March 20, 2012

Dear Liv,

          God I need someone to talk to and I really wish that you were here. You would not believe what has happened since I last wrote. Everything has gone from really bad to worse. I have no idea where to even start.

          All I know if things don't get fixed soon, there may no more Backstreet Boys. I hate to say that but it's the truth. I don't know how much more of this anyone can take.

          This leg of the tour started off just fine, but then we got to your home town and I saw your Mom, I don't blame her, because its not her fault, but after I saw her this just went down hill. It was like all the pain and hurt came back tenfold and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

          As much as I love the guys if they don't get off my back about talking to some one I'm going to snap. I'm dealing with everything the best I can. It's hard to do when the only one who could help you is gone.

          Liv, Baby, I just don't know what to do anymore. The pain is getting to be to much for me to take. Not even being on the road is helping dull the ache in my chust.

          I really wish you were here with me now. God that's so selfish, but I can't help how I feel. I hate myself that I could never give you what you wanted out of life. It eats at me every damn day.

          I wish I could have told you how I really felt about you. God do I wish I could have been the man you wanted; I know I really could have, but I thought I would have had more time. Now I wish I would have wasted all that time on all the other girls I dated, I knew from the begining that you were the only one for me.

          I'm sorry Liv, I really am.

          You know what I wish for most of all? That I would have never let you walk away from me. I wish I would have fought harder. Its what you wanted from me, isn't it?

          Well its time for me to dry my tears and put on my happy face.

          I hope you know how much I love you.

Forever and always,

Nick.