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Chapter One

"I can't believe this is happening," groaned the girl beneath me. She had a hillbilly accent that went with the pig tails her hair was in and the gingham shirt I'd already chucked somewhere over my shoulder.

"Oh it's happening baby," I replied. Her white lacey bra and panties glowed in the black light and made her breasts look even bigger and sexier. I felt like I was tingling. I ran my mouth across her skin and she moaned, her fingernails digging into my back just like I'd envisioned them doing through half the freaking concert. Her legs wrapped around my waist, pulling our crotches closer together. "Mmm," I sighed into her neck, taking in the scent of some sort of fruit-and-flower perfume she'd put on.

Need You Tonight by INXS, pretty much the best song ever to have sex to by the way, blasted through the stereo speakers on the bus as I nuzzled and moaned my way to freeing her breasts and sliding myself into her.

Suddenly, the bus door slammed opened and in the doorway was a hulking figure. The girl - whose name I'd completely forgotten since she'd introduced herself - screamed and sat up, pushing me off her as she pulled the blanket up to cover herself. I rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a resounding thud. The regular lights turned on and I peeked over the side of the bed to look at the door, where there stood some dude I'd never seen in my life, holding a shot gun.

Oh for the love of God, I was being robbed.

I ducked back down behind the bed.

"Billy?" the girl shrieked in horror.

"You know this douchebag?" I exclaimed, peeking again over the edge of the bed. I heard the gun cock, and looked over just as Billy pulled the trigger. I ducked and the bullet ripped through the tiny closet just behind my head. "Fuck!" I yelled, pressing myself closer to the scratchy carpet as shards of synthetic wood showered over me.

"I am not the douchebag here!" growled Billy.

"Billy calm down," the girl begged.

"Cindy-Jo I am not calmin' down when this lil' prick's gonna try'n steal my woman," announced Billy. I heard the gun cock again. I slithered under the bed, thankful that the tour had me burning over 1,500 calories a night other wise my Taco Bell and Chicfila diet may have obstructed my only escape route as Billy's feet swept across the bus. Two more shots fired and more synthetic wood showered around the side of the bed where I'd hit the carpet moments before. I slid further under the bed.

"He's not a lil prick, Billy, he's a goddamned Backstreet Boy!" shouted Cindy-Jo.

Billy's shoes clomped over to the side of the bed. "Ain't no reason for you to be makin' like a couple'a rabbits with him," he announced. I waited until he was on my left and I scrambled across the floor on my belly, probably getting rug burn all up my junk, and made like a sandcrab for the door of the bus.

"You're so stupid Billy!" shrieked Cindy-Jo.

A gun shot blew off part of the table at the breakfast booth as I scrambled by it and I realized I'd been detected. The formica dropped like confetti around me. "Shiiiit," I gasped as I struggled to my feet. Another shot, this one ripped through the vacant drivers' seat, sending fluff and leather floating in the air. I slid on my ass down the three steps and out the still-open door.

"BILLY!" Cindy-Jo's shouts echoed out of the bus.

My barefeet hit the pavement and I ran like the dickens across the parking lot of the hotel we'd parked the buses at, heading like a bee-line for Howie's bus. He was the only one of the fellas freaky enough to not ask any questions when I knocked on his bus door buck naked at 3am.

"Don't think this is over, Carter!" Billy's voice echoed through the dark parking lot.

I banged my fists on Howie's tour bus door frantically.

I swore to God right there and then that I'd never sleep with another girl from Nebraska. Ever-a-fucking-gain. They had batshitcrazy ex's with guns.

Howie's door opened and I was exposed in a pool of light. He blinked down the steps at me. "What in the hell...?"

"No time to explain," I replied, scrambling onto the tour bus. Howie leaped back from my nakedness as I passed by him onto the tour bus. "There's a freak with a shot gun after me out there."

Howie closed the bus door. "I told you not to moon people anymore," he said.

"I didn't moon anybody," I answered, "I was sleeping with this girl --"

"The country chick in the front row?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered, "And she has a name by the way, it's Cindy-Jo. Don't be so disrespectful."

Howie glanced out the window. "So wait, what happened?"

"Her boyfriend, aka Shot Gun Billy, busted in on us and just pumped iron into the walls of my bus," I replied. "He was aiming for my penis."

"Well it is a small target," Howie teased.

"Shut up," I snapped.

"We should call the police," Howie suggested.

"Yes call the police," I replied.

Howie stared at me. "You call'em and I'll go get you a blanket or something..." he pointed to his cell phone on the breakfast table, and carefully passed by me to go fetch a blanket.

I picked up Howie's phone and dialed 9-1-1.