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Whatever It Is

"I'm still living in Atlanta. I didn't want to be far from Baylee and it's become home over the years. I travel all the time though, so it's probably better to say it's just where I hang my hat."

The filet trio in front of me was gone. The candles were burning down, the wax dripping and drying in intricate waves. My taste buds were tingling and I had to refrain from licking the plate. Only a drop of wine was left in the bottle. My stomach was full and I was feeling warm and relaxed for the first time in ages. I laughed.

"Hats can make you go bald, y'know."

Brian blanched, but quickly turned it into a smile. "I'm doing fine on the route to baldness all by myself, dont'cha think?"

"It's longer than it was in high school."

"It has to be for the comb over."

We both burst into laughter. Brian wadded up his white linen napkin and leaned over the table towards me.

"I want to see you again."

My defenses flared back up. "It's been really nice catching back up, but--"

"Please?"

"That's not going to work this time."

He leaned closer. "Mama always said you kill more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."

My mouth went dry. "It wasn't flies you were killing the last time."

"No, it wasn't."

We stared at each other. His hand snaked over to take mine. The years had been too damn good to him. He was beginning to look a little like Patrick Swayze, my childhood crush. Even today I loved watching Dirty Dancing and Roadhouse to see that man move and smile. Brian cleared his throat and my mind left the watermelon scene between Baby and Johnny that was beginning to play in my mind. "I know they say you can't go back, but I'd like to."

The relaxation was gone. The ball of tension that seemed to hold reign between my shoulders formed again quickly. "I appreciate the sentiment, but...I'm just not a relationship-type girl anymore. My children are my top priority."

His eyes saddened. "Children grow up and make their own lives. We did, didn't we? So where does that leave you when that happens? Adults need adult companionship."

"You should have been on the debate team in high school. If theatre hadn't taken up so much of your time then--"

"Don't change the subject Jilly. You're notorious for doing that. I always had the hardest time knowing exactly how you were feeling."

I pulled my hand back. "That's not true."

"It is."

"Is not."

"Is. You should have ripped my throat out for telling you I couldn't be tied down and focus on my career and then turned around and had Samantha on my arm. Instead you just ignored my phone calls."

Just the name made me want to regurgitate my meal. "Didn't you take the hint? Being ignored should have told you exactly how I was feeling."

"I figured you just didn't care."

"Don't."

He sat back, confused. "Don't what?"

"Just...don't."

"Okay," he said. "We won't go there. Would you like some desert?"

I shook my head. It was almost three. Had lunch really lasted that long? Where had the time gone? "I've got to get home. I have a lot to get the kids and me ready for the week."

We both stood at the same time. Brian stood there looking uncharacteristically awkward.

"Jill, you called me. I'd like to believe that means --"

"I'm sorry," I said. I rooted around and dug out my keys from the bottom of my purse. Why do keys always seem to do that? "I wish you all the b--"

My well wishes were caught off as he wrapped me in my arms and presses his lips to mine. My fingers wrapped around his tie. He cupped my chin and I could feel the desperation and hope that I wouldn't pull away radiating through his fingers. And, just like the night when he had first taught me how to make an inside s'more and marshmallow dripped onto the burners of mom's new stove at the new house, his kiss (this time definitely not as clumsy as the first) made my knees weak. "I want to see you again," he said breathlessly, even before I had a chance to open my eyes. My heart constricted and I wanted to acquiescence, but I had been hurt enough by men, including the one standing in front of me whose lips tasted better than the wine in the bottle. I slowly opened my eyes. His tie was askew and the tail of his shirt had come untucked on his right side. How the hell he could look harmless and trouble all at once, I didn't know.

"I need some time to think," I said, choking on my words. Where was the 'no'?

He nodded and gave me a slow, sweet smile. "You have my number. I'll play by your rules."

"Oh really?" I put my hands on my hips. "Then what the hell was that kiss?"

He stepped back up to me and for a second I thought I was in for a repeat performance. Instead, he leaned over and opened the front door for me.

"That," he said, his hand brushing the small of my back as I turned and stepped out into the sunshine. "was almost twenty years overdue. You gotta admit it, Jilly Bean. You felt it too."

His torso hovered out of the restaurant doorway; his eyes sparkled impishly. I shook my head. "Felt what?"

"We've got it," he stressed. "You know what I mean."

"What is it?" I said, figuring responding to a question with a question was the best course of action. My knee-weakening was getting worse. Brian shrugged.

"You know," he repeated. His finger lifted and he brushed his bottom lip slowly, the lip that had been against mine just a moment ago. "All I'll say," he began to muse. "is that whatever it is," he paused. "blows me away."

Oh. "I have no idea what you mean," I said quickly. "You rock stars smoke too much wacky weed."

Bri's mouth dropped open, but before he could come up with a response, I seized the opportunity. I turned around and headed towards my car, the sun massaging my back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see he was still watching me. I closed the car door and put my keys in the ignition. It was only after I pulled out of the space and pointed the car in the direction of home that I banged the steering wheel and rolled my eyes up to the sky.

Unfortunately, even though I didn't want to...

I knew exactly what he (and the mysterious 'it') meant.