hysterics. He wrapped his arms around me and gently moved us to the bed. It was comforting be held in his arms.

“Mar, I had no idea. I’m sorry about your dream.” He said softly.

“The director let me continue with the program until I graduated. I never did get offered a spot in a ballet company. I wasted all that time, when I could have been doing something more productive as my parents would say.  They stopped talking to me when I decided to stay in New York. They thought I should go back to Boston and go to college.”

“They were concerned about you. I know your parents were really strict about you getting an education.”

“All I wanted to do was dance. I started working as a waitress and auditioning for every dance part available. Unfortunately with only a ballet background I was told I wasn’t right for Broadway or music videos.” I looked into Donnie’s brown eyes. He didn’t look at me with disgust. There was warmth in them, showing me that he cared. “Waitressing didn’t help pay the bills. With my body and dance skills I was able to get a job as a stripper in a high class club. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I didn’t have a choice.”

I started to bawl into his chest. “Shh, it’s okay. We all do things we don’t like when we feel we don’t have a choice. You were just trying to survive.”

“Donnie, I started making good money. The boss said I was so popular that he wanted me to do lap dances because I would make him more money. There was no way to say no, or I’d get fired. So, I was stuck gyrating on business men and celebrities. My self-confidence plummeted. I used the money to take all types of dance lessons. That’s what got me through all those years.”

“Look at me Marley.” I turned my face up to him. “That is your past. You did what you had to do in order to survive. Life gave you lemons and you did your best to make lemonade. Mar, you are the sweet girl from back in Dorchester. I always thought you were special.”

“Donnie, thank you for being so understanding. Most guys would hate a girl like me. Jonathan urged me to tell you who I really was. I told him I couldn’t because of what I let myself do.” I explained to him. “I was embarrassed.”

He kissed my hair. A little touch like that meant so much to me. I was really a good girl at heart. I had made bad choices.

“Marley, I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. They make you stronger. I can’t say anything because I frequented my fair share of strip joints in my life. I’ve been to jail, but I’ve learned from it. I’m a better person today because of it. You are a better person than you give yourself credit for.”

“Donnie, I appreciate you being so understanding. It means a lot to me.”

He took my hands in his. “I want to start over with you, Marley. I’m not sure if what I saw so far has been the real you. Can we start over as friends?”

I thought for a moment. Could I just be friends with Donnie? He never realized that I had a crush on him since I was eleven and still did today. I’m thinking I better keep that quiet for now.  It was going to be even harder since we made love. “Sure, I’d love to be friends.”

He pulled me in a hug that felt more like a brother than someone I wanted as a lover. I should be happy Donnie was back in my life, but I wanted more. Would I ever get what I truly wanted?