Chapter 47

Brian reached around Noelle and opened the driver’s side door. Wordlessly, she swung her legs around so that they were hanging out of the now opened door. She reached down and grabbed her shoes from under Brian’s feet. She slipped them on, jumped out of the car and waited while Brian leaned over to grab her books from the floor of the passenger side.

As soon as Brian got out of the car, Noelle turned around and walked off toward her apartment. Perhaps irrationally, she was angry. All it had taken was one touch, one little look and she’d turned to butter. His lips just had to touch hers and she’d thrown everything aside—the fact that he was married, the entire reason that they’d broken up in the first place, her morals, her values—everything.

Noelle let them into her apartment and then stomped off toward the kitchen. She was suddenly parched. She needed some water. She needed anything that would keep her lips and hands occupied so that she wouldn’t feel the need to attack Brian all over again.

Brian sat at the counter and watched as Noelle opened the kitchen cabinets in search of a cup and then slammed them closed with a thud and a bounce. It was almost as if he could see the thoughts that were racing through her mind. He needed to say something and stop her before she talked herself into some crazy theory.

“You’re mad,” he started. He immediately recognized that it wasn’t the best thing to say, especially if he was trying to talk her out of being mad.

“No,” Noelle replied sarcastically. “I just dry humped a married man in the front seat of his rental car. I’ve moved on from my usual skankery to hardcore hooking!”

Brian couldn’t help but to sigh and shake his head. That was exactly the kind of thing he didn’t want her to talk herself into. Crazy theories. Skankery. Hooking.

“Like I started to say,” Brian said a second later, “we should really talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Noelle responded with a shrug of her shoulders. She brought her cup up to her lips and took a long sip.

“I beg to differ,” Brian argued. “I think that there’s a lot to talk about. Did you happen to hear me when I blurted that Leighanne and I are getting divorced?”

“Um yeah, Brian,” Noelle snapped back at him, “it’s not like that’s something I’ve never heard from you before.”

Brian rolled his eyes. That stung a little bit, but he tried to let it go. “The divorce is final in just a couple of weeks. Wasn’t this what we were waiting on? Work out our own shit and see what happens later?”

Noelle could feel her head shaking back and forth quickly. “It’s too late now. Everything’s changed.”

“I thought we just got done talking about how nothing has changed at all,” Brian argued. He couldn’t help but to wonder what had happened during the short trip between the car and Noelle’s kitchen to suddenly make her want to push him away.

“Maybe I don’t want to do it, Brian. Maybe I just don’t want it anymore… any of it.” Noelle clinched her eyes shut. Part of her hoped that he could see right through her. Another part of her wished that this whole night would have never happened. She could feel her heart tearing in two.

Brian stood up and slammed his hands onto the counter. “So what, then? It’s only okay to want me when I’m not available?”

“No,” Noelle shot back, but Brian wasn’t finished.

“I see what this is about,” he yelled, irrationally. He was upset and angry and confused. He wanted Noelle; he’d always wanted Noelle, and now she was pushing him away. He wasn’t going that easily. Not this time, not ever again. He wasn’t going to let someone tell him who he was supposed to love and how he was supposed to live his life. He wasn’t going to let someone dictate his life again. He and Noelle loved each other. It was in her kiss; it was in her eyes and her touch and he wasn’t going to let her do this.

“You’re scared. You’re scared of how much we loved each other. You’re scared of the pain that followed happening all over again, but let me clue you in, Noelle. This last year has been just as painful for me! I did what I was supposed to do as a man, but it was hard and it only proved what I already knew. My marriage is over. My marriage has been over for a long time, but in the meantime, I lost you and that’s been the most painful part of all of this.”

Noelle could feel the tears springing to her eyes. She bit her quivering lip and shook her head slowly from side to side. She averted her gaze, knowing that looking at him would cause the tears to fall. This was the moment that she had been waiting for. She had dreamed that Brian would come back and tell her that he loved her all along and that his marriage was over, but now that he had, all Noelle could think about was that he was right. She was scared out of her mind.

Slowly, Noelle brought her gaze back to meet Brian’s. Concern was etched onto his face. Noelle watched as Brian inched his way around the counter toward her. He stopped inches from where she was standing. He lifted his arm and brushed his hand through her soft hair. His hand stopped on the back of her head and he gently pulled her in. Noelle tilted her head up toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Gently, Brian pressed his lips against hers. It was a loving kiss, a kiss that he had missed so much, simple and warm. He pulled away when he felt Noelle’s tears hit his cheeks.

“You’re crying,” he whispered lamely as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“You were right,” Noelle sniffled. “I’m scared. I’m scared to lose you again. I’m scared to fall in love again. I’m scared that you won’t actually sign the stupid papers or that Leighanne won’t. I’m scared that someone will do something stupid again and change everything. I’m just … scared.”

Brian reached out and pulled her in again. Noelle leaned her head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’m scared too, Elle, but none of that is going to happen. The papers are signed. I had to wait for Leighanne to get healthy enough to realize that our marriage is over and she has. In a couple of weeks, everything will be completely settled.”

“Why haven’t I heard anything in the news, Brian?” Noelle muttered. “If this is really happening, why hasn’t Alex said anything?”

“We’ve kept it out of the media, and I asked AJ not to say anything,” Brian answered.

“Why? Why would you ask him to keep that to himself?” Noelle continued to question, frustrated with Brian and Alex for keeping it from her for God knows how long.

“Because the truth of the matter is that I’m not divorced,” Brian replied. “I had this whole plan. I was going to get the papers signed and then come to you and tell you that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you. It was a complete coincidence that we ran into each other tonight, but I knew that I couldn’t just let you walk away without saying anything.”

“So, what does it all mean then?” Noelle said softly. “Where does that leave us?”

“It leaves us with two weeks,” Brian answered. “I get divorced officially on the fifteenth. I guess it leaves us where we were this morning.”

“So, what now? You walk out the door and we pretend like this entire conversation never happened?” Noelle pulled herself up onto the countertop with a sigh. She looked down at her feet as they dangled into front of her, softly hitting the cabinets below her feet. “I don’t want to pretend like you were never here. I don’t want to feel as empty as I felt yesterday and the day before that and every day since you left New York.”

Brian stepped toward her and put his hands around her waist. He leaned into her and pressed his forehead against hers. Their noses were touching; his lips ghosted hers.

“Tell me that you still love me,” he whispered against her lips.

“I will always love you,” Noelle replied without a moment’s hesitation.

Brian closed the small gap between their mouths and kissed her passionately. Noelle wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to him as if her life depended on it. She never wanted to let him go; she never wanted to be out of his embrace again. After all this time, and everything that they’d been through, he still loved her as if they hadn’t skipped a single beat.

As their kiss deepened, their emotions started to run away with them. Brian tore Noelle’s shirt over her head as she reached for the button of his pants and then discarded of his shirt as well. Noelle shivered at the feeling of his skin warm against hers. Brian moved his mouth from hers and trailed soft kisses down her neck and shoulders. Noelle leaned back on the kitchen counter as his mouth moved lower across her chest and down her stomach.

As he reached of the button of her jeans, she gasped, “Wait!”

Brian stopped and looked up at her, wondering why she could possibly want him to stop. He had never wanted to not stop more in his entire life.

“What’s the matter?” he asked when she didn’t explain right away.

“We want some things to be different this time, don’t we?” Noelle said as she returned to a seated position on the kitchen counter.

“Meaning?” Brian probed. Confusion still etched in his eyes.

“Meaning that, technically, you’re still married for a couple of weeks,” Noelle answered slowly. “I don’t want you to go, but we can’t sleep together either. Not yet. Not until things are official.”

“Are you serious?” Brian deadpanned in a monotone voice that was laced with disbelief. The truth of the matter was that she’d never turned him down before.

Noelle couldn’t help but to laugh at the look on Brian’s face. She slapped his bare shoulder playfully. “Yes, I’m serious. Two weeks. 14 days. Then, all of this can begin the way that it’s supposed to.”

Brian smiled. He realized for the sake of her own conscience, she needed to abstain from sleeping with a married, albeit an almost divorced, man. Her rationale made sense, but it didn’t make the fact that they were both almost naked in her kitchen any easier. He leaned down and picked up both of their shirts off of the floor. He handed Noelle’s to her and flipped his shirt right side in and slipped it over his head.

“Fine,” Brian sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

“I am,” Noelle said, though her body was fighting her, telling her just how wrong she was for pushing him away.

“I should go before you change your mind and hate me for being so sexy in the morning,” Brian laughed. He leaned in and kissed her softly despite her rolling eyes.

Noelle reached out and grabbed his hands. “Don’t go. Stay here.”

Brian smiled again. “You want me to stay here with you tonight?”

“Every night,” Noelle said with a grin that mirrored Brian’s.

“… but not rip your clothes off?” Brian continued.

“For two weeks,” Noelle answered, holding up two fingers to drive her point home. “Then, you can do all the ripping you want. For now, you just get to hold me all night long. And maybe do a little more of this.”

Noelle punctuated her sentence with another deep kiss. She’d always loved the way that Brian’s lips felt on hers. A night in bed with Brian, just kissing, sounded kind of perfect to her.

Brian scooped Noelle into his arms. “Which way to the bedroom, madam? We’re going to bed early tonight.”

Noelle laughed and pointed down the hallway toward her room. Brian pushed through the door and threw her down on the bed. She immediately jumped up and disappeared into the closet. Brian sat down on the bed and took off his shoes, t-shirt and jeans and then crawled under the covers to wait for Noelle to change for bed and then join him.

When Noelle reemerged, she turned off the lights and snuggled under the warmth of the blankets with Brian.

Instantly, Brian reached out and pulled Noelle and as close to him and she could be.

“I missed you, Beautiful,” Brian whispered into her ear.

“I missed you too, B,” Noelle replied just as softly, “more than you’ll ever know.”