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Chapter Twenty


"So let me get this straight," Kevin was laying on the couch in the living room that night, and I was standing between him and the TV. "You went to propose and got interrupted by a dog?"

"Yes," I answered.

Kevin snorted, "That's classic, cuz."

"We were just sitting there, eating balogna sandwiches, and I don't know, it just felt right because of the light and the trees and the Pooh Sticks."

"The what?"

"The Pooh Sticks."

Kevin stared at me.

"You know like in that one Pooh cartoon with the sticks and they throw them on the bridge and the red balloon and all that?" I asked. He evidently did not because he kept staring at me. "Never mind. Leighanne knew what I meant. But that's why. And the moment was there and I started to ask, I told her she makes me happy and all that and I had the ring almost out of my pocket and wham this dog just like comes running out of nowhere and attacks me..."

"Attacks you?" Kevin raised a bushy eyebrow.

"Yes, attacks me."

Kevin's eyebrow remained up.

"Okay so he licked my face, but that's the same thing," I said. "Especially considering how much spit this dog was sporting. I mean seriously he was like a drool factory."

"Uh huh," Kevin said nodding, "So he attacks you and what? You just pussy out?"

"No," I said, "I wasn't scared to do it, it just - wasn't the right moment after that." I sighed and threw myself into the bean bag chair we had next to the sofa. It gave a huff under me as it shaped to my body. "I just want to ask, you know? I just want her to say yes, I just want it all to go smoothly and be perfect, you know?"

Kevin nodded. He turned back to the TV guide he had balancing on the arm of the sofa and started scanning through the programs listed intently. "I asked Kristin," he said in a calm, bland tone, "She said yes."

"What?" I demanded, "Dude, when?"

Kevin looked up, "Oh, one of the days you were asleep or whatever. We went to dinner. I just asked her." He shrugged.

I smacked my forehead, "Oh for the love of Pete."

"What?"

"You make it sound easy," I replied.

Kevin thought about it a moment. "Well I guess it was once I did it." He shrugged. "I guess most things are easy once you've done them."

I shook my head.

"You'll ask her when the time is right," Kevin said.

"I just wish it would be right already," I answered.

That night, I sat at my desk writing out ideas for things I wanted to say to Leighanne when I proposed. The canary yellow legal pad made me think of her canary yellow diamond and I wondered when I'd ever get the nerve to utter any of the words I was writing down. I stared at my handwriting, scrawling out my heart: You make me feel like I need you. We can share our dreams coming true. I can show you what true love means if you'll just take my hand. Baby, please.

I shook my head. It sounded corny. Like something we'd sing on the radio. I shoved the pad of paper into my desk drawer and turned off my lamp and threw myself onto my bed, where I sprawled and stared at the ceiling.

What if, that little voice in my head asked, she says no when you finally get the nerve up to ask?

And I realized for the first time that I was actually kind of terrified about asking her.

The next morning, I woke up from a restless night. I don't really know what I dreamed, I just know it left me feeling still tired after nine hours of sleep. I showered and wandered down to the kitchen where Kevin was again reading the morning paper. I poured coffee and sat down across from him, pulling the comics and sports sections towards me.

This became the routine over the next couple days. I'd go out on a date with Leighanne, start to get up the nerve to make the moment like Kevin had, and then something would either interrupt me or I'd chicken out and I wouldn't follow through, then I'd come home, stare at those cheesy words on my pad of paper, have a restless night, and read the funnies the next morning in the kitchen, full of self loathing and sipping on coffee.

It was almost a week into our break, when Kevin looked up over the edge of the paper as I poured myself the coffee.

"Did you see what's on our living room couch?" he asked.

"The living room couch?" I asked.

Kevin ducked back under the newspaper.

Curiousity got the best of me and I abandoned my coffee mug there on the counter and went out to the living room. Nick was asleep on the couch, his backpack on the floor beside him, his face smooshed into a the cushion. One shoe off and one shoe on, he was too long for the couch and his legs stuck up at an odd angle. I stared at him for a moment. "Nick?" I asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"

He rolled onto his side and looked up at me, his eyes were red. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," I answered as he blinked up at me, waking up. "What're you doing here?" I asked again.

Nick rubbed his hand across his nose. "I had to get out. My family was driving me crazy."

"How'd you get here?" I asked. Nick didn't have a license yet because of all our traveling around. I sat down on the bean bag chair as Nick rolled to sit up. "You didn't like walk or something stupid like that did you?"

"I took a bus," he answered.

I sighed, "What happened?"

Nick glanced toward the kitchen, "My mom told my dad about what I told her about Lou and my dad got pissed and said I was a liar and I don't know, they started fighting because as soon as my dad thought I was a liar my mom of course jumped on my side just 'cos she hates being on his side so much." He shook his head, "I don't know. They fight all the damn time now, and my sisters were driving me nuts and Aaron's just -- I don't know. I just needed to get away for awhile, you know?"

I nodded. "I'm glad you came here."

"Yeah me too."

"Howie missed you."

Nick laughed, "Yeah right."

"No seriously like four seconds after you left us at the airport, he was all I miss Nick and stuff," I exaggerated.

Nick laughed. "He's my favorite Backstreet Boy. No offense or nothing."

"None taken," I replied.

Nick followed me into the kitchen after that to get some breakfast. I made some scrambled eggs and bacon and we sat at the table and he read the funnies while I read the sports page, then we switched. Howie came wandering into the kitchen about twenty minutes later, half asleep, and greeted us, "Morning Kev. Morning Bri. Morning Nick." He picked up the coffee stein and started pouring coffee into a mug before he realized what he'd just said and turned around, "Nick? What in the hell are you doing here?"

"Don't act tee'd off, Howard," Nick said, "You missed me, I heard all about it."

Howie muttered something in Spanish and turned back to his coffee.

Nick leaped to his feet and hugged Howie from behind, making him spill just a little bit of coffee down his front. "You love me, you really love me!" Nick gasped as he squeezed.

"Dude you made me spill the Java all over my pants," Howie gasped. "It's hot and it's creeping down my balls. Thanks for that."

Nick laughed, "That sounds so wrong."

Kevin was giving Nick the Dirty Brow even over the paper. Kevin doesn't like being interrupted while he reads the paper.

Howie sat down, sopping his lap with a paper towel and the for of us ate, read, and drank in silence. After a long moment, Nick said, "Dude it's just like we were on tour only without AJ, huh? Isn't this fun?"

"We just got off tour," Howie answered in a low voice, "How can you miss that already? Aren't you tired?" Nick shook his head. "Are you a cyborg or something?" Howie asked, reaching over and knocking on Nick's scalp.

"Isn't a cyborg one of those things with only one eye?" Nick questioned.

"That's a cyclops," Kevin's input came from behind the paper.

"Cyborgs are like C3PO," I said, "Androids."

"Actually cyborgs are technologically enhanced organisms, and androids are strictly robotics designed to look human," Kevin corrected me.

Howie stared at the back of Kevin's paper for a long moment. "What are you, a friggin dictionary?" he asked.

Nick laughed, "The Kevintionary?"

Kevin lowered the paper, "I'm smarter than a dictionary."

Nick looked at me, "We should go to like Disney or something. I'm bored."

"You just woke up," Kevin said, "How in the hell are you already bored?"

Howie pointed at Nick's egg laden fork, "Besides, you're currently participating in your favorite past time. Eating."

Nick stuck his tongue out at Howie and shoved the fork in his mouth. "Whatcha say, B-Rok?"

I shook my head, "Nawh, I have a date with Leighanne."

"So break it and go hang out with me instead," he said, grinning.

"I can't break it," I answered.

"But I wanna doooo somethiiiiing," Nick whined.

I shrugged, "You could come with us, I guess." Nick stared at me. Kevin lowered the paper yet again to look at me. Howie's eyebrow was raised. "What?" I asked.

"Leighanne's gonna kill you," Howie said.

"Where are you going?" Nick questioned. "Disney?" he lit up.

"I dunno, the mall maybe," I answered.

Nick deflated. "The mall? Seriously? That's a date you can't break? You're lame."

I shrugged.

"You should definitely change your plans and take me to Disney instead," he nodded vigorously.

"We aren't going to Disney," I said firmly.

A couple hours later, I was sitting in the food court at the mall with Nick, who was gnoshing down a pretzel with mustard sauce he'd bought, waiting for Leighanne.

"These pretzels have perfect salt to dough ratio," he announced as he licked his fingers loudly, "It's like a science sometimes, you know, getting the right salt to dough ratio I mean. It's like a balance. If you don't get it just right the dough is too bland or else it's too salty, you know? But it's like when you have it perfect it's like magic, right?"

I nodded, even though I didn't give a crap.

I spotted Leighanne from across the court and waved for her to join us. She smiled when she saw me, but her eyes dipped in confusion when she spotted Nick as she got closer. "Hey," she said, her voice climbing with a what is going on? sort of tone to it. She looked at Nick, "How was your birthday?" she asked.

Nick looked up at her, "An old chick offered to sleep with me as a present," he said, "And I got a cake with sparkler candles."

Oh the things Nick counted as highlights.

Leighanne nodded slowly, "Right. Well it sounds ... like.. a um, a good one. Brian - can I talk to you? Over here?" She thumbed over her shoulder and walked away.

"One sec buddy," I said, standing up and following her.

"I'll be here," Nick replied, "Me and my perfect salt-dough-ratio pretzel."

When I got over by Leighanne she whispered, "What is he doing here?"

"He had a problem with his family, he showed up at the apartment," I explained.

"Okay but why is he here, on our date?" she asked.

"Because he looked sad and wanted to come," I answered, shrugging, "I don't know. Because he's Nick and he invites himself places he's not particularly invited. It's just a part of who he is."

Leighanne sighed, "It's just I - I thought we were going to be alone, I kinda had a plan for today and --"

"It's okay, whatever we were gonna do we can still do, I'll just pay his way or whatever," I answered. "Really, he'll stay out of the way."

Leighanne raised an eyebrow, "Oh so you want him to help me pick out some lingerie then?" she asked.

I almost choked. "I'll lose the blonde."

"Good idea," she nodded.

I walked back to the table. "Hey Nick," I said, "There's a video game store over there, you might find some games you don't have yet."

He glanced over his shoulder. "What're you guys doing?"

"Stuff," I shrugged.

Nick stared at me.

I bent down and said quietly, "Look there's a really good chance if I ditch you right now I could end up with the Princess Leia and the Golden Bikini fantasy coming true, okay? She literally just said I get to help her pick some lingerie, which unless I'm very much mistaken means I'm getting laid tonight. So basically I need you to get lost for a little bit while we do that."

He glanced over my shoulder at Leighanne, who still stood a couple feet away. "She does not look like Carrie Fisher."

"Please?" I asked. "You owe me one after pulling the fire alarm last time," I reminded him.

"Oh fine," Nick replied. "I'll be at the lame ass video game store but you're not allowed to play the fire alarm card again. And now you owe me, okay?"

"Fine, fine, whatever, anything," I replied.

Nick got up, and said, loudly enough so Leighanne could hear, "I'm going to the video game store." He turrned to me, "Have fun, Luke Skywalker."

I smacked my hand to my face.

He waved and walked away.

Leighanne came over, eyebrow raised, "Luke Skywalker?"

"Inside joke," I answered.